D
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I've been following this recently, a campaign by a few local lads.
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BiggyRat
Player Valuation: £35m
Whilst not wishing to diminish the need for depression support for Women, I find it encouraging that not only are there a whole host of support groups popping up online for Male depression issues, but that it is becoming socially acceptable to openly discuss them...(take this thread for example). Bryan's examples above, Mantherapy.com.au down here...that first, daunting, step to get help is getting easier by the minute! 
You'd be hard pressed to find people that are willing to denigrate a person suffering depression, and those that still do are becoming social pariah's! Which is a positive thing.
You'd be hard pressed to find people that are willing to denigrate a person suffering depression, and those that still do are becoming social pariah's! Which is a positive thing.
It is. Right now - by losing all hope and continuing to do that.
I just can't anything right now.
Well, the one person I've felt the best with and who I love with all my heart kind of pretends I don't exist now because it's probably more convenient, plus she's not really interested in me anyway as of late, though the happiest I've been in recent years was when I arrived and she waited at the airport with one of my best mates. I didn't even expect that much this time around, and I still got very, very disappointed. My only wish was to somehow end up being in a situation where I'm happy... She's probably moving on while she told me she doesn't want to earlier last month, which also rankled a bit.
Trying to go out a bit more but not everyone is available and now I feel like I'm annoying pretty much everyone so I've stopped asking and yeah.
The thing I've been doing most lately is playing Smite (or just computer games) all day and sitting in the dark, occasionally talking on skype with the people I play with (which is a sort of interaction?) and drinking beer.
I know all of this probably sounds stupid, but I just feel like more of a wreck than in recent times. Even when I'm distracted/doing things something would remind me of her and I'd just slip back into feeling crap, and I find it harder and harder to push myself out of this.
Sharing here defo helps a bit, but I've lost all hope for everything right now. And shoot with the direct opinion, here or by pm, don't mind really...
Thanks x
mrs the esk
Player Valuation: £5m
Does she know how you feel about her? About how much you value her? Maybe asking her for a little time for you to talk about how you feel about her is a good idea? Might also be a good idea to take her somewhere and treat her? Then she's getting something and you are doing something positive rather than playing computer games?
Is there anywhere new you can go to? to meet new people?
Doesn't sound stupid at all, life can be tough especially when relationships are concerned. I'd suggest you give it one more try. If it doesn't work then at least you know and you will have to move on. There's always someone else, and perhaps that person is more deserving of you than the girl you currently want?
The fact you are writing on here is good, that's a real positive as it shows you want to move forward, even if you don't recognise that at the moment.
Keep trying and never lose hope completely, you never know what's round the corner, go on give her a call!
x
BiggyRat
Player Valuation: £35m
Agree with the above. The last thing you want is to regret never asking. That can eat away at you quite a bit.
Had a similar situation with a girl about 20 years ago. Really fancied her & we got on well. Drove her home a few times after work parties but that was all. She was in a relationship with a total drop kick and, being the type of guy I am, well, you don't cut another blokes lunch!
I had pretty much convinced myself she wasn't interested & had pretty much moved on when she got a promotion. At her farewell party, she gave me the longest & tightest hug I'd ever had! Well, didn't that put me in a spin!!!
Over time, I began to realise that in her mind, we were just good mates...and I'm fine with that now. I'm lucky to be with a great Woman & two fantastic daughters so, I'm not really wondering anymore, but that nagging doubt took a while to pass.
If you're up to it, ask the question. If it's not the answer you hoped for, then okay...you know you can move on.
Had a similar situation with a girl about 20 years ago. Really fancied her & we got on well. Drove her home a few times after work parties but that was all. She was in a relationship with a total drop kick and, being the type of guy I am, well, you don't cut another blokes lunch!
I had pretty much convinced myself she wasn't interested & had pretty much moved on when she got a promotion. At her farewell party, she gave me the longest & tightest hug I'd ever had! Well, didn't that put me in a spin!!!
Over time, I began to realise that in her mind, we were just good mates...and I'm fine with that now. I'm lucky to be with a great Woman & two fantastic daughters so, I'm not really wondering anymore, but that nagging doubt took a while to pass.
If you're up to it, ask the question. If it's not the answer you hoped for, then okay...you know you can move on.
bizzaro
LOVE GOT JUST THE WAY IT IS #ALWNV
I agree. You shouldn't allow yourself to be defined by a female/male relationship.
Human character is fraught with weaknesses. Frailties and sometimes downright cruelty.
It works both ways to men or women and is in no way gender based.
I was in love with a woman once. She frankly destroyed me in conjunction with several males who frankly gave me nothing but abuse to their own agenda. I was young and naive and really team work against me was something I could never overcome no matter the circumstances. Much of this is jealousy based. But people can pretty much make out anything if they have an agenda and cause to lie.
Sometimes walking away to a more positive and "normal" healthy environment is the thing to do.
What I'm saying is be defined by yourself not other people.
You'll be surprised what you are capable of when you're not weighed down by other people's biased views.
This woman you're interested in who doesn't seem to know you exist. Why even bother? If she knows you like her and she still is keeping you at arms length like this. Smile politely and move on. Its more likely than not you'll meet a nice woman who who'll appreciate you and recognise you for what you are.
Seriously. Do your thing. Its tough. But its best to go 'no contact' in this scenario with this person. Especially if you're having trouble focusing on your own needs.
Because if you're depressed because of this. This is what you need to focus on. Your needs and your happiness.
The rest comes later.
Toffee-nerd
Player Valuation: £20m
Fantastic thread this. Didn't even realise it was here somehow.
Duality, I know it sounds gay and cliched but you have to find yourself. From reading your posts you seem to have low self esteem and really struggle to do things and get moving and the biggest factor in this has been this woman. I was in the same situation a few years ago and was diagnosed with depression. You've got to surround yourself with positive things. Stop drinking beer would be the first thing you can do, for me when I would drink it would make things 10 times worse, as soon as I stopped I instantly felt "less depressed". Alcohol is a depressant so it has a massive effect.
For you to establish self worth and give yourself value from you, rather than value from other people you need to find what you are about, what positives you have. You really have to push yourself to live with depression. That's the thing with depression, it will never go away, you always have bad days but if you can get yourself to the point where you can kind of see what worth you add to people's lives because of who you are rather than what they add to your life, everything becomes a lot more manageable.
Honestly mate, the best thing I did for myself was stop drinking and joined a rugby club. It was a bit of double edged sword as the two go so hand in hand but meeting new people and presenting yourself with challenges is a massive forward step to building self worth and getting the disaease to a manageable level. Relationships come and go so you cant set stock in them too much in life as when they go you're left in the duldrems. Everything has to come from you.
Good luck mate.
Duality, I know it sounds gay and cliched but you have to find yourself. From reading your posts you seem to have low self esteem and really struggle to do things and get moving and the biggest factor in this has been this woman. I was in the same situation a few years ago and was diagnosed with depression. You've got to surround yourself with positive things. Stop drinking beer would be the first thing you can do, for me when I would drink it would make things 10 times worse, as soon as I stopped I instantly felt "less depressed". Alcohol is a depressant so it has a massive effect.
For you to establish self worth and give yourself value from you, rather than value from other people you need to find what you are about, what positives you have. You really have to push yourself to live with depression. That's the thing with depression, it will never go away, you always have bad days but if you can get yourself to the point where you can kind of see what worth you add to people's lives because of who you are rather than what they add to your life, everything becomes a lot more manageable.
Honestly mate, the best thing I did for myself was stop drinking and joined a rugby club. It was a bit of double edged sword as the two go so hand in hand but meeting new people and presenting yourself with challenges is a massive forward step to building self worth and getting the disaease to a manageable level. Relationships come and go so you cant set stock in them too much in life as when they go you're left in the duldrems. Everything has to come from you.
Good luck mate.
tim cahill
Player Valuation: £50m
Being out of work is depressing!
dannyr2811
Player Valuation: £500k
Glad I found this thread, depressions made me do crazy things I was working in Bristol on a decent wage for what I was doing and my ex out of the blue when things were going good decided to leave me. Ended up quitting the job packing my bags and moving back to the wirral.
I've not enjoyed being up here that much and the only thing that I do is go the match any more as most of my old mates can't be bothered and I'm working in a dead end Job now.
I've not enjoyed being up here that much and the only thing that I do is go the match any more as most of my old mates can't be bothered and I'm working in a dead end Job now.
tim cahill
Player Valuation: £50m
I'm the opposite mate. Always regretted leaving the Wirral.
bizzaro
LOVE GOT JUST THE WAY IT IS #ALWNV
Try and look for the positives. The ex leaving you on a whim with no real reasoning.
Often there is an underlying reason for this thats not you. Its the leaver. Frequently this is for trivial reasons that never make much sense but is entirely them not you.
They way you win is stay motivated to be happy and enjoy your job or life.
If you arent happy make whatever changes you need to and keep moving forward.
When I was a teenager and in my twenties I suffered from really bad depression, it used to last for months and was hell.
It got so bad in 1979 that I went to the Samaritans. I talked for hours to someone there, but unlike most people it didnt help me.
The very next day I overdosed on mogodon and ended up in the Royal. The doctor told me i was lucky cos the amount I had taken
should have killed me.
I have never done or thought about doing it again and luckily I stopped suffering 30 years ago but I know that the help you can
get is far better than it was 30 years ago.
I am forever grateful I didnt succeed in killing myself and would urge anyone who feels depressed to talk to someone.
Please feel free to IM me anytime, i am always willing to talk.
It got so bad in 1979 that I went to the Samaritans. I talked for hours to someone there, but unlike most people it didnt help me.
The very next day I overdosed on mogodon and ended up in the Royal. The doctor told me i was lucky cos the amount I had taken
should have killed me.
I have never done or thought about doing it again and luckily I stopped suffering 30 years ago but I know that the help you can
get is far better than it was 30 years ago.
I am forever grateful I didnt succeed in killing myself and would urge anyone who feels depressed to talk to someone.
Please feel free to IM me anytime, i am always willing to talk.
BiggyRat
Player Valuation: £35m
Thanks for sharing colbefc, an intimately personal example of how serious & dangerous depression is. You are spot on in saying that support is much better than 30 years ago. Everything seems to be in place for most people & the only thing that needs to change is perception.
When I first started reading this thread, my first thought was that old saying "Misery loves company". That was my prejudice before reading & understanding what, of all things, a football forum was doing for its members. This is so, so much more than that. There's a lot of people here who've been through it, or are going through it, so you are not alone.
If you're reading this thread for the first time, or are having similar dark thoughts to colbefc, please, PLEASE, PM anyone here if you don't think the support services suffice. Remember, I don't think any of us are experts in the field but, if we've contributed here, then I'm damn sure you'll get a sympathetic ear to your unique situation.
When I first started reading this thread, my first thought was that old saying "Misery loves company". That was my prejudice before reading & understanding what, of all things, a football forum was doing for its members. This is so, so much more than that. There's a lot of people here who've been through it, or are going through it, so you are not alone.
If you're reading this thread for the first time, or are having similar dark thoughts to colbefc, please, PLEASE, PM anyone here if you don't think the support services suffice. Remember, I don't think any of us are experts in the field but, if we've contributed here, then I'm damn sure you'll get a sympathetic ear to your unique situation.