Piles

[Rita_Poon]

To shoving things up Claus' arse?

Form an orderly queue Gentlemen...

lol

 

[Tigger]

I've had 'em internal. Felt like every turd was coated in sharp gravel as they passed and there was the stinky mucus that really wasn't nice. Bit of anusol up the bumhole with the handy applicator and plenty of fluids and fibre and all was well after a day or two.



Just to clarify I ate and drank the fluids/fibre....not shoved them up my arse as well.

Anusol must be the best product name ever invented btw

 

[Bedfordblue]

Always get them after climbing ladders

That's not a euphemism... unfortunately

Have you considered not climbing ladders?

 

[Davidoff]

Have you considered not climbing ladders?

Yes. Haven't been up one for over ten years. A joyful decade indeed, the pleasure of a relaxed, intact sphincter is insurmountable. No more epsom bath salts for this guy

 

[JimmyJeffers]

To shoving things up Claus' arse?

Form an orderly queue Gentlemen...

Would explain his performances on the pitch tbh. Didn’t realise he was suffering from chronic piles.

 

[Yarrgh]

To shoving things up Claus' arse?

Form an orderly queue Gentlemen...

The irony being that particular queue being anything but orderly.

 

[Barnfred 55]

Don’t think I’ve had piles myself although I have a mate who was dating a nurse and he suspected he had piles and asked her to check. Apparently she said ‘do I have to?’ but he insisted and she confirmed he did and the relationship ended a couple of months later. It went unspoken but we all knew why.
Can anyone on here give any piles related anecdotes or provide insights into their own experiences?

My brother (not my mate) used to suffer badly with piles JJ. He was fine until he got his girlfriend to shave his arse for him. Apparently she wouldn't rim his hairy arse and who can blame her.

 

[tommye]

My brother (not my mate) used to suffer badly with piles JJ. He was fine until he got his girlfriend to shave his arse for him. Apparently she wouldn't rim his hairy arse and who can blame her.

Be like tryna eat a doughnut with a mouth full of marbles

 

[Barnfred 55]

Be like tryna eat a doughnut with a mouth full of marbles

He said it was like having a bunch of grapes growing out of his arse.

 

[ClausThomsen]

To shoving things up Claus' arse?

Form an orderly queue Gentlemen...

If I ever get hanging grapes it'd probably help shove them back in.

 

[tommye]

If I ever get hanging grapes it'd probably help shove them back in.

The Pile Driver

 

[Bungle]

I've got a story which I wouldn't believe except I know the person who did it and it wouldn't even rank in the top 20 of things he's done. Long story short, cut his grapes off himself and had a phone set up filming it. At work and had to stuff a heap of bog roll down his pants to try and stem the flow of blood. I'm not joking.

How do we get hold of this footage?

Asking for a friend, as that seems to be all the rage at the minute.

 

[LostLegend]

Farmer Giles
Chalfonts (st Giles) - very much a southern term I suspect.
Nobby Stiles

Nuremberg Trials

 

[cronullasharks]

How do we get hold of this footage?

Asking for a friend, as that seems to be all the rage at the minute.

Better still we'll have a whip around and someone on here can re-enact it for a few dollars

 

[cronullasharks]

Anyone else like to confess?

Yes, have had internal ones. Let's just say the toilet bowl looked like a murder scene.