Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Deleted member 28206]

Asked that girl in work for her number earlier today, it was a success. We swapped numbers and we've texted since. Because of her having to get someone to look after her daughter she says she'll let me know in the week when she's free to do something. Hopefully she does and we go out.

Already feel my confidence take a big jump upwards. Feels like I got over a big hurdle in expressing my personality with another person.

YES LAD

 

[EFCPaul]

Well in mate.

Onwards and upwards

Cheers mate. Really like the girl and I don't care what the divvys in work think. We worked together all day and I think she was pretty much waiting for me to ask haha, it just took me a little bit to gather myself but I did and by her reaction she seemed very happy to give it to me.

Hope to take her out soon but my confidence, which has always been a big issue for me, has shot right up because it. Hopefully it stays at this level now.

 

[COYBL25]

Cheers mate. Really like the girl and I don't care what the divvys in work think. We worked together all day and I think she was pretty much waiting for me to ask haha, it just took me a little bit to gather myself but I did and by her reaction she seemed very happy to give it to me.

Hope to take her out soon but my confidence, which has always been a big issue for me, has shot right up because it. Hopefully it stays at this level now.

She's sounds like a decent girl mate.

She already knows what you're like in work, so she obviously has good idea of what you're like as a person and likes you for that.

Just be yourself mate and I'm sure it'll go really well

 

[Kenshin]

Asked that girl in work for her number earlier today, it was a success. We swapped numbers and we've texted since. Because of her having to get someone to look after her daughter she says she'll let me know in the week when she's free to do something. Hopefully she does and we go out.

Already feel my confidence take a big jump upwards. Feels like I got over a big hurdle in expressing my personality with another person.

Fantastic Paulie. Really made up to hear that from you. Glad you haven't let the earlier set back knock you. Just really made up for the positive news

 

[MartSlinger]

Im finding myself back in a slump again. But my mind is very inconsistent, one day i could be fine, the next feeling rock bottom. I thought my problems had gone away when i found my girlfriend this time last year. She made everything better, she was someone who made me believe in myself, she was someone who actually liked me for who i was & as someone who completely hated himself this was a big thing. Despite her making things better i still had my off days, however they were rare, but now my off days are too often. Im scared to tell my girlfriend because i dont want her feeling bad, and questioning whether she can make me happy (if that makes sense), however this is a problem ive dealt with for years so i dont think it will ever go away.

Ive tried more than once to kill myself in the past, & these past few weeks ive questioned why im even still around & even told my girlfriend that she can do much better than me. Work doesnt help, ive been there since June & i still dont feel like i fit in. Im shy so its hard for me to speak to new people, but the office is too cliquey for me to even try & fit in. There was an instance last week when everyone in the office was having a conversation with someone except me, so i go home feeling awful about myself & because i isolate myself from everyone at home im thinking about everything.

I hate feeling like this, but most of all i just hate being me, i wish i was different, i wish i was like everyone else, i wish i could fit in better, i would i could be better at things & get the job ive wanted since i finished Uni. I just dont know what to do.

 

[EFCPaul]

She's sounds like a decent girl mate.

She already knows what you're like in work, so she obviously has good idea of what you're like as a person and likes you for that.

Just be yourself mate and I'm sure it'll go really well

Cheers mate. A regular who comes in work gave me the kick up the arse with it, he gave some brilliant advice which gave me the push I needed. He saw the two of us chatting then said to me;

Him: "You like her lad, don't you?"

Me: "Yeah mate, I want to ask her number."

Him: "Do it then mate, what's stopping you?"

Me: "I'm just a bit nervy, I can take a knock-back but I don't want it getting around the place (work) if I do, I'd feel a p***k"

Him: "Mate, she might say yes. And would you honestly be bothered what they (others) think?"

Me. "Well no, not really I suppose."

Him: "Then do it then mate, there was loads of times when I was your age where I fancied someone but said nothing to do them, then the chance is gone. Do it or you'll regret it."


Can't wait to see him next and tell him how it went, would love to buy him a pint too. Love it when people give others they can see in a dilemma a bit of genuine, heart-felt advice. Some folk just laugh or aren't interested in helping.

 

[COYBL25]

Im finding myself back in a slump again. But my mind is very inconsistent, one day i could be fine, the next feeling rock bottom. I thought my problems had gone away when i found my girlfriend this time last year. She made everything better, she was someone who made me believe in myself, she was someone who actually liked me for who i was & as someone who completely hated himself this was a big thing. Despite her making things better i still had my off days, however they were rare, but now my off days are too often. Im scared to tell my girlfriend because i dont want her feeling bad, and questioning whether she can make me happy (if that makes sense), however this is a problem ive dealt with for years so i dont think it will ever go away.

Ive tried more than once to kill myself in the past, & these past few weeks ive questioned why im even still around & even told my girlfriend that she can do much better than me. Work doesnt help, ive been there since June & i still dont feel like i fit in. Im shy so its hard for me to speak to new people, but the office is too cliquey for me to even try & fit in. There was an instance last week when everyone in the office was having a conversation with someone except me, so i go home feeling awful about myself & because i isolate myself from everyone at home im thinking about everything.

I hate feeling like this, but most of all i just hate being me, i wish i was different, i wish i was like everyone else, i wish i could fit in better, i would i could be better at things & get the job ive wanted since i finished Uni. I just dont know what to do.

Any thoughts @PaulieMc sounds like a very similar situation to your recent past ?

 

[Kenshin]

Im finding myself back in a slump again. But my mind is very inconsistent, one day i could be fine, the next feeling rock bottom. I thought my problems had gone away when i found my girlfriend this time last year. She made everything better, she was someone who made me believe in myself, she was someone who actually liked me for who i was & as someone who completely hated himself this was a big thing. Despite her making things better i still had my off days, however they were rare, but now my off days are too often. Im scared to tell my girlfriend because i dont want her feeling bad, and questioning whether she can make me happy (if that makes sense), however this is a problem ive dealt with for years so i dont think it will ever go away.

Ive tried more than once to kill myself in the past, & these past few weeks ive questioned why im even still around & even told my girlfriend that she can do much better than me. Work doesnt help, ive been there since June & i still dont feel like i fit in. Im shy so its hard for me to speak to new people, but the office is too cliquey for me to even try & fit in. There was an instance last week when everyone in the office was having a conversation with someone except me, so i go home feeling awful about myself & because i isolate myself from everyone at home im thinking about everything.

I hate feeling like this, but most of all i just hate being me, i wish i was different, i wish i was like everyone else, i wish i could fit in better, i would i could be better at things & get the job ive wanted since i finished Uni. I just dont know what to do.

Reading back through this thread there has been a couple of examples of this, Paulie and another I come across so first advice I can give in terms of the work issue is to get in touch with them and ask them how they deal with it. I can't offer any advice on that front but there is two great examples of people working in that environment in here so ask them.

Why do you feel like this? You say you have thought about killing yourself, why is that? What is it about you that you feel is that bad that you want to do that? Sorry for being up front with that question, I can probably advise better if you can be honest with yourself and say why

 

[EFCPaul]

Im finding myself back in a slump again. But my mind is very inconsistent, one day i could be fine, the next feeling rock bottom. I thought my problems had gone away when i found my girlfriend this time last year. She made everything better, she was someone who made me believe in myself, she was someone who actually liked me for who i was & as someone who completely hated himself this was a big thing. Despite her making things better i still had my off days, however they were rare, but now my off days are too often. Im scared to tell my girlfriend because i dont want her feeling bad, and questioning whether she can make me happy (if that makes sense), however this is a problem ive dealt with for years so i dont think it will ever go away.

Ive tried more than once to kill myself in the past, & these past few weeks ive questioned why im even still around & even told my girlfriend that she can do much better than me. Work doesnt help, ive been there since June & i still dont feel like i fit in. Im shy so its hard for me to speak to new people, but the office is too cliquey for me to even try & fit in. There was an instance last week when everyone in the office was having a conversation with someone except me, so i go home feeling awful about myself & because i isolate myself from everyone at home im thinking about everything.

I hate feeling like this, but most of all i just hate being me, i wish i was different, i wish i was like everyone else, i wish i could fit in better, i would i could be better at things & get the job ive wanted since i finished Uni. I just dont know what to do.

Chin up Mart mate, I know it can be such a vicious circle and sometimes we beat ourselves up worse than anyone else ever could because of our own deep-rooted insecurities.

I joined a new work in June of last year too and for AGES tried my best to fit in, I was a complete outsider who knew no one else prior to joining so I wanted to hard to feel like I was accepted as part of the group. It never happened and for a long time I was down about it. It wasn't just conversations I wasn't included in, the lot in my work spend their dinner hours together and eat in a completely separate room with the door shut. As if to say "Don't come in here and disturb us, you're not welcome." Or the Christmas night out where they all booked an apartment to sit in for the night and near enough everyone was invited except me and a couple of older blokes with wives. It made me feel like such an loser, I was so depressed about it for a long time and I posted in here about a fair but. Not one to this day has ever been outright horrible to my face because they're cowards, just subtle behaviours that continue to make it clear to me they don't have any interest in building any sort of friendship or even a friendly working environment.

I've managed to get over it largely because the more I described the situation to people (whether it be in posts on here or close friends and family) the more I began to realise it was THEM in the wrong, not me. Literally everyone I've told about it has said "They sound like a right gang of idiots, just steer clear of them". As time has gone I've began to agree with that, they are a gang of p***ks because most people wouldn't treat a new person they way they've treated me, it's outright rudeness.

Your situation sounds very similar mate, these people haven't given you the time of day and it's confused you because you know if the roles were reversed you would be a lot nicer to the new person because that's the type of person you are. My advice would be to just live your life as best you can outside of the place to keep your mood up. Work to live, don't live to work. Enjoy the good times with your girlfriend and your mates as best you can because that's what life is really about, making boss memories for ourselves. We choose to spend our lives with the people we love and like but unfortunately most of us have to put up with having a few divvys on the fringes as well, we just can't let them decide our moods. I love going to or watching a match whenever my work troubles get me down, for me it's the perfect tonic for my fragile mind. Few weeks ago I asked another girl out, one of the idiot crew, she rejected me and I found out afterwards she and the rest of them were laughing about me behind my back. I went straight from work to Goodison to watch us play City and by the end of the game my troubles were gone, the ecstasy of us winning wiped away the crappy feelings.

You've got an awful lot to feel positive about mate, just sometimes we can't see the woods for the trees and need someone to help us see it. Stay in touch on here or on twitter, they'll always be someone here to vent too.

 

[COYBL25]

Chin up Mart mate, I know it can be such a vicious circle and sometimes we beat ourselves up worse than anyone else ever could because of our own deep-rooted insecurities.

I joined a new work in June of last year too and for AGES tried my best to fit in, I was a complete outsider who knew no one else prior to joining so I wanted to hard to feel like I was accepted as part of the group. It never happened and for a long time I was down about it. It wasn't just conversations I wasn't included in, the lot in my work spend their dinner hours together and eat in a completely separate room with the door shut. As if to say "Don't come in here and disturb us, you're not welcome." Or the Christmas night out where they all booked an apartment to sit in for the night and near enough everyone was invited except me and a couple of older blokes with wives. It made me feel like such an loser, I was so depressed about it for a long time and I posted in here about a fair but. Not one to this day has ever been outright horrible to my face because they're cowards, just subtle behaviours that continue to make it clear to me they don't have any interest in building any sort of friendship or even a friendly working environment.

I've managed to get over it largely because the more I described the situation to people (whether it be in posts on here or close friends and family) the more I began to realise it was THEM in the wrong, not me. Literally everyone I've told about it has said "They sound like a right gang of idiots, just steer clear of them". As time has gone I've began to agree with that, they are a gang of p***ks because most people wouldn't treat a new person they way they've treated me, it's outright rudeness.

Your situation sounds very similar mate, these people haven't given you the time of day and it's confused you because you know if the roles were reversed you would be a lot nicer to the new person because that's the type of person you are. My advice would be to just live your life as best you can outside of the place to keep your mood up. Work to live, don't live to work. Enjoy the good times with your girlfriend and your mates as best you can because that's what life is really about, making boss memories for ourselves. We choose to spend our lives with the people we love and like but unfortunately most of us have to put up with having a few divvys on the fringes as well, we just can't let them decide our moods. I love going to or watching a match whenever my work troubles get me down, for me it's the perfect tonic for my fragile mind. Few weeks ago I asked another girl out, one of the idiot crew, she rejected me and I found out afterwards she and the rest of them were laughing about me behind my back. I went straight from work to Goodison to watch us play City and by the end of the game my troubles were gone, the ecstasy of us winning wiped away the crappy feelings.

You've got an awful lot to feel positive about mate, just sometimes we can't see the woods for the trees and need someone to help us see it. Stay in touch on here or on twitter, they'll always be someone here to vent too.

Great stuff mate

 

[kithnou]

Asked that girl in work for her number earlier today, it was a success. We swapped numbers and we've texted since. Because of her having to get someone to look after her daughter she says she'll let me know in the week when she's free to do something. Hopefully she does and we go out.

Already feel my confidence take a big jump upwards. Feels like I got over a big hurdle in expressing my personality with another person.

Remember my friend

 

[EFCPaul]

Remember my friend

Nah mate, hand on heart I'm not like that, been brought up to respect women.

 

[Eggs]

Im finding myself back in a slump again. But my mind is very inconsistent, one day i could be fine, the next feeling rock bottom. I thought my problems had gone away when i found my girlfriend this time last year. She made everything better, she was someone who made me believe in myself, she was someone who actually liked me for who i was & as someone who completely hated himself this was a big thing. Despite her making things better i still had my off days, however they were rare, but now my off days are too often. Im scared to tell my girlfriend because i dont want her feeling bad, and questioning whether she can make me happy (if that makes sense), however this is a problem ive dealt with for years so i dont think it will ever go away.

Ive tried more than once to kill myself in the past, & these past few weeks ive questioned why im even still around & even told my girlfriend that she can do much better than me. Work doesnt help, ive been there since June & i still dont feel like i fit in. Im shy so its hard for me to speak to new people, but the office is too cliquey for me to even try & fit in. There was an instance last week when everyone in the office was having a conversation with someone except me, so i go home feeling awful about myself & because i isolate myself from everyone at home im thinking about everything.

I hate feeling like this, but most of all i just hate being me, i wish i was different, i wish i was like everyone else, i wish i could fit in better, i would i could be better at things & get the job ive wanted since i finished Uni. I just dont know what to do.

...rest assured lots of those folk in your office having conversations are unhappy in their own skin. You are entirely honest, don't worry about the apparent happy lives of others, you have lots going for yourself. When you're down never forget that you have lots to offer and you'll never be short of friends on here.

 

[Billy Dean]

Im finding myself back in a slump again. But my mind is very inconsistent, one day i could be fine, the next feeling rock bottom. I thought my problems had gone away when i found my girlfriend this time last year. She made everything better, she was someone who made me believe in myself, she was someone who actually liked me for who i was & as someone who completely hated himself this was a big thing. Despite her making things better i still had my off days, however they were rare, but now my off days are too often. Im scared to tell my girlfriend because i dont want her feeling bad, and questioning whether she can make me happy (if that makes sense), however this is a problem ive dealt with for years so i dont think it will ever go away.

Ive tried more than once to kill myself in the past, & these past few weeks ive questioned why im even still around & even told my girlfriend that she can do much better than me. Work doesnt help, ive been there since June & i still dont feel like i fit in. Im shy so its hard for me to speak to new people, but the office is too cliquey for me to even try & fit in. There was an instance last week when everyone in the office was having a conversation with someone except me, so i go home feeling awful about myself & because i isolate myself from everyone at home im thinking about everything.

I hate feeling like this, but most of all i just hate being me, i wish i was different, i wish i was like everyone else, i wish i could fit in better, i would i could be better at things & get the job ive wanted since i finished Uni. I just dont know what to do.

Have you tried any kind of psychotherapy mate? There are lots of different types available that can help a lot with looking at negative thoughts/emotions and framing them in a more positive way. It could help you focus on all the qualities that you undoubtedly have that are not apparent to you at the moment.

 

[big bobs beard]

Cheers mate. A regular who comes in work gave me the kick up the arse with it, he gave some brilliant advice which gave me the push I needed. He saw the two of us chatting then said to me;

Him: "You like her lad, don't you?"

Me: "Yeah mate, I want to ask her number."

Him: "Do it then mate, what's stopping you?"

Me: "I'm just a bit nervy, I can take a knock-back but I don't want it getting around the place (work) if I do, I'd feel a p***k"

Him: "Mate, she might say yes. And would you honestly be bothered what they (others) think?"

Me. "Well no, not really I suppose."

Him: "Then do it then mate, there was loads of times when I was your age where I fancied someone but said nothing to do them, then the chance is gone. Do it or you'll regret it."


Can't wait to see him next and tell him how it went, would love to buy him a pint too. Love it when people give others they can see in a dilemma a bit of genuine, heart-felt advice. Some folk just laugh or aren't interested in helping.

Well done mate - been following your posts. Now you have her number you can build up a good friendship texting etc - be honest, not too intense and make her laugh and you should be well in!