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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

I'm now a month back in work and everything is still going great, the depression and anxiety have gone completely and I can't believe it was only about 5/6 weeks ago I was suicidal and seeing a crisis team.

I am on sertraline which seemed to be the game changer and I went to First Steps who helped immeasurably.

Don't be afraid to open up to someone, it may change your life, holding things in will just get worse. Keep fighting the good fight, there is an end game even if you can't see it yet, light at the end of the tunnel is reachable.

I can't stress enough especially to UK residents about giving first steps a go, if if CBT doesn't work, they don't just cast you aside, they pass you on to other professionals who may help.
 
Ashtonian said:
Back in my bubble again.

just an unwinnable situation now with work, literally trapped inside with little chance of getting out. I apply for other jobs and fail the interviews, even when i ace them simply for not having the experience, yet i have asked and my management won't or aren't too arsed about supporting me in getting the experience. So i can't leave for elsewhere and i can't do any more than i am in the job i am in now to be this hirable person. Just not too sure what else to do anymore.

Plus after all the little rush of interviews i have settled back into normal life and back to feeling isolated, even when trying to talk to someone i work with directly i get no response, but others from across the room do. I genuinely hate it here, and it makes it worse now i cannot leave. Just feels like no matter how good i am at my job (or beyond it) i just will never leave here in a department where mostly everyone just stays for years on end.

Just thinking out loud again, i know i have to get out, but i just feel helpless, those thoughts i was having a few weeks ago are slowly coming back again.
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From all the stuff you've posted about interviews and your work place, that there's only one thing to do and that's find another job elsewhere.

Start again somewhere with a clean slate. If you stay where you are now Ash, you're going to end up trapped there and becoming increasingly unhappy and bitter x
 
8 years ago today, I was up in the hills fighting what would become one of the worst 'natural' disasters in this country. Whilst PTSD has been ruled out, I don't think I've ever been the same...
 

COYBL25 said:
From all the stuff you've posted about interviews and your work place, that there's only one thing to do and that's find another job elsewhere.

Start again somewhere with a clean slate. If you stay where you are now Ash, you're going to end up trapped there and becoming increasingly unhappy and bitter x
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I have to stay within my company for the next 18 months or so either way but i can move anywhere else if i can get a job elsewhere. the issue i am finding as mentioned before is that even when i interview better than anyone else i haven't got the experience and can't get the experience without the job!

Doubled down with a new team leader who is very arsey to put it nicely, keeps clashing with people and starting to turn on me as well. Just horrible, tried to make the point this morning that i was 5 minutes or so late getting in due to travel issues yesterday, i left 5 minutes earlier this morning, got to work 30 minutes earlier, figure that out eh? Plus it is so petty, i go on lunch 5 minutes before 12, 5 minutes and not even that to be honest and come back before i was meant to and it gets raised i didn't go bang on 12?! like it is an issue? It is becoming more and more like a school rather than an adult workplace and it just makes matters worse i can't get out of it.

to be honest the only saving grace for me is my family. Going home to them after a day in work allows me to forget about it until i wake up again. As much as they stress me out haha they take my mind away from it, but then knock on effects as well is that i am going to bed later than i normally would because i know when i get up i have to go back there. So that is another subtle knock on effect.

I know i am probably just moaning and i do know the answer but the catch 22 of no job without experience situation has me pulling my hair out that i keep finding myself being told no as a result. I have even started applying for jobs i don't particularly want just to get out of here, that is how desperate i am.
 
Ashtonian said:
I have to stay within my company for the next 18 months or so either way but i can move anywhere else if i can get a job elsewhere. the issue i am finding as mentioned before is that even when i interview better than anyone else i haven't got the experience and can't get the experience without the job!

Doubled down with a new team leader who is very arsey to put it nicely, keeps clashing with people and starting to turn on me as well. Just horrible, tried to make the point this morning that i was 5 minutes or so late getting in due to travel issues yesterday, i left 5 minutes earlier this morning, got to work 30 minutes earlier, figure that out eh? Plus it is so petty, i go on lunch 5 minutes before 12, 5 minutes and not even that to be honest and come back before i was meant to and it gets raised i didn't go bang on 12?! like it is an issue? It is becoming more and more like a school rather than an adult workplace and it just makes matters worse i can't get out of it.

to be honest the only saving grace for me is my family. Going home to them after a day in work allows me to forget about it until i wake up again. As much as they stress me out haha they take my mind away from it, but then knock on effects as well is that i am going to bed later than i normally would because i know when i get up i have to go back there. So that is another subtle knock on effect.

I know i am probably just moaning and i do know the answer but the catch 22 of no job without experience situation has me pulling my hair out that i keep finding myself being told no as a result. I have even started applying for jobs i don't particularly want just to get out of here, that is how desperate i am.
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Why do you need to stay. You're not on a binding contract are you ?
 
COYBL25 said:
Why do you need to stay. You're not on a binding contract are you ?
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i have things coming out my wages that finish over 18 months, can't really afford for them to all come out at once haha

For example we needed a new washer and drier last year so that was around 500 or so over 12 months.
 

BiggyRat said:
The Black Saturday bushfires. Truck got hit twice by the firestorm. Ran from one, sheltered through the other. Rescued three residents.
I was sheltering so didn't see much but my driver saw some serious [Poor language removed] that almost broke him. Unfortunately, he shared some of the things he saw with me...:(
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How could anyone be the same after experiencing something like that?
 
BiggyRat said:
The Black Saturday bushfires. Truck got hit twice by the firestorm. Ran from one, sheltered through the other. Rescued three residents.
I was sheltering so didn't see much but my driver saw some serious [Poor language removed] that almost broke him. Unfortunately, he shared some of the things he saw with me...:(
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Wow.

Hats off to you mate, I'm not surprised you're still suffering.

Did you ever get counselling?
 
Ashtonian said:
i have things coming out my wages that finish over 18 months, can't really afford for them to all come out at once haha

For example we needed a new washer and drier last year so that was around 500 or so over 12 months.
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It's just stuff Ash.

You're talking you're self into staying in a job you hate.

Get a loan out, pay it off over a longer period but smaller affordable amounts.
 
COYBL25 said:
It's just stuff Ash.

You're talking you're self into staying in a job you hate.

Get a loan out, pay it off over a longer period but smaller affordable amounts.
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It comes directly out my wages.

Plus the other side of it is that i would have to take holidays every time i got an interview external to where i work now (i.e somewhere else outside the company i work for) which would mean for every one i didn't get it would mean another day away from the job lost that i could have enjoyed.

I am being pessamistic i know, i am more than happy to move elsewhere in where i work, outside the department and do a job that does not stick out if it means being outside of the department. The longer term can wait but short term for my own peace of mind i can leave and spend 12 months working elsewhere before i can resume looking to progress knowing i don't hate what i am doing.
 
Billy Dean said:
How could anyone be the same after experiencing something like that?
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A great many weren't sadly, but I think I did okay.

COYBL25 said:
Wow.

Hats off to you mate, I'm not surprised you're still suffering.

Did you ever get counselling?
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Cheers. Yes. The CFA (Fire agency) provided a fantastic counseling service but I went elsewhere. As I mentioned, PTSD was categorically ruled out, but I tend to think that I lost a lot of patience with the fools I was working for. You see peoples lives destroyed & they were worried about their precious meetings.

Perspective.
 

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