Jokes Thread

[Kurt.]

Les Dawson, I believe.

Odd name for a cat

 

[summerisle]

I hate my job as a waiter.
But it puts food on the table.

What do you call a bee that can't make up it's mind ?
Maybe.

 

[Groucho]

Les Dawson, I believe.

Ken Dodd

 

[BlueIsTheColour]

The guy who stole my diary has died.

My thoughts are with his family

 

[TyphooToffee]

The guy who stole my diary has died.

My thoughts are with his family

I was going to post a laugh emoji but it's not working

 

[TyphooToffee]

I hired an expensive limousine but didn’t realise the price didn’t include a driver.

£300 spent and nothing to show for it.

I didn't get that at first. It's better said than written.

 

[TyphooToffee]

Frank: "I wish I'd listened to the advice my dad gave me all those years ago"

Bob: "Why, what did he say?"

Frank: "I don't know, I wasn't listening"

 

[chrismpw]

I didn't get that at first. It's better said than written.

Same here....

 

[kev]

I didn't get that at first. It's better said than written.

Same here....

OK I'll admit it, that took me much longer than it should lol

 

[Lickle eric]

OK I'll admit it, that took me much longer than it should lol

I still dont get it.

 

[chrismpw]

I still dont get it.

Show for it = chauffeur it.

 

[Lickle eric]

Show for it = chauffeur it.

Oh yeah.ta mate.

 

[ushuduup]

Have you heard about the new drug craze in Yorkshire?
Apparently, to get a bigger high, they dissolve ecstasy and inject in just above their teeth....






...they call it E by gum!

 

[summerisle]

Midwife for sale.
Can deliver.

 

[Blue Piper]

Only two people know how John Michael Stipe died: That's me and the Coroner