Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[DualityNSNO]

I've been there mate. My old Spaniel had a massive tumour and the vet told me on the Friday that it was the end for her.
He could either put her to sleep there or then or I could have her at home the weekend to say goodbye. I couldn't bring myself to have her put down there and then, so I selfishly took her home for the weekend ( thinking somehow a miracle would happen and she'd get better ).

She was in such pain, I should never have taken her home. It was me being selfish.

I slept on the couch all weekend next to her, helping her drink and cleaning up after her. The last night, she came and put her head on the couch next to mine and just looked at me with such pain in her eyes, but with such love and tenderness too. It was heartbreaking, but she was telling me that it was time. The look she gave me is burnt into my brain.

After she'd been put down I sat in the car with her and cried like a baby.

Like your dog mate, she was my crutch when I was really unwell and I still miss her to bits, even though she's been gone two years and I have a pup now.

No other dog will ever replace her mate and I know from what you've posted over the years how much yours meant to you.

I buried her in the woods, that I used to walk her in, so I can go and see her when I want. This deffo helps, as if I'm thinking about her ( like now, with tears rolling down my cheeks ) I can just go and sit with her.

My heart goes out to you mate x

Thanks mate. Sorry for your loss.

He/we're currently on the floor curled up... He looks like he knows his time is close, same with the eyes and just allowing me to touch his paws/nose without reacting (something he's never done before, doesn't really enjoy it).

It's breaking my heart (and tear ducts) he's here suffering - organs failing, hind legs and stomach swollen, barely walking, falling asleep standing up, breathing heavy... I want his pain to end, but also don't want to lose him, can't really put it any other way. Best I can do is give him pets and comfort right now.

I really don't want to, but hope I can get him to the vets as early as tomorrow morning. Rather him have peace than this. Only problem with doing that is his inability to walk nearly any distance and the fact he's massive, so need to sort a car and all, which I'll try to do asap.

I've got a similar place for him in mind too, one I can visit.

 

[JelavicBrate2]

Been there about 7 months. When I say I'm not in any circles I mean I'm not one who would purposely leave someone else out of something when I see them on their own whilst I'm part of a group, I would not close rank on someone like that unless I had a reason to seriously dislike them.

If me and a gang of my mates were sat shooting the breeze together and I saw a relatively new guy on his own I would make an effort to include him, to integrate him into the conversation and not make him feel like he's not wanted. If it was rebuffed then fair enough, some people are natural loners and prefer it that way. I don't feel like I am though and I certainly don't mean to give off that impression but perhaps I unknowingly do. Fact is though I have never once felt welcomed and a series of small incidents has only backed up that belief (the night out incident most notably).

My social outside of work is not great admittedly. I have one close friend, someone I speak too every day and make plans with often (and also the one who came to help me during my breakdown last week). I have handful other friends who I talk too and go out with but we don't talk everyday, sometimes not for weeks, we're a bit on and off. It means I often feel bored during the evenings so I've started going the gym a lot more. If my social life was better then obviously I wouldn't let something like this bother me so much but I admit it isn't and I don't know any way to make it better in the immediate future. You can't seek out friendships you just have to wait for them to come along really.

I would agree I put pressure on myself to try and be liked but doesn't everyone? My last job was such a nightmare I went into this one determined to make a good impression from the start. I feel like I wasn't met halfway though and it's really P'd me off, sometimes I let it bubble to the surface of my mind like I have today. I find myself thinking "look at that lot acting like a gang of kids at the back of the bus, as if they're too cool for everyone else". My paranoia has gotten so bad it's becoming unbearable, I actually convince myself they're talking about me a lot of the time during their sit offs.

I've been back on 10mg Citalopram for about a week, it probably hasn't kicked in yet. I hope it does, I've had enough of these feelings.

To be honest I once was bothered about fitting in with people like that until I realised these types of people you speak of aren't worth fitting in with. They have proven themselves to be utter divvies, so therefore I wouldn't worry about them. While it may not be a good idea health wise, if you have a local pub make yourself a regular there. I've found at times when friends aren't there having people you know in pubs is always helpful, particularly fellow blues. I don't know where your from but in general scouser's are a friendly bunch so therefore there are always new people to meet. I've been in environments similar to yours, however I just avoided them and chose to live my life my way, and not let people like you speak of get me down. If people don't accept for who you are which to me seems like a decent person having never met you forget them. I'm sure there would be plenty on here who would meet you for a pint before of after games if you felt you had nobody to speak to.

 

[larbert toffee]

Thanks mate. Sorry for your loss.

He/we're currently on the floor curled up... He looks like he knows his time is close, same with the eyes and just allowing me to touch his paws/nose without reacting (something he's never done before, doesn't really enjoy it).

It's breaking my heart (and tear ducts) he's here suffering - organs failing, hind legs and stomach swollen, barely walking, falling asleep standing up, breathing heavy... I want his pain to end, but also don't want to lose him, can't really put it any other way. Best I can do is give him pets and comfort right now.

I really don't want to, but hope I can get him to the vets as early as tomorrow morning. Rather him have peace than this. Only problem with doing that is his inability to walk nearly any distance and the fact he's massive, so need to sort a car and all, which I'll try to do asap.

I've got a similar place for him in mind too, one I can visit.

I have kids but not animals, doesn't mean to say I don't feel for you mate, really sorry you're going through all this, hope you find peace of mind.

 

[cronullasharks]

Thanks mate. Sorry for your loss.

He/we're currently on the floor curled up... He looks like he knows his time is close, same with the eyes and just allowing me to touch his paws/nose without reacting (something he's never done before, doesn't really enjoy it).

It's breaking my heart (and tear ducts) he's here suffering - organs failing, hind legs and stomach swollen, barely walking, falling asleep standing up, breathing heavy... I want his pain to end, but also don't want to lose him, can't really put it any other way. Best I can do is give him pets and comfort right now.

I really don't want to, but hope I can get him to the vets as early as tomorrow morning. Rather him have peace than this. Only problem with doing that is his inability to walk nearly any distance and the fact he's massive, so need to sort a car and all, which I'll try to do asap.

I've got a similar place for him in mind too, one I can visit.

So sorry to hear this mate

 

[DualityNSNO]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

 

[GwladysBlue]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

Horrible losing a pet, anyone who says they don't love them like part of the family is lying.

My dog died when she was only three years old, unexpectedly.

Completely broke my heart. I had a job interview the day she died too and just about got through it.

It'll get easier mate. A small comfort is at least he isn't in pain anymore and you've given him a good life.

 

[Billy Dean]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

Sorry to hear that mate, best wishes.

 

[larbert toffee]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

Sorry you're at this point mate but as you said he's not suffering and you acted correctly, unfortunately that pain has transferred itself to you, you mourn your loss mate, you are entitled to but remember you cared for him and I'm sure you will have given him a good life.
Dust yourself down when you're ready and give yourself a little thinking time as to what you will do next.

 

[COYBL25]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

Gutted for you mate x

 

[Durham Toffee]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

Sad to hear it mate.

Just think, you were a superstar to him. And that's how things should be.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

Hugs x

 

[Jacob]

Well, it is done now. He's asleep.

Incredibly sad and crying like a baby right now, have been for 2 hours while clutching his leash, but I know at least he's not in pain.

Well the very last thing you did for him was done through love. One thing for sure, he was lucky that you chose him and you gave him a good home where he was loved and, moreover, was an important member of your family. You will miss him....but your sadness will ease.

 

[Elong]

I'm so sorry to hear that Dualz

 

[DualityNSNO]

Thanks one and all! xx

At least he went peacefully, tranquil even, and is closeby so I can visit him when I want.

 

[MILOVENT24]

Firstly, I would like to say I am sorry to DualityNSNO for his loss, and to all other blues on this page.

This is hard, but also, a clever way of expressing themselves.

I want to share with you my story.....

I qualified as a primary school teacher in 2013, and I got a job in some mess of an area in east lancashire. (I live in liverpool) I started looking there because my girlfriend at the time got a job in Darwen. With this in mind we moved to Darwen together, I got a job even further north. We moved on. I was happy with my job, I am a primary school teacher, however, after being a teacher in year 1, getting OUTSTANDING, and then moving to year 5 getting OUTSTANDING, I was moved to year 6 and was marked as GOOD WITH OUTSTANDING..... Everything, 4 years later after poor SATS results, when I was in year 6, I was indirectly blamed. Which caused me a lot of depression, my wife, blamed me for this ongoing abuse from school... She told me I wasnt working hard enough.... I took this on board and decided to work even harder and harder.... I thought about planning better lessons and working harder.... When I was reobserved, I was told I was inadequate... (You literally have to have your thumbs up your arse and do nothing). After this they decided my job was in jeopardy (in context, they had 3 years of bad year 6 data and they where in risk of their own jobs, so why not blame a rookie??) I gave my all, 6am start till 7pm monday till Friday....

Basically, I resigned my job, my wife hates me, I have no job, I am scared for my own mental health... I drink a lot, people are picking up on it and now..... I dont know what to do with my life. I dont think my wife cares for me, do I move back to liverpool, I own a house, I am so lost, I am miserable and I hate myself. I am good at my job and all I want to do is be a good teacher, make kids laugh and show them the way..... Help.