Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[JLW]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Chris, that has left me speechless!
Genuinely that's probably the greatest post I've ever read on GOT!
That was written from the heart, You're an exceptional young man with great family values.

God bless you mate x

 

[ForeverBlue92]

Hi blues,

my dad passed the other day of COVID at the age of 63 after battling for a month. The last game I got to watch with him was the 1-0 loss to West Ham which I really think sums Everton up in the 20 years I've watched them with him. I let him know how well we've been doing and how terrible Liverpool had been doing when I went to see him for the last time and I like to think that somewhere inside him he could hear this and had a right old laugh or is having one now in some sort of afterlife (if there is one). It feels like having your duvet ripped off and now you're exposed to the world without this safety net or beacon of guidance and warmth to fall back on, but the feelings for me are dulled slightly having listened to the phone calls from the hospital and understanding how ill he grew to be.

We're particularly upset because last Friday he was managing to sit up on his bed and we spoke to a physio who detailed his physio plans for the next few weeks and we could start bringing clothes in for him etc. he received a message from my mum a few days before that as he came out of comatose and for the first time since waking up they got a response out of him as he tried to speak to her (he had a tracheostomy done so he couldn't talk). It breaks my heart even further than it is thinking about what he might have told her, at this point we were all thinking the long road to a recovery was about to begin before later on that Friday night he suffered a setback and couldn't fight back to where he was.

In time I'll be okay and for the most part I can deal with this - in the 24 years of knowing my dad I didn't see him get particularly upset or knocked down for long, he would always be pulling himself together and being a fantastic source of support for whomever it was who had the problem and I want to embrace and continue this attitude for him and step up the plate. Despite this it's been particularly hard supporting my mum who's having a really tough time naturally, she can't sleep unless she's sat in front of the TV with someone else there, so for the past few nights it's been sitting up until 6am just to make sure I see her get a few hours kip then getting a few hours in for myself. She apologises to me constantly as she now thinks I'm trapped at our parents house as I'll have to stay and support her financially rather than moving out like I was planning to do so - I have no qualms about this as I'd do anything for family, it's a lovely homely house that now feels empty without the huge presence my dad had, unfortunately it will come with the stigma of the "fully grown lad still living in yer ma's spare room" sort of thing but that actually makes me chuckle to myself to think about. She isn't eating so I'm making sure she has a biscuit with her cup of tea or a small portion of whatever I have for my tea. It's been hard to see my Gran as well, the old adage "A parent should never bury their child" rings true here and she lives on her own with dementia, my dad did loads for her. My worries aren't particularly for myself but for my family, I don't know what I can say when my mum starts crying about how her life has already ended and that she's going to be on her own and lonely for the next 20 odd years until she dies as well, or that she won't get invited anywhere as she'll be seen as a spare part etc.

Going back, my dad was a lifelong blue and although this is a typical thing to say, used to stand in the boys pen and was very proud that he was there for THAT game against Munich. Surprisingly he loved Davies and Calvert Lewin going out in the mad outfits, hated Michael Keane even when he's been immense this season, and I am going to miss his cries of frustration when we pass it from the opposition six yard box all the way back to Pickford who then lumps it back up the pitch. I'm going to have to wait until my little nephew gets a bit older before I have some company watching the football again.

He loved a Guinness and particularly enjoyed a single malt whiskey, not a great lover of whiskey myself but I think I'll be watching the game tonight sipping on one and hoping the club that me and my dad bonded over so much can get a memorable one in Roger's name.

Stay safe everyone

Sorry to hear mate best wishes to you and your family x

 

[evertondotcom]

As I am new to this forum I have only just found out about this topic. But I would like to thank everyone who has contributed as it has made me more confident to talk about how I feel.

I ended up in A&E on sat night having been struggling for the past few weeks. I have been having shortness of breath and chest pains but over Friday and Saturday it got worse. I will feel the breathlessness/chest pain and then just think about that for hours. It felt like I was in an endless loop of not feeling right and feeling like everything I do was a day dream. Struggling to sleep etc. I have had nothing in my life to bring this on and its so new to me it is quite scary. I was one of those people who would just say snap out of it etc but that's near impossible.

It cumulated on Sat night when I was trying to go to bed and just sat there thinking about what's wrong with me. This ended up with me feeling like I was about to die and that what I felt was never going to end. I woke my partner up just to tell her I was scared and did not know what to do as I am a very private person and she knew I was struggling but not to the level I felt.

A&E did some tests on me and nothing came back as being physically wrong so they advised talking to my GP about anxiety etc. I did this today and they gave me 2 options of trying to get some counselling or prescribed some meds to help. I decided against the meds as don't want to 'hooked on them' but if anyone has had any of these like the anti depressants I would like to hear from them so please DM if you want.. The people I spoke to today where really nice and I now have a video call in a few weeks to talk to someone and also given emergency contact numbers. I still don't feel amazing but it does feel a weight has been lifted a bit by talking to someone so would 100% recommend that.

Hi mate, a lot of other posters have already commented on this.

How are you getting on?

 

[Spotty]

I’m sorry for your loss, mate.

I was a little bit older than you when I lost my dad, and my immediate comfort was found in being there for everyone else. It’s nice at the time, to see how comforted everyone is by you and how proud everyone tells you that your dad would be, etc, but my one and only piece of advice for you is to make sure you get your grieving done as well. That grief might come out in the form of talking to others, or crying alone in your room but either way it needs oxygen.

I didn’t realise until years later what a damaging effect my lack of grieving had on me.

With all that said, you seem like a young man who is light years ahead of where I was then in terms of your emotional intelligence so I’m sure you’ll handle it all fine.

Take care.

"Comfort from being there for someone else". So glad you re affirmed what I've been saying for a long time. Please, to those people struggling, and feeling down or yes even suicidal, NEVER forget your needed, you have the propensity to make people's lives more bearable and meaningfull. You are very very mistaken if you think your worthless, you are and you are very much needed, please keep that in mind. Cheers.

 

[Charlie Sweet]

Looking for a bit of advice here if possible...

A lad that does a bit of work for me has just been diagnosed with blood cancer out of the blue. It's multiple myeloma and seemingly incurable but he's getting for info on severity and prognosis this next few days. It has all literally come up in the space of a few days after he went to his GP for back pain and feeling tired all of the time. I've known him for about 2 or 3 years and he's become a friend as much as an employee. He's only 30, is single and no kids. Lives with his mum but not in a weirdo sense rather she was having a hard time after his dad left and he went back home to help her out.

Thing is he's been struggling with mental health all through Covid and feeling very down and depressed. I got him working for me again about a year ago as Covid kicked off when his other work dried up. I can help him financially by continuing to pay him for the foreseeable even though he doesn't have a contract etc but has anyone any thoughts/experiences when something like this diagnosis hits someone that's already struggling with mental health?

 

[COYBL25]

Looking for a bit of advice here if possible...

A lad that does a bit of work for me has just been diagnosed with blood cancer out of the blue. It's multiple myeloma and seemingly incurable but he's getting for info on severity and prognosis this next few days. It has all literally come up in the space of a few days after he went to his GP for back pain and feeling tired all of the time. I've known him for about 2 or 3 years and he's become a friend as much as an employee. He's only 30, is single and no kids. Lives with his mum but not in a weirdo sense rather she was having a hard time after his dad left and he went back home to help her out.

Thing is he's been struggling with mental health all through Covid and feeling very down and depressed. I got him working for me again about a year ago as Covid kicked off when his other work dried up. I can help him financially by continuing to pay him for the foreseeable even though he doesn't have a contract etc but has anyone any thoughts/experiences when something like this diagnosis hits someone that's already struggling with mental health?

I’m no expert mate, but I’d think that Macmillan would be a good starting point.

There’ll be someone there who can point you in the right direction.

 

[Spotty]

Looking for a bit of advice here if possible...

A lad that does a bit of work for me has just been diagnosed with blood cancer out of the blue. It's multiple myeloma and seemingly incurable but he's getting for info on severity and prognosis this next few days. It has all literally come up in the space of a few days after he went to his GP for back pain and feeling tired all of the time. I've known him for about 2 or 3 years and he's become a friend as much as an employee. He's only 30, is single and no kids. Lives with his mum but not in a weirdo sense rather she was having a hard time after his dad left and he went back home to help her out.

Thing is he's been struggling with mental health all through Covid and feeling very down and depressed. I got him working for me again about a year ago as Covid kicked off when his other work dried up. I can help him financially by continuing to pay him for the foreseeable even though he doesn't have a contract etc but has anyone any thoughts/experiences when something like this diagnosis hits someone that's already struggling with mental health?

COYB25 advice below is wise. It is is certainly something that given the nature of the care they provide, mental health support is high on their priorities. This young man God bless him needs to have a support network at hand. Someone who is there to listen, to give reassurence they are not alone. It is very hard to know how to support with cancer. I suppose ensuring that they adequate pain relief. Once COVID is over, plan something together with them. Have something to look forward to regardless of their diagnosis.Its very thoughtful of you helping with his financial situation. In summary I believe it's about letting them know they are supported, there are people who care and love them. The GP can prescribe medication but as COYB25 suggested the most important people who have the expertise in such circumstances. I'll put in a link for MIND that may be of some help. I hope this young man finds some peace of mind. Bless

 

[Spotty]

Looking for a bit of advice here if possible...

A lad that does a bit of work for me has just been diagnosed with blood cancer out of the blue. It's multiple myeloma and seemingly incurable but he's getting for info on severity and prognosis this next few days. It has all literally come up in the space of a few days after he went to his GP for back pain and feeling tired all of the time. I've known him for about 2 or 3 years and he's become a friend as much as an employee. He's only 30, is single and no kids. Lives with his mum but not in a weirdo sense rather she was having a hard time after his dad left and he went back home to help her out.

Thing is he's been struggling with mental health all through Covid and feeling very down and depressed. I got him working for me again about a year ago as Covid kicked off when his other work dried up. I can help him financially by continuing to pay him for the foreseeable even though he doesn't have a contract etc but has anyone any thoughts/experiences when something like this diagnosis hits someone that's already struggling with mental health?

Charlie, lots of good info hear I hope buddy.

Resources and support when someone is dying

There are many organisations and support groups that can help you cope when you are dying with cancer. They can also help the people close to you.

www.cancerresearchuk.org

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Looking for a bit of advice here if possible...

A lad that does a bit of work for me has just been diagnosed with blood cancer out of the blue. It's multiple myeloma and seemingly incurable but he's getting for info on severity and prognosis this next few days. It has all literally come up in the space of a few days after he went to his GP for back pain and feeling tired all of the time. I've known him for about 2 or 3 years and he's become a friend as much as an employee. He's only 30, is single and no kids. Lives with his mum but not in a weirdo sense rather she was having a hard time after his dad left and he went back home to help her out.

Thing is he's been struggling with mental health all through Covid and feeling very down and depressed. I got him working for me again about a year ago as Covid kicked off when his other work dried up. I can help him financially by continuing to pay him for the foreseeable even though he doesn't have a contract etc but has anyone any thoughts/experiences when something like this diagnosis hits someone that's already struggling with mental health?

Definitely MacMillan. Their website is really good on how to support somebody and how cancer impacts on mental health. they also do a good information pack about how to support somebody with cancer in the workplace.

Impacts of cancer A to Z - Macmillan Cancer Support

We know cancer can affect you physically, emotionally and financially. Learn more about the impacts and get advice to help.

www.macmillan.org.uk

 

[sparkin31]

Hi mate, a lot of other posters have already commented on this.

How are you getting on?

Hi Mate. Been put on some meds by the GP which seems to be taking the edge off things. Don't feel brilliant but with the edge off it does take some of the pressure off if that makes sense.

Got some councilling in a week or so too and to be fair the GP etc have been really good and put me through to this dedicated team. Takes a while to get a slot with them but from what a gather there are a lot of people with problems at the mo.

 

[COYBL25]

Hi Mate. Been put on some meds by the GP which seems to be taking the edge off things. Don't feel brilliant but with the edge off it does take some of the pressure off if that makes sense.

Got some councilling in a week or so too and to be fair the GP etc have been really good and put me through to this dedicated team. Takes a while to get a slot with them but from what a gather there are a lot of people with problems at the mo.

The councilling will feel a bit weird at first mate, as your baring your soul to a complete stranger and it’s not in the make up of most blokes to do that !

Your first session will really just be about the councillor getting to know you and building a rapport to make you comfortable in opening up.

Try and be as honest as you possibly can mate, as the more info he / she has, the more they can help you.

You sound much more positive, than your first posts, which is brilliant.

Keep posting mate and let us know how you get on.

 

[Jokerdan]

Hi Mate. Been put on some meds by the GP which seems to be taking the edge off things. Don't feel brilliant but with the edge off it does take some of the pressure off if that makes sense.

Got some councilling in a week or so too and to be fair the GP etc have been really good and put me through to this dedicated team. Takes a while to get a slot with them but from what a gather there are a lot of people with problems at the mo.

More than you might ever imagine, my friend. The fact you have opened up on here is a major head start on many others.

It will get better and then you will be able to proffer your advice and experience to help others. Good luck!

 

[Billy Kenny's boots]

Evening all.

Anybody got any experience of stress and anxiety related dizziness and vertigo?

A bit of context. My 11 year old son has been very sick with a brain tumor. He was operated on end of November to remove the malignant tumor. He’s just finished his radiotherapy treatment which lasted for 6 weeks.

He’s a tough little cookie, he’s doing really well, eating much much better, has put all of the weight back on since pre illness. He’s taken each step in his stride, always smiling, he’s amazing. He’s my hero.

But it’s been a hellish few months.

Diagnosis is good, but he’s got a long bout of chemo to get through.

For the last few weeks I have been having increasing bouts of dizzy spells, cotton wool head and legs. Like I’m stoned but without the confusion or hilarity.

My doc thinks it’s stress related. I’ve taken a comprehensive blood test, which is all grand, apart from white blood cells which are quite low, but also consistent with anxiety, stress and mental exhaustion.

I do a lot of sport, when I’m running and cycling there is no dizziness or fatigue. Often dizziness hits me late in day. Tiredness maybe?

I’ve started meditating more and more which is helping. I think.

Anyone else suffered with this? How long is this gonna last? (How long is a piece of string right?)

 

[Whiteandblue]

Evening all.

Anybody got any experience of stress and anxiety related dizziness and vertigo?

A bit of context. My 11 year old son has been very sick with a brain tumor. He was operated on end of November to remove the malignant tumor. He’s just finished his radiotherapy treatment which lasted for 6 weeks.

He’s a tough little cookie, he’s doing really well, eating much much better, has put all of the weight back on since pre illness. He’s taken each step in his stride, always smiling, he’s amazing. He’s my hero.

But it’s been a hellish few months.

Diagnosis is good, but he’s got a long bout of chemo to get through.

For the last few weeks I have been having increasing bouts of dizzy spells, cotton wool head and legs. Like I’m stoned but without the confusion or hilarity.

My doc thinks it’s stress related. I’ve taken a comprehensive blood test, which is all grand, apart from white blood cells which are quite low, but also consistent with anxiety, stress and mental exhaustion.

I do a lot of sport, when I’m running and cycling there is no dizziness or fatigue. Often dizziness hits me late in day. Tiredness maybe?

I’ve started meditating more and more which is helping. I think.

Anyone else suffered with this? How long is this gonna last? (How long is a piece of string right?)

We went through that very same thing just under three years ago when my firstborn, then 14, was diagnosed, operated and radiotherapied for the very same... Ours was not quite as malignant so no chemo for him.
Absolutely the most horrible time of my life, I still occasionally get the shivers and feel Im going to throw up when I think of him rolling into that OR.

After our son was physically more or less ok I ran into a wall and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. With the help of my doctor, prescription drugs, wonderful family and quite a bit of time I was feeling better. This summer I resigned, enrolled into Uni at the ripe age of 43 and started a completely new road for me to travel, professionally. In my case the stress of my son and several years of dissatisfaction of my job probably together caused my illness. By removing the stressful parts I intend to stay better.

This was three years ago, Im much better now but Im not the same guy I was earlier. I've changed, matured like a cheese, but different. I have less social interest, the things that matter to me are on top of my list and the rest can be more or less be ignored...

Get help, talk, hug the people that are important. Dont drink too much, stay active physically and remove all the sh*t that you can from your life.

A big massive hug from Finland, I wish your son and you all the best from the bottom of my heart. If you need a shoulder just give me a shout here.

 

[COYBL25]

We went through that very same thing just under three years ago when my firstborn, then 14, was diagnosed, operated and radiotherapied for the very same... Ours was not quite as malignant so no chemo for him.
Absolutely the most horrible time of my life, I still occasionally get the shivers and feel Im going to throw up when I think of him rolling into that OR.

After our son was physically more or less ok I ran into a wall and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. With the help of my doctor, prescription drugs, wonderful family and quite a bit of time I was feeling better. This summer I resigned, enrolled into Uni at the ripe age of 43 and started a completely new road for me to travel, professionally. In my case the stress of my son and several years of dissatisfaction of my job probably together caused my illness. By removing the stressful parts I intend to stay better.

This was three years ago, Im much better now but Im not the same guy I was earlier. I've changed, matured like a cheese, but different. I have less social interest, the things that matter to me are on top of my list and the rest can be more or less be ignored...

Get help, talk, hug the people that are important. Dont drink too much, stay active physically and remove all the sh*t that you can from your life.

A big massive hug from Finland, I wish your son and you all the best from the bottom of my heart. If you need a shoulder just give me a shout here.

Wonderful stuff mate