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Not Safe For Work! Spurty's Newsround

Spurty's Newsround

  • Screw John Craven this is the dogs

    Votes: 8 25.8%
  • Screw John Craven because his jumpers really turn me on

    Votes: 9 29.0%
  • John Craven is Toast

    Votes: 14 45.2%

  • Total voters
    31
Status
Not open for further replies.
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2016/02/19/penis-shaped-tree-surgeon-chris-bishop_n_9272734.html
Penis-Shaped Tree Turns Heads In Worcestershire
The Huffington Post UK | By Ryan Barrel
Posted: 19/02/2016 14:25 GMT Updated: 19/02/2016 14:59 GMT
n-TREE-CHRIS-BISHOP-large570.jpg
Chris Bishop has spent three years growing out a tree in his garden for a very special project, but his neighbours are less than pleased.
Cheeky Chris, of Bromsgrove, Worcestershire, has pruned the 25-year-old Cypress tree in his front garden to look like an 18 ft (5.5 metres) high penis.
The green-fingered 43-year-old told Caters: "No-one's commented when I've been out in the garden, people have just looked at it and walked past. I think it's because they're trying to work out whether it's just their dirty minds."

o-TREE-CHRIS-BISHOP-570.jpg

Chris insists his intentions were to bring laughter and lighten the mood rather than to cause offence, but some locals aren't as amused as he is.
"Him and his mates thought it was hilarious," one unidentified neighbour said.
"I find it very offensive, remarks are always made by people coming past. People in the street are pretty upset about it, but our neighbours who told the council said nothing had been done.
"It's a massive eye-sore."
Despite the protests, Chris says he plans to grow the foliage out even more so he can add a pair of testicles to the sculpture.

slide_478936_6548494_compressed.jpg

Some passers-by aren't so affected by the gardener's phallus.
Neighbour Emily Cooper said: "To be honest with you once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all!"
Regardless of what he plans to do with the tree, we just hope he keeps it trimmed around the base. That way it'll look a bit bigger.
You have been quite mate.
 

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/lo...staurant-wearing-full-highland-dress-1.923858

Wedding guests spark brawl in McDonalds after piping themselves into restaurant wearing full Highland dress
11 February 2016 12.02pm.​

image.jpg
A pair of wedding guests sparked a brawl in McDonalds by walking in wearing full Highland dress and playing the bagpipes.
Calum Graham and Allan Gilruth had been at a wedding earlier in the day where one was performing and they decided to pipe themselves into the burger restaurant.
But other diners were not impressed with the musical accompaniment at 4am and told the duo to pipe down.
That led to a heated argument and Graham and Gilruth both threw punches at other diners, leading to two men being injured in the fracas.
The two men were fined £630 each after they admitted assault in the wake of the Valentine’s Day wedding.

Gilruth, 25, and Graham, 25 were both told they could have caused serious injuries to their victims.
Mechanic Gilruth, from Pitlochry, admitted assaulting Craig Menzies in McDonalds at Broxden in Perth on 15 February last year by punching him on the head. He admitted causing his victim to fall and strike his head on a seat to his injury.
Plumber Graham, also from Pitlochry, admitted attacking Euan Fuller and punching him on the head to his injury during the same incident.
A further charge against Graham of assaulting a staff member was dropped by the Crown.

Fiscal depute Jim Eodanable told the court: “At around 3.40 am a group of four arrived at McDonalds at the same time as the accused.
“One of the accused engaged in conversation with the other group and they formed a clear impression that he was under the influence of alcohol.
“One of the parties made a comment which was taken the wrong way and Mr Gilruth punched the complainer. He falls to the ground and on the way down strikes his head off a seat in the booth.
“That complainer’s friend then comes over to assist and the second accused then steps forward and swings a punch at him. The blow was deflected but it does strike the complainer.
“Fortunately for all concerned the injuries were not serious. Police were contacted.”

Solicitor Billy Somerville, defending, said: “They were in full Highland dress because they had been at a wedding and one of them had been performing bagpipes at it.”
He said they decided to pull into the burger bar for something to eat and had taken the bagpipes in to play some tunes as they approached to order food.
“Some of the other diners obviously didn’t appreciate their quiet meal being disturbed at 4am and they were asked to stop which led to an argument,” Mr Somerville said.
Sheriff Gillian Wade said: “The injuries were minor, but they could have been more serious as one man hit his head as he fell to the ground. It is important this matter is put behind you and is not hanging over you for any period of time.
“I consider your behaviour to be broadly the same so you will both be fined £630.”
 
http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/lo...staurant-wearing-full-highland-dress-1.923858

Wedding guests spark brawl in McDonalds after piping themselves into restaurant wearing full Highland dress
11 February 2016 12.02pm.​

image.jpg
A pair of wedding guests sparked a brawl in McDonalds by walking in wearing full Highland dress and playing the bagpipes.
Calum Graham and Allan Gilruth had been at a wedding earlier in the day where one was performing and they decided to pipe themselves into the burger restaurant.
But other diners were not impressed with the musical accompaniment at 4am and told the duo to pipe down.
That led to a heated argument and Graham and Gilruth both threw punches at other diners, leading to two men being injured in the fracas.
The two men were fined £630 each after they admitted assault in the wake of the Valentine’s Day wedding.

Gilruth, 25, and Graham, 25 were both told they could have caused serious injuries to their victims.
Mechanic Gilruth, from Pitlochry, admitted assaulting Craig Menzies in McDonalds at Broxden in Perth on 15 February last year by punching him on the head. He admitted causing his victim to fall and strike his head on a seat to his injury.
Plumber Graham, also from Pitlochry, admitted attacking Euan Fuller and punching him on the head to his injury during the same incident.
A further charge against Graham of assaulting a staff member was dropped by the Crown.

Fiscal depute Jim Eodanable told the court: “At around 3.40 am a group of four arrived at McDonalds at the same time as the accused.
“One of the accused engaged in conversation with the other group and they formed a clear impression that he was under the influence of alcohol.
“One of the parties made a comment which was taken the wrong way and Mr Gilruth punched the complainer. He falls to the ground and on the way down strikes his head off a seat in the booth.
“That complainer’s friend then comes over to assist and the second accused then steps forward and swings a punch at him. The blow was deflected but it does strike the complainer.
“Fortunately for all concerned the injuries were not serious. Police were contacted.”

Solicitor Billy Somerville, defending, said: “They were in full Highland dress because they had been at a wedding and one of them had been performing bagpipes at it.”
He said they decided to pull into the burger bar for something to eat and had taken the bagpipes in to play some tunes as they approached to order food.
“Some of the other diners obviously didn’t appreciate their quiet meal being disturbed at 4am and they were asked to stop which led to an argument,” Mr Somerville said.
Sheriff Gillian Wade said: “The injuries were minor, but they could have been more serious as one man hit his head as he fell to the ground. It is important this matter is put behind you and is not hanging over you for any period of time.
“I consider your behaviour to be broadly the same so you will both be fined £630.”
Quality !
 

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2016/02/19/penis-shaped-tree-surgeon-chris-bishop_n_9272734.html
Penis-Shaped Tree Turns Heads In Worcestershire
The Huffington Post UK | By Ryan Barrel
Posted: 19/02/2016 14:25 GMT Updated: 19/02/2016 14:59 GMT
n-TREE-CHRIS-BISHOP-large570.jpg
Chris Bishop has spent three years growing out a tree in his garden for a very special project, but his neighbours are less than pleased.
Cheeky Chris, of Bromsgrove, Worcestershire, has pruned the 25-year-old Cypress tree in his front garden to look like an 18 ft (5.5 metres) high penis.
The green-fingered 43-year-old told Caters: "No-one's commented when I've been out in the garden, people have just looked at it and walked past. I think it's because they're trying to work out whether it's just their dirty minds."

o-TREE-CHRIS-BISHOP-570.jpg

Chris insists his intentions were to bring laughter and lighten the mood rather than to cause offence, but some locals aren't as amused as he is.
"Him and his mates thought it was hilarious," one unidentified neighbour said.
"I find it very offensive, remarks are always made by people coming past. People in the street are pretty upset about it, but our neighbours who told the council said nothing had been done.
"It's a massive eye-sore."
Despite the protests, Chris says he plans to grow the foliage out even more so he can add a pair of testicles to the sculpture.

slide_478936_6548494_compressed.jpg

Some passers-by aren't so affected by the gardener's phallus.
Neighbour Emily Cooper said: "To be honest with you once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all!"
Regardless of what he plans to do with the tree, we just hope he keeps it trimmed around the base. That way it'll look a bit bigger.

What a giant cock !
 
Drunk monkey armed with kitchen knife chases bar patrons
By Ben Hooper
clear.gif
| Feb. 17, 2016 at 1:22 PM

Drunk-monkey-armed-with-kitchen-knife-chases-bar-patrons.jpg

A monkey in Brazil drank a glass of rum in a bar and stole a kitchen knife he used to chase men.​


PATOS, Brazil, Feb. 17 (UPI) -- Firefighters were called to a bar in Brazil to remove a drunk and belligerent monkey that downed a glass of rum and armed itself with a kitchen knife.
The local fire department in Patos, Paraiba, said they were called to a bar Feb. 5 on a report of an aggressive monkey with a kitchen knife chasing men.
Fire department Lt. Col. Saul Laurentino said the monkey drank a glass of rum at the bar before picking up the knife and chasing after men, leaving the women alone.
"It was a bar staff oversight that ended with the monkey drinking some rum and taking the knife," Laurentino told the a Rede website.
Locals captured video of the monkey using the kitchen knife to scratch at the bar's roof.



The monkey was captured by firefighters and released back into the wild, but the mischievous primate was later captured a second time for acting aggressively toward residents of homes near the woods.
Local authorities said they are now working to determine whether the monkey will be released again or taken into permanent captivity.
 
http://news.yahoo.com/wee-mistake-woman-refused-entry-to-thailand-after-093825241.html
British Tourist Refused Entry To Thailand After Using Passport As Toilet Paper
A woman’s holiday plans were ruined after Thai authorities refused to let her into the country - because she’d used her passport as toilet paper.
Faye Wilson had hoped to spend a month in Thailand before heading to Australia to work for a year.
But her dream quickly turned into a nightmare when Thai officials clocked the missing pages in her passport and sent her packing.
Faye, 28, from the Lake District, said: “Thai immigration opened my passport and started looking through it, and asked ‘what’s happened here’?
"I just said that I had lost the pages because I was too embarrassed to explain the real reason.
"Before I could explain more, they had deported me back to Dubai and then to Glasgow and confiscated my documents.”
Shame-faced Faye was then escorted back to the UK with a security guard.
f39baeeda6470c86fb0b2816f48dfe00

Back in Blighty: Faye hopes to return to Thailand as soon as possible

But baffled Faye has used the passport up to eight times in the five years since she ripped out the pages, with her past only coming back to haunt her last month.
Faye recalls: “We were walking from one bar to the next and we must have been desperate for a wee and obviously didn’t have any toilet roll.
"We decided it would be a good idea to use my passport, which is obviously really stupid. It was maybe two or three pages. I was a bit drunk so didn’t even think about the consequences.”
Faye has applied for an emergency passport since returning home, and plans to head back out to meet the friend she left behind in Thailand.
She added: “My friend had to stay in Thailand while I was rushed back home.
“I felt like I was a criminal - people were looking at me wondering why a border official was sat with me the whole time. I don’t know what a criminal looks like but I’m not one.”
She said: “I am baffled. If I was stopped and told in Glasgow, I could have just postponed my flights instead. I can’t wait to get back out there.”




She can come here and pee on my passport anytime.
 
Last edited:
http://news.yahoo.com/wee-mistake-woman-refused-entry-to-thailand-after-093825241.html
British Tourist Refused Entry To Thailand After Using Passport As Toilet Paper
A woman’s holiday plans were ruined after Thai authorities refused to let her into the country - because she’d used her passport as toilet paper.
Faye Wilson had hoped to spend a month in Thailand before heading to Australia to work for a year.
But her dream quickly turned into a nightmare when Thai officials clocked the missing pages in her passport and sent her packing.
Faye, 28, from the Lake District, said: “Thai immigration opened my passport and started looking through it, and asked ‘what’s happened here’?
"I just said that I had lost the pages because I was too embarrassed to explain the real reason.
"Before I could explain more, they had deported me back to Dubai and then to Glasgow and confiscated my documents.”
Shame-faced Faye was then escorted back to the UK with a security guard.
f39baeeda6470c86fb0b2816f48dfe00

Back in Blighty: Faye hopes to return to Thailand as soon as possible

But baffled Faye has used the passport up to eight times in the five years since she ripped out the pages, with her past only coming back to haunt her last month.
Faye recalls: “We were walking from one bar to the next and we must have been desperate for a wee and obviously didn’t have any toilet roll.
"We decided it would be a good idea to use my passport, which is obviously really stupid. It was maybe two or three pages. I was a bit drunk so didn’t even think about the consequences.”
Faye has applied for an emergency passport since returning home, and plans to head back out to meet the friend she left behind in Thailand.
She added: “My friend had to stay in Thailand while I was rushed back home.
“I felt like I was a criminal - people were looking at me wondering why a border official was sat with me the whole time. I don’t know what a criminal looks like but I’m not one.”
She said: “I am baffled. If I was stopped and told in Glasgow, I could have just postponed my flights instead. I can’t wait to get back out there.”




She can come here poo on my passport anytime.

Is that line part of the report or yours?
 

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