The holidays this year have been utter crap, truly glad to see the back of them.
My mood has been generally very low but it's because I've things which mostly out of my control dictate.
My job (the current one) is really getting me down but that's because I'm anxious to be away and get to my interview for elsewhere on the 24th. Struggling to sleep at the thought of going in tomorrow, hence the late post.
Things with the lady I've spoken about have updated. She messaged me a few nights back basically apologising for going quiet on me the way she had, she said her daughters pets (whom I know she was very attached too) both died and she and her daughter have been bits over it. Felt like a massive arsehole upon learning this. The feelings I had expressed before, the stuff I wrote on here about her ghosting me and it being horrible which was all me basically jus childishly lashing out, suddenly were made redundant. We're speaking a bit more regularly again, we texted happy new year and spoke a bit today. Basically i'm back at square one. I still don't know for sure what I want and have no clue what she thinks at this stage either. Are just mates or is there something more there? Let me be clear, I do fancy her and she's told me she fancies me but right now the dynamic of our relationship feels very confusing. No idea where this whol thing will end up playinb out but I realis i need to try ot to get too bent out of shape over it.
I spent new years at a friend's house and it was massive anti-climax which ended with me walking out pretty much. I was invited round but so where others but no many showed up, shame but I was still up for a laugh because of all the angst I've been having. The night ends up with others people pulling out ketamine, the most minging drug I can think of. That ruined my vibe. Then our host insists on putting on the type of music he knows I really don't like (techno rave stuff). It's not my place so I can't demand it be switched off. Everyone is so F'ed up we miss the countdown completely. So no countdown, everyone off their face on a minging drug and music I don't like blasting. Decided to call it a night early and leave. My host got arsey with me ("why you going lad?! Don't be a nob") but I just effectively blanked him.
That's it really, God bless if you read all of that. So I spent my Christmas and New Year stressing over a woman, falling out with mates and watching Everton get beat repeatedly. Absolute trash. Next year can surely on be better.
