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Farting
- Thread starter Groucho
- Start date
- Status
Rita_Poon
Player Valuation: £90m
Reckon you're up to 'Rule britannia'?
In my office if you go for a slash at around 10am, there’s about 15 traps in the gents and my goodness it’s like an arse orchestra in there.
Easily on par with the “more beans Mr Taggart” from Blazing Saddles.
Easily on par with the “more beans Mr Taggart” from Blazing Saddles.
Bluebonic
Player Valuation: £35m
Years ago I was in Teaco’s getting a sarnie for my dinner. some old biddy who was waiting at the meat counter let out the most outrageous dockers blert, honestly the back of her mac ruffled, the blast was that powerful. She then turned around, looked at me, sneered and said ‘disgusting’ in a very loud voice like I had did it. I was so traumatised, I started acting guilty as though I had done it And fled without buying my grub. The woman was a criminal mastermind and was probably an associate of Philby and the like!
bluerobert
Player Valuation: £30m
There’s no finer feeling than framing somebody for a fart. Makes you feel like Ronnie Biggs
Tim's tourettes
Player Valuation: £10m
I recently had overnight oats made with kefir. I was told that it's good for 'gut health'.
I'm 45 yrs old and have had a variety of diets through my adult years as I tried to maintain fitness....
Never, ever have I been so disgusted with myself that I felt physically sick at the smell I produced after the kefir.
My 6 Yr old daughter cried genuine tears after walking in my bedroom in the morning
The wife threatened divorce if i ate it again
I'm 45 yrs old and have had a variety of diets through my adult years as I tried to maintain fitness....
Never, ever have I been so disgusted with myself that I felt physically sick at the smell I produced after the kefir.
My 6 Yr old daughter cried genuine tears after walking in my bedroom in the morning
The wife threatened divorce if i ate it again
bluerobert
Player Valuation: £30m
If you’ve ever had enough of her eat it for a week and Dutch oven her
Rita_Poon
Player Valuation: £90m
Good to have in the locker then, just in case.
trueblue84
Player Valuation: £50m
Guinness farts are the best. A true abomination.
bluerobert
Player Valuation: £30m
You can’t trust them though
trueblue84
Player Valuation: £50m
A few months ago, I was sick and my farts absolutely stank. Was at my brother's and decided to pollute his house. After dopping my guts, his cat got up and left the room. 10 minutes later, it came back in, looked my dead in the eyes and let out an angry meow. I'm convinced it was calling me a prick and I cried laughing for about an hour. Still makes me laugh when I think about it.
Rita_Poon
Player Valuation: £90m
It's code for a passing of putrescence?
Tim's tourettes
Player Valuation: £10m
Proper made me laugh
I now challenge you to return the day after having overnight oats with kefir.
See what demonic noises the feline makes then
bluerobert
Player Valuation: £30m
Another great fart in my highlight reel was in the chiropodist in Knotty Ash. Little husband and wife ran set up. I’d had a bad ingrown toenail and the fella got me up in stirrups. His head is right between my legs as he’s prodding and poking to work out the extent of infection. He’d prod and asked if it hurt there. He poked in the wrong spot and I involuntary let rip mere inches from his face. It was so powerful his hair flapped in the breeze. With the calmest of demeanours he looked up and asked “do you feel better now”. I never went back
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