Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[efcforever]

Decided to read 'The Subtle Art of not giving A.F.' I think it was @COYBL25 who recommended it. Started it last night, hoping to finish it over the next few days.

Struggling to get my head straight recently and finding myself in over thinking everything. Need to try something new to pull me back out of it. Giving this book a go, what do I have to lose?

 

[efcforever]

Not so much a mental health thing at all, just need some advice.

I've been looking for a job for the last few weeks. All of a sudden, I have effectively been offered two. One with one I applied for (1) and the other is a firm I used to work for (they just rang me up and asked if I would come back - 2).

So, the first one is very well paid and in London. A 15% bonus, work from home a few days a week and would involve international travel. It would be setting up a new process, the team would be in India. It sounds good on paper but I have real reservations that it will be much more than a 9-5 job and there is also an element of sales involved (which I really wouldn't like). Because the main team are based in India, I feel it would be a very individual job and it is a very big corporate firm. I would get around £600 a month more than I do now

The second is with my former employer. The wage is around 20% less (not based in London and the commute will be half as much). The person who I really disliked, and one of the main reason I left, has now gone. I have some good mates there and I am know I am highly thought of in a small-ish firm of 150 people or so. I know the job is very much 9-5 (no thought needed after working hours), I can work from home too with flexitime. They are growing and I'd be working with people I really get on with. I'll still be head of a department but I won't be shoved on my own in an office all day. Even through I would taking a small paycut on what I am on now, I would get around £150 more a month than I do now as the commute is cheaper.

I've always said I'd go for happiness/quality of life over money but this is the first time I have been faced with such a difference. I don't particularly need that much more money, but there is a good chance my partner and I will be starting a family soon and the money could help - but do I want the stress of travel/targets/probably working loads with that? That much more, to me, is a life changing amount but at the same time I like the idea of still a decent job working with some good makes and know I am highly through of... Just seems very hard (or stupid) to turn down that much money? I don;'t know.

Help!!

From what you've said in your post I would go with the 2nd option. As you say, happiness is more important than money. Above all else your family need you to be happy and healthy.

 

[COYBL25]

Decided to read 'The Subtle Art of not giving A.F.' I think it was @COYBL25 who recommended it. Started it last night, hoping to finish it over the next few days.

Struggling to get my head straight recently and finding myself in over thinking everything. Need to try something new to pull me back out of it. Giving this book a go, what do I have to lose?

That book will make you laugh, so that`s a good start

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Not so much a mental health thing at all, just need some advice.

I've been looking for a job for the last few weeks. All of a sudden, I have effectively been offered two. One with one I applied for (1) and the other is a firm I used to work for (they just rang me up and asked if I would come back - 2).

So, the first one is very well paid and in London. A 15% bonus, work from home a few days a week and would involve international travel. It would be setting up a new process, the team would be in India. It sounds good on paper but I have real reservations that it will be much more than a 9-5 job and there is also an element of sales involved (which I really wouldn't like). Because the main team are based in India, I feel it would be a very individual job and it is a very big corporate firm. I would get around £600 a month more than I do now

The second is with my former employer. The wage is around 20% less (not based in London and the commute will be half as much). The person who I really disliked, and one of the main reason I left, has now gone. I have some good mates there and I am know I am highly thought of in a small-ish firm of 150 people or so. I know the job is very much 9-5 (no thought needed after working hours), I can work from home too with flexitime. They are growing and I'd be working with people I really get on with. I'll still be head of a department but I won't be shoved on my own in an office all day. Even through I would taking a small paycut on what I am on now, I would get around £150 more a month than I do now as the commute is cheaper.

I've always said I'd go for happiness/quality of life over money but this is the first time I have been faced with such a difference. I don't particularly need that much more money, but there is a good chance my partner and I will be starting a family soon and the money could help - but do I want the stress of travel/targets/probably working loads with that? That much more, to me, is a life changing amount but at the same time I like the idea of still a decent job working with some good makes and know I am highly through of... Just seems very hard (or stupid) to turn down that much money? I don;'t know.

Help!!

Nice one on getting offered two jobs. That's impressive. Based on what you have said I think you've already made your mind up.

Go with your gut - it's more sensible than either head or heart.

 

[COYBL25]

Not so much a mental health thing at all, just need some advice.

I've been looking for a job for the last few weeks. All of a sudden, I have effectively been offered two. One with one I applied for (1) and the other is a firm I used to work for (they just rang me up and asked if I would come back - 2).

So, the first one is very well paid and in London. A 15% bonus, work from home a few days a week and would involve international travel. It would be setting up a new process, the team would be in India. It sounds good on paper but I have real reservations that it will be much more than a 9-5 job and there is also an element of sales involved (which I really wouldn't like). Because the main team are based in India, I feel it would be a very individual job and it is a very big corporate firm. I would get around £600 a month more than I do now

The second is with my former employer. The wage is around 20% less (not based in London and the commute will be half as much). The person who I really disliked, and one of the main reason I left, has now gone. I have some good mates there and I am know I am highly thought of in a small-ish firm of 150 people or so. I know the job is very much 9-5 (no thought needed after working hours), I can work from home too with flexitime. They are growing and I'd be working with people I really get on with. I'll still be head of a department but I won't be shoved on my own in an office all day. Even through I would taking a small paycut on what I am on now, I would get around £150 more a month than I do now as the commute is cheaper.

I've always said I'd go for happiness/quality of life over money but this is the first time I have been faced with such a difference. I don't particularly need that much more money, but there is a good chance my partner and I will be starting a family soon and the money could help - but do I want the stress of travel/targets/probably working loads with that? That much more, to me, is a life changing amount but at the same time I like the idea of still a decent job working with some good makes and know I am highly through of... Just seems very hard (or stupid) to turn down that much money? I don;'t know.

Help!!

I`d go for option 2 mate.

You can`t quantify how much being in a job that you enjoy, with people around you that you like and respect.

Job number one, sounds like they`re going to want total commitment to the job and if you`re planning on starting a family that`ll be very hard to do.

Having worked briefly in a sales based job, you need to be a " certain " sort of person to enjoy a sales based job.

Reading in between the lines, looks you`ve already made your mind up ??

 

[coollino]

From what you've said in your post I would go with the 2nd option. As you say, happiness is more important than money. Above all else your family need you to be happy and healthy.

Nice one on getting offered two jobs. That's impressive. Based on what you have said I think you've already made your mind up.

Go with your gut - it's more sensible than either head or heart.

I`d go for option 2 mate.

You can`t quantify how much being in a job that you enjoy, with people around you that you like and respect.

Job number one, sounds like they`re going to want total commitment to the job and if you`re planning on starting a family that`ll be very hard to do.

Having worked briefly in a sales based job, you need to be a " certain " sort of person to enjoy a sales based job.

Reading in between the lines, looks you`ve already made your mind up ??

Thanks all.

Yeah, I mean it does look like I will do the second and most people are saying the same. I just want to make sure I don't feel stupid at throwing the other away.

I work in a pretty niche industry (patents) and there are not many people about. I'm not some city hotshot lol

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks all.

Yeah, I mean it does look like I will do the second and most people are saying the same. I just want to make sure I don't feel stupid at throwing the other away.

I work in a pretty niche industry (patents) and there are not many people about. I'm not some city hotshot lol

Also, it`ll allay any fears that your missus has, that you`ll be working long hours / away, leaving her with a brand new baby

 

[Deleted member 28206]

Money talks @coollino + plus never go back, good luck mate.

 

[coollino]

Money talks @coollino + plus never go back, good luck mate.

Boooo

 

[dholliday]

Money talks @coollino + plus never go back, good luck mate.

disagree with the first bit, agree with the second bit.

The reason I disagree with "money talks" is probably the same reason you do, @coollino

The reason I agree with "never go back" is because I believe life has more interesting value the more new things you experience. I wouldn't say more or better value, just more interesting. New experiences can shape you & your life in ways which potentially may be very agreeable, if unexpected.

 

[brieverton]

Seem to be struggling at the moment. Have little interest in doing anything other than lounging around.

Been a hard few months work wise but has eased off so hoping it's just my bodies way of saying i need a rest and nothing else

Just can't be bothered with anything.

I have been a bit like this recently. I walk/jog/run very regularly and enjoy it, but if I’m doing it on weekend days I have to get it done first thing and early, if not I tend not to go.

I broke my leg in January and was pretty much immobile for 12 weeks and today (Saturday) was the first day I didn’t go out since April and whilst I needed the rest, I feel guilty about it but that is wrong - I need a rest as I push myself a lot, in work too.

I think listen to your body is the best advice so I’ll take it for myself. I won’t go out again today, enjoy the WC final and start again on Monday.

 

[Sunderland afc]

Cheers for the comments. Managed my runs and despite it being like very hot got through them.

Have been and booked some city breaks with the family over the next few weeks and one of them Is heading to Liverpool. Only ever been once when you beat is 3-0 In the cup years ago.

Looking forward to it, and hopefully i can get out of this rut I find myself in.

 

[Naisy'sCharitableLeanings]

Sounds mad, but going through some bad times can make you a much stronger person and makes you appreciate the things in life that really matter, like family, your kids and the mates who stuck by you.

Rather than " stuff " and money, that the rest of the world is so hung up on.

Amen to that. The pressure to ‘be better’ nowadays is everywhere, fuelled in no small part by the internet with its ‘thought leadership’ gurus and social media. If you’ve got a few good people you can rely on in life, that is much, much more important.

 

[Groucho]

This is gonna sound stupid but I don’t care - watching Bob Ross’ Joy of Painting has an amazing therapeutic value.

 

[LydiateLee]

I think social media is a huge impact factor on mental health. Can't help but compare lives, looks etc...huge pressure to be a certain way.