Its seeing people watching me struggling mate but then twisting the knife that is hurting. I didn't hate my wife but she is just a liar.
My daughter called me a [Poor language removed] dad and a liar last weekend despite knowing 100% her mum had an affair. My ex wifes parents knew about the affair. I cried my heart out in front of them when I told them but yet they ignore everything including last weekend.
When do I get a break and to start again?
I'm on spare room every day mate but I have just lost the will to even look.
I wrote my daughter a letter today telling her I'm sorry for the past 14 months and I'll always love her. I hope she will understand.
I can bet in the next few months you will realise the failure of your relationship wasn't just your fault. You will wake up and see your ex has manipulated everything to make it look like she is innocent. Dont keep blaming yourself.
I know full well that the whole mess was my fault. That part is fine if she tells those tales, it's the other stuff i can't handle. Making out that the whole relationship was just awful and that. Plus laughing at me and telling me i'm a crap dad too. Loads of things she's done is just hurtful and spiteful.
As for you, I know what it's like when you're hurting and everyone seems to be adding to it and pushing you. It's as though everyone is finding it funny and trying to push you to breaking point. I can tell you that whether they are or they aren't, you can't control what they say or do. What you can control is you listening to it. If it gets too hard just stay out of the situation. Avoid the people who are hurting you. Screw them.
Try to realise though that when you're low and hurting the smallest word or look from someone is amplified massively. You are very sensitive when you are struggling. Imagine if you were on top of the world and loving life, these people wouldn't get a look in. You'd laugh them off. Just try your best to ignore it OR don't put yourself in their firing line.
I poured my heart out to my mum. I told her all the embarrassing details and that. The first opportunity she got to use it against me she took it. She made me feel like crap. She made it worse. But as she was saying all this vile stuff i just sat in silence. I ignored her as i quickly realised it's her issue not mine. For anyone to twist the knife and kick anyone while they are down is just low. Immediately i was above my mum. She thinks its fine o talk like that to her son who needed help well it's not. I wouldn't dream of doing that to anyone ever no matter how small their issue may be and i'm sure you're the same.
I spent a couple of weeks on all the estate agents and property to rent sites and it actually done me in. Really hit home just how crap my immediate future was. I'd end up in a hovel and within the month i'd be dead as i couldn't cope with it. I was forced into calling up about flats and bedsits as my mum made it clear i wasn't welcome there. I was spending a fortune on petrol driving back and forth to north wales to pick up and drop off my daughter, i had to move back there and be near her. Every single flat i enquired about had gone or i was told that i wasn't welcome due to being on benefits. I was essentially, homeless
Spare room was a total fluke, i didn't even know it existed. I found it by chance on google and messaged about 10 people. 1 guy called me immediately and he was totally understanding of my situation.anyway, he let me move in and it's been great for me. Hard but great. Ok, i was kind of forced into it and all i wanted to do was sit in the car and wait to die but i HAD to do it. Had to. What else could i do?
I couldn't stay in the car forever. I couldn't NOT see my daughter. I couldn't sit there alone forever watching my ex meet a fella and be the happiest person alive while i ate myself up and killed myself. I could do it all but why should i? Why should you? You and I are worth more than that. You have a kid who needs you. She may hate you at the moment but by you showing her you are there for her and trying to better yourself she will turn around one day and forgive you.
It's dreadful advice to say you HAVE to do it. I know full well you don't want to but please, try and take the first step. Don't be the guy i was going to be. Why sleep in your car alone? Why listen to these people who are hurting you? Whether they are right or wrong it's done with now. Your life is what it is and only you can guide it to better place. no one will do it for you. As hard as it sounds and as hard as i'm finding it the only person i'm hurting by staying in this hateful state is me. You will only hurt yourself mate.
I hate it when people say you have to do something and move on. It seems impossible. It may be incredibly hard and take a long time but nothing is impossible when it comes to having a little bit of faith in yourself. You aren't the person your ex is making out. You have the power to do it. Trust me, if i can take that first step you can. I'm the weakest most hateful person you could ever meet.
I know when my ex meets someone it will all but destroy me. Another person she can tell her story to.Her social media will be full of pictures of her doing the stuff WE should have done. I didn't do enough to keep her, i lost her and sadly as much as i hate to say it, it's over. It can't be fixed. Nothing i can do. I just have to get on with my own path as do you.
I'm an awful person and i have totally Fkd up BUT....I've not killed anyone and I've never gone out of my way to be like this. Things happen and no one has died and i never cheated on her or done anything premeditated to ruin things. You haven't killed anyone mate.You are important to your daughter and you deserve to be happy too. So what if your ex is moving on? You can't change it but you can make your life worse by dwelling on it.
It's something i need to change myself. I'm trying but it's hard. I do know that eventually i'll move on.You will too. Learn from the past, be mindful of mistakes and by god don't pass the buck. Just don't kill yourself by living in the dark place we can so easily create for ourselves. It's not a place that solves anything.
Like i said mate and i mean it, PM if you need to. I'll talk to you whenever you want. I really know what you're going through and it'll be good for both of us to get through it. I'm rooting for you and i won't be the only one. It has helped me no end knowing i have support here. I've been moved to tears by the support i've received publicly and through PM's.
I'm not too good at this, i'm a very negative person. Others on here can put it so much better than i can in a lot fewer words. but i care mate. You aren't alone.
(excuse my rambling. I'm intelligent but i'm no good at finding the right words. i know what i mean in my head but over the years i find that i've developed a rambling nature. I waffle on. Hope all that above made sense)
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