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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Why don't all of us on our own come on here and chat wham about the football. I will go my sister's for dinner and I usually go my aunties in the evening but one of her daughter's has really pissed me off so I want to avoid conflict so will come home. 2 years ago I did something similar!
 
David09 said:
This is my first Christmas alone for 14 years mate, I'm actually really scared. I do have a 13 year old daughter but she has little interest in me. I keep trying but every single day at the moment she is negative towards me. Today she said when she visits me at my new flat she is bored ( because I can't afford sky Disney )and I make her sad and angry. I literally don't have to speak now ( because I am honestly very very shy and quiet and she says I'm being grumpy and I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I'm going through a devorce.
Do you spend Christmas day on your own?
Click to expand...
Mate, I dont know if this might help, but if my experience as a teacher for 30 odd years counts for owt, a 13 year old who isn't bored when in the sole company of a parent is a very rare beast. Don't feel that it's down to you.

Interaction isn't hard, shy or not. Just try to show an interest and ask about what she'd like to do, and ask what she's in to and what her friends are like. Look for a chance to have a laugh. That's a start. Just ask questions and listen to the answers.

A kid naturally wants both parents to be happy. This can't always happen, kids don't always get what they want and its an important life lesson. Sometimes what they want isn't for everybody else's best. One day she'll understand hopefully, that sometimes people are happier apart.
 
YoboCopter said:
How do you stop overthinking? Basically would like to live “in the moment more”

Ive bascislly got nothing to worry about but sumtimes ill overthink to the point of worry and cant get rid of like a sense of “dread” but the dread is none existant if that makes sense

Basically making myself stressed when got nothing to stress over

Any words of wisdom?
Click to expand...
I used to worry a lot! Even as bad as worry spirals.

After researching and reading about why I did that, I realized worrying doesn't change anything. No matter what you are worrying about, i.e. losing a job, parent dying, or a relationship ending.

For example, my Mom has had a lot of health issues the past 10 years and initially I was very worried about her dying. Then I came up with a saying I guess or maybe I read it somewhere that I tell myself when I start to worry.

"DON'T WORRY UNTIL THERE IS SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT."

Why should I worry about losing a job?... wait to worry until I've been fired - THEN I should start WORRYING
Why worry about my Mom dying?....wait until a doctor says the end is near - THEN I should start WORRYING

Maybe this could help you. Worrying is unease about something that hasn't happened yet OR MAYBE NEVER WILL!
 

YoboCopter said:
How do you stop overthinking? Basically would like to live “in the moment more”

Ive bascislly got nothing to worry about but sumtimes ill overthink to the point of worry and cant get rid of like a sense of “dread” but the dread is none existant if that makes sense

Basically making myself stressed when got nothing to stress over

Any words of wisdom?
Click to expand...
Worry never improves a situation. It just adds another issue to your life and never fixes a thing.

The only things worth worrying about are things you have the capacity to change. This isn't to say that bad things that happen in our lives won't make us sad when they happen, but worrying and obsessing about potentially sad things only adds to whatever issues we carry.
 
YoboCopter said:
How do you stop overthinking? Basically would like to live “in the moment more”

Ive bascislly got nothing to worry about but sumtimes ill overthink to the point of worry and cant get rid of like a sense of “dread” but the dread is none existant if that makes sense

Basically making myself stressed when got nothing to stress over

Any words of wisdom?
Click to expand...

When I’m by myself I actually do a lot of my thinking out loud. When I catch myself going down the crazy, overthinking route I basically just laugh at myself, and tell myself to have a word.

Works for me!
 
David09 said:
This is my first Christmas alone for 14 years mate, I'm actually really scared. I do have a 13 year old daughter but she has little interest in me. I keep trying but every single day at the moment she is negative towards me. Today she said when she visits me at my new flat she is bored ( because I can't afford sky Disney )and I make her sad and angry. I literally don't have to speak now ( because I am honestly very very shy and quiet and she says I'm being grumpy and I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I'm going through a devorce.
Do you spend Christmas day on your own?
Click to expand...
Really sorry to hear that mate. I'm sure she'll come round in time when things settle down.
 

David09 said:
This is my first Christmas alone for 14 years mate, I'm actually really scared. I do have a 13 year old daughter but she has little interest in me. I keep trying but every single day at the moment she is negative towards me. Today she said when she visits me at my new flat she is bored ( because I can't afford sky Disney )and I make her sad and angry. I literally don't have to speak now ( because I am honestly very very shy and quiet and she says I'm being grumpy and I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I'm going through a devorce.
Do you spend Christmas day on your own?
Click to expand...
13 year olds are horrible. Fact. Every single one of them. I've said before it's all raging hormones ( for boys and girls) You'll eventually get a lovely human being back in about 5 years time :)!

However plan ahead. We used to take our kids to Redcar beach on Boxing Day. It was invariably freezing, everywhere was shut except KFC but they enjoyed it. I buy a board game every year. Teenage moody strops (Oh God Mum do we have to do this?) but they played and reluctantly admitted they enjoyed playing. Logo is brilliant - basically guess the logo. Talk to her try "I know you think I'm an old fart so tell me, what are teengaers into these days?" She'll probably come up with a load of You Tube bloggers you've never heard of so watch them with her.
 
David09 said:
This is my first Christmas alone for 14 years mate, I'm actually really scared. I do have a 13 year old daughter but she has little interest in me. I keep trying but every single day at the moment she is negative towards me. Today she said when she visits me at my new flat she is bored ( because I can't afford sky Disney )and I make her sad and angry. I literally don't have to speak now ( because I am honestly very very shy and quiet and she says I'm being grumpy and I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I'm going through a devorce.
Do you spend Christmas day on your own?
Click to expand...

This is heartbreaking, mate, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My lads are too young for me to have any real clue what you’re facing with a teenager but I think you have no choice but to just keep trying with her - Think Roberto Martinez’s Everton! All-out attack and let the chips fall where they may...

@anjelikaferrett gave some good advice - Acknowledge the age gap and that you’re not necessarily interested in the same things she is, but you’re willing to learn. Send her messages explaining that you’re not great at talking face-to-face but that you love her and you want to do whatever it takes to build the relationship back up. Prepare yourself for the fact that you might get a snotty reply or maybe none at all but keep trying in any case.

If she’s into her Disney but cash is an issue, ask friends or family (or the forum!) if they have any DVDs you could borrow and have them on hand for when she visits. Again, might not do the trick entirely, but shows that you’re making the effort.

I’d also echo what a few others have said. It WILL get better; I’m sure most or all of us can remember being stroppy teens and that we were unrecognisable then from even just a few years later as people. When the dust settles, she’ll see her poor, old, long-suffering Dad still battling away for her affection and realise how lucky she is that you didn’t give up on her.

Good luck, mate.
 
Brett Angell Delight said:
This is heartbreaking, mate, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My lads are too young for me to have any real clue what you’re facing with a teenager but I think you have no choice but to just keep trying with her - Think Roberto Martinez’s Everton! All-out attack and let the chips fall where they may...

@anjelikaferrett gave some good advice - Acknowledge the age gap and that you’re not necessarily interested in the same things she is, but you’re willing to learn. Send her messages explaining that you’re not great at talking face-to-face but that you love her and you want to do whatever it takes to build the relationship back up. Prepare yourself for the fact that you might get a snotty reply or maybe none at all but keep trying in any case.

If she’s into her Disney but cash is an issue, ask friends or family (or the forum!) if they have any DVDs you could borrow and have them on hand for when she visits. Again, might not do the trick entirely, but shows that you’re making the effort.

I’d also echo what a few others have said. It WILL get better; I’m sure most or all of us can remember being stroppy teens and that we were unrecognisable then from even just a few years later as people. When the dust settles, she’ll see her poor, old, long-suffering Dad still battling away for her affection and realise how lucky she is that you didn’t give up on her.

Good luck, mate.
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I have loads of Disney DVDs sat here unused mate, yours for free if you want them just DM me.
 

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