Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[RyanGordon]

I feel like I’m going through the motions of life but not actually living. It’s as if I have one foot in this world and the other foot in another. To describe it as dreamlike would be going too far I think, I still have full control over all of my actions but sometimes I do have to question if I have actually done things or if I’m just imagining it. Memories from the past can seem distorted and unreal - when I look at photos of past times I sometimes have to really think hard in order to remember them clearly. My attention span is terrible, even in topics I find interesting I struggle to apply myself to. It’s always there; it’s as if I’ve become numb to everything. Days pass and I struggle to even recall the events that happened. It sounds stupid but it’s really hard to put in words.

The only things that seems to help is playing football and going to the gym, even then it takes a huge amount of effort to focus and actually zone out and forget about the state I am in. I am at work the now, and as has been the case for weeks, am on complete autopilot. I REALLY struggle to get out of bed as I feel like there’s this pressure preventing me from lifting my head. Awful, absolutely awful. In a rut.

 

[Bungle]

Thank you all so much for your help and advice...it means a lot.

The relationship has now ended.

Now it's all about picking myself back up, I guess

Best of luck mate

 

[COYBL25]

I feel like I’m going through the motions of life but not actually living. It’s as if I have one foot in this world and the other foot in another. To describe it as dreamlike would be going too far I think, I still have full control over all of my actions but sometimes I do have to question if I have actually done things or if I’m just imagining it. Memories from the past can seem distorted and unreal - when I look at photos of past times I sometimes have to really think hard in order to remember them clearly. My attention span is terrible, even in topics I find interesting I struggle to apply myself to. It’s always there; it’s as if I’ve become numb to everything. Days pass and I struggle to even recall the events that happened. It sounds stupid but it’s really hard to put in words.

The only things that seems to help is playing football and going to the gym, even then it takes a huge amount of effort to focus and actually zone out and forget about the state I am in. I am at work the now, and as has been the case for weeks, am on complete autopilot. I REALLY struggle to get out of bed as I feel like there’s this pressure preventing me from lifting my head. Awful, absolutely awful. In a rut.

Have you been to see anyone mate - GP etc ?

It sounds like your describing depression to me.

There is a form of trance like dissassoctation that can come with depression. I can't remember the medical term for it, but you almost feel like you're having an out of body experience and lose track of time too.

I bet that you feel much better after playing footy / going the gym - endorphins.

I'd get the ball rolling and go to your GP mate.

Be as honest as you have on here, as the more info they have, the more they can help you.

Ps - do you have anyone close, that you can talk to about this, as I'm sure those nearest to you would want to support you / help you ?.

Keep posting mate, load on here will help in anyway they can x

 

[mkrudden]

I feel like I’m going through the motions of life but not actually living. It’s as if I have one foot in this world and the other foot in another. To describe it as dreamlike would be going too far I think, I still have full control over all of my actions but sometimes I do have to question if I have actually done things or if I’m just imagining it. Memories from the past can seem distorted and unreal - when I look at photos of past times I sometimes have to really think hard in order to remember them clearly. My attention span is terrible, even in topics I find interesting I struggle to apply myself to. It’s always there; it’s as if I’ve become numb to everything. Days pass and I struggle to even recall the events that happened. It sounds stupid but it’s really hard to put in words.

The only things that seems to help is playing football and going to the gym, even then it takes a huge amount of effort to focus and actually zone out and forget about the state I am in. I am at work the now, and as has been the case for weeks, am on complete autopilot. I REALLY struggle to get out of bed as I feel like there’s this pressure preventing me from lifting my head. Awful, absolutely awful. In a rut.

Hi mate

Firstly - good on you for committing this stuff to paper. I hope you feel the benefit for doing so, it's fantastic and extremely brave.

In times where you lose focus on the task 'at hand', what do you revert to thinking about? Is there any sort of default?

 

[EFCPaul]

Anyone care to give me some advice in DMs? I'd really a like a lady's opinion to be honest on my latest relationship saga, would rather just not post about it in the forum.

Cheers.

 

[EFCPaul]

I feel like I’m going through the motions of life but not actually living. It’s as if I have one foot in this world and the other foot in another. To describe it as dreamlike would be going too far I think, I still have full control over all of my actions but sometimes I do have to question if I have actually done things or if I’m just imagining it. Memories from the past can seem distorted and unreal - when I look at photos of past times I sometimes have to really think hard in order to remember them clearly. My attention span is terrible, even in topics I find interesting I struggle to apply myself to. It’s always there; it’s as if I’ve become numb to everything. Days pass and I struggle to even recall the events that happened. It sounds stupid but it’s really hard to put in words.

The only things that seems to help is playing football and going to the gym, even then it takes a huge amount of effort to focus and actually zone out and forget about the state I am in. I am at work the now, and as has been the case for weeks, am on complete autopilot. I REALLY struggle to get out of bed as I feel like there’s this pressure preventing me from lifting my head. Awful, absolutely awful. In a rut.

Chin up mate, it WILL get better. You're doing remarkably well to hold it together as well you're doing, still going to work and finding the energy to go the gym.

Try to do as many leisurely activities as you can, it really helps your brain doing non-boring things. Maybe go for walks and throw your headphones in? That helps me a lot when I'm trapped in my own world of misery, the fresh air does me a world of good. The absolute worst thing you can do is to just hide away in your home and stew. We retreat because it's at home where we feel most comfortable and safe but unfortunately your troubles will come in the front door with you and give you nowhere to escape too.

DM if you want to talk privately, believe me only a few months ago I was somewhere similar to where you feel are now. I'd love to help you or anyone else if I can.

 

[larrygobfiend]

So we're at the weird purgatory stage now, I guess. We have a beautiful house we both worked so hard to get and it's become a massive elephant in the room... I don't think either of us has the courage to even suggest a plan of action with it. We've tried sleeping in separate rooms, but she can't handle how "sad and awkward" it has become, so naturally, me being a soft arse slept at my Mum's last night and let her have her "space".

I did manage to get her to tell me she kissed some guy when she was away with work and on the lash... in my head, I'm not convinced it wasn't more... maybe I'm not getting the full story because she doesn't want to inflict any more damage. I'll probably never really know. She does drink a hell of a lot when she's out.

On the plus side, my friends and family have all been really good. They've all reassured me that I'm a good person and don't deserve what's happened. They've also told me I'm the one person who did the most with his partner out of all of them and couldn't of done more if I tried.... that's what they see, I definitely could've done more this year.

Anyway, I'm remaining positive and I've even started joking about my situation with my mates in work, plus I can now eat!! I've been wasting away and look a right mess... I'm surprised people haven't started tossing 20ps at me in the street.

 

[The binman chronicles]

So we're at the weird purgatory stage now, I guess. We have a beautiful house we both worked so hard to get and it's become a massive elephant in the room... I don't think either of us has the courage to even suggest a plan of action with it. We've tried sleeping in separate rooms, but she can't handle how "sad and awkward" it has become, so naturally, me being a soft arse slept at my Mum's last night and let her have her "space".

I did manage to get her to tell me she kissed some guy when she was away with work and on the lash... in my head, I'm not convinced it wasn't more... maybe I'm not getting the full story because she doesn't want to inflict any more damage. I'll probably never really know. She does drink a hell of a lot when she's out.

On the plus side, my friends and family have all been really good. They've all reassured me that I'm a good person and don't deserve what's happened. They've also told me I'm the one person who did the most with his partner out of all of them and couldn't of done more if I tried.... that's what they see, I definitely could've done more this year.

Anyway, I'm remaining positive and I've even started joking about my situation with my mates in work, plus I can now eat!! I've been wasting away and look a right mess... I'm surprised people haven't started tossing 20ps at me in the street.

Well done mate, good to hear you are sorting yourself out. Although you are still stuck, in a way least you've had some movement in finding out more.

Do you own the house together or are you renting?

 

[larrygobfiend]

Well done mate, good to hear you are sorting yourself out. Although you are still stuck, in a way least you've had some movement in finding out more.

Do you own the house together or are you renting?

We took out a mortgage 2 years ago... It makes things pretty complicated. I think we're still at the stage where we're letting it all sink in.

 

[The binman chronicles]

We took out a mortgage 2 years ago... It makes things pretty complicated. I think we're still at the stage where we're letting it all sink in.

Too right, it's not something you want to attack straight away. I went through a similar thing in 2009. I'm sure you aware of the options but if (when you are ready) you want to talk it through feel free to DM me.

 

[larrygobfiend]

Too right, it's not something you want to attack straight away. I went through a similar thing in 2009. I'm sure you aware of the options but if (when you are ready) you want to talk it through feel free to DM me.

Thanks mate.

 

[mkrudden]

Thanks mate.

Great stuff mate.
Still tough i'm sure, and of course expect ups and downs, but sounds like the prep time you put in before you spoke to her about the situation has paid dividends.
Keep posting if you ever need to.

 

[big bobs beard]

So we're at the weird purgatory stage now, I guess. We have a beautiful house we both worked so hard to get and it's become a massive elephant in the room... I don't think either of us has the courage to even suggest a plan of action with it. We've tried sleeping in separate rooms, but she can't handle how "sad and awkward" it has become, so naturally, me being a soft arse slept at my Mum's last night and let her have her "space".

I did manage to get her to tell me she kissed some guy when she was away with work and on the lash... in my head, I'm not convinced it wasn't more... maybe I'm not getting the full story because she doesn't want to inflict any more damage. I'll probably never really know. She does drink a hell of a lot when she's out.

On the plus side, my friends and family have all been really good. They've all reassured me that I'm a good person and don't deserve what's happened. They've also told me I'm the one person who did the most with his partner out of all of them and couldn't of done more if I tried.... that's what they see, I definitely could've done more this year.

Anyway, I'm remaining positive and I've even started joking about my situation with my mates in work, plus I can now eat!! I've been wasting away and look a right mess... I'm surprised people haven't started tossing 20ps at me in the street.

Gutted for you. For her to throw away an 8 year relationship, house etc I bet it is a whole lot more than a drunken kiss whilst away with work, she will be planning a future elsewhere for her to be so cold and hard hearted, harsh sounding I know but @durham toffeee and @ the binman chronicles will know this feelng too. She will be trying to spare your feelings but it's like ripping a plaster off or hair by hair, either way it's painful for you and you are left wondering. Don't give up on your house like I did, if she wants to walk away it's her decision make her go, it might even make her realise the enormity of what she is doing, but tbh I reckon she has plans afoot already. Stay in the house mate, don't make it easy for her.

 

[larrygobfiend]

Gutted for you. For her to throw away an 8 year relationship, house etc I bet it is a whole lot more than a drunken kiss whilst away with work, she will be planning a future elsewhere for her to be so cold and hard hearted, harsh sounding I know but @durham toffeee and @ the binman chronicles will know this feelng too. She will be trying to spare your feelings but it's like ripping a plaster off or hair by hair, either way it's painful for you and you are left wondering. Don't give up on your house like I did, if she wants to walk away it's her decision make her go, it might even make her realise the enormity of what she is doing, but tbh I reckon she has plans afoot already. Stay in the house mate, don't make it easy for her.

I just can't shake off that feeling that there's more to it.... It's all so extreme and unexpected. She seems genuine and sincere and has done throughout our relationship, but I just don't know anymore. I really thought we were happy.

Either way, I just have to get over it, even though it's really hard for me.

The truth has a way of coming out in the end.

 

[big bobs beard]

I just can't shake off that feeling that there's more to it.... It's all so extreme and unexpected. She seems genuine and sincere and has done throughout our relationship, but I just don't know anymore. I really thought we were happy.

Either way, I just have to get over it, even though it's really hard for me.

The truth has a way of coming out in the end.

It has and it will. Just protect yourself from now on mate- and tell her that you know there is more to it, the nicer you are about it the more self doubts you will have and blame yourself - exactly what she wants because she won't want to be the bad guy to frriends and family and will start accusing you of neglecting her, which as you said above your friends disgree with. This is sneaky but log on to her phone records, every call and text will be listed and you will soon see if a drunken kiss or prolonged texting/ calling and whatever else relationship has been going on which has given her the confidence/ position to walk away. Will set your mind at rest either way.