@BigBlueConk ACAS might be your best option. Their advice is free. Try giving them a ring. The helpline number is 0300 123 1100. It is available Monday to Friday 8am-6pm.
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Deleted member 38674
Guest
The horrible, unenviable truth is that this is quite often the nature of the beast. The business is looking for means to cut costs. That means most staff will be under performance management, they’ll try to achieve maximum efficiencies, getting the same level of output from as few heads as is humanly possible for as long as possible. It’s extraordinarily common.
HR often masquerade as being “there for the staff” but in most cases they’re just there to keep senior management and directors out of trouble by ensuring all conversations are logged, policies adhered to and procedures followed, particularly during staff departures.
In any case, those that survive these culls often do so either out of fear, misplaced loyalty (particularly if they’ve been there a while) or because they believe they’ll be rewarded on the other side of this horrendous no-mans land while the business goes through consultation. Often management will dangle a carrot to some staff promising a rise or opportunity for some sort of supervisor capacity if they can help guide the business through this sticky mess.
As I advised in my previous post mate, no amount of employment law advice or ACAS will do much for you in this sort of situation (in my experience anyway). Their support only goes so far. The absolute best thing you can do on this one is pick your battle. Don’t try to create a fair or better work environment, it’s a war you won’t win.
Bide your time. Do as your told. Keep quiet. Then behind the scenes, work twice as hard on maximising other opportunities available to you and leave on YOUR terms when you are ready.
Best thing you can do is go in with your resignation letter and tell your boss he’s going to be a very good worker light on his upcoming shifts.
Real_madras
Player Valuation: £6m
Hi everyone, I last posted on here a few months ago. I'm a qualified Mental Health Nurse. A year ago I was attacked by a patient (who was later assessed as having full capacity for his actions and went to prison). Following this I got PTSD, I had months of feeling as bad as I ever have. I did have some very dark days , considering hurting myself occasionally. Luckily for me I have a lot of protective factors, especially my two sons.
I got all the help I could, I went on antidepressants, had counselling, moved on to a trauma awareness course, we're I went to a weekly class with other men suffering from the same thing. Then I went on to CBT focusing on exposure to the incident. This was really hard work, but I gave it my all. I have cut down my drinking which I was hitting the whisky pretty hard, to basically nothing. I had a pint during a family meal the other night. I'm a really cheap night out now.
I have now made a recovery and back at work, in a different place, with less risks of that happening again. I am even applying for a promotion. I doubt I'll ever be fully over it, but I am well. My bad sense of humour is back. I can enjoy life again.
Being a mental health nurse did help a little, as I knew that the therapy would help if I did the work, but in other ways it hindered me. I knew what to say and not say early on. I was very good at hiding my symptoms. I felt guilty that with all my experience and knowledge I still got mentally ill.
Anyway I just wanted that there is help out there, and you can get better, but you have to put the work in. It's really really hard, but it works. Get help if you need it, it nothing to be ashamed of we're all only human.
I got all the help I could, I went on antidepressants, had counselling, moved on to a trauma awareness course, we're I went to a weekly class with other men suffering from the same thing. Then I went on to CBT focusing on exposure to the incident. This was really hard work, but I gave it my all. I have cut down my drinking which I was hitting the whisky pretty hard, to basically nothing. I had a pint during a family meal the other night. I'm a really cheap night out now.
I have now made a recovery and back at work, in a different place, with less risks of that happening again. I am even applying for a promotion. I doubt I'll ever be fully over it, but I am well. My bad sense of humour is back. I can enjoy life again.
Being a mental health nurse did help a little, as I knew that the therapy would help if I did the work, but in other ways it hindered me. I knew what to say and not say early on. I was very good at hiding my symptoms. I felt guilty that with all my experience and knowledge I still got mentally ill.
Anyway I just wanted that there is help out there, and you can get better, but you have to put the work in. It's really really hard, but it works. Get help if you need it, it nothing to be ashamed of we're all only human.
YoboCopter
Player Valuation: £50m
Glad to hear it mate, good work
Real_madras
Player Valuation: £6m
I hope anyone that read it can see there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's a long tunnel but does have an end.
D
Deleted member 28206
Guest
Brilliant news mate, congrats. That is amazing.
Real_madras
Player Valuation: £6m
Thank you
LydiateLee
Player Valuation: £8m
Anyone had any issues with their partners' family interfering in their relationship?
Basically I've never felt accepted by my fiance's siblings who all went through a traumatic childhood together. My Mrs has never really had much 'normality' before she met me. From the kick off they have kept me at arms length, never made an effort to come to get togethers I've tried to organise, never acknowledge our happiness (they 'like' all my Mrs' social media posts that don't include me), ignore me on group chats etc..all very subtle.
Normally this wouldn't bother me but last week her auntie bumped in to my mum in Costco. My mum called me and told me that she was insinuating that they don't see her anymore and it wasn't like that before she met me. This is, of course, rubbish. In the 2 years we've been together her family have had 2 nights out, both of which my fiance attended. Before me she had a lot of deep rooted issues and was a bit of a party animal who mixed with the wrong crowd, she has done amazingly to turn her life around and has cut a lot of those people off through her own choice. I think they see that not happening any more and for some reason think I've made her do that, and won't listen to her when she tells them otherwise. It's like they can't accept that she has a stable, functional and happy thing going and look for reasons to ruin it for her.
Long and short of it is I am worried sick now that she will be put in a position. I don't want these people anywhere near our big life events in the future knowing they don't support our relationship.
Basically I've never felt accepted by my fiance's siblings who all went through a traumatic childhood together. My Mrs has never really had much 'normality' before she met me. From the kick off they have kept me at arms length, never made an effort to come to get togethers I've tried to organise, never acknowledge our happiness (they 'like' all my Mrs' social media posts that don't include me), ignore me on group chats etc..all very subtle.
Normally this wouldn't bother me but last week her auntie bumped in to my mum in Costco. My mum called me and told me that she was insinuating that they don't see her anymore and it wasn't like that before she met me. This is, of course, rubbish. In the 2 years we've been together her family have had 2 nights out, both of which my fiance attended. Before me she had a lot of deep rooted issues and was a bit of a party animal who mixed with the wrong crowd, she has done amazingly to turn her life around and has cut a lot of those people off through her own choice. I think they see that not happening any more and for some reason think I've made her do that, and won't listen to her when she tells them otherwise. It's like they can't accept that she has a stable, functional and happy thing going and look for reasons to ruin it for her.
Long and short of it is I am worried sick now that she will be put in a position. I don't want these people anywhere near our big life events in the future knowing they don't support our relationship.
Great news. So pleased to hear this. Very happy for you x
My missus parents are masters at manipulating her mate, particularly her mum. She can reduce her to tears in seconds with one sentence.
You have to play the long game and not react, as that’s what they want you to do, so they can be proved right about you.
Never underestimate the damage parents can do to their kids with “ conditioning “when they’re growing up.
My best mate is married to a girl who is a GP, so you’d think she’d be immune from crap like this - stable family and all that.
Her mum used to “ choose “ her boyfriends for her and didn’t speak to her for months when she started seeing my mate - “ she’d been abandoned and betrayed “.
When that didn’t work she then demanded that she vet every house that they looked at and the final straw was when she demanded that she should choose the name of their son.
My mate sat back and waited for his moment - her demanding to name their son and then went nuclear on her.
It worked, as it broke her hold on his missus.
I use that as an extreme example, but it’s about being clever and choosing your moment.
LydiateLee
Player Valuation: £8m
Thank you mate. The problem is, I did react. My partner messaged her auntie saying how angry she was that she'd made those insinuations to my mum, her aunty then called me kicking off denying she'd done anything wrong. I told her a few home truths and now that's added fuel to their fire. I've asked her brother to come round tomorrow for a chat to set things straight.
I am just so worried now that they will always interfere and cause tension at times we should be happy. It's been a horrendous week and has caused a lot of arguments between us but my Mrs has assured me that she won't stand for them bad mouthing me. Got to trust her I suppose.
efcforever
Player Valuation: £10m
Had similar issues with my wife's family for years. They felt that I was keeping her from them and just couldn't accept that she had flown the nest and was making a life for herself. They tried to get in between us on several occasions, even using my mental health problems as a chance to try and cause problems when I was at a low point. The truth is her immediate family have done some terrible things to her and have let her down several times when she needed them most.
I found the best thing to do was just be as supportive as I could be and let as much as possible go over my head. I would always tell myself 'be part of the solution not the problem'. As we've both gotten older more and more she has seen them for what they are and has kept them at a distance. They wouldn't dare interfere in our relationship now as they know she would shun them.
LydiateLee
Player Valuation: £8m
Mate that could be written about my situation! I hope I get a similar outcome thank you for sharing
larrygobfiend
Player Valuation: £40m
I've recently started volunteering at the Samaritans. I'm quite early into the training, but I'm starting to see how much just talking to somebody can help people who are struggling.
The number's 116 123 if anybody's finding it tough and wants to get things off their chest.
The number's 116 123 if anybody's finding it tough and wants to get things off their chest.
Minimeister
Player Valuation: £35m
I really don't think you've got anything to worry about mate. Your missus probably did what she did when she was young and now that she's matured she's happy to leave that life behind and start enjoying the things you miss out on when you're on the ale all the time. Her family won't be happy because they won't ever change and will happily live that life forever. I go for a drink very occasionally with my family and sit there thinking how can you spend most of your days in a pub full of old bores when there's a much bigger world out there. Just look after her and only worry about what you can influence and you'll be fine.