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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

larrygobfiend said:
That's the thing, I do like going out with her and her/our mates, but the past few months I've not really stepped up to the plate.

A good example is she's going to Glastonbury, but I jibbed it because the thought of 5 days of hanging out of my arse again really didn't appeal to me. Maybe that is an age thing. I'm 34 and she's 28.

The problem now is she just doesn't seem want to give us a chance even though this is our first proper big issue in 8 years
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I know this may sound strange but if you love her and see no future together then let her go...on your terms. Trust me if you make the decision - and l know this may seem a strange hard thing to do - but you will ultimately have inner peace because it is you who is in control of the situation. You WILL NOT be a 'victim' of someone else's emotions. Onwards and upwards.
 
larrygobfiend said:
That's the thing, I do like going out with her and her/our mates, but the past few months I've not really stepped up to the plate.

A good example is she's going to Glastonbury, but I jibbed it because the thought of 5 days of hanging out of my arse again really didn't appeal to me. Maybe that is an age thing. I'm 34 and she's 28.

The problem now is she just doesn't seem want to give us a chance even though this is our first proper big issue in 8 years
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Don't want to be negative mate but from what you have posted and my experience there are classic signs here.

Going the gym, working away, 'feeling bored' doesn't want to give you a chance etc
I reckon she has had her head turned by someone else. Don't ever fool yourself with she isn't the type, people can be very devious. She is probably wanting to end it without blame, under the we have drifted apart banner, can't help the way I feel etc. Few months time she could well be with someone else. Think carefully, is there anything suspicious, use of phone, the working away etc? If you have access to her phone account check texts to an unknown number if it is the case there will be loads. I really hope I'm wrong but as I said my life was blown apart in a vey similar run up to it. She had already made her mind up and no discussion would bring her back. Relieved now like 9 years on but was devastated at the time at losing my home etc.
Also she was 20 when you met? she may have the feeling she is'missing out' especially if she has single mates.
 

big bobs beard said:
Don't want to be negative mate but from what you have posted and my experience there are classic signs here.

Going the gym, working away, 'feeling bored' doesn't want to give you a chance etc
I reckon she has had her head turned by someone else. Don't ever fool yourself with she isn't the type, people can be very devious. She is probably wanting to end it without blame, under the we have drifted apart banner, can't help the way I feel etc. Few months time she could well be with someone else. Think carefully, is there anything suspicious, use of phone, the working away etc? If you have access to her phone account check texts to an unknown number if it is the case there will be loads. I really hope I'm wrong but as I said my life was blown apart in a vey similar run up to it. She had already made her mind up and no discussion would bring her back. Relieved now like 9 years on but was devastated at the time at losing my home etc.
Also she was 20 when you met? she may have the feeling she is'missing out' especially if she has single mates.
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It's my story.

Almost to the word.
 
Durham Toffee said:
It's my story.

Almost to the word.
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I remember it well. Glad you have come through it mate I really am. It just all sounds so familiar, especially the blame game it helps her to justify to herself what she is upto in her own mind. They are never' bored' until there is attention from someone else.
Again hope I'm wrong, but pretty sure I gave you some very similar advice.
 
larrygobfiend said:
Thanks mate. I really appreciate it. I'm a bit of an attention seeking tit on GOT, but in real life I believe I'm a decent person. I read this thread quite often and I've always thought how easy it is for people's lives to be turned upside down in an instant. I guess it's my turn.

I appreciate that a lot of people have been through a hell of a lot worse.

I've tried fighting, I've tried all the old clichéd things like flowers, suggesting going away together etc , but she's just not having it at the moment.

We've been taking it in turns to stay away from the house because she says she needs space cos her head's wrecked. It's hurting like hell.

It's like I just can't get through to her.
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Jeez that rings bells. Sorry you have to go through that.

As others have said sometimes best let them go if they are unhappy and there is nothing you can do. If you are a kind and patient man and love her a lot, you may find after a few months she may want to come back after finding the grass isn't always greener.

Best of luck, it sounds like waffle but no matter what happens time does eventually heal the wounds.
 

larrygobfiend said:
Thank you all so much for your help and advice...it means a lot.

The relationship has now ended.

Now it's all about picking myself back up, I guess
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Mate, can't say sorry enough.

You'll pick yourself up.

Feel free to PM me anytime.

And I mean it. ANYTIME.

I've been there. I've worn the t-shirt and I've been to some dark places wearing it...

I'll be here when you need me.
 

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