How would YOU get this squad performing?

[Jebus_lives]

PEDs

 

[Sadken]

ring sir alex up.

It's impossible, you can't polish a turd .

 

[Lanolin]

Late developing asthma.

 

[CahillsCornerFlag]

Bomb the absolute gash that has been festering in the dressing room for years - Keane, holgate, Davies, Mina and some of the newer gash like McNeil.

Actually physically remove them from club, unregister them as players and fook them off anywhere if nobody wants to buy them. They’ve had more than enough chances and I’m sick to the back teeth of the spineless cowards.

Recall branthwaite, Warrington, nkounkou, dobbin and start selecting these and youngsters like price, simms, mills, welch in whatever system you like, but go more direct and simplify the game, players around a big cf and get it forward quicker - the kids couldn’t do any worse than the cowards getting picked every week in the first team currently.

I'd agree with this but think it's actually a bit too forward thinking. It'll work when we're down in the championship next season. Think Nkounkou and Simms aren't up to the task but the rest of them well could be. Binning off the utter garbage and seeing young lads who actually give two flying ones would be a breath of fresh air, would allow them to grow together, and would enable us to significantly reduce the wage bill.

We know a few lads won't be sticking round if we go down, the likes of Pickford, Gana, Onana, etc, but I think we'd actually have a half decent core of Patterson, Tarkowski, Godfrey, Branthwaite, Garner, Warrington, Price, Mills, Gray, Calvert-Lewin (don't think anyone pays what we'd want), Dobbin, and Gordon (if he stops being utter pony). I know that doesn't really answer the OP but it does make me feel 1% less horrendous about probably being relegated.

 

[Twinkletoes123]

Bring back dogs of war for the foreseeable

 

[Street end man]

Give them practice games against Marine, Southport, Tranmere and Everton women to let them see what pride is.

 

[TGW89]

To paraphrase about 100% of guys over 60 who phone in after yet another gubbing. "GERREM RUNNIN UP SAND DUNES LIKE CATTERICK!"

 

[Oddson]

Playing for Everton should be enough of a reason.

 

[TGW89]

Give them practice games against Marine, Southport, Tranmere and Everton women to let them see what pride is.

Shout that. What are the PL regulations about fielding women's sides in the men's competition? Must be a loophole somewhere.

 

[chrismpw]

Mike Bassett knows: "bloody 4, bloody 4 bloody 2."

 

[matty1878]

It's impossible, you can't polish a turd .

id still try lol

 

[COYB75]

Sand dunes, shouting etc etc. That's bound to work.

The media would love to roll out the 'Dogs of War' name tag again. They hate us being associated with terms like the 'School of Science' so would rally to our cause. In all honesty sand dunes and shouting is about all our players are capable of. Anything else and they curl in to little hedgehog balls and wait for for the whistle.

 

[willo30]

Earn your wedge Frank.
Sort it out yourself!

GOT aren't going to help you.

 

[TGW89]

View attachment 201029
Decimation.

Knowing our luck Onana would draw the short straw.

 

[ZissouBlue]

I'd go back to Ancelotti's tactics. Solid 433 with emphasis on good defense and counterattacks. Try to replace as many of the underperforming players as you can. Stop leaving two slow CBs and one aging DM as cover for several positions.

Drop Coady for Mina. Drop Mykolenko for Godfrey. Double pivot of Gana and Onana so they can cover for each other. Garner rotates and hopefully replaces Gana once he's healthy. Have Iwobi be the more advanced midfield player. Gray, Calvert-Lewin and Gordon as the forwards, with Gray and Gordon tucking back into a 451 when defending. Hopefully we can bring in replacements for Dom and especially Gordon. Having to put any of Calvert-Lewin, Maupay, McNeil or Gordon in the starting XI is killing us right now.