Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[MrD]

There are people who who love you and would miss you so don't think like that. What about your daughter?
Have you given any more thoughts about moving in with yo Mum. I completely get what you are saying but in your Mum's defence she is doing it because she cares. I am one of those mothers too! You want to fix every problem for your kids (regardless of age) and if they are hurting then so are you. Sometimes it expresses itself as overbearing and ( dare I say it) as nagging! Perhaps you could lay some ground rules like Mum is only allowed to ask you if you are Ok twice a day and not constantly make suggestions as to what you should or should not be doing. In return you will tell her what things you have done to get yourself back to a better place.

What's done is done and you can't undo what has gone before. Concentrate on looking forward. You will get there. Don't be too hard on yourself either. Be kind to yourself. If you were your mate what you say to him? I bet it would not be a catalogue of how rubbish he is.

My mum was very caring when it all went wrong. She hugged me and said all the right things. She let me cry. The day to day with her is tough. She is very set in her ways and isn't really into her way of life being affected. I get it, it's her house and her life. Just doesn't make it pleasant for me when she starts asking me if I've found any accomodation so fast. (I've only been back a couple of days).

I don't want to be left alone so I can curl up into a ball and cry for years. I just don't like being pushed. But maybe that's my problem. Maybe I need it.

At the moment I don't feel like I would be missed by anyone. Im sure I will be though.

Is right mate. Tiny steps, just take every day as it comes, it hurts and you’ll shed a million tears but if you can just get over this bump you’ll be alright, your little girl will still love her dad — as for the girls mum only you can work that one out. But for now concentrate on getting yourself straight for now


As for the one bedroom flat thing, yes it’s grim absolutely bottom of the pride swallowing life, but once you get it. You can concentrate on making it a proud home for your daughter once she comes to stay, she won’t care what it’s like as long as her dad is there. I promise cos I did the exact same thing.

Thanks Bryan. It is a huge bout of pride that is upsetting me regarding a flat. I have gone from a nice cozy home to nothing. Plus I know my little girl wont care but I will. How can I look her in the eye knowing her home is lovely and now she will have to come to stay with me and my 1 slice toaster?!

When I'm working I'll be constantly skint. Won't be able to do lovely things for her either. I know it is what it is. I just cannot stand it and I've not even done it yet.

She is so beautiful it breaks my heart.

 

[Deleted member 28206]

My mum was very caring when it all went wrong. She hugged me and said all the right things. She let me cry. The day to day with her is tough. She is very set in her ways and isn't really into her way of life being affected. I get it, it's her house and her life. Just doesn't make it pleasant for me when she starts asking me if I've found any accomodation so fast. (I've only been back a couple of days).

I don't want to be left alone so I can curl up into a ball and cry for years. I just don't like being pushed. But maybe that's my problem. Maybe I need it.

At the moment I don't feel like I would be missed by anyone. Im sure I will be though.


Thanks Bryan. It is a huge bout of pride that is upsetting me regarding a flat. I have gone from a nice cozy home to nothing. Plus I know my little girl wont care but I will. How can I look her in the eye knowing her home is lovely and now she will have to come to stay with me and my 1 slice toaster?!

When I'm working I'll be constantly skint. Won't be able to do lovely things for her either. I know it is what it is. I just cannot stand it and I've not even done it yet.

She is so beautiful it breaks my heart.

It gets easier I promise

 

[MrD]

From just last week, you have made fantastic progress on the outside. Getting a place is one of the most important things so at least you have the comfort of a safe living. Part of Maslows Heiarchy of needs. And when you get your own flat, be proud of it and own it. I know I am happy for you. I even told my wife about you and we are both rooting for you. And when I come up to Liverpool for the Arsenal game, I want you to be there and shake my hand. We are all very proud of you buddy. Keep that chin up and keep chugging forward. And please do take the advise of the doctor. Please go talk with his referral especially if you are talking about ending your own life. Im from America but here is a number I found on line for a helpline: 0151 706 0624.... This is the Liverpool Mental Health Crisis Team. Please give them a call if your feelings worsen to where you are unable to get professional help at the time.

Thanks Grinch. Thank your lovely wife too. I have zero self confidence so it'll be a long time for me to be proud of myself mate but I'm sure this time next year I may feel a bit better.

Have you got any advice on dealing with hindsight? Regret? I know I can't change the past but it's haunting me.

 

[roydo]

When I'm working I'll be constantly skint. Won't be able to do lovely things for her either.

Been there mate. And believe you me, it is a piece of cake to do stuff with kids that cost zippo. And you know what the miracle is? They dont give a fig. And will remember that stuff far more than a new toy or a trip to a fair or whatever.

I spent some time with one of my lads, (23) on Sunday, and asked what he fancied doing. Can we go for that walk we did with Guiness (the dog), years ago Dad?

 

[Deco]

As someone who hasn’t personally experienced serious mental health issues, I’ve learned so much from this thread and feel it’s helped/educated me to support close friends/family get through it.

The community here is second to none, amazing.

 

[MrD]

Been there mate. And believe you me, it is a piece of cake to do stuff with kids that cost zippo. And you know what the miracle is? They dont give a fig. And will remember that stuff far more than a new toy or a trip to a fair or whatever.

I spent some time with one of my lads, (23) on Sunday, and asked what he fancied doing. Can we go for that walk we did with Guiness (the dog), years ago Dad?

Thanks mate. I will always try to make her happy. Whether it's a big thing or just sitting and watching the tele. This week her mum is taking her to Alton towers....I took her to croxteth park the other day and she sat in bird [Poor language removed]. It's like chalk and cheese to what she has done with her mum in the past couple of weeks.

The future will be tough. I'm not denying it.

 

[roydo]

Thanks mate. I will always try to make her happy. Whether it's a big thing or just sitting and watching the tele. This week her mum is taking her to Alton towers....I took her to croxteth park the other day and she sat in bird [Poor language removed]. It's like chalk and cheese to what she has done with her mum in the past couple of weeks.

Bet you a pound to a penny she will remember sitting in poo for longer than some funfair. Not suggesting you make that the highlight next time, but kids love museums, galleries, just mooching around the docks or a market.

She would probably be thrilled taking the ferry. (not free, granted, but not crippling)

 

[Grinch]

Thanks Grinch. Thank your lovely wife too. I have zero self confidence so it'll be a long time for me to be proud of myself mate but I'm sure this time next year I may feel a bit better.

Have you got any advice on dealing with hindsight? Regret? I know I can't change the past but it's haunting me.

I would really suggest visiting that counselor. They are the only people that will truly be able to help with anything like that since its their expertise. I know the ones I work with are fantastic with the jobs they do. Please do yourself this pleasure. It will help ease everything

 

[MrD]

Bet you a pound to a penny she will remember sitting in poo for longer than some funfair. Not suggesting you make that the highlight next time, but kids love museums, galleries, just mooching around the docks or a market.

She would probably be thrilled taking the ferry. (not free, granted, but not crippling)

Yeah, I was thinking about going to the museum. She's 3 so everything is either amazing or total awful. Should be fun!

I would really suggest visiting that counselor. They are the only people that will truly be able to help with anything like that since its their expertise. I know the ones I work with are fantastic with the jobs they do. Please do yourself this pleasure. It will help ease everything

I will attend the counseling. Not sure what to say but I'll attend.

 

[roydo]

Yeah, I was thinking about going to the museum. She's 3 so everything is either amazing or total awful. Should be fun!

3? Blimey, her mum has wasted a bomb taking her to Alton Towers ffs.

Telling you, all she will want is to be with her Dad. You might not like yourself atm, but she will still adore you. Windy day, on Dads shoulders, on the ferry? Even better if its raining, she will LOVE that.

 

[MrD]

3? Blimey, her mum has wasted a bomb taking her to Alton Towers ffs.

Telling you, all she will want is to be with her Dad. You might not like yourself atm, but she will still adore you. Windy day, on Dads shoulders, on the ferry? Even better if its raining, she will LOVE that.

That does sound nice. Not gonna lie.

 

[Grinch]

Yeah, I was thinking about going to the museum. She's 3 so everything is either amazing or total awful. Should be fun!
I will attend the counseling. Not sure what to say but I'll attend.

Anything you want. They will listen and help guide the conversation. Anything you have been telling us is a fantastic place to start. Are the fund going to be an issue if you don't mind me asking? I know you mentioned you are in a tough place

 

[MrD]

Anything you want. They will listen and help guide the conversation. Anything you have been telling us is a fantastic place to start. Are the fund going to be an issue if you don't mind me asking? I know you mentioned you are in a tough place

As far as I know it's free thanks to the NHS. If I have to pay then yes, funds are an issue.

 

[Tim's tourettes]

Anything you want. They will listen and help guide the conversation. Anything you have been telling us is a fantastic place to start. Are the fund going to be an issue if you don't mind me asking? I know you mentioned you are in a tough place

Spot on mate. I was negative approaching counselling but within 10 mins I was pouring my heart out (and sobbing!) And the therapist was great. She explained to me what was happening re my thoughts (and why). It made loads of sense and
Was VERY reassuring to know what I was going through was common, happens to loads of blokes (despite how 'hard' u think u are, like I did!!!) And that its treatable.

 

[MrD]

Spot on mate. I was negative approaching counselling but within 10 mins I was pouring my heart out (and sobbing!) And the therapist was great. She explained to me what was happening re my thoughts (and why). It made loads of sense and
Was VERY reassuring to know what I was going through was common, happens to loads of blokes (despite how 'hard' u think u are, like I did!!!) And that its treatable.

How do you take on board what they say and actively try to adjust your thinking while your usual thought patterns are trying to sabotage it?

It's like when people say look in the mirror and give yourself a compliment. I've tried and I just don't believe a word of it.