Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

Exercise is a major factor. I had to give up running due to a knee injury, I've had various ailments and injuries recently and I feel desperately unfit.

I decided to give the running another go this evening as it happens, and the knee seems to have held up ok, so I'm going to see about getting back out a bit more. I think I'll feel a lot better once I get my fitness back up.

There's a school of thought that you can become " addicted " to excerise, due to the endorphins released, so this could explain being so cranky in the mornings. Plus you feel really sluggish when you stop too.

See how you are after a week or so of running again ?

 

[The Cowboy]

I'm really no expert but this sounds like displaced anger. For example, your best friend at the office is suddenly let go, and you spend the rest of the day dreading that the axe is about to fall on you, too. Later, at home, you hold it together — until your 6-year-old pops out of bed for the fifth time, asking for another glass of water. At which point you hear yourself roar, “Oh for heaven’s sake! Would it kill you to just go to sleep for once?!” If we feel powerless in a situation we take our anger out on the people who will least likely fight back. I remember having a really rubbish day at work once, I yelled at my then 17 year old son for some trivial misdemeanour. Unfortunately he was doing psychology A Level and he gave me a lecture about displaced anger. My Mum used to do it to me all the time - she would be annoyed with my brothers and shout at me instead. It's also called stress-rolling. You roll your stress onto somebody else. Notice it in other people: the man who yanks his dog around every time he has a bad day at work; the brand-new ex-smoker who shouts at her husband when she runs out of nicotine gum. Watch these people and get a feel for how disproportionately intense their behaviour is. Then honestly identify the same sort of overreactions in yourself. Where does your temper flare? When do you weep hysterically? One sign that you’re stress-rolling may be a hint of sheepish guilt or shame. This will show up after you’ve rolled your negativity onto someone, or even while you’re doing the rolling. Deep down, your conscience will be whispering, “I’m not being fair. This isn’t about Johnny eating all the toast. I’m just venting because I've had a bad day at work.” You need to identify what the real stress in your life is.

As I said I'm not an expert but hope it helps.

Yep, a lot of that rings true. Makes me feel worse now as I definitely am taking it out on them and they deserve better than that.

And to make matters worse, the 8yo just vents her anger on the 6yo. My fear is that it's irreversible now, and we're gonna end up hating each other.

 

[COYBL25]

Yep, a lot of that rings true. Makes me feel worse now as I definitely am taking it out on them and they deserve better than that.

And to make matters worse, the 8yo just vents her anger on the 6yo. My fear is that it's irreversible now, and we're gonna end up hating each other.

Don't beat yourself up mate, kids are resilient.

My eldest (11) is the biggest pain in the world - the world evolves around him.

I've lost it properly with him twice and he knows now when he's reaching the point that it's going to happen and reigns it back in.

You're only human mate and you don't get a manual about how to bring them up !

 

[anjelikaferrett]

If it's any consolation I hate the mornings trying to get the kids out if the door too and I think for a lot of parents this is the most stressful part of the day. If you're five mins out of synch the whole day can just get off to a bad one - they're late for school, you're late for work, traffic is jammed up etc etc.

I know that this may not be possible, as it's defendant on your domestic circumstances/time etc, but excercising really does bring stress levels down massively. It will also help you sleep better too, as you're less stressed going to bed and properly tired, rather then "frazzled " due to work / kids etc.

The only other option is get up a bit earlier and before them. This gives you the chance to wake up in your own time and have a bit of a relax before the bedlam begins.

Totally agree- every second was accounted for in the mornings. I remember the days when a lost PE sock or misplaced shoe could throw the whole day into chaos.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Yep, a lot of that rings true. Makes me feel worse now as I definitely am taking it out on them and they deserve better than that.

And to make matters worse, the 8yo just vents her anger on the 6yo. My fear is that it's irreversible now, and we're gonna end up hating each other.

I'm sure you won't. If you can identify when it happens you can change it.

And kids are a pain in the mornings, no sense of time or urgency.

 

[Blueway]

Don't beat yourself up mate, kids are resilient.

My eldest (11) is the biggest pain in the world - the world evolves around him.

I've lost it properly with him twice and he knows now when he's reaching the point that it's going to happen and reigns it back in.

You're only human mate and you don't get a manual about how to bring them up !

Yep, a lot of that rings true. Makes me feel worse now as I definitely am taking it out on them and they deserve better than that.

And to make matters worse, the 8yo just vents her anger on the 6yo. My fear is that it's irreversible now, and we're gonna end up hating each other.

I can't offer what you have already been told from the guys as I don't have that level of experience, however I have 4 kids and I also work away for a bit of the time and I swear that is the hardest part of any parents day! I hate the mornings sometimes, the school run stresses me out more than flying to Switzerland and running a broadcast to 30 countries, its just what you know. Also if there are outside influences of stress, that can show at really odd times, kids also have a trigger to cause the most amount of out fall! Not sure on the circumstances at all, but if I am stressed with work, I will leave early, or I am going to the airport at x I will leave before they get up. Just my way to deal with it, my wife has a routine and i'm not part of it and mess it up when I am back. Sounds odd but its another outlook, hope it offers another perspective for you.

 

[Kenshin]

I tend to just snap, and it'll be properly pathetic things. I find it ramps up when I'm trying to get out the door in the morning. The usual parental crap, I just get badly annoyed when the kids choose the worst moment to have a strop or kick up a stink when they can't find something.

Work contributes to it, a lot. I don't really like my current role and I might be placed in a different company but that's not certain yet, so I'm bothered that it might fall through.

This morning was the worst I've ever been and looking back, it scared me how much I lost it. I just can't marry the stress levels (relatively low, all things considered) to my disproportionate response.

I can't offer better advice than the other responses here mate so i think they have it spot on.

I know with kids as well, as much as you love them, sometimes you do get fustrated with them and not having the personal time/space that sometimes you need. I know from my own experience you can be calm and happy all you want but the minute the baby won't go to sleep despite yawning 2 hours ago and deciding to knock another drink over when your back is turned it can be stressful. Perhaps as well some of it is not in anger but stress, and fustration? If issues in work are subconciously affecting you then it does build that bit of stress up and the release as you say is in smaller stressful situations where you feel comfortable to release it as you cannot do in work.

An episode of scrubs taught me a good little technique which helps me in all honesty. If you find yourself in that situation where stress is building and you can feel anger ready to snap, then stop for a second. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in and out. Just take account in that moment of what is happening and then once you have done that, see if you can deal with it in another way. It is a small offer of help as others seem to have highlighted the issue far better than i could have, but give that a try. The main issue you mentioned isn't necesserily anger but the snapping that concerns you more (if i read it right).

As @COYB25 said part of the issue is addiction. It sounds like the same symptoms as if you were a smoker giving up or something along those lines. Instead of craving nicotine or drink you are craving that exercise. It is classic withdrawal symptoms, the felling of not being able to go out and do something you enjoy is causing a little bit of short tempering the same as going without nicotine for a length of time would do

any of that helpful mate?

 

[The Cowboy]

I can't offer better advice than the other responses here mate so i think they have it spot on.

I know with kids as well, as much as you love them, sometimes you do get fustrated with them and not having the personal time/space that sometimes you need. I know from my own experience you can be calm and happy all you want but the minute the baby won't go to sleep despite yawning 2 hours ago and deciding to knock another drink over when your back is turned it can be stressful. Perhaps as well some of it is not in anger but stress, and fustration? If issues in work are subconciously affecting you then it does build that bit of stress up and the release as you say is in smaller stressful situations where you feel comfortable to release it as you cannot do in work.

An episode of scrubs taught me a good little technique which helps me in all honesty. If you find yourself in that situation where stress is building and you can feel anger ready to snap, then stop for a second. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in and out. Just take account in that moment of what is happening and then once you have done that, see if you can deal with it in another way. It is a small offer of help as others seem to have highlighted the issue far better than i could have, but give that a try. The main issue you mentioned isn't necesserily anger but the snapping that concerns you more (if i read it right).

As @COYB25 said part of the issue is addiction. It sounds like the same symptoms as if you were a smoker giving up or something along those lines. Instead of craving nicotine or drink you are craving that exercise. It is classic withdrawal symptoms, the felling of not being able to go out and do something you enjoy is causing a little bit of short tempering the same as going without nicotine for a length of time would do

any of that helpful mate?

Very helpful (from everyone), thank you.

 

[Dom1878]

I've only just noticed this thread, so thought i'd contribute with a few of my own issues...but first off I think this thread is a fantastic idea, full of fantastic people.

After moving schools for sixth-form I suffered from Anxiety which then led to depression, which led to me skipping the bulk of 2 years for school. Nothing really helped, as it was a social problem for me - not a chemical imbalance. I'd feel awkward talking to new people - as I've been brought up as a "speak when i'm spoken too", so starting conversations didn't come natural to me. There'd be occasions when i'd sit in silence shouting at myself or pinching myself when I knew I should have spoken. The easy option was to skip school.

Fortunately, I passed my A-Levels and went to university - where it was the same issue once again - and I ended up skipping the bulk of University. It's worth while saying at this point my depression sub-sided as I had learnt to cope with it a bit more, and look at life with a different perspective, but the Anxiety was still crippling. My final year of university I had been warned several times for skipping classes due to this. Fortunately, my tutors didn't let me take the easy way out and I ended up graduating.

The more I've grown up the more confident I've became, but social anxiety is still something that I really suffer from to the day. Recently it has been a massive issue in my life as I have started a new job in the past 3 months. My previous company was fantastic, it was a small company with people who I could talk to and have banter with, with no issues. My new company is a large organisation, and whilst I'm part of a big team - my role is the first of its kind which means I'm quite excluded in that I don't have anyone to ask for help, and I'm not really part of any group. This has really triggered my anxiety as it means i'm pretty much sitting in silence all day, when people go out I feel like I have no right to join them as I've not really spoken in the past, and as per back in 6th form, i'm sitting there screaming at myself to talk but not being able to.

This all means at the end of the day i'll go home, visibly shaken - wondering why I can't just strike up conversation, angry at myself - and scared that If I don't change something I may not be able to progress career wise as I don't have those tools of conversation to initialise something. That said if someone talks to me I can talk for as long as I want.

Anxiety can be crippling for me some days, but - at the same time the days when I overcome these obstacles can be the days which are the highest.

 

[COYBL25]

I've only just noticed this thread, so thought i'd contribute with a few of my own issues...but first off I think this thread is a fantastic idea, full of fantastic people.

After moving schools for sixth-form I suffered from Anxiety which then led to depression, which led to me skipping the bulk of 2 years for school. Nothing really helped, as it was a social problem for me - not a chemical imbalance. I'd feel awkward talking to new people - as I've been brought up as a "speak when i'm spoken too", so starting conversations didn't come natural to me. There'd be occasions when i'd sit in silence shouting at myself or pinching myself when I knew I should have spoken. The easy option was to skip school.

Fortunately, I passed my A-Levels and went to university - where it was the same issue once again - and I ended up skipping the bulk of University. It's worth while saying at this point my depression sub-sided as I had learnt to cope with it a bit more, and look at life with a different perspective, but the Anxiety was still crippling. My final year of university I had been warned several times for skipping classes due to this. Fortunately, my tutors didn't let me take the easy way out and I ended up graduating.

The more I've grown up the more confident I've became, but social anxiety is still something that I really suffer from to the day. Recently it has been a massive issue in my life as I have started a new job in the past 3 months. My previous company was fantastic, it was a small company with people who I could talk to and have banter with, with no issues. My new company is a large organisation, and whilst I'm part of a big team - my role is the first of its kind which means I'm quite excluded in that I don't have anyone to ask for help, and I'm not really part of any group. This has really triggered my anxiety as it means i'm pretty much sitting in silence all day, when people go out I feel like I have no right to join them as I've not really spoken in the past, and as per back in 6th form, i'm sitting there screaming at myself to talk but not being able to.

This all means at the end of the day i'll go home, visibly shaken - wondering why I can't just strike up conversation, angry at myself - and scared that If I don't change something I may not be able to progress career wise as I don't have those tools of conversation to initialise something. That said if someone talks to me I can talk for as long as I want.

Anxiety can be crippling for me some days, but - at the same time the days when I overcome these obstacles can be the days which are the highest.

Have a look at this site mate :

Mental health.org

It's NHS run and there's a forum, similar to here, which deals with every conceivable mental health issue going.

There's a massive thread on there relating to social anxiety, such as yours. You'll get a lot of help on there and be able to talk to other suffers at a length.

You have to join, same as here, but it's a great site and a great community on there too x

 

[Dom1878]

Have a look at this site mate :

Mental health.org

It's NHS run and there's a forum, similar to here, which deals with every conceivable mental health issue going.

There's a massive thread on there relating to social anxiety, such as yours. You'll get a lot of help on there and be able to talk to other suffers at a length.

You have to join, same as here, but it's a great site and a great community on there too x

Thanks mate. Its something which I've never really attempted to get help on (the Anxiety part) as whilst it affects me daily, i'm quite confident when I'm spoken too, and no one really realises that there's an issue. I suppose its like anything, there's good and bad days.

 

[Kenshin]

Thanks mate. Its something which I've never really attempted to get help on (the Anxiety part) as whilst it affects me daily, i'm quite confident when I'm spoken too, and no one really realises that there's an issue. I suppose its like anything, there's good and bad days.

It does sound like social Anxiety yes, one that seems to have triggers rather than just being there if that makes sense? I have no personal advice other than to echo COYB25 going to the GP, there is plenty of help they can give you including CBT both self and with professionals which could do you the world of good. It sounds to be that the last thing you want to be going near is anti depressants or any medication as confidence in your own head will be the best medicine for you. It will take time but making that step to go through the correct procedures will do you the world of good, i promise.

Plus you always have here to outpour any thoughts or resting negative emotions you have anyway so use this thread as a chance to get a load off your mind so to speak whenever you feel like it is building up inside you when you feel isolated. Even if it just appears as a rant or a wall of text mate, people here will support you in how you are feeling.

To be honest part of me still suffers from social anxiety, i'm not the type of person to go talking to others and certainly in work environments i tend not to make friends as such because i don't want to feel like i am imposing myself on others in a 'be my friend' sort of way. So i can relate to you, even to a small degree.

 

[stanleypark]

Yep, a lot of that rings true. Makes me feel worse now as I definitely am taking it out on them and they deserve better than that.

And to make matters worse, the 8yo just vents her anger on the 6yo. My fear is that it's irreversible now, and we're gonna end up hating each other.

Talk to them, and talk explain why you do it. Children can be very wise and it helps them to talk about their feelings too.

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks mate. Its something which I've never really attempted to get help on (the Anxiety part) as whilst it affects me daily, i'm quite confident when I'm spoken too, and no one really realises that there's an issue. I suppose its like anything, there's good and bad days.

People who suffer from anxiety and depression become very good at acting mate, which in the long run just makes it worse, as you're bottling it all up and it all gets too much eventually.

I remember going to a massive wedding years ago, at a beautiful hotel overlooking Lake Windermere and spending virtually the whole wedding sat outside over looking the lake, as I due to my anxiety problems, I couldn't face being with that many people and having to make small talk. I just made sure that every time I went for a drink people saw me and would think I was around and mingling.

Its difficult to treat and as @Kenshin says CBT can be very helpful, as can excercise.

* although I've never had it myself, I've heard good things about acupuncture too. So that may be an option ?

 

[Sunderland afc]

I left work on 17th Feb after 28 years
I put my new business idea out to schools on 24th Feb.

I've found it really hard during these last few weeks and it's been a real struggle to get my head around the fact i didn't have income coming in. Sure the redundancy would see me okay but still that wouldn't last forever.

Some days were so hard to even get out bed and i thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life when the schools I'd worked with for 28 years didn't get back in touch.

But, as they say 'build it and they will come.' Schools slowly got in touch and as if yesterday I reached my target that I need each month to feed the kids etc and that was all I was really bothered about.

Guess not bad after just over five weeks. Onwards and upwards.

Funny how the mind works as everyone told me it would be fine but i didn't believe it. Even when my business manager said I had the clearest and the best proposal she'd ever seen, i still doubted myself.

So my point is listen to other people and even on dark days stay positive. Done side however is i can now get a season ticket next season