Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[BiggyRat]

Well, last week at work and had a bit of a panic attack last week as I began to worry about not getting all my work done before I leave. Which is nuts as it's impossible to finish and I'm leaving.

Anyway, came up with a plan and it calmed me down. However, I guess today it's really hit home I'm leaving. Still think I've done the right thing and I guess being scared is normal.

Think I'll be a wreck on Friday when I clock out for the last time which again is nuts as I've been looking forward to it for so long. Few beers will sort me out mind. Starting to get real.

Eekkk.

Apologies if you've explained this previously b ut, do you have another job lined up? If not, then this is a leap into the unknown & anyone would feel uneasy about it. If you do have one lined up, same deal. You'll be wondering if it'll be better or worse. A sort of 'Devil you know' scenario.

Personally, if I wanted to leave I'd be kicking back about now. Make sure I get round to the colleagues I enjoyed working with, lining up some farewell drinks etc, etc. You probably have a better work ethic than I do so do your best but anything that isn't done is their problem from Monday!

Remember, you're moving on for a reasoon & that's all you need to remind yourself when you feel a panic setting in.

 

[Sunderland afc]

Apologies if you've explained this previously b ut, do you have another job lined up? If not, then this is a leap into the unknown & anyone would feel uneasy about it. If you do have one lined up, same deal. You'll be wondering if it'll be better or worse. A sort of 'Devil you know' scenario.

Personally, if I wanted to leave I'd be kicking back about now. Make sure I get round to the colleagues I enjoyed working with, lining up some farewell drinks etc, etc. You probably have a better work ethic than I do so do your best but anything that isn't done is their problem from Monday!

Remember, you're moving on for a reasoon & that's all you need to remind yourself when you feel a panic setting in.

Starting my own business up. Doing what I do now but for myself. Hopefully it will all come together but haven't been allowed to offically announce to the schools i work with what I'm doing in case it affected my redundancy.

Feedback from unofficial chats has been great so confident I can make a living but guess I'll know more in a few weeks.

I'm excited as hell with terror thrown in.

 

[hallamblue]

Starting my own business up. Doing what I do now but for myself. Hopefully it will all come together but haven't been allowed to offically announce to the schools i work with what I'm doing in case it affected my redundancy.

Feedback from unofficial chats has been great so confident I can make a living but guess I'll know more in a few weeks.

I'm excited as hell with terror thrown in.

Good luck mate and just remember the first 18 months are usually the toughest for any new business, so don't get down on yourself if it doesn't fly straight away, that's the advantage of having the redundancy money.

 

[barmcake]

Last night we had another incident with my son. Again he physically attacked me and his mum to the point that we had to restrain him. We managed to calm him down and he went to bed. This morning we agreed we'd take him to either CAMHS or the GP's. Unfortunately, whilst waiting for CAMHS to call back we had another blow up and again I had to restrain him on the floor. All the time he was talking of suicide. My wife had to call 999 and the police and ambulance were sent. He's now in hospital overnight aa CAMHS weren't available to see him at the hospital and they didn't want to send him home with the things he was saying. Even at the hospital we've had an incident as I wouldn't give him his phone back.

I'm lost to how we get through this. The wife isn't coping at all. She's a wreck. We've also got an 8 year old who's witnessing these incidents and also isn't getting our attention as we've been at the hospital all day

 

[Armel]

Last night we had another incident with my son. Again he physically attacked me and his mum to the point that we had to restrain him. We managed to calm him down and he went to bed. This morning we agreed we'd take him to either CAMHS or the GP's. Unfortunately, whilst waiting for CAMHS to call back we had another blow up and again I had to restrain him on the floor. All the time he was talking of suicide. My wife had to call 999 and the police and ambulance were sent. He's now in hospital overnight aa CAMHS weren't available to see him at the hospital and they didn't want to send him home with the things he was saying. Even at the hospital we've had an incident as I wouldn't give him his phone back.

I'm lost to how we get through this. The wife isn't coping at all. She's a wreck. We've also got an 8 year old who's witnessing these incidents and also isn't getting our attention as we've been at the hospital all day

The positive thing is that now he'll be fast tracked to receive adequate help so eventually it'll get better.

I wish you lots of fortitude. Don't forget to to ask for adequate help for yourself if the need arises because mental problems also affect loved ones. You'll get through this.

 

[barmcake]

The positive thing is that now he'll be fast tracked to receive adequate help so eventually it'll get better.

I wish you lots of fortitude. Don't forget to to ask for adequate help for yourself if the need arises because mental problems also affect loved ones. You'll get through this.

Thanks mate. CAMHS eventually saw him at 4pm yesterday. Pretty much did nothing other than say he can go home. He sat there and said I want to die etc etc and they said because he's not actually attempted suicide (other than suggesting it) then we've shown we can keep him safe and he can go home. So now we wait until Friday for a follow up appointment with them which so far he's saying he won't go to as he doesn't want any help....would rather die. Social services have been on and they are happy there are no issues other than his problems so it's being left to CAMHS. We've got a meeting with his school in the morning.

So overall I don't think we've made any progress. The wife thinks he's been ok today but that's cos there hasn't been any contentious moments. As soon as something will get him angry then he'll be off again. Even in the hospital last night he was threatening to kick off because of us saying he was definitely going to the meeting on Friday.

How can you help someone who refuses help? How can you discipline someone who literally does not care anymore?

On top of all this me and the wife are falling out about it all the time. I know we should be supporting each other but it's a difficult situation to be in and she (like my son) is someone who worries and stresses.

I know people on here won't have the answers but its good to talk I think....so thanks.

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks mate. CAMHS eventually saw him at 4pm yesterday. Pretty much did nothing other than say he can go home. He sat there and said I want to die etc etc and they said because he's not actually attempted suicide (other than suggesting it) then we've shown we can keep him safe and he can go home. So now we wait until Friday for a follow up appointment with them which so far he's saying he won't go to as he doesn't want any help....would rather die. Social services have been on and they are happy there are no issues other than his problems so it's being left to CAMHS. We've got a meeting with his school in the morning.

So overall I don't think we've made any progress. The wife thinks he's been ok today but that's cos there hasn't been any contentious moments. As soon as something will get him angry then he'll be off again. Even in the hospital last night he was threatening to kick off because of us saying he was definitely going to the meeting on Friday.

How can you help someone who refuses help? How can you discipline someone who literally does not care anymore?

On top of all this me and the wife are falling out about it all the time. I know we should be supporting each other but it's a difficult situation to be in and she (like my son) is someone who worries and stresses.

I know people on here won't have the answers but its good to talk I think....so thanks.

This may sound obvious, but have you had a look for support groups online ?

You may feel like you're the only family that's going through this, but I can guarantee you're not.

There's support groups for everything to do with kids mate and they are a great way to find quicker ways to access services, as the parents on them, have been there too.

From my experience CAHMs tend to focus on getting the parents through the worst and don't really do much for the child.

Something else I'd suggest, if you can afford it, is to get a private assement of your lad.

It'll massively speed things up and you'll be pointed in the right direction.

The reason I mention going private, is that we had 18 frustrating month of going round in circles with my youngest who is disabled. We got put onto a specialist in Manchester, who had a son with the exact same condition.

It cost a few bob to see him, but he did a report for us, that meant every Dr that saw him from then on had to sit up and take notice, so there was no more being fobbed off.

It moved us forward immeasurably.

Ps - Try not to fight with your missus mate. Women see their kids differently than men and she'll always worry about him more than you.

 

[Armel]

Thanks mate. CAMHS eventually saw him at 4pm yesterday. Pretty much did nothing other than say he can go home. He sat there and said I want to die etc etc and they said because he's not actually attempted suicide (other than suggesting it) then we've shown we can keep him safe and he can go home. So now we wait until Friday for a follow up appointment with them which so far he's saying he won't go to as he doesn't want any help....would rather die. Social services have been on and they are happy there are no issues other than his problems so it's being left to CAMHS. We've got a meeting with his school in the morning.

So overall I don't think we've made any progress. The wife thinks he's been ok today but that's cos there hasn't been any contentious moments. As soon as something will get him angry then he'll be off again. Even in the hospital last night he was threatening to kick off because of us saying he was definitely going to the meeting on Friday.

How can you help someone who refuses help? How can you discipline someone who literally does not care anymore?

On top of all this me and the wife are falling out about it all the time. I know we should be supporting each other but it's a difficult situation to be in and she (like my son) is someone who worries and stresses.

I know people on here won't have the answers but its good to talk I think....so thanks.

Oh wow; that's some strange care there from the CAMHS people. If I were you I'd do what @COYBL25 suggested and go the private route.

I think it's fairly obvious that your son has issues regulating his emotions atm; something must be done. The good news is that he's still young so help now has a very positive impact on the rest of his life.

To be fair to him though; therapy and especially in the beginning can be quite a painful experience (also sometimes it can get worse before it gets better). Lots of effort and such. You can help him.

I don't know if he doesn't care any more; maybe he cares too much... Most of the time you'll still be able to find something that has meaning to him. Is there something he still enjoys doing? Try that maybe.

I know it's a stressful situation to be in but try and keep things cordial with your wife mate. That being said; you're struggling she's struggling so there are bound to be some hiccups. Anyhow you two are allies in this thing; you have her back and vice versa.

 

[EFCPaul]

Hi all, time for another update.

The last few weeks the citalopram has done a good job of getting rid of my suicidal thoughts but I'm still not feeling great a lot of the time admittedly. My low confidence and insecurities have been replaced feelings of anger, I've become more and more of a hothead.

Over the past few weeks there's been a couple of times where little things have caused me to boil a bit in front of other people. Nothing too dramatic but I know that my temper has shocked a few of my colleagues who didn't realise I had a side like that. It stems from my ill-feelings towards certain people who work there, just being around them puts me in a bad mood and I still have extreme feelings of paranoia over what I think they might be saying about me. I haven't flown off the handle at any of them yet but I'm starting to worry that one day soon I will (over something innocuous) and get myself in serious trouble.

I'm seriously considering signing myself off, my brain is all over the place and rather than wait for the seemingly inevitable explosion it#s probably best to take some time to gather myself fully and see how I feel after that. Nobody in the place has any idea there's anything the matter with me as far as I know, I haven't opened up to anyone in great detail really because I don't trust anyone. If I go off for a while no one in there will ask questions really, maybe it's for the best. A 12 hour shift tomorrow, I'll see how that plays out before making a final decision.

 

[caught]

Hi all, time for another update.

The last few weeks the citalopram has done a good job of getting rid of my suicidal thoughts but I'm still not feeling great a lot of the time admittedly. My low confidence and insecurities have been replaced feelings of anger, I've become more and more of a hothead.

Over the past few weeks there's been a couple of times where little things have caused me to boil a bit in front of other people. Nothing too dramatic but I know that my temper has shocked a few of my colleagues who didn't realise I had a side like that. It stems from my ill-feelings towards certain people who work there, just being around them puts me in a bad mood and I still have extreme feelings of paranoia over what I think they might be saying about me. I haven't flown off the handle at any of them yet but I'm starting to worry that one day soon I will (over something innocuous) and get myself in serious trouble.

I'm seriously considering signing myself off, my brain is all over the place and rather than wait for the seemingly inevitable explosion it#s probably best to take some time to gather myself fully and see how I feel after that. Nobody in the place has any idea there's anything the matter with me as far as I know, I haven't opened up to anyone in great detail really because I don't trust anyone. If I go off for a while no one in there will ask questions really, maybe it's for the best. A 12 hour shift tomorrow, I'll see how that plays out before making a final decision.

I think that might be a wise idea mate - there's no point in repeatedly putting yourself back into the very situation that's creating the anguish. Try to take some time away from it if possible and you'll likely get a lot more clarity.

Good luck.

 

[COYBL25]

Hi all, time for another update.

The last few weeks the citalopram has done a good job of getting rid of my suicidal thoughts but I'm still not feeling great a lot of the time admittedly. My low confidence and insecurities have been replaced feelings of anger, I've become more and more of a hothead.

Over the past few weeks there's been a couple of times where little things have caused me to boil a bit in front of other people. Nothing too dramatic but I know that my temper has shocked a few of my colleagues who didn't realise I had a side like that. It stems from my ill-feelings towards certain people who work there, just being around them puts me in a bad mood and I still have extreme feelings of paranoia over what I think they might be saying about me. I haven't flown off the handle at any of them yet but I'm starting to worry that one day soon I will (over something innocuous) and get myself in serious trouble.

I'm seriously considering signing myself off, my brain is all over the place and rather than wait for the seemingly inevitable explosion it#s probably best to take some time to gather myself fully and see how I feel after that. Nobody in the place has any idea there's anything the matter with me as far as I know, I haven't opened up to anyone in great detail really because I don't trust anyone. If I go off for a while no one in there will ask questions really, maybe it's for the best. A 12 hour shift tomorrow, I'll see how that plays out before making a final decision.

It's really good that you are recognising this and are able to rationalise the best way to deal with it - time out.

It's all part and parcel of the illness that is depression mate.

Think of your brain as the onboard computer in a car.

If part of it isn't working properly, it can affect more than one function of the car.

The low feelings, despair, anger, paranoia, not being able to concentrate or focus are all part and parcel of the fact that your brain isn't working the way it should at the mo mate.

Bottling it up just leads to an eventual out pouring of emotions and when it happens it's not pretty.

Whatever you do when you're feeling like this mate, don't drink, no matter how tempting it may be or the social situation you may be in.

Drink lowers the inihibitions and makes realising the " demon " seem atttactive.

Keep posting mate, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through this x

 

[zzr45]

So this is probably as good a place as any to get my issues off my chest.

I was released from a full time job at the end of November last year as part of a 'corporate downsizing' after it turned out that the branch of a company I was working for wasn't making enough money (in fact were making a loss) at the time I sorta welcomed it as I was gradually being to despise the job anyway.

As soon as I left the job I was optimistic - get a job somewhere closer to home, better money etc and got a fair few number of interviews. Alas, whilst I was getting interviews and doing well in them, there was always some kind of stumbling block 'We're worried you'll leave the job within 12 months..' 'You have the perfect skills for the job, but this personality test we did suggests you wouldn't fit in...' or just complete blanks. It's left me an absolute mess. I've started cancelling interviews as I can't cope with the rejection and nonsense anymore. I've tried to do a bit of freelance work, but it seems like there's little interest from companies (I work as a Digital Marketer, so have been contacting smaller companies to see if they need any help etc, even offering to do bits and pieces for free in terms of portfolio work etc.)

It's been a terrible few months. My partner heads out to work early, about 6am and gets back about 7pm so for most of the day I'm at home alone. Suicide has crossed my mind a couple of times. I cannot cope with this feeling of being utterly useless as a person, nor being unable to provide for my partner.

Sadly I have a history of this, I had problems with addiction in my teens due to the same kinds of feelings (although I'm happy I've managed to stay free from anything other than cigs at this point) and I had a nervous breakdown in my early 20's after graduating from university at the height of the credit crisis. There's also a family tradition of Depression, but I don't feel comfortable going to a GP and admitting that I probably need help.

It's horrible. The general feeling of apathy is crushing. My family are trying to emphasis with me, but I just don't think they understand that right now all I see are rainy skies, for me there's no sunshine in sight.

I know others in here have far bigger issues than me and that makes me feel like a bit of a whiny git, but I need it off my chest.

 

[hallamblue]

So this is probably as good a place as any to get my issues off my chest.

I was released from a full time job at the end of November last year as part of a 'corporate downsizing' after it turned out that the branch of a company I was working for wasn't making enough money (in fact were making a loss) at the time I sorta welcomed it as I was gradually being to despise the job anyway.

As soon as I left the job I was optimistic - get a job somewhere closer to home, better money etc and got a fair few number of interviews. Alas, whilst I was getting interviews and doing well in them, there was always some kind of stumbling block 'We're worried you'll leave the job within 12 months..' 'You have the perfect skills for the job, but this personality test we did suggests you wouldn't fit in...' or just complete blanks. It's left me an absolute mess. I've started cancelling interviews as I can't cope with the rejection and nonsense anymore. I've tried to do a bit of freelance work, but it seems like there's little interest from companies (I work as a Digital Marketer, so have been contacting smaller companies to see if they need any help etc, even offering to do bits and pieces for free in terms of portfolio work etc.)

It's been a terrible few months. My partner heads out to work early, about 6am and gets back about 7pm so for most of the day I'm at home alone. Suicide has crossed my mind a couple of times. I cannot cope with this feeling of being utterly useless as a person, nor being unable to provide for my partner.

Sadly I have a history of this, I had problems with addiction in my teens due to the same kinds of feelings (although I'm happy I've managed to stay free from anything other than cigs at this point) and I had a nervous breakdown in my early 20's after graduating from university at the height of the credit crisis. There's also a family tradition of Depression, but I don't feel comfortable going to a GP and admitting that I probably need help.

It's horrible. The general feeling of apathy is crushing. My family are trying to emphasis with me, but I just don't think they understand that right now all I see are rainy skies, for me there's no sunshine in sight.

I know others in here have far bigger issues than me and that makes me feel like a bit of a whiny git, but I need it off my chest.

Whilst you carry on looking for a job, can you do any voluntary work? That way, you will keep your hand in at being in a working environment, and also you'll occupy your days while your partner is at work.

 

[EFCPaul]

So this is probably as good a place as any to get my issues off my chest.

I was released from a full time job at the end of November last year as part of a 'corporate downsizing' after it turned out that the branch of a company I was working for wasn't making enough money (in fact were making a loss) at the time I sorta welcomed it as I was gradually being to despise the job anyway.

As soon as I left the job I was optimistic - get a job somewhere closer to home, better money etc and got a fair few number of interviews. Alas, whilst I was getting interviews and doing well in them, there was always some kind of stumbling block 'We're worried you'll leave the job within 12 months..' 'You have the perfect skills for the job, but this personality test we did suggests you wouldn't fit in...' or just complete blanks. It's left me an absolute mess. I've started cancelling interviews as I can't cope with the rejection and nonsense anymore. I've tried to do a bit of freelance work, but it seems like there's little interest from companies (I work as a Digital Marketer, so have been contacting smaller companies to see if they need any help etc, even offering to do bits and pieces for free in terms of portfolio work etc.)

It's been a terrible few months. My partner heads out to work early, about 6am and gets back about 7pm so for most of the day I'm at home alone. Suicide has crossed my mind a couple of times. I cannot cope with this feeling of being utterly useless as a person, nor being unable to provide for my partner.

Sadly I have a history of this, I had problems with addiction in my teens due to the same kinds of feelings (although I'm happy I've managed to stay free from anything other than cigs at this point) and I had a nervous breakdown in my early 20's after graduating from university at the height of the credit crisis. There's also a family tradition of Depression, but I don't feel comfortable going to a GP and admitting that I probably need help.

It's horrible. The general feeling of apathy is crushing. My family are trying to emphasis with me, but I just don't think they understand that right now all I see are rainy skies, for me there's no sunshine in sight.

I know others in here have far bigger issues than me and that makes me feel like a bit of a whiny git, but I need it off my chest.

I think I understand mate, I felt the same for a long time. Lost my job at 18, went a year with no luck and felt so low I wanted to end it all, it was my first real experience with depression and suicidal and it's battle I've been fighting ever since with mixed success.

My advice would be to go to your GP and pour it all out, bottling it all up just has a crippling affect. I understand not feeling comfortable doing it with a family member, the biggest problem with mental illness is people can't physically see it, therefore they can't understand how bad it is. That's what doctors are for and why it's important to seek advice from people who have experienced it themselves. Also, try to get of the house during the day if you can, go the gym to burn off some steam or go shopping, anything to occupy your mind and allow you to feel constructive.

Look at the positives too (even though I know it will feel like they aren't many at the moment). You have a patient partner who clearly loves you and is in it for the long haul, through good times and the bad. You're still young, there's plenty of time to find your path in life and build a happy future, this is just a crappy phase that here to test your resolve. You'll come through it and feel happy again, just knuckle down and don't allow yourself to be beaten, especially by yourself.

PM me if you like.

 

[COYBL25]

So this is probably as good a place as any to get my issues off my chest.

I was released from a full time job at the end of November last year as part of a 'corporate downsizing' after it turned out that the branch of a company I was working for wasn't making enough money (in fact were making a loss) at the time I sorta welcomed it as I was gradually being to despise the job anyway.

As soon as I left the job I was optimistic - get a job somewhere closer to home, better money etc and got a fair few number of interviews. Alas, whilst I was getting interviews and doing well in them, there was always some kind of stumbling block 'We're worried you'll leave the job within 12 months..' 'You have the perfect skills for the job, but this personality test we did suggests you wouldn't fit in...' or just complete blanks. It's left me an absolute mess. I've started cancelling interviews as I can't cope with the rejection and nonsense anymore. I've tried to do a bit of freelance work, but it seems like there's little interest from companies (I work as a Digital Marketer, so have been contacting smaller companies to see if they need any help etc, even offering to do bits and pieces for free in terms of portfolio work etc.)

It's been a terrible few months. My partner heads out to work early, about 6am and gets back about 7pm so for most of the day I'm at home alone. Suicide has crossed my mind a couple of times. I cannot cope with this feeling of being utterly useless as a person, nor being unable to provide for my partner.

Sadly I have a history of this, I had problems with addiction in my teens due to the same kinds of feelings (although I'm happy I've managed to stay free from anything other than cigs at this point) and I had a nervous breakdown in my early 20's after graduating from university at the height of the credit crisis. There's also a family tradition of Depression, but I don't feel comfortable going to a GP and admitting that I probably need help.

It's horrible. The general feeling of apathy is crushing. My family are trying to emphasis with me, but I just don't think they understand that right now all I see are rainy skies, for me there's no sunshine in sight.

I know others in here have far bigger issues than me and that makes me feel like a bit of a whiny git, but I need it off my chest.

Hi mate and welcome to the thread.

I know you feel alone, but you're not. Many many people feel the way you do, so welcome to the club.

Have a look at the NHS run - Mentalhealth.org

It's a brilliant site and the online community there are wonderful.

I can guarantee there'll be at least one person on there who is going through the exact same thing as you are at the mo.

From reading your post, you badly need something to get you out of the house, as being alone all day obviously isn't helping.

Great advice there from @hallamblue about voluntary work. How about setting your sights a little bit lower and going for jobs that aren't necessarily what you're looking for, but will keep you in a work environment and get you out into the real world again.

When I was bad I had a part time job, driving a mini bus doing airport transfers, having previously had a well paid secure job, that made me ill through burnout

I loved the mini bus job, as it got me talking to people again and got me out into the world again.

There's loads of part time jobs out there, so just an idea ?.

Also have you considered getting a pet - dogs are ideal, as they're great company and need walking everyday.

This has the benefit of getting you out of the house and meeting people when out, who will want to talk to you about your dog.

Keep posting mate x