Xizor
Player Valuation: £10m
There’s just no criteria for it apart from which media approved player at media approved clubs has won something recently.
Pretty much. The sporting media love a story, and to build a narrative around teams and players to build fans' investment. The narrative pushed this season has been that Van Dike has come in and single-handedly transformed a good but defensively-flawed team into world beaters. If he'd have lost the CL final they'd have quickly moved on, but the win is like the epic culmination of the story, and the Ballon d'Or would be the warm-fuzzy-feeling epilogue so they'll keep talking about it until it happens.
Otherwise UEFA could just craft a carefully weighted algorithm and run all the players' stats through it and declare a winner that way.