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Jokes Thread

Jack, a renowned atheist died and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, let me give you the tour so you can see for yourself"

He then proceeds to escort Jack through a beautiful lush green plain with flowers, scattered here and there there's a bunch of houses where other "damned" live.

As they pass through each house the inhabitants recognize Satan and invite them inside for a drink and a chat, request that's always granted by the two.

Every time they stop to a house Satan never fails to display how much of a lovely guy he really is by telling amazing stories, singing, cracking jokes and just generally being a great person.

At sunset the devil sees that Jack was very tired and decides to show him the house he'll be spending the rest of eternity into.

As they walk to Jack's new house the two pass close to a huge wall and Jack asks: "What's behind there?"

Satan: "Oh, nothing that should concern you, pay it no mind"

Despite his curiosity Jack thought better not to bother Satan with further questions and just followed him to his new house where Satan promised he'd be back the following morning to show him the recreational center before finally bidding him a goodnight after a long day.

That night however Jack kept thinking back at the whole situation he's in and how surreal everything was until his thoughts eventually jumped to the wall he saw earlier in the day.

After a few minutes trying to guess what could there be behind that wall that Satan couldn't even tell him he decided he should investigate, as such he took a deep breath and dived into the night walking back to the place where the wall was.

Once there he searched for some clues until he saw some faint light coming from a spot in the wall; upon closer inspection he saw that there was a hole and the light was coming from behind the wall.

Jack took a deep breath and scrounged up the courage to look into the crack on the wall and what he saw was a spectacle much alike what he always thought hell would be.

On the other side of the wall huge flames were scattered all over a burnt and scalding hot ground and much to his horror he saw other souls inside that nightmare being eternally burned and never consuming, screaming and pleading for help.

Jack rushed back into his place where he just quietly sobbed and cried all night for he was sure now that the Devil was just toying with him to give him a bit of hope right before tossing him into eternal despair.

The following morning Satan showed up once again and told Jack to come with him.

Jack pleaded: "PLEASE! PLEASE! Don't take me to hell, I'll do anything just let me stay here, I don't wanna burn for all eternity!"

Satan: "What are you talking about??? I'm just gonna show you the recreational center like I told you yesterday"

Jack: "Don't lie to me, I saw what was going on behind the giant wall!"

Satan: "Ooooh you saw that! Don't worry that's not for you, that's the Christian hell"

Jack: "The christian hell? Why would the christian hell be like that?"

Satan: "I don't know either man, they just want it that way"
 

Fella dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.
"Come on and take the tour," he says.
"Tour?"
"Oh, yes. What you never hear until you get here is you get 24 hours to decide if it's for you."
So, as he was expecting, the newcomer sees nothing but fluffy clouds and everyone's playing a harp. Serene, but very dull.
"Now what?" the guy asks.
"Now you go to hell and see what that's like. But after 24 hours you must make a choice."
Down he goes and he's meet by Satan, who shows him around a luscious golf course, with very scantily clad women serving all sorts of drinks. Afterward, there's steak and lobster, cigars and cognac.
"Man, this is nothing like I expected," the guy says. "Up there, nothing but dullness."
"So what's your choice?"
"I'm staying here," the man replies. He's then led to a luxury apartment where he's serviced all night.
The next morning, he wakes up and the bird is nowhere to be seen. He opens the door and recoils at the sight -- fire, brimstone, people in rags and screaming in agony. No golf course, no steak and lobster, nothing but pain and misery.
"I don't understand," he said to Satan. "What happened here?"
The devil grinned and replied: "Yesterday, we were recruiting you. Today, you're staff."
 
40355703_10155959677062582_1651764114743099392_n.jpg
 


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