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He's parachuting into Love island as we speak for a holiday.

This isn't the Allardyce thread.

He missed a chance to win over the doubters by not chinning Allardyce on his way off. Maybe Monday eh.

Any talent he has left should be used in the last 20/30 minutes of games as a support striker, where he'd make a greater impact against tiring defences. He's been managed poorly, especially in the second half of the season, he hasn't got the legs to chase Kevin de Bruyne for 90 mins. I'm more...

He should be the guy coming off the bench with 20 mins to go in a game like that. Any threat he carries is wasted in deep midfield.

I'd always have Baines on pens, however, if we were level in the derby and won a pen in the last minute, Rooney would punch anyone who tried to get the ball off him.

He might play better from the technical area, wouldn't be hard like.

Send Alardarse back to his retirement home, and put Rooney in charge of the first team until the end of season, just for a laugh.

First time in six years he's scored 10 league goal before Christmas. Well done Wayne lad.

I'm singing in the Wayne Just singing in the Wayne What a glorious feeling He's wearing royal blue again

Oracular!

Will score tonight.

Same number of league goals as Lukaku, plus he doesn't go missing in the big games. Well in Wayne lad.

Don't forget his newly acquired gardening skills, her bush will be will well tended.

Has he finished his course in landscaped gardening yet?

Is the correct answer.

Still has plenty to offer in the last 30 mins of games.

Gardening leave :D

Needs to play up top as one of two forwards or not at all. I still think Rooney has plenty to offer in the right circumstances. Unfortunately, he's always had a weakness of dropping too deep when he's not involved enough, and this is where he tends to give it away. Part of his sentence should...

Calm as anything me. Fifty years of blue pessimism now stand me in good stead for whatever comes. The clubs ability to find calamity in the face of hope is well ingrained.