Divorce help

[Joey66]

I'm going through one at the moment. We're trying to be as amicable as possible through it all, as we both appreciate that as soon as things get nasty the only people that gain from it are the lawyers.

The one with the best solicitor in the UK that is - always wins - if any children are involved they are the biggest losers .... when the case is sorted not always, but most couples lead a different life & are very amicable after the proceedings - the solicitors do get rich on peoples misery - I agree with that but if you win you get your cost back - It is no good getting a run-of-the-mill solicitor in the UK - you need a highly rated divorce lawyer /solicitor

There are no guarantees even then if you - win as I went through 8 years of different litigation paid for by my Trade Union being told the evidence I had taped - It was a winner - my trade Union solicitors we in terms of football conference level my employers were the Premier League - it was a tremendous struggle in court I was in the dock over 8 hours, but it all worked out in my favour ......

The two Protagonist got what was coming .....

Myself the strain of it all - = my health went down his - 9 years of a court case took its toll with me & my family -

 

[Little Ralphy]

Haven't been divorced myself, but two very close friends of mine have. One of them now lives with us because his wife got the house and threw thousands of pounds at the court in order to make sure he only gets the kids 3 nights a week... As this is less than 50/50, the Child Maintenance Service have ordered him to pay nearly a £1000 a month to her (ongoing), making it impossible for him to rent anywhere in our area. Oh, and he's still on the mortgage of their house so can't get credit anywhere.

My other mate is in a slightly less awful position but he just got a pay rise and his ex-wife is now demanding that his monthly payments to her should go up. She too took the house in the original settlement.

Get a Solicitor. Get the best one you can afford. Do it today. You need to get 50/50 child access otherwise you'll get hit for maintenance.

That's awful and I've heard a few people have similar horror stories, hence me worrying when she's been threatening me with similar. I hope it works out for both of your mates.

 

[Little Ralphy]

I'm going through one at the moment. We're trying to be as amicable as possible through it all, as we both appreciate that as soon as things get nasty the only people that gain from it are the lawyers.

Sorry to hear that mate, I hope it stays amicable for you.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Sorry to hear that mate, I hope it stays amicable for you.

You too mate.

 

[COYBL25]

I'm going through one at the moment. We're trying to be as amicable as possible through it all, as we both appreciate that as soon as things get nasty the only people that gain from it are the lawyers.

Sorry to hear that mate, do you have a lawyer, as I have a very good friend who lives and works in London, who specialises in divorce / family law ?

She`s always very happy to give free advice through me, so if you need to know anything please feel free to DM me

 

[COYBL25]

This is so true!

The one i enquired about first ws £360 per hour

Ive actually found one that is £260

*weeps

This actually quite cheap, seriously !

Most senior lawyers start at £400, more in London.

 

[Prevenger17]

Sorry to everyone in here, and best of luck to both the OP and everyone going through a divorce. I'm getting married next year so I've bookmarked this thread

 

[COYBL25]

I have seen two divorces of close friends & the women normally wins ....

If there are children involved, short of the mother being a rancid crack ho, the courts always try and keep the kids with their mum, even if she`s the one in the wrong.

It`s archaic, but sadly that`s the way it is.

 

[Prevenger17]

If there are children involved, short of the mother being a rancid crack ho

That's why you sneak the crack into her porridge

 

[Joey66]

Sorry to everyone in here, and best of luck to both the OP and everyone going through a divorce. I'm getting married next year so I've bookmarked this thread

All the best, just remember most the people at your wedding - if it's a big one - will just be a blare in the future - draw up an expensive wedding gift plan

 

[Prevenger17]

All the best, just remember most the people at your wedding - if it's a big one - will just be a blare in the future - draw up an expensive wedding gift plan

We're doing it in Vegas Joey, it's basically a holiday with a tacky Elvis wedding thrown in. We're together 14 years or something (I've lost count) and have a house so we're more or less married already

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Sorry to hear that mate, do you have a lawyer, as I have a very good friend who lives and works in London, who specialises in divorce / family law ?

She`s always very happy to give free advice through me, so if you need to know anything please feel free to DM me

Thanks mate. We're hoping to do it without resorting to lawyers. Touch wood, things are fairly amicable at the moment.

 

[Jacko93]

Sorry to hear this, and I hope you are OK and coping as well as you can. There are support networks available if you are not, and don't be too scared to admit it.

Do you have any idea what it is that she wants to get out of it? I would note down all that she is claiming that she is due. Don't claim anything for yourself, yet. Her immediacy in claims of what she is due before any formal process could, with the right judge, come across as premeditated. Any arguments in which she says "Ill take you to the cleaners" or similar, record them. Don't tell her what you want, certainly don't say what she can have, but have a clear idea of what your red lines are. What are you ready to fight tooth and nail for?

The truth is, only you will figure this out, and you will. The worst days are yet to come, but the best ones will follow.

My friend was divorced recently after about 12 years. He thought everything was over, he admitted some pretty dark thoughts. His life is better now that it ever was. He's met a new life partner, he's sorted an acceptable and fair agreement with his ex-wife and the 3 kids. He's in a really good place.

It may be difficult to see now, but the future is bright, and it is for the VAST majority of divorced Men. You've got this. Go well.

 

[Joey66]

Thanks mate. We're hoping to do it without resorting to lawyers. Touch wood, things are fairly amicable at the moment.

As I stated, most divorces after all the spite & hell usually end up friendly after the court case ....

Not a chance I would take though .....

 

[dave n]

Mate I know exactly how you feel, what you described sounds exactly like what happened to me. I tried everything til she was six then lost contact for about 4/5 years then we tried to restart things but to be honest the damage was done. I saw her off and on for a year or two then. Nothing til she was 16. Since then it’s been maybe once/twice a year. We are in contact still but so much damage was done that our relationship is pretty superficial. I just desperately wanted it to work so kept going back only for them to ditch me, seemed to keep happening over and over, left me an emotional wreck. It’s what holds me back now, I just can’t commit properly anymore after being hurt so much.

There’s been times when we lost contact all I felt was relief and then overwhelming guilt for feeling relieved. All because it was me that decided to break up with her mum. A woman scorned……..

I hope you at least manage to find peace with it all if nothing else. Sorry you’ve had to go through that mate.

I was the same. I kept going back only to face rejection.
Not being a good dad will leave a scar on me forever.
I think if there was more proper support out there for men we wouldn't of basically been excluded from our children's lives. I tried all the avenues as well but money talks and I wasn't going to keep throwing money around to end up at square one again.