Jokes Thread

[Cels]

I once had my photo taken with REM. That's me in the corner.

 

[Cels]

I fainted in my curry when I heard REM had split up. That’s me in the Korma.

 

[Cels]

I was having sex during an inquest to determine the cause of death of a relative when I first heard REM. That's me in the Coroner.

 

[Groucho]

I’ll tell you what makes me laugh - facial muscles.

 

[Charles Hawtrey]

(From another thread but changed)

Reported that burglars broke into a Police Station in Birkenhead and stole the toilet. Police say they have nothing to go on.

 

[Sadken]

A big hole has appeared on the m58, police are looking into it.

 

[summerisle]

 

[Sharpattack]

 

[Cels]

Goose, Turkey, Swan, Chicken, Duck, Pheasant! I apologise... please excuse my fowl language.

 

[bellis_efc]

The other day I was having sex with this married woman when her husband came home early.
She told me I’d have to use the back door and to be quick...
On reflection I should have just left, but it’s not every day you get an offer like that!

 

[bellis_efc]

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

 

[Sharpattack]

 

[Kurt.]

A @Frang walked into a clique ......



As if lol lol lol lol

 

[Sharpattack]

 

[AndyC]

I've just set up a dating site for chickens, it's not my full time job, I'm just doing it to make hens meet.