I have thought so much about posting ' my story' in this thread.
I've been posting on GoT for a few years, i've enjoyed it. I've got a few 'stories' i've kept locked up, today is my daughters birthday, she's around at a friend at the moments, so i've got a few minutes to gather myself ( its difficult when its just us 3 )
I've not seen my dad, mum or two brothers for 7 years to the day, they turned me away the day my daughter was born - because, as my mum is a a bit unstable, thought my partners guardians had ' seen the baby first ', my dad took my mums side and i thought ' well thats that'. '' im better off without them ''. I am the oldest of three brothers too not the favorite, but must successful academically and professionally too ..
Back story, i come from a poor family, i was bullied in 2 schools and moved from both, i was bullied in my street and lived with my nan, and then an auntie, i was a mess - i was poor too ! literally poor! no central heating in my first house i lived in alone whilst i went to college, my mum abused me - both mentally and physically ( not sexually ) i was a battered kid, literally battered with a belt! so i grew up bearing them physical and mental scars of being the child my mum never wants, so for her to do that my daughter and me barely an hour old gave me the reasons i never wanted to talk to them again.
So i haven't - or my two brothers.
I've been through a lot since then, some stuff a bit too much for here ( or at least to put in writing ) Only as i've gotten older have i realised what has happened to me, you never do what happened to me to your first born, ever. Never do that. A day like today polarizes the effort, the complete love your have for your kids in a way that pain in the past seems to just fade away.
Depression is around me, every single day - i look at my surroundings, the lack of family support we dont have and that drives me, i always leave feedback to people on here and say ' don't ever let depression win, EVER ' because its a battle - thats what it is, and its down to you, not a chat, not a doctor, not a magic box of pills! although all these can help and i belive they do, you cannot change whats going on inside unless you decide to make it change.
The one thing i will say about our forum is the people are incredibly helpful, i always say ' even just posting whats on your mind is enough' it usually is, its out there and NOT IN HERE < the head >
I am going to eat some cake.
Stay happy people, You're all we've GoT x