Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[paultheblue]

Oh that's lovely news. So happy for you x

Thanks Anj

 

[Spotty]

Congratulations on the turn around mate, that's huge.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister's issues and potential diagnosis. Fingers crossed for the best possible outcome. If it is anything other than that, though, consider how you're feeling now and that she would be feeling exactly the same were you to come to any harm.

Just because you're the man/older one/big brother in the relationship, it doesn't mean you can't open up to her. The message doesn't have to be "I am so scared to lose you that I want to hurt myself", it could be "you mean so much to me that I am gonna fight tooth and nail by your side to help you get through this" you could also tag on "but I might need a bit of extra help from you to do it."

I know it's all much easier said than done, but if you're after a silver lining then somewhere in all this is an opportunity to further strengthen what sounds like a lovely relationship that has made both of your lives better so far. Best of luck to you both.

Brett I loved your advice for Sladen to open up to his sister. It's a two way process, Sladen is worried sick for his sister, and she wouldn't want him to experience stress and anxiety. I reiterate what Brett is saying. I'd tell my sister I love her and that your worried sick about the tests. The purpose us to disclose our feelings and support each other. Sladen supports his sister and she recipericates. Makes her feel useful, she's serving a purpose and supporting the brother she loves. Sladeñ gets the support too. I wish I could tell people in the circumstances Sladen finds himself in that there's a fix. There's not. Medication can help but the biggest help is the moral support we can provide and get from the people we love. People are fantastic. The resilience, hope and the character they display is heartwarming. So I echo what Brett is suggesting, tell your sister Sladen , tell her your upset and I promise she'll understand, and face the challenges together, supporting each other. Good luck to Sladen and his sister and Brett, what a great post. Well said.

 

[COYBL25]

Hi folks. I was going to post today with a little update. My son has restarted his immunotherapy and the crazy itchy side effects seem to be under control. His last scan was clear - apparently the first three after the op are the most crucial. That was his second , so fingers crossed for the next one. Unfortunately though 2024 had one more curve ball for us. Our daughter is expecting our first grandchild. We know it's a boy ( I've already bought him an Everton kit - consigning him to a life of misery!) Her 20 week scan revealed the baby only has one kidney The other one has not developed properly. Nobody seems very concerned about it, apparently it happens in 1 in every 4000 pregnancies. She is just going to be monitored more closely. However it is just one more thing for me to stress about. I've got an appointment at the docs next week because I think everything that has gone on recently has caught up with me. My face is red and blotchy, I'm not sleeping properly and things I usually like to do are no longer fun. I feel, and look, like a wreck!

I know it`s almost impossible to see any positives in this, but it`s a good thing that they`ve picked this up now and not later on in the pregnancy or after the baby was born.

It`ll give everyone time to prepare and get everything ready for the birth of your Grandson and any help that he may need medically.

I`m going to throw a curve ball in here and I mean no disrespect by it, as I know how worried you must be.

Don`t forget that your son in law will need your support too and those of his family.

I know from the charity work I did at Alder Hey, that when a baby is diagnosed with any kind of problem the whole focus is on the baby and mum ( quite rightly )
but the dad can be completely forgotten, to the point of almost being sidelined.

Just something as simple as asking him how he`s doing (he`ll probably just say " fine " as he`s a bloke ).

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I know it`s almost impossible to see any positives in this, but it`s a good thing that they`ve picked this up now and not later on in the pregnancy or after the baby was born.

It`ll give everyone time to prepare and get everything ready for the birth of your Grandson and any help that he may need medically.

I`m going to throw a curve ball in here and I mean no disrespect by it, as I know how worried you must be.

Don`t forget that your son in law will need your support too and those of his family.

I know from the charity work I did at Alder Hey, that when a baby is diagnosed with any kind of problem the whole focus is on the baby and mum ( quite rightly )
but the dad can be completely forgotten, to the point of almost being sidelined.

Just something as simple as asking him how he`s doing (he`ll probably just say " fine " as he`s a bloke ).

That's so true. He's a bit of a closed book at the best of times. Ex forces, served in Afghanistan, and I do think there are residual issues. Fortunately I have a pretty good relationship with him and he does talk to me so I'll keep an eye on him. His Mum is a midwife - which is also a bonus!

 

[Jamo Martinez]

I have just had the best news ever ,as some on here probably know i lost my wife to cancer 4 years ago and have just been living with my daughter at home.
6 months ago I got a call from one of my sisters telling me I need to be checked out as there is a faulty dna gene in the family called BRAC1 Which makes myself and my siblings particularly vulnerable to cancer and particularly my daughter who would probably mean that should would need a double mysectomy.

It's 50/50 that I would have got the faulty gene as it comes from either your mother or your father,needless to say i copped for it.
I wasn't that arsed as I have already had Prostrate cancer but having to tell my kids that they need to get tested was tough you feel guilty even though there is nothing you can do .
Anyway after 6 months from start to finish we finally got the results for my daughter today she got the all clear.
It's a huge relief i have told it is a late Christmas present from her mum the best present she could ever have.

Glad to hear that mate.

 

[Jamo Martinez]

Hi all, dunno why I'm really writing this but I just need to speak but I can't speak to those close to me.

Found out on Monday that my 18 year old sister has to go for a biopsy as the doctor is almost certain she has cancer in her lymph nodes.

She's my best friend. I'm 34 but we always have each others back. The thought of her having cancer is destroying me.

I've had quite bad mental health problems in the past and depression has took me to some dark places. I really don't want to go back there but I honestly think if her biopsy confirms it then I'm going to end up in the condition I was 10 years ago.

At one point I was suicidal, didn't want to work, drank, got in 25k of debt, depression really took control. But I have built myself up, got a stable relationship, worked my way up to become a manager in my job and I am on the verge of buying my first house. Really turned my life around.

But since I found out she very likely has cancer on Monday my dark thoughts have been coming back.

Tonight all my emotion is coming out.

I know the biopsy might come back all clear, but the thought of it not is really killing me.

I haven't put this message up for sympathy, I just felt I needed to get it off my chest and to my family, I remain strong...to this forum, I am a mess.

To the best forum in the world....thankyou all for listening.

Hope you're soon celebrating good news with your sister mate.

 

[Jamo Martinez]

Hi all, dunno why I'm really writing this but I just need to speak but I can't speak to those close to me.

Found out on Monday that my 18 year old sister has to go for a biopsy as the doctor is almost certain she has cancer in her lymph nodes.

She's my best friend. I'm 34 but we always have each others back. The thought of her having cancer is destroying me.

I've had quite bad mental health problems in the past and depression has took me to some dark places. I really don't want to go back there but I honestly think if her biopsy confirms it then I'm going to end up in the condition I was 10 years ago.

At one point I was suicidal, didn't want to work, drank, got in 25k of debt, depression really took control. But I have built myself up, got a stable relationship, worked my way up to become a manager in my job and I am on the verge of buying my first house. Really turned my life around.

But since I found out she very likely has cancer on Monday my dark thoughts have been coming back.

Tonight all my emotion is coming out.

I know the biopsy might come back all clear, but the thought of it not is really killing me.

I haven't put this message up for sympathy, I just felt I needed to get it off my chest and to my family, I remain strong...to this forum, I am a mess.

To the best forum in the world....thankyou all for listening.

Just to reiterate what a couple of other posters have said.

We all fall into holes on our way through life. some of those holes are unavoidable, others are the ones we dig ourselves (speaking from personal experience).
Our time in those holes is not what defines us. What defines us is how we climb out of those holes-

In your case, you climbed out of the hole, filled it in with cement and laid the foundations for a better life. That's who you are.

Whatever the result of your sister's biopsy, remember that and focus on what makes your relationship so special.

Best of luck with everything.

 

[GrandOldTeam]

For many this is the most challenging time of the year.

Talk to your friends. Don't have any? There's plenty on here.

Check in on your friends.

 

[blue to the bone]

For many this is the most challenging time of the year.

Talk to your friends. Don't have any? There's plenty on here.

Check in on your friends.

Have heard of 3 suicides in the last few days alone . January an awful time of year for many

 

[matty1878]

if anyone wants to talk i’m a DM away

i’ suffer with mental health and im diagnosed. i’ve gone through and some serious stuff. i’ve tried a suicide attempt and survived it, we in life really do get tested

but dont think there is no way out
or no solution or no help there is

i’m not an expert but i think i can give good tips out to people who are in need

please don’t bottle anything up please don’t feel ashamed and please talk

it can get very dark and lonely with our thoughts but they’res always light at the end of the tunnel x

 

[MaximusEvertonius]

Bless you, Matty . Sometimes it’s posts like that that can save someone when they feel there’s nowhere to turn. We all suffer and carry hurt and pain, hopelessness and self-doubt. No one is alone. There is no shame like you said. I feel men in particular struggle with admitting they’re struggling. Well, I find it’s the strong man who admits his struggles. That he seeks help and counseling. And one who opens themselves to others because he knows breaking down those insecurities leads to openness, sharing, and healing.

 

[matty1878]

Bless you, Matty . Sometimes it’s posts like that that can save someone when they feel there’s nowhere to turn. We all suffer and carry hurt and pain, hopelessness and self-doubt. No one is alone. There is no shame like you said. I feel men in particular struggle with admitting they’re struggling. Well, I find it’s the strong man who admits his struggles. That he seeks help and counseling. And one who opens themselves to others because he knows breaking down those insecurities leads to openness, sharing, and healing.

your so correct mate - it’s a bad stigma that us men don’t talk and bottle it up

we’re human like the rest

makes you no less of a man by opening up

remember that x

 

[Bryan+]

if anyone wants to talk i’m a DM away

i’ suffer with mental health and im diagnosed. i’ve gone through and some serious stuff. i’ve tried a suicide attempt and survived it, we in life really do get tested

but dont think there is no way out
or no solution or no help there is

i’m not an expert but i think i can give good tips out to people who are in need

please don’t bottle anything up please don’t feel ashamed and please talk

it can get very dark and lonely with our thoughts but they’res always light at the end of the tunnel x

I love you matty

 

[matty1878]

I love you matty

love you to x

 

[COYBL25]

if anyone wants to talk i’m a DM away

i’ suffer with mental health and im diagnosed. i’ve gone through and some serious stuff. i’ve tried a suicide attempt and survived it, we in life really do get tested

but dont think there is no way out
or no solution or no help there is

i’m not an expert but i think i can give good tips out to people who are in need

please don’t bottle anything up please don’t feel ashamed and please talk

it can get very dark and lonely with our thoughts but they’res always light at the end of the tunnel x

You`re a top lad Matty