Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Blue Cheese]

My therapist wants me to praise myself 3 times a day and write it down, I haven't managed it once yet, not as easy as it seems when you are a negative person.

 

[Billy Dean]

My therapist wants me to praise myself 3 times a day and write it down, I haven't managed it once yet, not as easy as it seems when you are a negative person.

Start small and build up slowly mate. How about praising yourself for sharing in this thread?

 

[Blue Cheese]

Start small and build up slowly mate. How about praising yourself for sharing in this thread?

Yeah, I could do, it's something I do to help myself, thanks.

 

[Sy-]

Had a very interesting conversation with my therapist yesterday about the relationship between (literally) a healthy gut, anxiety and depression. Got me researching today, and have read quite a few good articles like this: http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/link-between-depression-anxiety-and-gut-health/ . I thought it was interesting, as it's not something that's really mentioned, so just thought it might help some on here.

Agree mate, obviously there's no silver bullet, but I feel like what people put in their mouths does need a lot more reverence when analyzing this kind of topic.

Sugar particularly, and then caffeine have all the wrong stuff to promote anxiety, over-thinking and the like. The further knock-on of these is quality of sleep which IMO is essential.

I'd put these ahead of exercise, but too long without purposeful activity also starts to cause psychological dips outside of the obvious primary physical benefits.

 

[EFCPaul]

It's about small steps. The fact that you have a more positive thought process is a good thing.

You planning on doing much this weekend?

At least we've got Everton tomorrow to cheer us up.

Out with some mates to watch Klitschko vs Joshua tonight mate, always good to be around friends who make you laugh during low periods.

You feeling okay at the moment or is there things on your mind?

 

[efcforever]

Out with some mates to watch Klitschko vs Joshua tonight mate, always good to be around friends who make you laugh during low periods.

You feeling okay at the moment or is there things on your mind?

Just going through a period of high anxiety. Been trying to ignore it for a while so I think its bubbled up a bit. Just trying to take things one day at a time for now.

 

[EFCPaul]

Just going through a period of high anxiety. Been trying to ignore it for a while so I think its bubbled up a bit. Just trying to take things one day at a time for now.

Me too mate, still viewing things in the wrong way I think but can't help it. Over-complicating things destroys your mindset.

 

[COYBL25]

Agree mate, obviously there's no silver bullet, but I feel like what people put in their mouths does need a lot more reverence when analyzing this kind of topic.

Sugar particularly, and then caffeine have all the wrong stuff to promote anxiety, over-thinking and the like. The further knock-on of these is quality of sleep which IMO is essential.

I'd put these ahead of exercise, but too long without purposeful activity also starts to cause psychological dips outside of the obvious primary physical benefits.

Spot on - sugar and in particular caffeine are real kickers.


You don't realise how hard it is to eliminate them from your diet, until you actually try to avoid them. Sugar in particular seems to be in virtually everything we eat and drink ( bar milk and water ).

 

[barmcake]

Hi,

I can't believe it was the 15th of Feb when I last posted about the situation with my son. Six weeks on and this nightmare is still no closer to being resolved.......in fact I can't see an end to it. The last time I posted we'd just come out of hospital after he physically attacked us and threatened to kill himself. I could spend all night writing about what's been going on since. Help is beginning to mobilise..........school have been fantastic, we now have a child advocate on board, we've been referred to tier three of CAMHS and we have an 'early help' meeting on the first day back at school after Easter. Friends and family have equally been very supportive. However, whilst I tell myself that help is coming and this will get better it's simply not. Every day is a struggle. My wife is off sick again with stress/depression as a result of this so I've got two people to support.

I've always been a very positive person, never experienced any depression in any way. Right now though I'm really struggling. It's not depression and I can't compare it to the struggles people genuinely have (including my own son and wife) as I know if all this wasn't happening I would be fine but I just feel like I can't take it anymore. Each morning I'm anxious about getting a call at work as he's refusing to go to school, each afternoon its how is he after school and then the evenings who knows what will happen. I've got no choice but to soldier on though and be the strong one because I've got a wife and son with their own real issues and another child to look after. I'm really frustrated as my wife has very different ways of managing all this and it's just making it worse. I fear for our own relationship. We've been together since the age of 16 (22 years) and I would never want to leave but I just don't know how this will end.

I don't really know what I'm feeling to be honest. Just lost I guess. We've had some issues this evening so I've taken myself out of the way and to this thread for a catch up......hence the update.

Another month on and another setback. I thought we were making real progress this week with two very positive meetings with school. One of the outcomes this week was a contract on behaviour and actions for both him and us. Last night was day one of this and one agreement was having to hand over his phone at an evening time at a specific time. Last night he refused so we took it off him. This resulted in a meltdown and I genuinely thought we'd be off to hospital again. He's kicked a whole in his wall, threatened suicide, said he hopes we both die. He eventually gave up and fell asleep. Thus morning he's come in with the same attitude and showing no remorse. I wanted to keep the phone until he both apologised and changed his attitude. The wife gave it him back and told him we'll discuss it later. I feel we've nowhere to go with this now. He's not agreed to the new contract and he's not been punished now.

This whole saga with my son is a nightmare but I feel like I'm fighting this with my hands tied due to my wife also not sticking to the new contract and just giving in all the time. He knows he just needs to kick off and most of the time he'll get his own way. I've just found myself packing my work laptop and security pass as I'm going the match today and I genuinely feel like not coming home. I'm sat here thinking I can book a hotel, buy some clothes etc, just need to take my work stuff. It's a slippery slope though as if I go, how do I come back. Plus I have my youngest son who's done nothing wrong.

I have private medical care through work and they have a 24 hour counselling phone line. I'm thinking of giving it a call later but then I've been thinking that for the last two weeks. I'm not sure if it's worth it given my situation is caused by an external influence rather than my own issues. I don't know, I'm out of ideas on how to handle all this now.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Another month on and another setback. I thought we were making real progress this week with two very positive meetings with school. One of the outcomes this week was a contract on behaviour and actions for both him and us. Last night was day one of this and one agreement was having to hand over his phone at an evening time at a specific time. Last night he refused so we took it off him. This resulted in a meltdown and I genuinely thought we'd be off to hospital again. He's kicked a whole in his wall, threatened suicide, said he hopes we both die. He eventually gave up and fell asleep. Thus morning he's come in with the same attitude and showing no remorse. I wanted to keep the phone until he both apologised and changed his attitude. The wife gave it him back and told him we'll discuss it later. I feel we've nowhere to go with this now. He's not agreed to the new contract and he's not been punished now.

This whole saga with my son is a nightmare but I feel like I'm fighting this with my hands tied due to my wife also not sticking to the new contract and just giving in all the time. He knows he just needs to kick off and most of the time he'll get his own way. I've just found myself packing my work laptop and security pass as I'm going the match today and I genuinely feel like not coming home. I'm sat here thinking I can book a hotel, buy some clothes etc, just need to take my work stuff. It's a slippery slope though as if I go, how do I come back. Plus I have my youngest son who's done nothing wrong.

I have private medical care through work and they have a 24 hour counselling phone line. I'm thinking of giving it a call later but then I've been thinking that for the last two weeks. I'm not sure if it's worth it given my situation is caused by an external influence rather than my own issues. I don't know, I'm out of ideas on how to handle all this now.

I'm so sorry for your situation. It must be so difficult for you. Have a look at Carers.uk website, they have a page on caring for the carer https://carers.org/article/taking-care-yourself and phone the counselling helpline too. I completely understand that your situation is caused by your son and not you but the strain on you must be enormous and be taking it's toll.

 

[efcforever]

Another month on and another setback. I thought we were making real progress this week with two very positive meetings with school. One of the outcomes this week was a contract on behaviour and actions for both him and us. Last night was day one of this and one agreement was having to hand over his phone at an evening time at a specific time. Last night he refused so we took it off him. This resulted in a meltdown and I genuinely thought we'd be off to hospital again. He's kicked a whole in his wall, threatened suicide, said he hopes we both die. He eventually gave up and fell asleep. Thus morning he's come in with the same attitude and showing no remorse. I wanted to keep the phone until he both apologised and changed his attitude. The wife gave it him back and told him we'll discuss it later. I feel we've nowhere to go with this now. He's not agreed to the new contract and he's not been punished now.

This whole saga with my son is a nightmare but I feel like I'm fighting this with my hands tied due to my wife also not sticking to the new contract and just giving in all the time. He knows he just needs to kick off and most of the time he'll get his own way. I've just found myself packing my work laptop and security pass as I'm going the match today and I genuinely feel like not coming home. I'm sat here thinking I can book a hotel, buy some clothes etc, just need to take my work stuff. It's a slippery slope though as if I go, how do I come back. Plus I have my youngest son who's done nothing wrong.

I have private medical care through work and they have a 24 hour counselling phone line. I'm thinking of giving it a call later but then I've been thinking that for the last two weeks. I'm not sure if it's worth it given my situation is caused by an external influence rather than my own issues. I don't know, I'm out of ideas on how to handle all this now.

I'm sorry to hear about the problem with your son. You must be incredibly strong but you still need all the help you can get. I really think you should ring the counselling phone line today. Obviously you have this thread as an outlet but talking to a professional will help as well.

 

[Billy Dean]

Another month on and another setback. I thought we were making real progress this week with two very positive meetings with school. One of the outcomes this week was a contract on behaviour and actions for both him and us. Last night was day one of this and one agreement was having to hand over his phone at an evening time at a specific time. Last night he refused so we took it off him. This resulted in a meltdown and I genuinely thought we'd be off to hospital again. He's kicked a whole in his wall, threatened suicide, said he hopes we both die. He eventually gave up and fell asleep. Thus morning he's come in with the same attitude and showing no remorse. I wanted to keep the phone until he both apologised and changed his attitude. The wife gave it him back and told him we'll discuss it later. I feel we've nowhere to go with this now. He's not agreed to the new contract and he's not been punished now.

This whole saga with my son is a nightmare but I feel like I'm fighting this with my hands tied due to my wife also not sticking to the new contract and just giving in all the time. He knows he just needs to kick off and most of the time he'll get his own way. I've just found myself packing my work laptop and security pass as I'm going the match today and I genuinely feel like not coming home. I'm sat here thinking I can book a hotel, buy some clothes etc, just need to take my work stuff. It's a slippery slope though as if I go, how do I come back. Plus I have my youngest son who's done nothing wrong.

I have private medical care through work and they have a 24 hour counselling phone line. I'm thinking of giving it a call later but then I've been thinking that for the last two weeks. I'm not sure if it's worth it given my situation is caused by an external influence rather than my own issues. I don't know, I'm out of ideas on how to handle all this now.

Call the number mate. The situation is caused by external issues but stress is stress however it's caused. Talking to a professional might ease your load so to speak and help you deal with it all.

 

[Jokerdan]

Another month on and another setback. I thought we were making real progress this week with two very positive meetings with school. One of the outcomes this week was a contract on behaviour and actions for both him and us. Last night was day one of this and one agreement was having to hand over his phone at an evening time at a specific time. Last night he refused so we took it off him. This resulted in a meltdown and I genuinely thought we'd be off to hospital again. He's kicked a whole in his wall, threatened suicide, said he hopes we both die. He eventually gave up and fell asleep. Thus morning he's come in with the same attitude and showing no remorse. I wanted to keep the phone until he both apologised and changed his attitude. The wife gave it him back and told him we'll discuss it later. I feel we've nowhere to go with this now. He's not agreed to the new contract and he's not been punished now.

This whole saga with my son is a nightmare but I feel like I'm fighting this with my hands tied due to my wife also not sticking to the new contract and just giving in all the time. He knows he just needs to kick off and most of the time he'll get his own way. I've just found myself packing my work laptop and security pass as I'm going the match today and I genuinely feel like not coming home. I'm sat here thinking I can book a hotel, buy some clothes etc, just need to take my work stuff. It's a slippery slope though as if I go, how do I come back. Plus I have my youngest son who's done nothing wrong.

I have private medical care through work and they have a 24 hour counselling phone line. I'm thinking of giving it a call later but then I've been thinking that for the last two weeks. I'm not sure if it's worth it given my situation is caused by an external influence rather than my own issues. I don't know, I'm out of ideas on how to handle all this now.

Not read all your posts about your situation but has your lad been diagnosed eg. Bipolar? Not here to give any advice as have not personally been in your situation but - and not wishing to state the bleeding obvious - until a name can be attached to his behaviour the reparation won't start. The kid himself is not bad but whatever it is that's causing this conflict within him is clearly pulling the family apart when both you and your wife somehow need to stick together. Your missus shouldn't be blamed for her actions because l imagine she is only trying to avoid the cycle of conflict when she sees how it is affecting you and the younger sibling.

It's not an enviable position to be in and l can only wish you all the best. This is the forum to vent your spleen but ultimately professional help is the only way forward. Best wishes...and stay strong.

 

[Blue Cheese]

Another month on and another setback. I thought we were making real progress this week with two very positive meetings with school. One of the outcomes this week was a contract on behaviour and actions for both him and us. Last night was day one of this and one agreement was having to hand over his phone at an evening time at a specific time. Last night he refused so we took it off him. This resulted in a meltdown and I genuinely thought we'd be off to hospital again. He's kicked a whole in his wall, threatened suicide, said he hopes we both die. He eventually gave up and fell asleep. Thus morning he's come in with the same attitude and showing no remorse. I wanted to keep the phone until he both apologised and changed his attitude. The wife gave it him back and told him we'll discuss it later. I feel we've nowhere to go with this now. He's not agreed to the new contract and he's not been punished now.

This whole saga with my son is a nightmare but I feel like I'm fighting this with my hands tied due to my wife also not sticking to the new contract and just giving in all the time. He knows he just needs to kick off and most of the time he'll get his own way. I've just found myself packing my work laptop and security pass as I'm going the match today and I genuinely feel like not coming home. I'm sat here thinking I can book a hotel, buy some clothes etc, just need to take my work stuff. It's a slippery slope though as if I go, how do I come back. Plus I have my youngest son who's done nothing wrong.

I have private medical care through work and they have a 24 hour counselling phone line. I'm thinking of giving it a call later but then I've been thinking that for the last two weeks. I'm not sure if it's worth it given my situation is caused by an external influence rather than my own issues. I don't know, I'm out of ideas on how to handle all this now.

Make the call mate, they can help you as well, I'm sure. As someone who made the call to my own works service, I got a counsellor within 48hrs, compare that with 4 months NHS. It won't hurt just to see whats available.

 

[barmcake]

Not read all your posts about your situation but has your lad been diagnosed eg. Bipolar? Not here to give any advice as have not personally been in your situation but - and not wishing to state the bleeding obvious - until a name can be attached to his behaviour the reparation won't start. The kid himself is not bad but whatever it is that's causing this conflict within him is clearly pulling the family apart when both you and your wife somehow need to stick together. Your missus shouldn't be blamed for her actions because l imagine she is only trying to avoid the cycle of conflict when she sees how it is affecting you and the younger sibling.

It's not an enviable position to be in and l can only wish you all the best. This is the forum to vent your spleen but ultimately professional help is the only way forward. Best wishes...and stay strong.

He's been seeing CAMHS since before Xmas. Until a month ago he was tier 2 and was supposed to be having CBT sessions however he refused to attend/speak to CAMHS. He doesn't like CAMHS at all, partly because he doesn't want to talk and partly because he's seen six different people and so far they've not been very helpful. After the last visit they referred him to tier 3 and as yet we are waiting for that to happen. He hasn't been diagnosed as such other than he has depression and PTSD from earlier School bullying. We had an 'early help' meeting last Monday at the school. School had three people there and a child advocate who represents him but CAMHS didn't attend when they had agreed to.

I think my frustration with the wife is down to us all agreeing to this contract on Friday and she basically gave in at the first sign of conflict. I know why she's doing it but it's a very short term play and is making it even more difficult to manage in the long term.

I honestly don't recognise my son anymore. It's like we have an imposter and whilst I know he's ultimately the victim in all this, the way he's taking it out on those closest to him is heartbreaking.

Thanks to everyone's replies. I think I will give them a ring.