Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

I left work on 17th Feb after 28 years
I put my new business idea out to schools on 24th Feb.

I've found it really hard during these last few weeks and it's been a real struggle to get my head around the fact i didn't have income coming in. Sure the redundancy would see me okay but still that wouldn't last forever.

Some days were so hard to even get out bed and i thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life when the schools I'd worked with for 28 years didn't get back in touch.

But, as they say 'build it and they will come.' Schools slowly got in touch and as if yesterday I reached my target that I need each month to feed the kids etc and that was all I was really bothered about.

Guess not bad after just over five weeks. Onwards and upwards.

Funny how the mind works as everyone told me it would be fine but i didn't believe it. Even when my business manager said I had the clearest and the best proposal she'd ever seen, i still doubted myself.

So my point is listen to other people and even on dark days stay positive. Done side however is i can now get a season ticket next season

Well in mate, so glad it's working out for you.

No matter what you think, it took an enormous amount of bottle to do what you did, especially with a family to support.

 

[hallamblue]

I left work on 17th Feb after 28 years
I put my new business idea out to schools on 24th Feb.

I've found it really hard during these last few weeks and it's been a real struggle to get my head around the fact i didn't have income coming in. Sure the redundancy would see me okay but still that wouldn't last forever.

Some days were so hard to even get out bed and i thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life when the schools I'd worked with for 28 years didn't get back in touch.

But, as they say 'build it and they will come.' Schools slowly got in touch and as if yesterday I reached my target that I need each month to feed the kids etc and that was all I was really bothered about.

Guess not bad after just over five weeks. Onwards and upwards.

Funny how the mind works as everyone told me it would be fine but i didn't believe it. Even when my business manager said I had the clearest and the best proposal she'd ever seen, i still doubted myself.

So my point is listen to other people and even on dark days stay positive. Done side however is i can now get a season ticket next season

Delighted for you mate. In my experience as a governor, schools can't make decisions in a hurry as they need ratifying usually. Sunderland's history in the 2nd division tells me next season will be a lot more enjoyable than this season for you.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I left work on 17th Feb after 28 years
I put my new business idea out to schools on 24th Feb.

I've found it really hard during these last few weeks and it's been a real struggle to get my head around the fact i didn't have income coming in. Sure the redundancy would see me okay but still that wouldn't last forever.

Some days were so hard to even get out bed and i thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life when the schools I'd worked with for 28 years didn't get back in touch.

But, as they say 'build it and they will come.' Schools slowly got in touch and as if yesterday I reached my target that I need each month to feed the kids etc and that was all I was really bothered about.

Guess not bad after just over five weeks. Onwards and upwards.

Funny how the mind works as everyone told me it would be fine but i didn't believe it. Even when my business manager said I had the clearest and the best proposal she'd ever seen, i still doubted myself.

So my point is listen to other people and even on dark days stay positive. Done side however is i can now get a season ticket next season

Brilliant. Well done. As you say, onward and upward!

 

[wgtwiddle]

Food for thought ... re focusing attention away from thoughts ...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...-skill-can-immediately-transform-how-you-feel

 

[granter79]

So got my new contract from work completed and new start date.
So happy to be leaving the nasty and negative people behind n have a fresh start.

 

[granter79]

I left work on 17th Feb after 28 years
I put my new business idea out to schools on 24th Feb.

I've found it really hard during these last few weeks and it's been a real struggle to get my head around the fact i didn't have income coming in. Sure the redundancy would see me okay but still that wouldn't last forever.

Some days were so hard to even get out bed and i thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life when the schools I'd worked with for 28 years didn't get back in touch.

But, as they say 'build it and they will come.' Schools slowly got in touch and as if yesterday I reached my target that I need each month to feed the kids etc and that was all I was really bothered about.

Guess not bad after just over five weeks. Onwards and upwards.

Funny how the mind works as everyone told me it would be fine but i didn't believe it. Even when my business manager said I had the clearest and the best proposal she'd ever seen, i still doubted myself.

So my point is listen to other people and even on dark days stay positive. Done side however is i can now get a season ticket next season

Excellent stuff mate. Onwards and upwards.
Great when we get to read positive stories after people have gone through rough times.
Leaving work now myself in 3 weeks for new job. Scary for me with a lot going on in my personal life but as u said stay positive

 

[BigDunc'sFod]

it was for a job rather than a second interview. They were looking for 17 people so i wasn't given one of them.

their basic reason was that my job is too hands on now and the new one is more liasing with people. That was it, nothing on my interview itself or that my answers didn't detail enough or anything like that. I had asked our management for support before this interview because it was a jump up for me, and all they did was pass it to someone with no experience interviewing at that level to just read off a sheet to me about questions they could ask (but weren't for the job type i went for).

Pretty much this is it now, i am isolated, more so that it is clear i just don't matter. I raise bullying issues, i am ignored, i talk about work issues, i am ignored. the one time i ask for interview advice and no-one makes time for me in the management. I keep getting failed interviews for stupid reasons, like the person who got it has done the job before, or no matter how great i interview i didn't mention the odd generic answer in the right place (yes i had that one, told them the answer but to the wrong question).

I can't leave because my place had a scheme to get things from your wages, pay over wages over a year or two. Got a couple of personal things, and a couple of necessities (washer and drier when they packed in) so i can't leave where i am now until i finished paying otherwise they would take it all out my wages and therefore i wouldn't have any money for a month. I can move elsewhere in the company i am in but not leave it, which limits me.

and yeah, it is just crushing now because i just can't get out of where i am, i can't get support where i am to help me get out, i feel just isolated, and like i don't matter now and it is just going to get worse for me due to changes coming in. I even asked for support in getting experience to help me and got shut down over that as well so literally nothing i can do. Hell i am due to finish a level 4 NVQ for actual manager level experience in 2 months! despite not being at that level, i'm doing all i can but i don't know how many more interviews i can prepare for and fail over and over again without any good reason now, it might sound silly to some people and fair enough. But essentially imagine getting to the point where you interview as good as you possibly can and then find out it doesn't matter?

Just feel so lost right now.

Hope you're okay, Ash, and smashing that NVQ4.

 

[COYBL25]

Hope you're okay, Ash, and smashing that NVQ4.

He's on a self imposed sabitical mate.

Although I'm currently in negotiations with him at the mo, to get him to come back

 

[EFCPaul]

Had a very strange few days, was VERY low earlier in the week, so low I didn't even want to post in here, I just wanted to isolate myself. It also started effecting me badly at work, I was VERY late on Monday and was pulled into the office by two of the supervisors. In a very gentle way they basically said "Look, this is out of character, we've noticed something is the matter with you, is everything okay?"

I decided to tell them about how I've been on an off medication since Christmas and how that and lack of sleep has been badly screwing with my head. They seemed a bit taken aback by what I told them but were very understanding and urged me to carry on taking my medication consistently. I told them the reason I hadn't said anything to anyone before then was because I'm a very private person who doesn't want work colleagues knowing my business outside of the place (I've explained there is a clique mentality with many of the other workers and I'm not part of it). I'm pleased I told them, I think it has helped them understand me more. Instead of assuming I'm a cold fish they now know why I'm sometimes quiet or a bit irritable, it's helped me feel a bit more settled and not constantly overthinking things.

An interesting side note was I spoke to another colleague to whom I explained what happened with the girl. She explained to me that our mutual friend is just a very shy girl who hasn't had a lad show any interest in her for a long time so that explained why she was acting so evasive with me. She kept asking if I'd text the girl since and I said no I hadn't

She said; "So you're giving up then?"

Me; "Look I like her but I'm not going to pester the girl. She doesn't seem interested so I'm going to just leave her be and not embarrass myself."

Her: "But if she came up to you you'd still want to talk to her?"

Me: "Yeah definitely but like I said, she seemed so desperate to avoid me that I think that says she doesn't want to know."

It's got me thinking that maybe our colleague was trying to very subtly hint at me to keep trying. I know they're good friends and talk a lot outside of work, hopefully she can put in a good word for me. But for now I'm just trying to live day to day and get more sleep of a night so I can feel far better during the days. I was hit by a big setback and I haven't gotten fully back on track yet. Hopefully by next week I will have.

 

[Woolly Blue]

Had a tough few weeks my heads absolutely battered. Nearly 2 years ago one of my best friends committed suicide and to be completely honest I've never been the same since. Not a day goes by were I don't think about him and I start to blame myself about how I could have done more to stop it from happening with something as simple as a phone call or a text.

These feelings got worse over the last few weeks when another friend lost their dad and while consoling her all the feelings I had when I found out about my friend passing away came flooding back. It's really effecting me as I have trouble sleeping as I lie there thinking then end up having only a couple of hours sleep a night. This then means I'm tired the next day and I'm dead miserable and snap a lot more at the stupidest things in work. It's also effecting me socially as I just can't be bothered doing anything as I'm feeling tired and down and becoming a lot more distant to people I was previously very close with. I just don't know how to get out of this slump as I feel to embarrassed to talk to people I actually know in person about this.

As others have said, you need help mate. Grief can cripple you as much as breaking a leg does, and if you can't talk to people close to you about it, then you need to talk to someone else. If you're working, or a student, you'll probably have direct access to grief counselling, but if not, then get along to your GP.

 

[Deleted member 28206]

Had a very strange few days, was VERY low earlier in the week, so low I didn't even want to post in here, I just wanted to isolate myself. It also started effecting me badly at work, I was VERY late on Monday and was pulled into the office by two of the supervisors. In a very gentle way they basically said "Look, this is out of character, we've noticed something is the matter with you, is everything okay?"

I decided to tell them about how I've been on an off medication since Christmas and how that and lack of sleep has been badly screwing with my head. They seemed a bit taken aback by what I told them but were very understanding and urged me to carry on taking my medication consistently. I told them the reason I hadn't said anything to anyone before then was because I'm a very private person who doesn't want work colleagues knowing my business outside of the place (I've explained there is a clique mentality with many of the other workers and I'm not part of it). I'm pleased I told them, I think it has helped them understand me more. Instead of assuming I'm a cold fish they now know why I'm sometimes quiet or a bit irritable, it's helped me feel a bit more settled and not constantly overthinking things.

An interesting side note was I spoke to another colleague to whom I explained what happened with the girl. She explained to me that our mutual friend is just a very shy girl who hasn't had a lad show any interest in her for a long time so that explained why she was acting so evasive with me. She kept asking if I'd text the girl since and I said no I hadn't

She said; "So you're giving up then?"

Me; "Look I like her but I'm not going to pester the girl. She doesn't seem interested so I'm going to just leave her be and not embarrass myself."

Her: "But if she came up to you you'd still want to talk to her?"

Me: "Yeah definitely but like I said, she seemed so desperate to avoid me that I think that says she doesn't want to know."

It's got me thinking that maybe our colleague was trying to very subtly hint at me to keep trying. I know they're good friends and talk a lot outside of work, hopefully she can put in a good word for me. But for now I'm just trying to live day to day and get more sleep of a night so I can feel far better during the days. I was hit by a big setback and I haven't gotten fully back on track yet. Hopefully by next week I will have.

Great news that mate. If she still swerves you send her my way. I'm drier than a summer day in the Mojave

 

[barmcake]

Hi,

I can't believe it was the 15th of Feb when I last posted about the situation with my son. Six weeks on and this nightmare is still no closer to being resolved.......in fact I can't see an end to it. The last time I posted we'd just come out of hospital after he physically attacked us and threatened to kill himself. I could spend all night writing about what's been going on since. Help is beginning to mobilise..........school have been fantastic, we now have a child advocate on board, we've been referred to tier three of CAMHS and we have an 'early help' meeting on the first day back at school after Easter. Friends and family have equally been very supportive. However, whilst I tell myself that help is coming and this will get better it's simply not. Every day is a struggle. My wife is off sick again with stress/depression as a result of this so I've got two people to support.

I've always been a very positive person, never experienced any depression in any way. Right now though I'm really struggling. It's not depression and I can't compare it to the struggles people genuinely have (including my own son and wife) as I know if all this wasn't happening I would be fine but I just feel like I can't take it anymore. Each morning I'm anxious about getting a call at work as he's refusing to go to school, each afternoon its how is he after school and then the evenings who knows what will happen. I've got no choice but to soldier on though and be the strong one because I've got a wife and son with their own real issues and another child to look after. I'm really frustrated as my wife has very different ways of managing all this and it's just making it worse. I fear for our own relationship. We've been together since the age of 16 (22 years) and I would never want to leave but I just don't know how this will end.

I don't really know what I'm feeling to be honest. Just lost I guess. We've had some issues this evening so I've taken myself out of the way and to this thread for a catch up......hence the update.

 

[jinkyali]

Hi,

I can't believe it was the 15th of Feb when I last posted about the situation with my son. Six weeks on and this nightmare is still no closer to being resolved.......in fact I can't see an end to it. The last time I posted we'd just come out of hospital after he physically attacked us and threatened to kill himself. I could spend all night writing about what's been going on since. Help is beginning to mobilise..........school have been fantastic, we now have a child advocate on board, we've been referred to tier three of CAMHS and we have an 'early help' meeting on the first day back at school after Easter. Friends and family have equally been very supportive. However, whilst I tell myself that help is coming and this will get better it's simply not. Every day is a struggle. My wife is off sick again with stress/depression as a result of this so I've got two people to support.

I've always been a very positive person, never experienced any depression in any way. Right now though I'm really struggling. It's not depression and I can't compare it to the struggles people genuinely have (including my own son and wife) as I know if all this wasn't happening I would be fine but I just feel like I can't take it anymore. Each morning I'm anxious about getting a call at work as he's refusing to go to school, each afternoon its how is he after school and then the evenings who knows what will happen. I've got no choice but to soldier on though and be the strong one because I've got a wife and son with their own real issues and another child to look after. I'm really frustrated as my wife has very different ways of managing all this and it's just making it worse. I fear for our own relationship. We've been together since the age of 16 (22 years) and I would never want to leave but I just don't know how this will end.

I don't really know what I'm feeling to be honest. Just lost I guess. We've had some issues this evening so I've taken myself out of the way and to this thread for a catch up......hence the update.

Sorry to read this. If you are feeling lost I would speak to your GP.

I can't offer much more than that. Speaking to my GP about stresses helped me.

 

[GwladysBlue]

Hi,

I can't believe it was the 15th of Feb when I last posted about the situation with my son. Six weeks on and this nightmare is still no closer to being resolved.......in fact I can't see an end to it. The last time I posted we'd just come out of hospital after he physically attacked us and threatened to kill himself. I could spend all night writing about what's been going on since. Help is beginning to mobilise..........school have been fantastic, we now have a child advocate on board, we've been referred to tier three of CAMHS and we have an 'early help' meeting on the first day back at school after Easter. Friends and family have equally been very supportive. However, whilst I tell myself that help is coming and this will get better it's simply not. Every day is a struggle. My wife is off sick again with stress/depression as a result of this so I've got two people to support.

I've always been a very positive person, never experienced any depression in any way. Right now though I'm really struggling. It's not depression and I can't compare it to the struggles people genuinely have (including my own son and wife) as I know if all this wasn't happening I would be fine but I just feel like I can't take it anymore. Each morning I'm anxious about getting a call at work as he's refusing to go to school, each afternoon its how is he after school and then the evenings who knows what will happen. I've got no choice but to soldier on though and be the strong one because I've got a wife and son with their own real issues and another child to look after. I'm really frustrated as my wife has very different ways of managing all this and it's just making it worse. I fear for our own relationship. We've been together since the age of 16 (22 years) and I would never want to leave but I just don't know how this will end.

I don't really know what I'm feeling to be honest. Just lost I guess. We've had some issues this evening so I've taken myself out of the way and to this thread for a catch up......hence the update.

Get yourself to your GP and ask to go to counselling, mate.

Sounds like a really stressful situation you're in, and although you've got to be strong for your son and wife, you can't forget to think about your own wellbeing. It's a common problem that men need to be seen as this strong unit, we're all only normal people just trying to struggle through life.

Update in the thread more, even if it helps you out just a little bit

 

[kithnou]

Had a very strange few days, was VERY low earlier in the week, so low I didn't even want to post in here, I just wanted to isolate myself. It also started effecting me badly at work, I was VERY late on Monday and was pulled into the office by two of the supervisors. In a very gentle way they basically said "Look, this is out of character, we've noticed something is the matter with you, is everything okay?"

I decided to tell them about how I've been on an off medication since Christmas and how that and lack of sleep has been badly screwing with my head. They seemed a bit taken aback by what I told them but were very understanding and urged me to carry on taking my medication consistently. I told them the reason I hadn't said anything to anyone before then was because I'm a very private person who doesn't want work colleagues knowing my business outside of the place (I've explained there is a clique mentality with many of the other workers and I'm not part of it). I'm pleased I told them, I think it has helped them understand me more. Instead of assuming I'm a cold fish they now know why I'm sometimes quiet or a bit irritable, it's helped me feel a bit more settled and not constantly overthinking things.

An interesting side note was I spoke to another colleague to whom I explained what happened with the girl. She explained to me that our mutual friend is just a very shy girl who hasn't had a lad show any interest in her for a long time so that explained why she was acting so evasive with me. She kept asking if I'd text the girl since and I said no I hadn't

She said; "So you're giving up then?"

Me; "Look I like her but I'm not going to pester the girl. She doesn't seem interested so I'm going to just leave her be and not embarrass myself."

Her: "But if she came up to you you'd still want to talk to her?"

Me: "Yeah definitely but like I said, she seemed so desperate to avoid me that I think that says she doesn't want to know."

It's got me thinking that maybe our colleague was trying to very subtly hint at me to keep trying. I know they're good friends and talk a lot outside of work, hopefully she can put in a good word for me. But for now I'm just trying to live day to day and get more sleep of a night so I can feel far better during the days. I was hit by a big setback and I haven't gotten fully back on track yet. Hopefully by next week I will have.

I think I need to go to 'Voyers Anonymous' if there is one, as I am taking joy in reading your attempts to woo this young lass.