Colonel Getafe
Player Valuation: £25m
Because he saved us from relegation when a fat kopite was torpedoing the entire club deliberately (while some of our fans cheered him on)
"yes Agent Rafael here, I am at the football cloooob, I sign 33 year-and-stone Rondon from Shanghai, told Andros to keep the Bin Laden haircut, I waste all their 1.7 millions on Demari Gray and FB92 will chef me paella for breakfast. No, I can't believe it either..."