How can Everton top yesterday?

[NathDogg]

Liquidate and Dissolve the club, form new team based on inspiring recent history of Everton.

Partially built still unfinished BMD becomes new psychiatric facility for former evertonian PTSD sufferers.

2024 - the Hot Wok Headlockers run out for their inaugural match at Jeffrey humble playing fields, managed by Victor Pereria. Bill Kenwright is chairman.

Club motto is “bona tempora, tempora Mala, calidum opere”

 

[bobbymill]

Booooooo!!!!

 

[DualityNSNO]

[Credit to whoever did that on Reddit]

 

[Milkman]

At this point, I'm waiting for either the inevitable HMRC audit into major systemic fraud, or that panda to allege some historic sex offences against Graeme Sharp

 

[Bedfordblue]

Maybe some agent will come out, Kia whatshisface maybe, and throw the recruitment team under the bus with tales of being offered all kinds of great players on the cheap only to be turned down.

? would never happen like

Wut?

 

[Shevin Keedy]

The term Chiefs and Indians springs to mind.

Weird Ming the Merciless style puffa jacket he's got there, that's deffo not a hood

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

Usmanov and Moshiri prosecution for fraud / financial malpractice in relation to the club's ownership and financing.

Calvert-Lewin chinning a Dar outside Finch Farm for calling him a "cross dressing nancy".

Tabloid story breaks about a torrid affair between Ashley Cole and and DBB. The phantom headlocker transpires to be Baines who was also having relations with DBB. "YOU SAID I WAS THE BEST LEFT BACK, WHY DID YOU LIE YOU COW".

Tony Hibbert appointed manager.

Rondon refuses to return on the grounds of "Everton dragging his game down".

 

[DualityNSNO]

Tony Hibbert appointed manager.

Preseason we just go somewhere quiet and all the lads go fishing for a week, nothing else

 

[Simo]

Weird Ming the Merciless style puffa jacket he's got there, that's deffo not a hood

That's his ego

 

[GoldenToffee]

DCL to enter Finch Farm wearing a normal pair of jeans, trainers and a Zara t-shirt instead of a frilly skirt, high heels and crop top.

Kenwright to appoint Graeme Stuart to the board for his 'services to Everton'.

 

[Jamiednm]

Netflix announce a mockumentary series surrounding day to day events of British football club, Tonever, nicknamed the Coffees. Everything listed sounds suspiciously like the plot for the pilot episode, however the producers are adamant that the story was written months before any of this happened at Everton and assure the audience that Tonever is a completely fabricated club, made up with no existing football club in mind.

To be fair, the non-Football aspect of Everton is really entertaining. It’s a shame they have to play actual games, because everything off the pitch is laugh-a-minute.

 

[chicoazul]

In answer to the thread title. Easy.

 

[Yarrgh]

Jim Goodwin unveiled as new manager on the back of his Scottish Cup exploits. His first piece of business has Pickford loaned out to Tottenham, with the intricate deal seeing us covering 200% of his wages and an obligation to buy Lucas Moura in the summer for £135M (+ add-ons).

At least we have an improvement on Walsh, Brands and Thelwell doing the deals

Onwards and upwards.

 

[Hard Times]

1 Liz Truss appointed as Co CEO
2 Prince Andrew appointed as U16 women's team manager
3 Goodison failing its safety certification
4 Moshiri next interview while wearing a Liverpool shirt
5 Storm washes the new stadium into the sea
6 paper trail linking Usmanov and Putin funding to Moshiri gets discovered
7 Rondon joins on a 4 year contract
8 DCL quits football to pursue his modelling dreams
9 Moshiri decides to use AI software to manage the team instead of hiring anyone to replace Frank
10 Moshiris 3 nephews all join the first team

 

[Muggins]

Danjuma U-turn
Gordon leaving
Onana AWOL (granted we now know he was granted leave to go to a wedding but still)
No manager
Farhad wants Bielsa
Thelwell doesn't want Bielsa
We may be forced to hire Big Sam
The phantom Headlocker is still on the loose
The club's for sale (YAY)
no wait the club's not for sale (BOOOO)

How can today top that?

What about the YouTube appearance? Or is that covered in the last point?