An anxiety disorder is an illness the same as any other illness mate, so you don't need to feel guilty about anything at all.
I won't bore you with my anxiety problems, but mine came about due to an horrendous and prolonged situation in work over a decade ago. I still have them , but to an extent I've learnt to manage my situation.
My advice to you is that it won't go away until you accept it, once you do this you can start to try to do something about it.
If you try to fight it or bottle it up, it'll come roaring back at some point, normally in an unexpected situation.
From what I've read, the brain produces a chemical ( steroid ) called CORTISOL along with Adrenaline when placed under stressful situations - part of the fight or flight process, to give you that turbo boost to leg it or stay and fight. It's also produced as part of the waking process too, to gradually wake you up - I wager you're a bad sleeper too ?.
However if your placed in stressful situations for a long time ( this includes things like worrying about money, children, anything at all ) you're brain produces too much and for too long - like a tap being turned on that shouldn't be.
Your brain almost becomes locked in a loop of anxiety and you become worried about being worried - like you are.
It's horrendous and debilitating, as you're constantly on edge, can fly off the handle for no reason, tired all the time from it.
You suffer and everyone around you suffers.
I'd recommend going onto this NHS run forum mate :
mental health.org
It's an online community of sufferers with every type of mental ilness you can think of and there's a massive thead on there of posters with anxiety problems, just like you, who will support and give you brilliant advice about how to help yourself.
The way I manage mine mate, is through excercise ( aerobic excercise produces endorphins which make you feel good ) herbal stuff which helps me sleep and also by drinking in moderation - hangovers affect the balance of chemicals in your brain and make you feel horrendously low and anxious the following day.
@chicoazul also has a lot of very good advice that he'll help you with - simple mediation / retraining your brain.
Don't ever feel stupid mate, there's thousands of people across the globe that suffer the same as you and me. Most of us will never know about them, as you say, people become very good at hiding it.
Please keep posting, you really are amongst friends here x
