Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[collymcd]

And I’ve lost him today. My oldest and dearest friend. We grew up together.

Died alone in his flat. Found when his landlord hadn’t heard from him for a couple of days. Called police who found him dead.

Spoke with him 2 weeks ago. Sounded great. We made plans to get together with another mate in the next few weeks. I missed his call 5 days ago. Was meaning to call him back but “too busy”.

Heartbroken. I’m usually telling others to try to let go of negative thoughts but I can’t get rid of a tremendous amount of self-hate right now. Things are raw I know and I should feel better in due course. But he died alone and broken. How the hell do I live with that?

That's desperately sad. You're earlier post is very true I think. No person on the planet can help someone else in a position like that. They have to pull themselves out of the hole at first. Even if you had met him days before it's very unlikely it would have changed things for him.

It's not a comfortable thing to say but at least his suffering has ended. It was obviously unbearable for him.

 

[MrD]

[Really sad news reading the last few posts. Heartbreaking stuff but from the sounds of it i don't think it could have been helped]

Hi everyone. I'm here for an update but also for maybe some advice. It's a tricky one that i can see pros and cons of both sides.

Right, My ex took the car off me yesterday (it's her car but i was paying to run it, insurance, petrol, tax, tyres all of it) so i'm now car-less. She want's to keep our arrangement in place regarding when our daughter stays with me which enables the Ex to work the hours she wants.Then for a few days a week, i have to take and pick up the baby from Nursery. The nursery is a few miles away through country lanes but that wasn't a problem with the car.

Some may remember that i told her it will be hard taking her on the bus due to the awkward location, unreliability of the local buses and that if i miss the most convenient one then it's a long walk to the other bus stop to get the two buses to the nursery. Obviously the return journey is the same.Her reply to that was, if i don't take her i will have to call the school and explain why she isn't going to attend. All i'm trying to do is make it easy on the baby, less hassle and still be able to attend appointments, school stuff, shopping, days out etc etc. The car although it wasn't mine helped our little girl and both my Ex and i.

Anyway, like i said, she took the car yesterday and now has 2 cars. I spoke with my house mate who is an older fella in his late 50s who has been through a divorce and had similar issues (albeit he is loaded so never had a car issue). He was telling me that i should tell her that she took the car, removed my ability to take the baby to school so therefore i should tell her, sorry but you will have to make other arrangements. Even if it means she makes it hard for me to see the baby, threatens mediation and eventually solicitors that i should call her bluff and go down the hard path. He thinks that the initial hardship of making things hard for both of us will pay off because she can't continue to dictate and treat me like crap. It's time i stand up for myself and also start dictating what happens because i also have to think of myself and not just her and the baby.

Now i know many will think don't do it, you're rocking the boat which i totally get. I should keep her sweet and basically bend over backwards to do what she wants BUT, i'm sure a lot of you will understand that she is dictating how i live MY life, what i can and can't do all under the threat of seeing the baby. She is making my life miserable, she talks to me like crap, treats me like crap and has a bitchy response to everything no matter how cordial i am.

I really want her to take the car and do one with it. I hate driving it as it reminds me of her. I want nothing to do with her as she makes my skin crawl however, it makes life for all 3 of us so much easier having 2 cars and i can't afford to buy one of my own.

My house mate says that her unreasonable behaviour, jumping right into another relationship, bringing a stranger to the house and letting him sleep there all counts against her. Ok, over the years she paid every bill so i know i have my bad points too [that i'm totally ashamed of] but since the split, i'v done everything i have to to remain in her life and my ex has had it easy and continues to dictate and work things around her life plus the power trip of having the car and baby held over my head.

I think i need to really think about this because i honestly do need to stand up for myself. She has had everything her way and continues to have it her way all the time insulting me and just being a pure bitch. She needs some hardship too to realise that she wanted the split, she chose the hours she works, she picked a school for the baby miles away, she took the car all of it.

I'm fully prepared for everyone telling me to keep her sweet, get the bus etc etc but please consider that i'm now on my own path and can't be dictated to anymore. It's time i grow a pair and focus on what my life is now and not focusing on what's easier for her. Ok, the baby may be used as a weapon by her but she won't be used by me. I'm happy to be with her as much as possible, just would be easier with the car back. She doesn't need two cars, it won't be forever. It's for 6 months/a year until i can get my own.

Thoughts? Consider all sides please. Her side, my side and "calling her bluff".

 

[stumps1878]

[Really sad news reading the last few posts. Heartbreaking stuff but from the sounds of it i don't think it could have been helped]

Hi everyone. I'm here for an update but also for maybe some advice. It's a tricky one that i can see pros and cons of both sides.

Right, My ex took the car off me yesterday (it's her car but i was paying to run it, insurance, petrol, tax, tyres all of it) so i'm now car-less. She want's to keep our arrangement in place regarding when our daughter stays with me which enables the Ex to work the hours she wants.Then for a few days a week, i have to take and pick up the baby from Nursery. The nursery is a few miles away through country lanes but that wasn't a problem with the car.

Some may remember that i told her it will be hard taking her on the bus due to the awkward location, unreliability of the local buses and that if i miss the most convenient one then it's a long walk to the other bus stop to get the two buses to the nursery. Obviously the return journey is the same.Her reply to that was, if i don't take her i will have to call the school and explain why she isn't going to attend. All i'm trying to do is make it easy on the baby, less hassle and still be able to attend appointments, school stuff, shopping, days out etc etc. The car although it wasn't mine helped our little girl and both my Ex and i.

Anyway, like i said, she took the car yesterday and now has 2 cars. I spoke with my house mate who is an older fella in his late 50s who has been through a divorce and had similar issues (albeit he is loaded so never had a car issue). He was telling me that i should tell her that she took the car, removed my ability to take the baby to school so therefore i should tell her, sorry but you will have to make other arrangements. Even if it means she makes it hard for me to see the baby, threatens mediation and eventually solicitors that i should call her bluff and go down the hard path. He thinks that the initial hardship of making things hard for both of us will pay off because she can't continue to dictate and treat me like crap. It's time i stand up for myself and also start dictating what happens because i also have to think of myself and not just her and the baby.

Now i know many will think don't do it, you're rocking the boat which i totally get. I should keep her sweet and basically bend over backwards to do what she wants BUT, i'm sure a lot of you will understand that she is dictating how i live MY life, what i can and can't do all under the threat of seeing the baby. She is making my life miserable, she talks to me like crap, treats me like crap and has a bitchy response to everything no matter how cordial i am.

I really want her to take the car and do one with it. I hate driving it as it reminds me of her. I want nothing to do with her as she makes my skin crawl however, it makes life for all 3 of us so much easier having 2 cars and i can't afford to buy one of my own.

My house mate says that her unreasonable behaviour, jumping right into another relationship, bringing a stranger to the house and letting him sleep there all counts against her. Ok, over the years she paid every bill so i know i have my bad points too [that i'm totally ashamed of] but since the split, i'v done everything i have to to remain in her life and my ex has had it easy and continues to dictate and work things around her life plus the power trip of having the car and baby held over my head.

I think i need to really think about this because i honestly do need to stand up for myself. She has had everything her way and continues to have it her way all the time insulting me and just being a pure bitch. She needs some hardship too to realise that she wanted the split, she chose the hours she works, she picked a school for the baby miles away, she took the car all of it.

I'm fully prepared for everyone telling me to keep her sweet, get the bus etc etc but please consider that i'm now on my own path and can't be dictated to anymore. It's time i grow a pair and focus on what my life is now and not focusing on what's easier for her. Ok, the baby may be used as a weapon by her but she won't be used by me. I'm happy to be with her as much as possible, just would be easier with the car back. She doesn't need two cars, it won't be forever. It's for 6 months/a year until i can get my own.

Thoughts? Consider all sides please. Her side, my side and "calling her bluff".

Stand up for yourself. Nobody has the right to dictate to someone who they don’t want to be with. Be civilised but be CLEAR and firm and stand your ground . Don’t let her have her cake and eat it.

 

[cronullasharks]

[Really sad news reading the last few posts. Heartbreaking stuff but from the sounds of it i don't think it could have been helped]

Hi everyone. I'm here for an update but also for maybe some advice. It's a tricky one that i can see pros and cons of both sides.

Right, My ex took the car off me yesterday (it's her car but i was paying to run it, insurance, petrol, tax, tyres all of it) so i'm now car-less. She want's to keep our arrangement in place regarding when our daughter stays with me which enables the Ex to work the hours she wants.Then for a few days a week, i have to take and pick up the baby from Nursery. The nursery is a few miles away through country lanes but that wasn't a problem with the car.

Some may remember that i told her it will be hard taking her on the bus due to the awkward location, unreliability of the local buses and that if i miss the most convenient one then it's a long walk to the other bus stop to get the two buses to the nursery. Obviously the return journey is the same.Her reply to that was, if i don't take her i will have to call the school and explain why she isn't going to attend. All i'm trying to do is make it easy on the baby, less hassle and still be able to attend appointments, school stuff, shopping, days out etc etc. The car although it wasn't mine helped our little girl and both my Ex and i.

Anyway, like i said, she took the car yesterday and now has 2 cars. I spoke with my house mate who is an older fella in his late 50s who has been through a divorce and had similar issues (albeit he is loaded so never had a car issue). He was telling me that i should tell her that she took the car, removed my ability to take the baby to school so therefore i should tell her, sorry but you will have to make other arrangements. Even if it means she makes it hard for me to see the baby, threatens mediation and eventually solicitors that i should call her bluff and go down the hard path. He thinks that the initial hardship of making things hard for both of us will pay off because she can't continue to dictate and treat me like crap. It's time i stand up for myself and also start dictating what happens because i also have to think of myself and not just her and the baby.

Now i know many will think don't do it, you're rocking the boat which i totally get. I should keep her sweet and basically bend over backwards to do what she wants BUT, i'm sure a lot of you will understand that she is dictating how i live MY life, what i can and can't do all under the threat of seeing the baby. She is making my life miserable, she talks to me like crap, treats me like crap and has a bitchy response to everything no matter how cordial i am.

I really want her to take the car and do one with it. I hate driving it as it reminds me of her. I want nothing to do with her as she makes my skin crawl however, it makes life for all 3 of us so much easier having 2 cars and i can't afford to buy one of my own.

My house mate says that her unreasonable behaviour, jumping right into another relationship, bringing a stranger to the house and letting him sleep there all counts against her. Ok, over the years she paid every bill so i know i have my bad points too [that i'm totally ashamed of] but since the split, i'v done everything i have to to remain in her life and my ex has had it easy and continues to dictate and work things around her life plus the power trip of having the car and baby held over my head.

I think i need to really think about this because i honestly do need to stand up for myself. She has had everything her way and continues to have it her way all the time insulting me and just being a pure bitch. She needs some hardship too to realise that she wanted the split, she chose the hours she works, she picked a school for the baby miles away, she took the car all of it.

I'm fully prepared for everyone telling me to keep her sweet, get the bus etc etc but please consider that i'm now on my own path and can't be dictated to anymore. It's time i grow a pair and focus on what my life is now and not focusing on what's easier for her. Ok, the baby may be used as a weapon by her but she won't be used by me. I'm happy to be with her as much as possible, just would be easier with the car back. She doesn't need two cars, it won't be forever. It's for 6 months/a year until i can get my own.

Thoughts? Consider all sides please. Her side, my side and "calling her bluff".

Aren't you entitled to half of everything you's owned anyway ?

Also, document every little thing that's happened, every conversation etc in case solicitors get involved.

 

[MrD]

Aren't you entitled to half of everything you's owned anyway ?

Also, document every little thing that's happened, every conversation etc in case solicitors get involved.

She paid for everything over the years so no. I'm happy to document things but we have both said nasty stuff to each other over the past 3 months.

 

[cronullasharks]

She paid for everything over the years so no. I'm happy to document things but we have both said nasty stuff to each other over the past 3 months.

I'm Australian so the laws may be different over there but I'm sure if you live with a partner for a certain amount of time you are entitled to a share of money and possessions regardless.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

[Really sad news reading the last few posts. Heartbreaking stuff but from the sounds of it i don't think it could have been helped]

Hi everyone. I'm here for an update but also for maybe some advice. It's a tricky one that i can see pros and cons of both sides.

Right, My ex took the car off me yesterday (it's her car but i was paying to run it, insurance, petrol, tax, tyres all of it) so i'm now car-less. She want's to keep our arrangement in place regarding when our daughter stays with me which enables the Ex to work the hours she wants.Then for a few days a week, i have to take and pick up the baby from Nursery. The nursery is a few miles away through country lanes but that wasn't a problem with the car.

Some may remember that i told her it will be hard taking her on the bus due to the awkward location, unreliability of the local buses and that if i miss the most convenient one then it's a long walk to the other bus stop to get the two buses to the nursery. Obviously the return journey is the same.Her reply to that was, if i don't take her i will have to call the school and explain why she isn't going to attend. All i'm trying to do is make it easy on the baby, less hassle and still be able to attend appointments, school stuff, shopping, days out etc etc. The car although it wasn't mine helped our little girl and both my Ex and i.

Anyway, like i said, she took the car yesterday and now has 2 cars. I spoke with my house mate who is an older fella in his late 50s who has been through a divorce and had similar issues (albeit he is loaded so never had a car issue). He was telling me that i should tell her that she took the car, removed my ability to take the baby to school so therefore i should tell her, sorry but you will have to make other arrangements. Even if it means she makes it hard for me to see the baby, threatens mediation and eventually solicitors that i should call her bluff and go down the hard path. He thinks that the initial hardship of making things hard for both of us will pay off because she can't continue to dictate and treat me like crap. It's time i stand up for myself and also start dictating what happens because i also have to think of myself and not just her and the baby.

Now i know many will think don't do it, you're rocking the boat which i totally get. I should keep her sweet and basically bend over backwards to do what she wants BUT, i'm sure a lot of you will understand that she is dictating how i live MY life, what i can and can't do all under the threat of seeing the baby. She is making my life miserable, she talks to me like crap, treats me like crap and has a bitchy response to everything no matter how cordial i am.

I really want her to take the car and do one with it. I hate driving it as it reminds me of her. I want nothing to do with her as she makes my skin crawl however, it makes life for all 3 of us so much easier having 2 cars and i can't afford to buy one of my own.

My house mate says that her unreasonable behaviour, jumping right into another relationship, bringing a stranger to the house and letting him sleep there all counts against her. Ok, over the years she paid every bill so i know i have my bad points too [that i'm totally ashamed of] but since the split, i'v done everything i have to to remain in her life and my ex has had it easy and continues to dictate and work things around her life plus the power trip of having the car and baby held over my head.

I think i need to really think about this because i honestly do need to stand up for myself. She has had everything her way and continues to have it her way all the time insulting me and just being a pure bitch. She needs some hardship too to realise that she wanted the split, she chose the hours she works, she picked a school for the baby miles away, she took the car all of it.

I'm fully prepared for everyone telling me to keep her sweet, get the bus etc etc but please consider that i'm now on my own path and can't be dictated to anymore. It's time i grow a pair and focus on what my life is now and not focusing on what's easier for her. Ok, the baby may be used as a weapon by her but she won't be used by me. I'm happy to be with her as much as possible, just would be easier with the car back. She doesn't need two cars, it won't be forever. It's for 6 months/a year until i can get my own.

Thoughts? Consider all sides please. Her side, my side and "calling her bluff".

I would agree. Keep it civil but be clear that it is her actions, not yours, preventing the child from going to school. If she wants you to call the school, go right ahead and tell them that your ex took the car and you simply cant get there. She will have to be flexible at some point.

I made this mistake with my ex. I had a company car and you can only park one car for free in our city so I left it at her place. She was too lazy to get up and walk the dogs before work so every morning, I would cycle 3 miles get to my old house at 0600, walk the dogs 30 mins, drive an hour to work, an hour home then cycle back to my house. The aggro she kicked up when I demanded the key back and stopped walking the dogs was insane.

And all this after she broke our initial agreement, lawyerd up and tried to have me pay €500 a month for 5 years with no kids and no mortgage.

In short, people treat you how you let them. Your ex sounds as controlling and entitled as mine. Take control back.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

She paid for everything over the years so no. I'm happy to document things but we have both said nasty stuff to each other over the past 3 months.

Who paid what doesn't matter, you lived to a certain standard and now your circumstances have changed dramatically. Especially with a child between you, you should expect something for that.

I paid everything and I still got took for most of it.

 

[MrD]

I would agree. Keep it civil but be clear that it is her actions, not yours, preventing the child from going to school. If she wants you to call the school, go right ahead and tell them that your ex took the car and you simply cant get there. She will have to be flexible at some point.

I made this mistake with my ex. I had a company car and you can only park one car for free in our city so I left it at her place. She was too lazy to get up and walk the dogs before work so every morning, I would cycle 3 miles get to my old house at 0600, walk the dogs 30 mins, drive an hour to work, an hour home then cycle back to my house. The aggro she kicked up when I demanded the key back and stopped walking the dogs was insane.

And all this after she broke our initial agreement, lawyerd up and tried to have me pay €500 a month for 5 years with no kids and no mortgage.

In short, people treat you how you let them. Your ex sounds as controlling and entitled as mine. Take control back.

Who paid what doesn't matter, you lived to a certain standard and now your circumstances have changed dramatically. Especially with a child between you, you should expect something for that.

I paid everything and I still got took for most of it.

well I don't want anything off her. Just wanted the use of the car for the sake of the baby until I'm in a position where I can afford my own. Everything else she can have. I've got no interest in her stuff.

I just want to be able to travel for the baby. Ok I could get the bus. Nothing stopping me. It may be deemed lazy or entitled not sure. I just don't like the thought of a 6 minutes drive taking an hour each way in winter.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

[Really sad news reading the last few posts. Heartbreaking stuff but from the sounds of it i don't think it could have been helped]

Hi everyone. I'm here for an update but also for maybe some advice. It's a tricky one that i can see pros and cons of both sides.

Right, My ex took the car off me yesterday (it's her car but i was paying to run it, insurance, petrol, tax, tyres all of it) so i'm now car-less. She want's to keep our arrangement in place regarding when our daughter stays with me which enables the Ex to work the hours she wants.Then for a few days a week, i have to take and pick up the baby from Nursery. The nursery is a few miles away through country lanes but that wasn't a problem with the car.

Some may remember that i told her it will be hard taking her on the bus due to the awkward location, unreliability of the local buses and that if i miss the most convenient one then it's a long walk to the other bus stop to get the two buses to the nursery. Obviously the return journey is the same.Her reply to that was, if i don't take her i will have to call the school and explain why she isn't going to attend. All i'm trying to do is make it easy on the baby, less hassle and still be able to attend appointments, school stuff, shopping, days out etc etc. The car although it wasn't mine helped our little girl and both my Ex and i.

Anyway, like i said, she took the car yesterday and now has 2 cars. I spoke with my house mate who is an older fella in his late 50s who has been through a divorce and had similar issues (albeit he is loaded so never had a car issue). He was telling me that i should tell her that she took the car, removed my ability to take the baby to school so therefore i should tell her, sorry but you will have to make other arrangements. Even if it means she makes it hard for me to see the baby, threatens mediation and eventually solicitors that i should call her bluff and go down the hard path. He thinks that the initial hardship of making things hard for both of us will pay off because she can't continue to dictate and treat me like crap. It's time i stand up for myself and also start dictating what happens because i also have to think of myself and not just her and the baby.

Now i know many will think don't do it, you're rocking the boat which i totally get. I should keep her sweet and basically bend over backwards to do what she wants BUT, i'm sure a lot of you will understand that she is dictating how i live MY life, what i can and can't do all under the threat of seeing the baby. She is making my life miserable, she talks to me like crap, treats me like crap and has a bitchy response to everything no matter how cordial i am.

I really want her to take the car and do one with it. I hate driving it as it reminds me of her. I want nothing to do with her as she makes my skin crawl however, it makes life for all 3 of us so much easier having 2 cars and i can't afford to buy one of my own.

My house mate says that her unreasonable behaviour, jumping right into another relationship, bringing a stranger to the house and letting him sleep there all counts against her. Ok, over the years she paid every bill so i know i have my bad points too [that i'm totally ashamed of] but since the split, i'v done everything i have to to remain in her life and my ex has had it easy and continues to dictate and work things around her life plus the power trip of having the car and baby held over my head.

I think i need to really think about this because i honestly do need to stand up for myself. She has had everything her way and continues to have it her way all the time insulting me and just being a pure bitch. She needs some hardship too to realise that she wanted the split, she chose the hours she works, she picked a school for the baby miles away, she took the car all of it.

I'm fully prepared for everyone telling me to keep her sweet, get the bus etc etc but please consider that i'm now on my own path and can't be dictated to anymore. It's time i grow a pair and focus on what my life is now and not focusing on what's easier for her. Ok, the baby may be used as a weapon by her but she won't be used by me. I'm happy to be with her as much as possible, just would be easier with the car back. She doesn't need two cars, it won't be forever. It's for 6 months/a year until i can get my own.

Thoughts? Consider all sides please. Her side, my side and "calling her bluff".

Playing Devil's advocate she may be trying to force you to stand on your own two feet and do stuff for yourself rather than relying on her to organise and provide for every aspect of your life. Tough love for want of a better phrase.

I don't actually believe that for a minute. She sounds like a vindictive person who is enjoying what she is doing to you. Maybe you deserve it given what you have said about your relationship. I don't know and it is irrelevant. But you have a child together. A small child who she is prepared to see have to walk miles, get two buses in any kind of weather just to make a point. That's a really bad attitude to have. Regardless of how she feels about you, surely her child's welfare must be her biggest priority.

Would she let you use the car on the days you have responsibility for your child?

 

[Nymzee]

[Really sad news reading the last few posts. Heartbreaking stuff but from the sounds of it i don't think it could have been helped]

Hi everyone. I'm here for an update but also for maybe some advice. It's a tricky one that i can see pros and cons of both sides.

Right, My ex took the car off me yesterday (it's her car but i was paying to run it, insurance, petrol, tax, tyres all of it) so i'm now car-less. She want's to keep our arrangement in place regarding when our daughter stays with me which enables the Ex to work the hours she wants.Then for a few days a week, i have to take and pick up the baby from Nursery. The nursery is a few miles away through country lanes but that wasn't a problem with the car.

Some may remember that i told her it will be hard taking her on the bus due to the awkward location, unreliability of the local buses and that if i miss the most convenient one then it's a long walk to the other bus stop to get the two buses to the nursery. Obviously the return journey is the same.Her reply to that was, if i don't take her i will have to call the school and explain why she isn't going to attend. All i'm trying to do is make it easy on the baby, less hassle and still be able to attend appointments, school stuff, shopping, days out etc etc. The car although it wasn't mine helped our little girl and both my Ex and i.

Anyway, like i said, she took the car yesterday and now has 2 cars. I spoke with my house mate who is an older fella in his late 50s who has been through a divorce and had similar issues (albeit he is loaded so never had a car issue). He was telling me that i should tell her that she took the car, removed my ability to take the baby to school so therefore i should tell her, sorry but you will have to make other arrangements. Even if it means she makes it hard for me to see the baby, threatens mediation and eventually solicitors that i should call her bluff and go down the hard path. He thinks that the initial hardship of making things hard for both of us will pay off because she can't continue to dictate and treat me like crap. It's time i stand up for myself and also start dictating what happens because i also have to think of myself and not just her and the baby.

Now i know many will think don't do it, you're rocking the boat which i totally get. I should keep her sweet and basically bend over backwards to do what she wants BUT, i'm sure a lot of you will understand that she is dictating how i live MY life, what i can and can't do all under the threat of seeing the baby. She is making my life miserable, she talks to me like crap, treats me like crap and has a bitchy response to everything no matter how cordial i am.

I really want her to take the car and do one with it. I hate driving it as it reminds me of her. I want nothing to do with her as she makes my skin crawl however, it makes life for all 3 of us so much easier having 2 cars and i can't afford to buy one of my own.

My house mate says that her unreasonable behaviour, jumping right into another relationship, bringing a stranger to the house and letting him sleep there all counts against her. Ok, over the years she paid every bill so i know i have my bad points too [that i'm totally ashamed of] but since the split, i'v done everything i have to to remain in her life and my ex has had it easy and continues to dictate and work things around her life plus the power trip of having the car and baby held over my head.

I think i need to really think about this because i honestly do need to stand up for myself. She has had everything her way and continues to have it her way all the time insulting me and just being a pure bitch. She needs some hardship too to realise that she wanted the split, she chose the hours she works, she picked a school for the baby miles away, she took the car all of it.

I'm fully prepared for everyone telling me to keep her sweet, get the bus etc etc but please consider that i'm now on my own path and can't be dictated to anymore. It's time i grow a pair and focus on what my life is now and not focusing on what's easier for her. Ok, the baby may be used as a weapon by her but she won't be used by me. I'm happy to be with her as much as possible, just would be easier with the car back. She doesn't need two cars, it won't be forever. It's for 6 months/a year until i can get my own.

Thoughts? Consider all sides please. Her side, my side and "calling her bluff".

Can you not get yourself a car or just use taxis for nursery?

 

[MrD]

Playing Devil's advocate she may be trying to force you to stand on your own two feet and do stuff for yourself rather than relying on her to organise and provide for every aspect of your life. Tough love for want of a better phrase.

I don't actually believe that for a minute. She sounds like a vindictive person who is enjoying what she is doing to you. Maybe you deserve it given what you have said about your relationship. I don't know and it is irrelevant. But you have a child together. A small child who she is prepared to see have to walk miles, get two buses in any kind of weather just to make a point. That's a really bad attitude to have. Regardless of how she feels about you, surely her child's welfare must be her biggest priority.

Would she let you use the car on the days you have responsibility for your child?

Devil's advocate is fine. I play it daily about where i am, how i got here and how she is treating me. I get her point. i 100& do. BUT, i didn't enjoy the situation, i have issues that i stupidly let fester instead of fighting to fix them. Do i deserve to be punished? Yes and No. I didn't do anything malitiously or premeditated. Things just happened and time ran away with me. I don't care if she hates me. I'm just trying to keep things heading forward for us all and make life as simple as i can for our child.

Since the split i am standing on my own to feet. My whole world turned upside down and slowly i've started putting things right. I'm on my own here, i'm starting at the bottom and i'm not relying on her for anything other than, letting me use the car. If she doesn't want to then cool, her car, her choice. It's also her child and her choice to make things a little bit harder for her. Ok, getting the bus isn't the end of the world. 1st world problems and that. It's just i agreed this schedule with her in order for her to keep her shift patterns in work. I stayed living here to see my daughter. It's been very easy for her since the split and very hard for me. I'm just mulling over whether to keep it on her terms or stand up for myself a little bit. I've made mistakes, a lot of them but i've not killed anyone and i've harmed myself 1000 times more than i've harmed anyone else.

She won't let me use the car regardless of anything. Think her long term goal was to sell one of them which is fine. She doesn't need the money. She didn't need to take the car off me. She did and it's her right. Just wanted the easier option until i can buy my own. (easy for all of us not just me)

 

[MrD]

Can you not get yourself a car or just use taxis for nursery?

Skint mate. I don't work. Taxis would cost a fortune. Can't afford a car either. I can afford bus fares. It's just the time and added difficulty of getting them. again though, i am aware many people get buses and many people will frown at me saying all this. I will get the bus if i have to. For just me it is what it is. I'm just thinking of the little one. Like i said in my original post, this whole thing has pros and cons on both sides

Also, she keeps saying it's my responsibility to provide for her and take her to school. But isn't it also her responsibility to change her work hours to suit the new situation?! Why has the whole split been only about me and changing my life? Ok she works, pays the bills etc but our relationship is over. Surely she needs to change too and not just by jumping into bed with a fella instantly like she did.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

Skint mate. I don't work. Taxis would cost a fortune. Can't afford a car either. I can afford bus fares. It's just the time and added difficulty of getting them. again though, i am aware many people get buses and many people will frown at me saying all this. I will get the bus if i have to. For just me it is what it is. I'm just thinking of the little one. Like i said in my original post, this whole thing has pros and cons on both sides

Also, she keeps saying it's my responsibility to provide for her and take her to school. But isn't it also her responsibility to change her work hours to suit the new situation?! Why has the whole split been only about me and changing my life? Ok she works, pays the bills etc but our relationship is over. Surely she needs to change too and not just by jumping into bed with a fella instantly like she did.

Mate, you're beating yourself up again. In a breakup nobody is blameless but she cant take away all your means of support and expect you to land on your feet immediately.

Shes trying to shame you and control you and all you've done is try to be the best dad you can in the hardest time of your life.

 

[Nymzee]

Skint mate. I don't work. Taxis would cost a fortune. Can't afford a car either. I can afford bus fares. It's just the time and added difficulty of getting them. again though, i am aware many people get buses and many people will frown at me saying all this. I will get the bus if i have to. For just me it is what it is. I'm just thinking of the little one. Like i said in my original post, this whole thing has pros and cons on both sides

Also, she keeps saying it's my responsibility to provide for her and take her to school. But isn't it also her responsibility to change her work hours to suit the new situation?! Why has the whole split been only about me and changing my life? Ok she works, pays the bills etc but our relationship is over. Surely she needs to change too and not just by jumping into bed with a fella instantly like she did.

But I thought you said you were paying to run the car, petrol etc. already?