Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[LydiateLee]

What an amazing forum this is.

As someone who hit rock bottom in 2015 I can relate to a lot of the things I have read.

My ex wife and I split after 10 mostly unhappy and miserable years together, we stayed together for our two incredible daughters for far too long. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time but hindsight is a wonderful thing and it was a huge mistake.

Although I did not love my wife anymore, the day my kids left my home ruined me. I live for my daughters and to see their bedroom empty was almost too much for me to deal with. I did not cope with my kids not being with me every day, coming home from work and them not being at the door to hug me crushed me, not reading them a story before bed crushed me, having to accept a phone call before bed 5 nights a week crushed me. I ended up a mess. I hated the world for a long time. My life was a mix of pointless and empty nights out usually resulting in me crying myself to sleep. My job suffered. I jumped in to trying to find a relationship far too soon which messed with my head further, I was nowhere near ready. I was forced to sell the marital home and move back to my mum and dads. This was a huge confidence blow too, I felt I had gone backwards 10 years sleeping in my childhood room aged 31. How had my life come to this? Then just 5 months after our split I found out that my wife was expecting a baby with her new partner, although I had never really loved her it was a head wrecker. Also I worried obsessively about the impact this would have on my 2 girls who had already dealt with enough upheaval and needed the focus to be on them.

Then to cap it all off in September 2017 my 24 year old cousin was tragically killed in Sri Lanka making headline news (see my avatar). He had the world at his feet.

However...

I spoke out. I talked to my closest mate and also began counselling via the retail trust (through my work). I cut out all negative influences in my life including long term 'mates', quit my job as my boss was about as supportive as jelly scaffolding, and stopped chasing happiness.

I worked on being as amicable as possible with their mum, and got a routine going accepting I had to make the best of my time with the girls. I used the money from my house sale to buy my own place so I had my independence back and a place for my girls to call home when they were with me. Then in December 2017 I met a girl who has changed my life, the absolute love of my life.

I just want anyone reading this to know that no matter how crap things get and how hopeless you may feel, things can and do change if you look after yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Mental health is something that happens, it's not always permanent and doesn't define anyone. I have so much respect for all of you reaching out here and will willingly chat to anyone if they feel I can help in any way. Not just words I bloody mean it.

Wishing you all a better 2019.

 

[Encoder]

What an amazing forum this is.

As someone who hit rock bottom in 2015 I can relate to a lot of the things I have read.

My ex wife and I split after 10 mostly unhappy and miserable years together, we stayed together for our two incredible daughters for far too long. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time but hindsight is a wonderful thing and it was a huge mistake.

Although I did not love my wife anymore, the day my kids left my home ruined me. I live for my daughters and to see their bedroom empty was almost too much for me to deal with. I did not cope with my kids not being with me every day, coming home from work and them not being at the door to hug me crushed me, not reading them a story before bed crushed me, having to accept a phone call before bed 5 nights a week crushed me. I ended up a mess. I hated the world for a long time. My life was a mix of pointless and empty nights out usually resulting in me crying myself to sleep. My job suffered. I jumped in to trying to find a relationship far too soon which messed with my head further, I was nowhere near ready. I was forced to sell the marital home and move back to my mum and dads. This was a huge confidence blow too, I felt I had gone backwards 10 years sleeping in my childhood room aged 31. How had my life come to this? Then just 5 months after our split I found out that my wife was expecting a baby with her new partner, although I had never really loved her it was a head wrecker. Also I worried obsessively about the impact this would have on my 2 girls who had already dealt with enough upheaval and needed the focus to be on them.

Then to cap it all off in September 2017 my 24 year old cousin was tragically killed in Sri Lanka making headline news (see my avatar). He had the world at his feet.

However...

I spoke out. I talked to my closest mate and also began counselling via the retail trust (through my work). I cut out all negative influences in my life including long term 'mates', quit my job as my boss was about as supportive as jelly scaffolding, and stopped chasing happiness.

I worked on being as amicable as possible with their mum, and got a routine going accepting I had to make the best of my time with the girls. I used the money from my house sale to buy my own place so I had my independence back and a place for my girls to call home when they were with me. Then in December 2017 I met a girl who has changed my life, the absolute love of my life.

I just want anyone reading this to know that no matter how crap things get and how hopeless you may feel, things can and do change if you look after yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Mental health is something that happens, it's not always permanent and doesn't define anyone. I have so much respect for all of you reaching out here and will willingly chat to anyone if they feel I can help in any way. Not just words I bloody mean it.

Wishing you all a better 2019.

Don't really post in here but I'm really happy for you mate, congrats on turning it around. Just goes to show how even if it's hard, really really hard, it's possible. Happy New Year.

 

[Tipp blue]

What an amazing forum this is.

As someone who hit rock bottom in 2015 I can relate to a lot of the things I have read.

My ex wife and I split after 10 mostly unhappy and miserable years together, we stayed together for our two incredible daughters for far too long. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time but hindsight is a wonderful thing and it was a huge mistake.

Although I did not love my wife anymore, the day my kids left my home ruined me. I live for my daughters and to see their bedroom empty was almost too much for me to deal with. I did not cope with my kids not being with me every day, coming home from work and them not being at the door to hug me crushed me, not reading them a story before bed crushed me, having to accept a phone call before bed 5 nights a week crushed me. I ended up a mess. I hated the world for a long time. My life was a mix of pointless and empty nights out usually resulting in me crying myself to sleep. My job suffered. I jumped in to trying to find a relationship far too soon which messed with my head further, I was nowhere near ready. I was forced to sell the marital home and move back to my mum and dads. This was a huge confidence blow too, I felt I had gone backwards 10 years sleeping in my childhood room aged 31. How had my life come to this? Then just 5 months after our split I found out that my wife was expecting a baby with her new partner, although I had never really loved her it was a head wrecker. Also I worried obsessively about the impact this would have on my 2 girls who had already dealt with enough upheaval and needed the focus to be on them.

Then to cap it all off in September 2017 my 24 year old cousin was tragically killed in Sri Lanka making headline news (see my avatar). He had the world at his feet.

However...

I spoke out. I talked to my closest mate and also began counselling via the retail trust (through my work). I cut out all negative influences in my life including long term 'mates', quit my job as my boss was about as supportive as jelly scaffolding, and stopped chasing happiness.

I worked on being as amicable as possible with their mum, and got a routine going accepting I had to make the best of my time with the girls. I used the money from my house sale to buy my own place so I had my independence back and a place for my girls to call home when they were with me. Then in December 2017 I met a girl who has changed my life, the absolute love of my life.

I just want anyone reading this to know that no matter how crap things get and how hopeless you may feel, things can and do change if you look after yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Mental health is something that happens, it's not always permanent and doesn't define anyone. I have so much respect for all of you reaching out here and will willingly chat to anyone if they feel I can help in any way. Not just words I bloody mean it.

Wishing you all a better 2019.

Just out of curiosity and tell me to F off if you want, but do you have or make time with your ex wife's other child? Or do you plan to in the future, if say you want to bring your girls to the zoo or cinema a few years down the road and they want what will be their brother or sister to come too, I know it could be awkward but a friend of mine is in a similar position and he point blank refuses to have anything to do with his ex's other son and it's a constant sourse of friction between him and his own children.

 

[LydiateLee]

Just out of curiosity and tell me to F off if you want, but do you have or make time with your ex wife's other child? Or do you plan to in the future, if say you want to bring your girls to the zoo or cinema a few years down the road and they want what will be their brother or sister to come too, I know it could be awkward but a friend of mine is in a similar position and he point blank refuses to have anything to do with his ex's other son and it's a constant sourse of friction between him and his own children.

At the moment mate she is only 18 months old so too young to come spend time with us but when she's older of course she will be involved. She is my daughters' sister so I wont be the one to split them up.

 

[Tipp blue]

At the moment mate she is only 18 months old so too young to come spend time with us but when she's older of course she will be involved. She is my daughters' sister so I wont be the one to split them up.

That's good there are a lot of men that can be quite petty and needlessly so about that.

 

[COYBL25]

Odd morning. Found out a girl I was involved with about 18 months is in a relationship and happy. Really done me in as I messed her around a lot, but she was someone I was always happy to be with.

Firstly, I’m kinda down that I didn’t get my s*it together and move things on with her. That’s my bad. More though I’m disgusted in the way that I did treat her, she’d of literally gone to the ends of the Earth for me and at times I treated her like utter crap. I used to blame her for things that weren’t her fault at all, when we hadn’t seen each other for a couple of weeks and she wanted to come and see me, I told her she was being crazy, when really she just missed me. She loved me and I totally abused it.

Self reflection is horrible. I’m glad she’s in a seemingly better place than where I left here, half cut off in a conversation about why I couldn’t come over.

Again, no pity, feel better for writing it and somewhat processing the guilt, hopefully won’t keep me awake trying to solve those problems with hindsight.

The thing is to learn from it mate and not treat the next girl you meet in the same way.

Sounds to me like you weren`t ready to give her what her what she wanted and ended up pushing her away.

 

[LydiateLee]

That's good there are a lot of men that can be quite petty and needlessly so about that.

I know mate. Its all about an easy life for me and whats best for the kids.

 

[David09]

What an amazing forum this is.

As someone who hit rock bottom in 2015 I can relate to a lot of the things I have read.

My ex wife and I split after 10 mostly unhappy and miserable years together, we stayed together for our two incredible daughters for far too long. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time but hindsight is a wonderful thing and it was a huge mistake.

Although I did not love my wife anymore, the day my kids left my home ruined me. I live for my daughters and to see their bedroom empty was almost too much for me to deal with. I did not cope with my kids not being with me every day, coming home from work and them not being at the door to hug me crushed me, not reading them a story before bed crushed me, having to accept a phone call before bed 5 nights a week crushed me. I ended up a mess. I hated the world for a long time. My life was a mix of pointless and empty nights out usually resulting in me crying myself to sleep. My job suffered. I jumped in to trying to find a relationship far too soon which messed with my head further, I was nowhere near ready. I was forced to sell the marital home and move back to my mum and dads. This was a huge confidence blow too, I felt I had gone backwards 10 years sleeping in my childhood room aged 31. How had my life come to this? Then just 5 months after our split I found out that my wife was expecting a baby with her new partner, although I had never really loved her it was a head wrecker. Also I worried obsessively about the impact this would have on my 2 girls who had already dealt with enough upheaval and needed the focus to be on them.

Then to cap it all off in September 2017 my 24 year old cousin was tragically killed in Sri Lanka making headline news (see my avatar). He had the world at his feet.

However...

I spoke out. I talked to my closest mate and also began counselling via the retail trust (through my work). I cut out all negative influences in my life including long term 'mates', quit my job as my boss was about as supportive as jelly scaffolding, and stopped chasing happiness.

I worked on being as amicable as possible with their mum, and got a routine going accepting I had to make the best of my time with the girls. I used the money from my house sale to buy my own place so I had my independence back and a place for my girls to call home when they were with me. Then in December 2017 I met a girl who has changed my life, the absolute love of my life.

I just want anyone reading this to know that no matter how crap things get and how hopeless you may feel, things can and do change if you look after yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Mental health is something that happens, it's not always permanent and doesn't define anyone. I have so much respect for all of you reaching out here and will willingly chat to anyone if they feel I can help in any way. Not just words I bloody mean it.

Wishing you all a better 2019.

I'm in quite a similar situation mate going through a divorce.
My work is good. I'm in a one bedroom rented flat and have a 13 year old daughter who visits but I am getting through. The hardest bit really is the looking after myself. It sounds silly but I just don't no how to do it because my wife did a lot for me.
How do you get through the loneliness at the weekends? I just don't go out even to the pub. I actually find alcohol makes me feel worse so I plan to cut it out or at least back now. I've literally cut everyone out of my life.

 

[LydiateLee]

Don't really post in here but I'm really happy for you mate, congrats on turning it around. Just goes to show how even if it's hard, really really hard, it's possible. Happy New Year.

You too mate and thank you, all the best!

 

[COYBL25]

What an amazing forum this is.

As someone who hit rock bottom in 2015 I can relate to a lot of the things I have read.

My ex wife and I split after 10 mostly unhappy and miserable years together, we stayed together for our two incredible daughters for far too long. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time but hindsight is a wonderful thing and it was a huge mistake.

Although I did not love my wife anymore, the day my kids left my home ruined me. I live for my daughters and to see their bedroom empty was almost too much for me to deal with. I did not cope with my kids not being with me every day, coming home from work and them not being at the door to hug me crushed me, not reading them a story before bed crushed me, having to accept a phone call before bed 5 nights a week crushed me. I ended up a mess. I hated the world for a long time. My life was a mix of pointless and empty nights out usually resulting in me crying myself to sleep. My job suffered. I jumped in to trying to find a relationship far too soon which messed with my head further, I was nowhere near ready. I was forced to sell the marital home and move back to my mum and dads. This was a huge confidence blow too, I felt I had gone backwards 10 years sleeping in my childhood room aged 31. How had my life come to this? Then just 5 months after our split I found out that my wife was expecting a baby with her new partner, although I had never really loved her it was a head wrecker. Also I worried obsessively about the impact this would have on my 2 girls who had already dealt with enough upheaval and needed the focus to be on them.

Then to cap it all off in September 2017 my 24 year old cousin was tragically killed in Sri Lanka making headline news (see my avatar). He had the world at his feet.

However...

I spoke out. I talked to my closest mate and also began counselling via the retail trust (through my work). I cut out all negative influences in my life including long term 'mates', quit my job as my boss was about as supportive as jelly scaffolding, and stopped chasing happiness.

I worked on being as amicable as possible with their mum, and got a routine going accepting I had to make the best of my time with the girls. I used the money from my house sale to buy my own place so I had my independence back and a place for my girls to call home when they were with me. Then in December 2017 I met a girl who has changed my life, the absolute love of my life.

I just want anyone reading this to know that no matter how crap things get and how hopeless you may feel, things can and do change if you look after yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Mental health is something that happens, it's not always permanent and doesn't define anyone. I have so much respect for all of you reaching out here and will willingly chat to anyone if they feel I can help in any way. Not just words I bloody mean it.

Wishing you all a better 2019.

Brilliant post.

 

[LydiateLee]

I'm in quite a similar situation mate going through a divorce.
My work is good. I'm in a one bedroom rented flat and have a 13 year old daughter who visits but I am getting through. The hardest bit really is the looking after myself. It sounds silly but I just don't no how to do it because my wife did a lot for me.
How do you get through the loneliness at the weekends? I just don't go out even to the pub. I actually find alcohol makes me feel worse so I plan to cut it out or at least back now. I've literally cut everyone out of my life.

Hi mate.

Sounds like you are really struggling and thats okay.

If alcohol makes you worse is that because you drink excessively? Maybe a couple of leisurely ones with a little bet or something would help relax you?

During the years I lived alone I got in to cooking (because I had to!!) and enjoyed that. A good diet cannot be underestimated it has a massive impact on your mood.

Try not to cut everyone out no matter how much you feel like it. Cut out idiots by all means but you need people to call upon for a chat or meeting up.

It's a huge adjustment mate but please allow yourself time to do just that. You are doing better than you think, as for your daughter just make sure you look after yourself first because if you are not then it will impact your relationship. Go out for walks, join the gym, you need to step outside your comfort zone mate because if you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always got.

Great that you've sorted accomodation out, that's a huge plus. Have you tried dating apps? If you are ready, and ONLY if you are ready, these can be great for getting out and meeting people.

Good luck mate and don't hesitate to message for any advice.

 

[COYBL25]

I'm in quite a similar situation mate going through a divorce.
My work is good. I'm in a one bedroom rented flat and have a 13 year old daughter who visits but I am getting through. The hardest bit really is the looking after myself. It sounds silly but I just don't no how to do it because my wife did a lot for me.
How do you get through the loneliness at the weekends? I just don't go out even to the pub. I actually find alcohol makes me feel worse so I plan to cut it out or at least back now. I've literally cut everyone out of my life.

Just thinking out loud and this may sound a bit mad, but have you thought of getting a dog mate ?

I know it might not be ideal, with you being in a flat and maybe out during the day, due to work, but dogs really can help people through the feelings of loneliness and their hard times.

Plus, I`m sure your daughter would love a dog too and taking it for a walk would be something that you could do together.

 

[LydiateLee]

Just thinking out loud and this may sound a bit mad, but have you thought of getting a dog mate ?

I know it might not be ideal, with you being in a flat and maybe out during the day, due to work, but dogs really can help people through the feelings of loneliness and their hard times.

Plus, I`m sure your daughter would love a dog too and taking it for a walk would be something that you could do together.

Great shout.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

I'm in a mess right now. An ex-friend of mine died of cancer earlier today. He's been ill for a while and it was really aggressive.

I'm not going to pretend we were BFFs. We had some nasty arguments, and we used to be in a band together and he was one of the members who kicked me out behind my back - long story. I blocked him on Facebook after he made some gross comments about rape. But he was only in his early forties, and we did have some good times together, and I feel sad for his brother and sister. And I'm very weepy because my dad died of cancer. I know I'm being a hypocrite but it really upset me.

Sorry to hear about your mate.

Defo not being a hypocrite; end of the day, when someone of a similar age who you enjoyed a similar pastime with passes away, it brings the issue of mortality very close to home. Don’t worry about how you think your grief may be perceived, get it all out or it’ll come back to bite you on the proverbial. Lots of good eggs on this forum who’ll happily provide some kind words or insights whenever they’re needed so don’t be backwards in coming forwards if you need help.

Good luck.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

One year I left my Christmas decorations up until March. My husband was deployed at the time, so I left them up to keep the holiday cheer going a little longer.

After that I started adding little white light strings around the windows, on the fireplace mantle, and a ficus tree that was in the house. Not only does it add more light, but they add a cheeriness to the house all year round.

Also, you live in Vegas so I imagine it’s expected that your house glows up all year round!