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Jokes Thread

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
 
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
 
This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door. The parrot steps out and says, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness." The guy's astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "By the way, may I ask - what did the chicken do?"
 
An aircraft is flying when all over sudden a bird crashes through the cockpit and kills both the pilot and co pilot. Having heard the crash a blonde flight attendant rushes in to find out what happened. Once inside the cockpit the plane jerks and the cabin door slams shut and can't be opened. So she pulls the captain out of his seat and sits down, taking the radio into her hands and says, "May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! The pilots are dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!" She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!" "I'm 5'4 and in the front seat of the plane." "O.K." says the voice on the radio. "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven..."
 

A Geordie has sex with his wife (yes, it can happen). When he's done, he says, "I don't know why I married you. You've got nothing on top, nothing on the bottom."
"For God's sake," she gasped, "get off my back."
 

Bishop Thumpety-Thump said:
It's a joke if you are PC then don't read it......
Click to expand...
That's what d!ckheads say when they defend racist jokes too.
[/QUOTE]
Really? Great post not - do not abuse me ok - it's a jokes thread ok sorry if you are offended, but they are jokes either way male and female ....taking a jibe at each other ....anyone who takes them at face value ? To that extent should not try and be sensitive imo I have seen more offending giffs on the GOT imo ok!
 
Inappropriate Behaviour
Joey66 said:
That's what d!ckheads say when they defend racist jokes too.
Click to expand...
Really? Great post not - do not abuse me ok - it's a jokes thread ok sorry if you are offended, but they are jokes either way male and female ....taking a jibe at each other ....anyone who takes them at face value ? To that extent should not try and be sensitive imo I have seen more offending giffs on the GOT imo ok!
[/QUOTE]
Haha you're being abused because I told you domestic violence isn't funny? That's a Kopite level of playing the victim, right there.
 
Bishop Thumpety-Thump said:
Really? Great post not - do not abuse me ok - it's a jokes thread ok sorry if you are offended, but they are jokes either way male and female ....taking a jibe at each other ....anyone who takes them at face value ? To that extent should not try and be sensitive imo I have seen more offending giffs on the GOT imo ok!
Click to expand...
Haha you're being abused because I told you domestic violence isn't funny? That's a Kopite level of playing the victim, right there.
[/QUOTE]

I see you’re here to make new friends? Good luck you massive WUM.
 

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