Jokes Thread

[Billysgingham.]

I must confess Billy, I thought of you when I read the joke: I said to myself "I bet Billy's sides will be splitting, when he reads this joke".
It sounds like I was correct!

Who the ..... Billy.

 

[deipnosophist]

Who the ..... Billy.

Silly Billy...everyone knows a billy is the potential mating partner of a nanny.

 

[Billysgingham.]

Silly Billy...everyone knows a billy is the potential mating partner of a nanny.

Oh I thought that was the husband.

 

[Joey66]

This reminds me of the old football boots. Like clogs with a rock hard toe cap and studs that were hammered in. With a new pair, the procedure was: put them on, tie the laces and sit with the boots in a bowl of hot water for an hour. The theory was that this 'moulded' them to your feet. When they were moulded, you hammered the toes until they were soft. The studs were three nails through 4 or 5 layers of leather. When it was frosty and the ground was hard and slippy, you would take off the top two layers of leather which meant the nails protruded and gave you better grip. Helped a lot in tackles too! The boots were all the same colour - tan. If anyone had worn pink boots in those days, they wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes!lol

I remember the cork studs hammered by pin nails to the sole of your football boot - as the leather wore the thin nails would draw blood into your foot onto your footie socks - my we were hard in those days.....lol
metal toe boots too what a joke laces that long it took you ages to wrap them around the back of your boots to play in the clog hoppers...lol

 

[deipnosophist]

Oh I thought that was the husband.

...animal husbandry might be involved

 

[Billysgingham.]

...animal husbandry might be involved

I don't care.

 

[Methuselah]

I remember the cork studs hammered by pin nails to the sole of your football boot - as the leather wore the thin nails would draw blood into your foot onto your footie socks - my we were hard in those days.....lol
metal toe boots too what a joke laces that long it took you ages to wrap them around the back of your boots to play in the clog hoppers...lol

That reminded me Joey. When I played, I suffered from ingrowing toenails on my big toes. At the beginning and end of the season, when grounds were hard, it was agony playing. After the game, my socks would be soaked in blood. I used to pray for the mud as I had no problem then.

 

[Billysgingham.]

I remember the cork studs hammered by pin nails to the sole of your football boot - as the leather wore the thin nails would draw blood into your foot onto your footie socks - my we were hard in those days.....lol
metal toe boots too what a joke laces that long it took you ages to wrap them around the back of your boots to play in the clog hoppers...lol

That reminded me Joey. When I played, I suffered from ingrowing toenails on my big toes. At the beginning and end of the season, when grounds were hard, it was agony playing. After the game, my socks would be soaked in blood. I used to pray for the mud as I had no problem then.

I remember one match i got tackled and the fellas studs were so sharp on his boots that it sliced my foot clean off but I just carried on the rest of the match with one foot blood everywhere,ahh the good old days.

 

[deipnosophist]

I don't care.

You have a very cavalier attitude. With so many video capable cell phones about these days, you might want to exercise great discretion in your pastural dalliances.
Speaking of goats Billy, I recall a funny line in an Eric Van Lustbader novel : "with ruminant ambiguity, the goatherd* grinned sheepishly"

*a goatherd is someone who tends goats

 

[Billysgingham.]

You have a very cavalier attitude. With so many video capable cell phones about these days, you might want to exercise great discretion in your pastural dalliances.
Speaking of goats Billy, I recall a funny line in an Eric Van Lustbader novel : "with ruminant ambiguity, the goatherd* grinned sheepishly"

*a goatherd is someone who tends goats

I think you are so funny,and I look forward to many more funny anecdotes,if that is possible after that showstopper.

 

[Groucho]

I'm still laughing at that Last of the Mohican's joke...fabulously clever joke!

Ye,of course you are.

Lads it's a jokes thread. A thread for jokes.

Some will find some funnier than others, it's all personal taste.


No need for the bickering.

 

[deipnosophist]

I think you are so funny,and I look forward to many more funny anecdotes,if that is possible after that showstopper.

...you're a bit gruff today, Billy.

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

Three deaf old blokes out one day.
1st fella
"It's windy"
2nd fella
"It's Thursday "
3rd fella
"So am I, let's go for a drink "

 

[TyphooToffee]

care to explain? I still don't get it

A last is a metal forming tool used in shoemaking

 

[TyphooToffee]

Well at least you're not the first.

Is that the last of the matter?