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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

zzr45 said:
So this is probably as good a place as any to get my issues off my chest.

I was released from a full time job at the end of November last year as part of a 'corporate downsizing' after it turned out that the branch of a company I was working for wasn't making enough money (in fact were making a loss) at the time I sorta welcomed it as I was gradually being to despise the job anyway.

As soon as I left the job I was optimistic - get a job somewhere closer to home, better money etc and got a fair few number of interviews. Alas, whilst I was getting interviews and doing well in them, there was always some kind of stumbling block 'We're worried you'll leave the job within 12 months..' 'You have the perfect skills for the job, but this personality test we did suggests you wouldn't fit in...' or just complete blanks. It's left me an absolute mess. I've started cancelling interviews as I can't cope with the rejection and nonsense anymore. I've tried to do a bit of freelance work, but it seems like there's little interest from companies (I work as a Digital Marketer, so have been contacting smaller companies to see if they need any help etc, even offering to do bits and pieces for free in terms of portfolio work etc.)

It's been a terrible few months. My partner heads out to work early, about 6am and gets back about 7pm so for most of the day I'm at home alone. Suicide has crossed my mind a couple of times. I cannot cope with this feeling of being utterly useless as a person, nor being unable to provide for my partner.

Sadly I have a history of this, I had problems with addiction in my teens due to the same kinds of feelings (although I'm happy I've managed to stay free from anything other than cigs at this point) and I had a nervous breakdown in my early 20's after graduating from university at the height of the credit crisis. There's also a family tradition of Depression, but I don't feel comfortable going to a GP and admitting that I probably need help.

It's horrible. The general feeling of apathy is crushing. My family are trying to emphasis with me, but I just don't think they understand that right now all I see are rainy skies, for me there's no sunshine in sight.

I know others in here have far bigger issues than me and that makes me feel like a bit of a whiny git, but I need it off my chest.
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Don't give up on the jobs. It took me two years to find one after I left the place I had worked at for 26 years. Sometimes I thought it would never happen- same things as you - we really like you but......In the meantime I did voluntary work for the Durham Miners Association and welfare rights. I also got a part time job ( about 12 hours a week) as a note taker for disabled students at Durham Uni. It was awesome.

Voluntary work is a great idea- especially if you get into something you enjoy doing anyway. There's loads of stuff out there.

Good luck
 
PaulieMc said:
Hi all, time for another update.

The last few weeks the citalopram has done a good job of getting rid of my suicidal thoughts but I'm still not feeling great a lot of the time admittedly. My low confidence and insecurities have been replaced feelings of anger, I've become more and more of a hothead.

Over the past few weeks there's been a couple of times where little things have caused me to boil a bit in front of other people. Nothing too dramatic but I know that my temper has shocked a few of my colleagues who didn't realise I had a side like that. It stems from my ill-feelings towards certain people who work there, just being around them puts me in a bad mood and I still have extreme feelings of paranoia over what I think they might be saying about me. I haven't flown off the handle at any of them yet but I'm starting to worry that one day soon I will (over something innocuous) and get myself in serious trouble.

I'm seriously considering signing myself off, my brain is all over the place and rather than wait for the seemingly inevitable explosion it#s probably best to take some time to gather myself fully and see how I feel after that. Nobody in the place has any idea there's anything the matter with me as far as I know, I haven't opened up to anyone in great detail really because I don't trust anyone. If I go off for a while no one in there will ask questions really, maybe it's for the best. A 12 hour shift tomorrow, I'll see how that plays out before making a final decision.
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You really need to tell your employer. They might be able to help. Some places have in house counselling. Also if because of your condition you are covered by disability legislation then they have to try to make reasonable adjustments for you - which could include a more lenient approach to any sickness you take related to your condition. The last thing you need now is to go off sick and then end up in trouble because of your sick record.
 
anjelikaferrett said:
You really need to tell your employer. They might be able to help. Some places have in house counselling. Also if because of your condition you are covered by disability legislation then they have to try to make reasonable adjustments for you - which could include a more lenient approach to any sickness you take related to your condition. The last thing you need now is to go off sick and then end up in trouble because of your sick record.
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My employers won't care about my condition, only about the inconvenience it will cause for them. It really is a nasty environment where certain people are let off with blue murder and others they couldn't give a toss about, I fall into the latter category. If I ever end up taking time away I will make sure to see my doctor first and have them prescribe me a sick note, my GP is well-aware of my struggles over the past few months and I'm sure he would write me one for a few weeks if I tell him I really need one.

Today was a long day but was made bearable by spending most if it with the new guy who has a similar sense of humour to me. He already has confided in me that he dislikes the same people I dislike and made me laugh really hard quite a few times, others in the place were shocked by how much I was laughing because they aren't used to it.

I don't want to become a two-man team who stick together and are against everyone else, that's not a nice position to put yourself in, but having someone else who you can relate too and actually wants to make an effort with you is a nice thing, it made the day fun in patches when most Thursday are proper slogs. An older gent in there as well definitely likes me, he outright told me so today that I am the only young gun he can be bothered with in there because I'm down to Earth with a sense of humour whereas the others are all bells. It was a nice thing for someone to say and that and the laughing has helped give me a lift.

Hopefully more days are like that and I don't need to sign myself off.
 
PaulieMc said:
My employers won't care about my condition, only about the inconvenience it will cause for them. It really is a nasty environment where certain people are let off with blue murder and others they couldn't give a toss about, I fall into the latter category. If I ever end up taking time away I will make sure to see my doctor first and have them prescribe me a sick note, my GP is well-aware of my struggles over the past few months and I'm sure he would write me one for a few weeks if I tell him I really need one.

Today was a long day but was made bearable by spending most if it with the new guy who has a similar sense of humour to me. He already has confided in me that he dislikes the same people I dislike and made me laugh really hard quite a few times, others in the place were shocked by how much I was laughing because they aren't used to it.

I don't want to become a two-man team who stick together and are against everyone else, that's not a nice position to put yourself in, but having someone else who you can relate too and actually wants to make an effort with you is a nice thing, it made the day fun in patches when most Thursday are proper slogs. An older gent in there as well definitely likes me, he outright told me so today that I am the only young gun he can be bothered with in there because I'm down to Earth with a sense of humour whereas the others are all bells. It was a nice thing for someone to say and that and the laughing has helped give me a lift.

Hopefully more days are like that and I don't need to sign myself off.
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That's positive. If nothing else it confirms that it's not you - the rest of them are a bunch of tossers!

Your employers have to care if you are covered by disability legislation.
 
anjelikaferrett said:
That's positive. If nothing else it confirms that it's not you - the rest of them are a bunch of tossers!

Your employers have to care if you are covered by disability legislation.
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Was just about to post the same as this @PaulieMc here's to more days like that mate - if bad days come around the corner again, remember that today is proof that you're not the problem.
 

anjelikaferrett said:
That's positive. If nothing else it confirms that it's not you - the rest of them are a bunch of tossers!

Your employers have to care if you are covered by disability legislation.
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I've known for ages they're a bunch of tossers with no decency, ever since that episode where I asked a colleague out and got them snidely laughing about it behind my back. Everyone not in their little circle thinks they're a joke, just the managers are seemingly part of their group because they are allowed off with so much whilst others like me are pulled up over slight mistakes. It's just gotten to the point where I can't stand even being around them all day whilst working, especially when they're skiving off and getting away with it, it Ps me off and I'm losing my ability to hide it.

Today was better, making a new work friend always gets you through shifts easier. I feel like I have someone on my side for the first time, he has all the same grievances about them that I do. I don't want us to become a bitchy pair but I do appreciate having someone to have a joke with instead of just keeping my head down.
 
Nervous as hell This morning going in for the last time, but as usual it's never as bad as you think and so far it had been fantastic. Have some lovely gifts, kind words and that's before we all get drunk.

Just over 2 hours to go and that's it. Feedback from potential customers is promising going by the emails I've received. Just can't wait to get started.

Just want to say thanks again to you all as this has been the only place I can really come and vent etc as I can't do it on our site as a few people know me in the real world.
 
Sunderland afc said:
Nervous as hell This morning going in for the last time, but as usual it's never as bad as you think and so far it had been fantastic. Have some lovely gifts, kind words and that's before we all get drunk.

Just over 2 hours to go and that's it. Feedback from potential customers is promising going by the emails I've received. Just can't wait to get started.

Just want to say thanks again to you all as this has been the only place I can really come and vent etc as I can't do it on our site as a few people know me in the real world.
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Do keep us posted with how it goes mate.
 

Sunderland afc said:
Nervous as hell This morning going in for the last time, but as usual it's never as bad as you think and so far it had been fantastic. Have some lovely gifts, kind words and that's before we all get drunk.

Just over 2 hours to go and that's it. Feedback from potential customers is promising going by the emails I've received. Just can't wait to get started.

Just want to say thanks again to you all as this has been the only place I can really come and vent etc as I can't do it on our site as a few people know me in the real world.
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Good luck. Let us know how you get on
 

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