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Not Safe For Work! Spurty's Newsround

Spurty's Newsround

  • Screw John Craven this is the dogs

    Votes: 8 25.8%
  • Screw John Craven because his jumpers really turn me on

    Votes: 9 29.0%
  • John Craven is Toast

    Votes: 14 45.2%

  • Total voters
    31
Status
Not open for further replies.
Pendleton home invader takes a naked leap
Hermiston man arrested after taking off his clothes, entering a home, fleeing police and getting caught in a tree.
East Oregonian
Last changed on March 8, 2016 3:14PM

AR-160309809.jpg&MaxW=600

Steven S. Burton hangs from a tree above the Umatilla River in Pendleton on Saturday morning as Pendleton firefighter Jeremy Keene and Umatilla County Sheriff’s Deputy Dwight Johnson work to help him down.

EP-160309809.jpg&MaxW=600

Fire and Rescue took this photograph of a naked Steven Burton, hanging from a tree above the Umatilla River.



Gail Wilson’s surreal Saturday started when a naked man stepped through her front door and said, “Hi, honey.”
Wilson, who has muscular dystrophy, had been sitting in a stuffed lift chair drinking soup when the man appeared at the doorway of her Southeast Pendleton residence. She set her soup aside.
“He had a big grin on his face,” she said. “He came walking toward me with his arms open wide. I kept saying ‘Get away from me. Get out of my house.’”
She was home alone. Her husband Roger, her son and her daughter were away. When the man leaned over to give Wilson a hug, she pushed him off. Wilson, a former correctional officer at the Eastern Oregon Correctional Institution said her training kicked in. She didn’t look him in the eye and remained calm and firm. She thought about her pistol in her bedroom nightstand.
Wilson would have to push Steven S. Burton, 30, away several times. He dragged the Wilson’s affectionate black lab, Hunter, down the hall and shut him in a back room.

“I thought, ‘This is it, I’m going to be raped or murdered,” Wilson recalled. “I’d more or less accepted my fate. Today was my day. But I wasn’t going to let him take me gently.”
She managed to dial 9-1-1, and soon police drove up the Wilson’s long driveway. Burton, who had wandered outside to inspect the Wilson’s shed, took off running. Pendleton Police Chief Stuart Roberts said Burton dashed north, scaled a cyclone fence and dove off the side of a 40- or 50-foot bluff that borders the Umatilla River near the Riverside Bridge. When officers heard no splash or other indication the man had hit bottom, they ran to get a better view.
“When they got there, they looked down,” Roberts said. “He was hanging upside-down in a tree.”

Roberts said the apparently drug-intoxicated Hermiston man was combative. Burton hung, his left ankle wedged in the crotch of a tree and his head about five or six feet from the bank.
Officers called for assistance from Emergency Medical Services and Umatilla County Search & Rescue. Pendleton firefighter/paramedic Jeremy Keene, who made his way down a steep game trail, was the first to reach the injured man.
“He was hollering for help,” Keene said. “He was struggling to get free.”
Keene had been warned by law enforcement that the man was combative. He pulled back until Dwight Johnson, a Umatilla County Sheriff’s Deputy and sergeant with Search & Rescue, joined him. They pondered how to dislodge the contentious fugitive.
“He flailed at us a bit,” Johnson said. “We worked to keep him calm.”
Johnson recognized that Burton seem to be in “excited delirium,” a state sometimes triggered by drugs. Drugs might also have earlier driven Burton to remove his wet clothes on the riverbank below the Wilson home.
“With drugs such as PCP and acid, the physiology changes,” Roberts said. “People sometimes get hot and start disrobing.”
Johnson said the rescuers had three priorities: “get this guy out of the tree, keep him from escaping and keep ourselves from getting injured.”

Eventually, Burton allowed Johnson to wrap a rope around his chest and another around his ankle. From above, others manipulated the lines, bringing him horizontal and then lowering him to the ground. The group of rescuers and law enforcement had grown to about 20, according to Keene. At one point, the agitated Burton lunged toward the weapon of Umatilla County Sheriff’s Office Deputy John Reitz. Soon, they talked the man into getting into a suspended stretcher, handcuffed and sedated him and had rescuers at the top of the bluff lift him to safety. Firefighter/paramedic Jared Uselman, on his first official call as a Pendleton firefighter/paramedic, clipped in to the stretcher with a carabiner and accompanied Burton as he used another rope to climb.
Burton was taken to St. Anthony Hospital for an examination before heading to jail. He faces charges of burglary, harassment, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.
Wilson said she feels grateful to police, firefighters and SAR personnel who responded. She won’t forget the kindness of Sgt. Charles Byrum who stepped inside the house numerous times during the three-hour rescue operation to check on her.
Wilson remains feisty about the experience and said she moved her pistol to the front room.
“I’m not afraid to use it,” she said.
What you doing today
 
http://metro.co.uk/2015/01/01/fortune-teller-predicts-the-future-with-asparagus-5005821/


Fortune teller predicts the future with asparagus
ad_155609675.jpg

Jemima Packington last year predicted there would be a royal pregnancy and trouble in the Middle East (Picture: SWNS)

A woman who claims she can tell the future using asparagus has given her predictions for 2015.

Jemima Packington, 59, is the world’s only Asparamancer and claims to see the future by tossing asparagus spears into the air and interpreting how they land.

The new year could be bad news for Ant and Dec after she predicted reality TV shows like I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and Big Brother could be axed.

And it looks like a bad year for the England football team with top players being involved in a major scandal.

ad_155609674.jpg

Next year she says there will be a sharp rise in oil prices (Picture: SWNS)
Incredible predictions from last year that nobody could have foreseen

  • PREDICTION: Royal pregnancy.
  • REALITY: Kate Middleton announced in September she was expecting her and Prince William’s second child.
  • PREDICTION: Middle Eastern politics will give rise to yet more international concern.
  • REALITY: The conflict in Gaza was rarely off the international agenda this year. The rise of jihadist group IS has also spread global concern.
  • PREDICTION: Political turmoil will dog one party leader in Britain who will not recover.
  • REALITY: Both Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg have come under fire. Tony Blair even suggested Labour was headed for defeat at this year’s General Election.
  • PREDICTION: Bad news for the England football team who are expected to be knocked out of in the early stages of the World Cup this summer.
  • REALITY: England crashed out in the first round after finishing bottom of Group D. They failed to win a single match.
  • PREDICTION: A major winter storm in January will bring more chaos and misery to Britain.
  • REALITY: January saw some of the worst flooding to hit Britain leaving huge swathes of the south, especially Somerset, under water.
ad_155609672.jpg

Jemima Packington, 59, is the world’s only Asparamancer (Picture: SWNS)
Motorists are also likely to be hit after Jemima predicted oil prices will rise dramatically leading to a sharp jump in the cost of fuel.

Jemima, who is originally from Pershore, Worcestershire, but now lives in Bath, Somerset, said: ‘It might sound silly to some people but my readings are very accurate.

‘I have been doing readings using asparagus since I was eight years old.

Jemima’s 2015 predictions

  • Share prices to plummet
  • Oil prices will rise sharply
  • Turmoil in the EU as certain countries fail to stabilise their economies
  • The winning party at the General Election will only narrowly win an overall majority
  • More demonstrations to spread across the Far East
  • Movie industry will ditch violent films in favour of more family friendly flicks
  • Death knell for reality TV as certain shows cancelled
  • Football will be dogged by scandals
  • Royal family members will be embroiled in a scandal
  • Cold weather will extend into spring
‘My great aunt read tea leaves and I have inherited her gift.

‘Last year we did quite well. This year, unfortunately it’s a bit like 2013, where it was quite gloomy. It’s like there are clouds hanging over us.

ad_155609670.jpg

She predicts the future by throwing asparagus in the air and reading where they land (Picture: SWNS)
‘There’s so much going on in different places now. We just have to grit our teeth for 2015 and keep on keeping on.

‘We are going to have some fun around the general election, I have a prediction but I am not saying it.’

She would only say that whichever party wins the election in May, they will only do so with a very small majority.

Not all of her 2014 predictions came true, however. Last year the spears told her it would be an emotional year for the royals with the loss of a senior member expected to ‘give rise to great sadness’.

ad_155609669.jpg

It looks like a bad year for reality TV (Picture: SWNS)
 
http://metro.co.uk/2015/01/01/fortune-teller-predicts-the-future-with-asparagus-5005821/


Fortune teller predicts the future with asparagus
ad_155609675.jpg

Jemima Packington last year predicted there would be a royal pregnancy and trouble in the Middle East (Picture: SWNS)

A woman who claims she can tell the future using asparagus has given her predictions for 2015.

Jemima Packington, 59, is the world’s only Asparamancer and claims to see the future by tossing asparagus spears into the air and interpreting how they land.

The new year could be bad news for Ant and Dec after she predicted reality TV shows like I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and Big Brother could be axed.

And it looks like a bad year for the England football team with top players being involved in a major scandal.

ad_155609674.jpg

Next year she says there will be a sharp rise in oil prices (Picture: SWNS)
Incredible predictions from last year that nobody could have foreseen

  • PREDICTION: Royal pregnancy.
  • REALITY: Kate Middleton announced in September she was expecting her and Prince William’s second child.
  • PREDICTION: Middle Eastern politics will give rise to yet more international concern.
  • REALITY: The conflict in Gaza was rarely off the international agenda this year. The rise of jihadist group IS has also spread global concern.
  • PREDICTION: Political turmoil will dog one party leader in Britain who will not recover.
  • REALITY: Both Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg have come under fire. Tony Blair even suggested Labour was headed for defeat at this year’s General Election.
  • PREDICTION: Bad news for the England football team who are expected to be knocked out of in the early stages of the World Cup this summer.
  • REALITY: England crashed out in the first round after finishing bottom of Group D. They failed to win a single match.
  • PREDICTION: A major winter storm in January will bring more chaos and misery to Britain.
  • REALITY: January saw some of the worst flooding to hit Britain leaving huge swathes of the south, especially Somerset, under water.
ad_155609672.jpg

Jemima Packington, 59, is the world’s only Asparamancer (Picture: SWNS)
Motorists are also likely to be hit after Jemima predicted oil prices will rise dramatically leading to a sharp jump in the cost of fuel.

Jemima, who is originally from Pershore, Worcestershire, but now lives in Bath, Somerset, said: ‘It might sound silly to some people but my readings are very accurate.

‘I have been doing readings using asparagus since I was eight years old.

Jemima’s 2015 predictions

  • Share prices to plummet
  • Oil prices will rise sharply
  • Turmoil in the EU as certain countries fail to stabilise their economies
  • The winning party at the General Election will only narrowly win an overall majority
  • More demonstrations to spread across the Far East
  • Movie industry will ditch violent films in favour of more family friendly flicks
  • Death knell for reality TV as certain shows cancelled
  • Football will be dogged by scandals
  • Royal family members will be embroiled in a scandal
  • Cold weather will extend into spring
‘My great aunt read tea leaves and I have inherited her gift.

‘Last year we did quite well. This year, unfortunately it’s a bit like 2013, where it was quite gloomy. It’s like there are clouds hanging over us.

ad_155609670.jpg

She predicts the future by throwing asparagus in the air and reading where they land (Picture: SWNS)
‘There’s so much going on in different places now. We just have to grit our teeth for 2015 and keep on keeping on.

‘We are going to have some fun around the general election, I have a prediction but I am not saying it.’

She would only say that whichever party wins the election in May, they will only do so with a very small majority.

Not all of her 2014 predictions came true, however. Last year the spears told her it would be an emotional year for the royals with the loss of a senior member expected to ‘give rise to great sadness’.

ad_155609669.jpg

It looks like a bad year for reality TV (Picture: SWNS)

She seems a sort!
 
http://metro.co.uk/2015/01/01/fortune-teller-predicts-the-future-with-asparagus-5005821/


Fortune teller predicts the future with asparagus
ad_155609675.jpg

Jemima Packington last year predicted there would be a royal pregnancy and trouble in the Middle East (Picture: SWNS)

A woman who claims she can tell the future using asparagus has given her predictions for 2015.

Jemima Packington, 59, is the world’s only Asparamancer and claims to see the future by tossing asparagus spears into the air and interpreting how they land.

The new year could be bad news for Ant and Dec after she predicted reality TV shows like I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and Big Brother could be axed.

And it looks like a bad year for the England football team with top players being involved in a major scandal.

ad_155609674.jpg

Next year she says there will be a sharp rise in oil prices (Picture: SWNS)
Incredible predictions from last year that nobody could have foreseen

  • PREDICTION: Royal pregnancy.
  • REALITY: Kate Middleton announced in September she was expecting her and Prince William’s second child.
  • PREDICTION: Middle Eastern politics will give rise to yet more international concern.
  • REALITY: The conflict in Gaza was rarely off the international agenda this year. The rise of jihadist group IS has also spread global concern.
  • PREDICTION: Political turmoil will dog one party leader in Britain who will not recover.
  • REALITY: Both Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg have come under fire. Tony Blair even suggested Labour was headed for defeat at this year’s General Election.
  • PREDICTION: Bad news for the England football team who are expected to be knocked out of in the early stages of the World Cup this summer.
  • REALITY: England crashed out in the first round after finishing bottom of Group D. They failed to win a single match.
  • PREDICTION: A major winter storm in January will bring more chaos and misery to Britain.
  • REALITY: January saw some of the worst flooding to hit Britain leaving huge swathes of the south, especially Somerset, under water.
ad_155609672.jpg

Jemima Packington, 59, is the world’s only Asparamancer (Picture: SWNS)
Motorists are also likely to be hit after Jemima predicted oil prices will rise dramatically leading to a sharp jump in the cost of fuel.

Jemima, who is originally from Pershore, Worcestershire, but now lives in Bath, Somerset, said: ‘It might sound silly to some people but my readings are very accurate.

‘I have been doing readings using asparagus since I was eight years old.

Jemima’s 2015 predictions

  • Share prices to plummet
  • Oil prices will rise sharply
  • Turmoil in the EU as certain countries fail to stabilise their economies
  • The winning party at the General Election will only narrowly win an overall majority
  • More demonstrations to spread across the Far East
  • Movie industry will ditch violent films in favour of more family friendly flicks
  • Death knell for reality TV as certain shows cancelled
  • Football will be dogged by scandals
  • Royal family members will be embroiled in a scandal
  • Cold weather will extend into spring
‘My great aunt read tea leaves and I have inherited her gift.

‘Last year we did quite well. This year, unfortunately it’s a bit like 2013, where it was quite gloomy. It’s like there are clouds hanging over us.

ad_155609670.jpg

She predicts the future by throwing asparagus in the air and reading where they land (Picture: SWNS)
‘There’s so much going on in different places now. We just have to grit our teeth for 2015 and keep on keeping on.

‘We are going to have some fun around the general election, I have a prediction but I am not saying it.’

She would only say that whichever party wins the election in May, they will only do so with a very small majority.

Not all of her 2014 predictions came true, however. Last year the spears told her it would be an emotional year for the royals with the loss of a senior member expected to ‘give rise to great sadness’.

ad_155609669.jpg

It looks like a bad year for reality TV (Picture: SWNS)
Cool, I know the theory, hadn't thought to use asparagus. :-)

Fantastic.
 

China Says Please Stop Hiring Funeral Strippers
BN-IA952_twit_G_20150423072840.jpg

A screenshot of the saucy funeral in Hebei that attracted attention earlier this year.​
In China, friends and family of the deceased may have to do without a special form of funereal entertainment: strippers.
According to a statement from the Ministry of Culture on Thursday, the government plans to work closely with the police to eliminate such performances, which are held with the goal of drawing more mourners.
Pictures of a funeral in the city of Handan in northern Hebei province last month showed a dancer removing her bra as assembled parents and children watched. They were widely circulated online, prompting much opprobrium. In its Thursday statement, the Ministry of Culture cited “obscene” performances in the eastern Chinese province of Jiangsu, as well as in Handan, and pledged to crack down on such lascivious last rites.

In the Handan incident earlier this year, the ministry said, six performers had arrived to offer an erotic dance at the funeral of an elderly resident. Investigators were dispatched and the performance was found to have violated public security regulations, with the person responsible for the performing troupe in question detained administratively for 15 days and fined 70,000 yuan (about $11,300), the statement said. The government condemned such performances for corrupting the social atmosphere.

The government has been trying to fight the country’s funereal stripper scourge for some time now. In 2006, the state-run broadcaster China Central Television’s leading investigative news show Jiaodian Fangtan aired an exposé on the practice of scantily clad women making appearances at memorial services in Donghai in eastern China’s Jiangsu province.
The point of inviting strippers, some of whom performed with snakes, was to attract large crowds to the deceased’s funeral – seen as a harbinger of good fortune in the afterlife. “It’s to give them face,” one villager explained. “Otherwise no one would come.

CCTV found about a dozen funeral performance troupes offering such services in every village in the county, putting on as many as 20 shows a month at a rate of 2,000 yuan ($322) a pop.
“This has severely polluted the local cultural life,” CCTV intoned at the time, marveling at the sight of one women gyrating out of her clothes mere steps from a photo of the deceased. “These troupes only care about money. As for whether it’s legal, or proper, or what effect it has on local customs, they don’t think much about it.”
The mainland isn’t alone in its preference for the practice: similar ensemble performances are also popular in Taiwan – as National Geographic documented in 2012, with stilettoed, short-skirted women dancing graveside. The practice there dates back decades.
 
http://metro.co.uk/2016/03/13/no-il...-at-dolfinarium-prosecutors-conclude-5749622/

Dolphin masturbator ‘wasn’t acting illegally’, prosecutors say


Jen Mills for Metro.co.uk
Sunday 13 Mar 2016 3:14pm

Undercover footage of a man masturbating a dolphin at a sealife centre does not show anything illegal, prosecutors said.
A reporter for Dutch TV programme Rambam shot the film while working as an ‘intern’ at the Dolphinarium in Hardewijk.
Dolphins perform tricks in front of an audience at the tourist aquarium for dolphins in the Netherlands, similar to SeaWorld where orcas perform.
The video (which we have chosen not to publish), shows a worker masturbate the dolphin before giving him a piece of fish.

dolphin3.jpg

An animal rights charity had reported the incident as abuse under Article 254 Penal Code, sex with animals.
But Dutch prosecutors said in a statement: ‘The sexual act with the dolphin is performed in the context of training the dolphin for the release of sperm as part of a breeding program.
‘The act was conducted by a scientist in the context of scientific research that focuses on this breeding program.’

The documentary had argued the aquarium should be classed as a circus, as the dolphins were trained to perform tricks.
In a statement (translated from Dutch), the Dolphinarium said: ‘The allegation that the dolphinarium is a circus, and not a zoo, lacks any real ground.
‘The interplay between man and dolphin in all respects, fits well within all statutory schemes the dolphinarium must comply with.’
Read the full statement here.
 
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/35801847/rugby-players-penis-almost-torn-off-in-tackle

Rugby player's penis almost torn off in tackle



_88766849_gettyscrum.jpg

A rugby league player says his penis was nearly torn off in a game last month.

Haydn Peacock suffered the partial dismemberment while playing for French team AS Carcassonne last month.
Luckily, he's now fine and able to joke about it.
Unsurprisingly, his description of the the incident is fairly graphic so we've replaced some of the ruder words with fruit and veg.
"When we played the other week their centre pretty much ripped my [cucumber] off", he told journalist and former player Guy Williams, who runs the website French Footy.
Haydn Peacock was raised in Australia but has a British passport and represents Ireland internationally.
The intimate injury happened when a player from St Esteve Catalans Dragons grabbed his groin.
Haydn needed eleven stitches.

Think about that for a second, eleven stitches.

"I took the ball off the scrum and made a half-break, and their centre has come across from the inside and reached out in a last-ditch effort and has got a hold of my [turnip] with one hand and pulled me down."
He continued playing, somehow not noticing the damage until half-time.

"I checked on it and the skin is half ripped off and I was like, where's the doctor?
"In all of my career I've never heard of anyone having anything like that happen - 11 stitches in the [butternut squash]"

Despite the tough tackle on his tough tackle, Haydn won't be wearing protection for future encounters.
"I remember I had to strap it all up for the next game...the coach wanted me to go out and buy a cup but I'm not going to play with a cup,
"I got the stitches out and it's all sweet. No dramas."
 
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/35801847/rugby-players-penis-almost-torn-off-in-tackle

Rugby player's penis almost torn off in tackle



_88766849_gettyscrum.jpg

A rugby league player says his penis was nearly torn off in a game last month.

Haydn Peacock suffered the partial dismemberment while playing for French team AS Carcassonne last month.
Luckily, he's now fine and able to joke about it.
Unsurprisingly, his description of the the incident is fairly graphic so we've replaced some of the ruder words with fruit and veg.
"When we played the other week their centre pretty much ripped my [cucumber] off", he told journalist and former player Guy Williams, who runs the website French Footy.
Haydn Peacock was raised in Australia but has a British passport and represents Ireland internationally.
The intimate injury happened when a player from St Esteve Catalans Dragons grabbed his groin.
Haydn needed eleven stitches.

Think about that for a second, eleven stitches.

"I took the ball off the scrum and made a half-break, and their centre has come across from the inside and reached out in a last-ditch effort and has got a hold of my [turnip] with one hand and pulled me down."
He continued playing, somehow not noticing the damage until half-time.

"I checked on it and the skin is half ripped off and I was like, where's the doctor?
"In all of my career I've never heard of anyone having anything like that happen - 11 stitches in the [butternut squash]"

Despite the tough tackle on his tough tackle, Haydn won't be wearing protection for future encounters.
"I remember I had to strap it all up for the next game...the coach wanted me to go out and buy a cup but I'm not going to play with a cup,
"I got the stitches out and it's all sweet. No dramas."
You got a question for me mate,
 
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/35801847/rugby-players-penis-almost-torn-off-in-tackle

Rugby player's penis almost torn off in tackle



_88766849_gettyscrum.jpg

A rugby league player says his penis was nearly torn off in a game last month.

Haydn Peacock suffered the partial dismemberment while playing for French team AS Carcassonne last month.
Luckily, he's now fine and able to joke about it.
Unsurprisingly, his description of the the incident is fairly graphic so we've replaced some of the ruder words with fruit and veg.
"When we played the other week their centre pretty much ripped my [cucumber] off", he told journalist and former player Guy Williams, who runs the website French Footy.
Haydn Peacock was raised in Australia but has a British passport and represents Ireland internationally.
The intimate injury happened when a player from St Esteve Catalans Dragons grabbed his groin.
Haydn needed eleven stitches.

Think about that for a second, eleven stitches.

"I took the ball off the scrum and made a half-break, and their centre has come across from the inside and reached out in a last-ditch effort and has got a hold of my [turnip] with one hand and pulled me down."
He continued playing, somehow not noticing the damage until half-time.

"I checked on it and the skin is half ripped off and I was like, where's the doctor?
"In all of my career I've never heard of anyone having anything like that happen - 11 stitches in the [butternut squash]"

Despite the tough tackle on his tough tackle, Haydn won't be wearing protection for future encounters.
"I remember I had to strap it all up for the next game...the coach wanted me to go out and buy a cup but I'm not going to play with a cup,
"I got the stitches out and it's all sweet. No dramas."
I am waiting mate.
 


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