I understand that you are saying that it wouldn't happen but that suggests that you think that there is a remote possibility that he would sign for a Premier League team and be happy with £70k a week. You're very, very wrong.
If Pep knew who you were then he might listen to you because you often talk sense. However, sorry to spoil your delusion of grandeur but he hasn't got a clue that you even exist.
He is a top slotter, rarely out injured and doesn't often get booked. I know he did esterday but that was worth it.
His poor touch might be something we have to live with.