Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Daz1878]

I just need a period of relative normality. Since 2017 I've been dealing in extremes.

October 2017: Got together with my girlfriend, after leaving a marriage I'd been unhappy in for years. 4 weeks later break my pelvis in 3 places and the ex lawyers up big time

May 2018: Really amazing holiday and racing trip to Italy, some nice writing work comes up. June, the ex unleashes hell on me for some medical Bills I didn't know existed. Debt collectors, the works.

August 2018: Divorce agreement settled but I get screwed on account of her lawyer and mine being mates. Finish a crazy 2 week mountain bike race, get fired a week later.

February 2019: writing work looks to he going ok. Start a band. Get sued by ex for unpaid maintenance that she agreed didn't have to be paid until I had a job.

May 2019: take crappy job I hate to pay the ex off.

I wont bore you with everything else. But I just got a decent sized tax refund that meant I was able to get everything back in good shape and treat myself a little bit after 2 years of craziness... so my mind is now searching for the next crisis.

Its crap not enjoying the good stuff because you're just convinced the next time the phone rings or the door goes bad stuff is coming.

You wouldn't bore me, mate... but now I'll have a good go at boring you!

Not just trying to prove my theory correct (!), but that you've recently had a break and turned things around hopefully shows there are some brighter days ahead. Sounds like a lot of what you've been up against (i.e. the divorce) was finite stuff which is now thankfully at an end. There are always things waiting to trip us up, but there's not a lot we can do about it.

I think how you've described feeling about wondering what's about to go wrong is, in its own way, a form of being institutionalised by something: you've got so used to things being crappy that it's hard to know how to react when things start going your way. Your mind hasn't been used to happy times for a while, so it probably takes a little bit of adjustment, but it is just a state of mind: for the moment, things have been sorted out and are going OK, so just go along with it as best you can.

 

[davids]

I just need a period of relative normality. Since 2017 I've been dealing in extremes.

October 2017: Got together with my girlfriend, after leaving a marriage I'd been unhappy in for years. 4 weeks later break my pelvis in 3 places and the ex lawyers up big time

May 2018: Really amazing holiday and racing trip to Italy, some nice writing work comes up. June, the ex unleashes hell on me for some medical Bills I didn't know existed. Debt collectors, the works.

August 2018: Divorce agreement settled but I get screwed on account of her lawyer and mine being mates. Finish a crazy 2 week mountain bike race, get fired a week later.

February 2019: writing work looks to he going ok. Start a band. Get sued by ex for unpaid maintenance that she agreed didn't have to be paid until I had a job.

May 2019: take crappy job I hate to pay the ex off.

I wont bore you with everything else. But I just got a decent sized tax refund that meant I was able to get everything back in good shape and treat myself a little bit after 2 years of craziness... so my mind is now searching for the next crisis.

Its crap not enjoying the good stuff because you're just convinced the next time the phone rings or the door goes bad stuff is coming.

Can't believe how lucky I've been after reading your post.Two ex-wives neither of whom asked for a penny.10 years divorced from the second and I'd expected rafts of lawyers letters to try to make me sell the properties we'd bought over here,but not a peep.Losing contact with my daughter did more than balance that one out though sadly.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

Can't believe how lucky I've been after reading your post.Two ex-wives neither of whom asked for a penny.10 years divorced from the second and I'd expected rafts of lawyers letters to try to make me sell the properties we'd bought over here,but not a peep.Losing contact with my daughter did more than balance that one out though sadly.

I've complained about this on here before... but we made an agreement when I moved out that I would pay my half of the bills for 6 months and that would be it. As soon as a lawyer told her she could take it to court for more she did. Bear in mind we had no kids and a rented house, she asked for €500 a month for 5 years.

My lawyer advised me to settle at 300 a month for 3 years which is where we ended up. When I went to hospital I was still waiting for my residence to transfer so that, coupled with me not taking my insurance card out with me when I broke my pelvis meant the bills (which I thought were taken care of) went to her at our house. She chucked them in the bin until the bailiffs showed up then told them where I lived.

So I'm unemployed at this point and we've agreed I dont have to pay her until I get a job but suddenly I'm saddled with €4000 of urgent debt. Then she decides (on the day of her sister's funeral) to sue me for the maintenance for the period of my unemployment.

Took the contract to another lawyer who told me I got shafted and asked the names involved... my lawyer and hers were at college together.

Absolute nightmare.

 

[davids]

I've complained about this on here before... but we made an agreement when I moved out that I would pay my half of the bills for 6 months and that would be it. As soon as a lawyer told her she could take it to court for more she did. Bear in mind we had no kids and a rented house, she asked for €500 a month for 5 years.

My lawyer advised me to settle at 300 a month for 3 years which is where we ended up. When I went to hospital I was still waiting for my residence to transfer so that, coupled with me not taking my insurance card out with me when I broke my pelvis meant the bills (which I thought were taken care of) went to her at our house. She chucked them in the bin until the bailiffs showed up then told them where I lived.

So I'm unemployed at this point and we've agreed I dont have to pay her until I get a job but suddenly I'm saddled with €4000 of urgent debt. Then she decides (on the day of her sister's funeral) to sue me for the maintenance for the period of my unemployment.

Took the contract to another lawyer who told me I got shafted and asked the names involved... my lawyer and hers were at college together.

Absolute nightmare.

In a world where women are getting slowly closer to the equality they deserve,a woman without children asking to be maintained is a real head scratcher.

 

[brieverton]

I just need a period of relative normality. Since 2017 I've been dealing in extremes.

October 2017: Got together with my girlfriend, after leaving a marriage I'd been unhappy in for years. 4 weeks later break my pelvis in 3 places and the ex lawyers up big time

May 2018: Really amazing holiday and racing trip to Italy, some nice writing work comes up. June, the ex unleashes hell on me for some medical Bills I didn't know existed. Debt collectors, the works.

August 2018: Divorce agreement settled but I get screwed on account of her lawyer and mine being mates. Finish a crazy 2 week mountain bike race, get fired a week later.

February 2019: writing work looks to he going ok. Start a band. Get sued by ex for unpaid maintenance that she agreed didn't have to be paid until I had a job.

May 2019: take crappy job I hate to pay the ex off.

I wont bore you with everything else. But I just got a decent sized tax refund that meant I was able to get everything back in good shape and treat myself a little bit after 2 years of craziness... so my mind is now searching for the next crisis.

Its crap not enjoying the good stuff because you're just convinced the next time the phone rings or the door goes bad stuff is coming.

Sorry to hear of your troubles. I haven't experienced your particular issues but "looking for the next crisis" most certainly resonates.

In some ways I can worry more intensely about having nothing to worry about. In an illogical way there is more uncertainty about the unknown and the future, and your mind can default to expecting the worst. Sometimes if I'm having a good patch and tthings are going my way, there will be an inner voice telling me not to get too carried away. As if the universe won't possibly allow any extended period of happiness, of normality, or just feeling settled. It creates a certain listlessness, and this I believe is the root of modern-day anxiety. Constantly preparing to fly or flight.

You come across as self-aware, grounded and resilient if I may say so mate.

I think the saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is very clichéd these days but if I have managed to come out the other side of something bad, I try to tell myself that I got through it, even if that sometimes means just picking yourself up and learning what you might do differently next time. Life is a great teacher, a harsh one also at times.

 

[wgtwiddle]

I think the saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is very clichéd these days but if I have managed to come out the other side of something bad, I try to tell myself that I got through it, even if that sometimes means just picking yourself up and learning what you might do differently next time. Life is a great teacher, a harsh one also at times.

Philosophical slant on emotional suffering...

The voice of sadness is censored as sick. What if it’s sane? | Aeon Essays

We keep chasing happiness, but true clarity comes from depression and existential angst. Admit that life is hell, and be free

aeon.co

 

[AmericasToffee]

People shoving aside things like grief sadness as bad emotions are being disingenuous. Do we want them to be prevalent every single day? No. Happiness and contentment are also emotions that belong in a person's life. Not every day is sunshine and rainbows, though. Life's got peaks and valleys. Try not to exacerbate the valleys.

 

[EFCPaul]

I'm debating about whether I should book a trip and go away for a few days by myself. Really feel like I need a blowout, away from home, work and preferably the family. It's just no friends will be available to come with me for the time being. My birthday is coming up in a few months and I'd like to go somewhere, I don't mind my own company usually but would it be healthy to take myself away and be alone? I know my family probably wouldn't be comfortable with it like, they'd just worry. Really feel burnt out though and need something to recharge me.

Anyone tried this sort of thing before, any experience you can share about whether it's a good idea or not?

 

[COYBL25]

I'm debating about whether I should book a trip and go away for a few days by myself. Really feel like I need a blowout, away from home, work and preferably the family. It's just no friends will be available to come with me for the time being. My birthday is coming up in a few months and I'd like to go somewhere, I don't mind my own company usually but would it be healthy to take myself away and be alone? I know my family probably wouldn't be comfortable with it like, they'd just worry. Really feel burnt out though and need something to recharge me.

Absolutely mate, go and lie on a beach somewhere and just do nothing for a few days.

 

[Nymzee]

I'm debating about whether I should book a trip and go away for a few days by myself. Really feel like I need a blowout, away from home, work and preferably the family. It's just no friends will be available to come with me for the time being. My birthday is coming up in a few months and I'd like to go somewhere, I don't mind my own company usually but would it be healthy to take myself away and be alone? I know my family probably wouldn't be comfortable with it like, they'd just worry. Really feel burnt out though and need something to recharge me.

Anyone tried this sort of thing before, any experience you can share about whether it's a good idea or not?

Did a week in Israel last year by myself and it was a blast. Took some getting used to but was still fun.

 

[Deleted member 38674]

I'm debating about whether I should book a trip and go away for a few days by myself. Really feel like I need a blowout, away from home, work and preferably the family. It's just no friends will be available to come with me for the time being. My birthday is coming up in a few months and I'd like to go somewhere, I don't mind my own company usually but would it be healthy to take myself away and be alone? I know my family probably wouldn't be comfortable with it like, they'd just worry. Really feel burnt out though and need something to recharge me.

Anyone tried this sort of thing before, any experience you can share about whether it's a good idea or not?

A break away, a few days to yourself sounds like the perfect tonic. Without wanting to turn the thread into a travel guide, have a real think about the 'type' of break you want and go for it, mate. Honestly, just do it. Life is too short and if you have the time and money to book a few days abroad, it could be the making of you. Not sure on what you'd consider to be your 'scene' but if you're going away, you may benefit from a beach resort somewhere relatively lively where, even if you're sat alone, you'll be able to socialise much easier than if you were somewhere like an Italian mountain resort. Picturesque though it may be, it's secluded and could easily increase any feelings of isolation you may have.

 

[EFCPaul]

Have decided, going to book Amsterdam for a weekend. I've enjoyed whenever I've gone there previously with friends. I know the hotel I'll use an everything, I'll have a few days to myself over there to get away from the mundaness of every day life.

I just want the peaceful solitude, not interested in getting blitzed I can enjoy myself without any of that. The one thing I've not done in any previous visit is see the Johan Cryuff Arena.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

Have decided, going to book Amsterdam for a weekend. I've enjoyed whenever I've gone there previously with friends. I know the hotel I'll use an everything, I'll have a few days to myself over there to get away from the mundaness of every day life.

I just want the peaceful solitude, not interested in getting blitzed I can enjoy myself without any of that. The one thing I've not done in any previous visit is see the Johan Cryuff Arena.

The old Olympic stadium from the 20s is worth a look too. I really like Amsterdam, once you get away from the really touristy parts. Oude West is a nice area that hasn't been overrun yet and L'affiche is a great little bar there.

 

[JelavicBrate2]

In a world where women are getting slowly closer to the equality they deserve,a woman without children asking to be maintained is a real head scratcher.

Strange really as well as child support in America largely affects poor men, especially Black men , you'd think that since young men, especially Black men growing up with out fathers causes so many problems they'd do something to ensure that fathers can play as active role as they can not put every obstacle in their way. Also while I find it bizarre as the rise of women's rights, women entering the workplace and education, there has also been a rise in judging women solely on how the look and treating women as sexual objects. It's also even stranger that almost every single music video portrays women as sexual objects, other than Adele and Emeli Sande, I can't think of many modern female singers who are judged on talent alone.

 

[zzr45]

Time of year where I particularly struggle- the run up to my birthday I’m always particularly antsy. Whether that’s part of the whole part of January being a particularly crap month or just the general hatred of getting older.

getting out of bed is tough at the minute. No enthusiasm for anything. Just want everything to do one.