Jokes Thread

[TyphooToffee]

Is midwifery the act of a woman getting engaged?

 

[chrismpw]

Is that the last of the matter?

This is getting soul destroying.

 

[Philw]

This is getting soul destroying.

Shouldn't that be 'sole'??

 

[Joey66]

Shouldn't that be 'sole'??

That's a bit fishy.....

 

[chrismpw]

Shouldn't that be 'sole'??

Didn't want to be too obvious (as befits the original joke).

 

[TyphooToffee]

That's a bit fishy.....

Depends which angle you're coming from

 

[tommytowne]

An octogenarian golfer mentioned to his son that after all the years of playing the game he was having to give it all up because of failing eyesight.

"I can hit the ball from the tee, but cannot see were the bugger lands, so what's the point of continuing?"

The old man's son said that he had the perfect answer, "I'll pair you up with another eighty something guy, who is renowned for his near perfect eyesight, got eyes like a shithouse rat. He'll certainly be able to see where your ball lands"

So there they are at the first tee playing together for the first time. The bloke with the poor eyesight says to his new playing partner "are you sure you can see where I am about to aim for"? "Sure I can said the other player".

So the first guy tees off hitting the ball sweet as a nut as it flies through the air down the fairway. A few seconds later he turns to his playing partner and asks where did his ball land.

"What ball" was the response!

 

[-Rob-]

An octogenarian golfer mentioned to his son that after all the years of playing the game he was having to give it all up because of failing eyesight.

"I can hit the ball from the tee, but cannot see were the bugger lands, so what's the point of continuing?"

The old man's son said that he had the perfect answer, "I'll pair you up with another eighty something guy, who is renowned for his near perfect eyesight, got eyes like a shithouse rat. He'll certainly be able to see where your ball lands"

So there they are at the first tee playing together for the first time. The bloke with the poor eyesight says to his new playing partner "are you sure you can see where I am about to aim for"? "Sure I can said the other player".

So the first guy tees off hitting the ball sweet as a nut as it flies through the air down the fairway. A few seconds later he turns to his playing partner and asks where did his ball land.

"What ball" was the response!

If that's the first joke you've posted here I hope it's also a mohicans shoe making anvil type thing

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

If that's the first joke you've posted here I hope it's also a mohicans shoe making anvil type thing

Hopefully it's his last.........I'm running. ..

 

[tommytowne]

If that's the first joke you've posted here I hope it's also a mohicans shoe making anvil type thing

Totally be honest judging by the number of likes, it would appear in have a good record
with past efforts. As with all written jokes they are best told, not read.
I laughed when I was told it.

 

[summerisle]

 

[kev]

Hopefully it's his last.........I'm running. ..

It's not his last mate. He just borrowed it from the mohicans.

 

[summerisle]

What do you call a fat psychic ?
A four chin teller.

 

[AndyC]

A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.
At her next check-up, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realised Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realise these are birth control pills?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night."

 

[TyphooToffee]

A hitchhiker was picked up by an elderly man in a Rolls Royce. During the subsequent lift, whilst looking around and admiring the interior of the car, the hitchhiker spotted two golf tees in the centre console. Not being a sporty type, he asked the driver what the two plastic things were.

"They're for resting your balls on before driving off," he said

"Blimey,* said the hitchhiker, "Rolls Royce think of everything!”