Install the app
How to install the app on iOS

Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.

Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.

Corporate babble, horsecrap values, and other idiocy.

cronullasharks said:
Me and a mate have kept a running tally over the last couple of years of corporate cockshow lingo we both hear way too much at our respective jobs. Here's a sample -
Tangible benefits
Cross tenure approach
Champion the movement
Drive the change
It's inside/outside your wheelhouse
Focus session
The left hand isn't talking to the right hand
Trust the process
Click to expand...
I have no idea what the wheelhouse quip is or relates to.

The left hand right hand one is such that I use often, usually in a complaining manner.

I've recently had words with a new manager type somewhere*, and asked about their supervisor of sorts, and if that persons previous job meant wearing a small red overcoat, a top hat and holding a whip.

This thread feels very similar to the euphemism thread.
 
MbY9z0.gif
 
Rita_Poon said:
I have no idea what the wheelhouse quip is or relates to.

The left hand right hand one is such that I use often, usually in a complaining manner.

I've recently had words with a new manager type somewhere*, and asked about their supervisor of sorts, and if that persons previous job meant wearing a small red overcoat, a top hat and holding a whip.

This thread feels very similar to the euphemism thread.
Click to expand...
Wheelhouse is 'within one's area of expertise or interest'. I had to look it up when I noticed it had started creeping into conversation with management.
 

I won’t say who I was working for but it’ll be pretty obvious. Anyway, I worked for this organisation which in no way should be corporate but is because they bring in chief execs and high level management from other backgrounds that are corporate but have no clue or experience in the field the organisation works in. They also hire mid level management direct from uni who’ve done those corporate degrees and who aren’t really needed/also don’t have a clue about what the organisation really does.

Anyway our local boss changes from the old school boys club dodgy bloke to the ultimate corporate slimeball. Happy days. A good speaker says how he’s going to make everything better then bang he changes the rosters to something different than the ones we voted for and now you don’t see your mates unless you’re lucky and they’re on your team, any holiday you booked is screwed and if you’ve got kids you need to rebook EVERYTHING you have planned for the year.

Next thing you know there’s this massive blame culture and the snivelling little rats of the workplace love it. I got grassed up for being drunk at someone’s leaving do…shocking behaviour I know. People are getting reported for stuff that isn’t under their control in a workplace that was historically one of the more chilled out “family” like ones. Suddenly everyone’s at each others throats and it’s gone proper toxic. Every day there would be another email moaning and threatening about something to the point where I just stopped reading my emails.

Anyway I left along with 9 others in a week and my mate rang me the other day and told me they’d tried to ban people coming back to use the toilet before the unions politely informed them that that’s in breach of quite a few laws and conventions 😂

Rant over.
 
KaiserEFC said:
I won’t say who I was working for but it’ll be pretty obvious. Anyway, I worked for this organisation which in no way should be corporate but is because they bring in chief execs and high level management from other backgrounds that are corporate but have no clue or experience in the field the organisation works in. They also hire mid level management direct from uni who’ve done those corporate degrees and who aren’t really needed/also don’t have a clue about what the organisation really does.

Anyway our local boss changes from the old school boys club dodgy bloke to the ultimate corporate slimeball. Happy days. A good speaker says how he’s going to make everything better then bang he changes the rosters to something different than the ones we voted for and now you don’t see your mates unless you’re lucky and they’re on your team, any holiday you booked is screwed and if you’ve got kids you need to rebook EVERYTHING you have planned for the year.

Next thing you know there’s this massive blame culture and the snivelling little rats of the workplace love it. I got grassed up for being drunk at someone’s leaving do…shocking behaviour I know. People are getting reported for stuff that isn’t under their control in a workplace that was historically one of the more chilled out “family” like ones. Suddenly everyone’s at each others throats and it’s gone proper toxic. Every day there would be another email moaning and threatening about something to the point where I just stopped reading my emails.

Anyway I left along with 9 others in a week and my mate rang me the other day and told me they’d tried to ban people coming back to use the toilet before the unions politely informed them that that’s in breach of quite a few laws and conventions 😂

Rant over.
Click to expand...
Unicef?
 
Former colleague of mine has been given a job at his wife's fancy law firm in the marketing department within the past two months. Now every day - literally - he's posting absolute horse chit anecdotes on LinkedIn about how the firm brings so much value to its customers and constantly replying to other people's status updates with comments such as "Absolutely inspiring story!", "Many thanks for sharing this vital information" and "It's important that people digest this message", etc. What a knob - I am cutting contact with him. I get people are probably playing the game and likely don't believe a single word they're putting out there (hopefully), but I could never bring myself to post such manure.
 

Another one that really did my head in when I was in the corporate world was birthday whip arounds for people who didn't need the money anyway. I used to work in a small agency in Germany where they'd come around with cards and a little envelope expecting people to put in cash and write a happy birthday greeting - but they'd only do it for senior team members, the popular ones or management.

I remember one December a big deal was made about one of the team leads' birthdays where he was literally gifted 300-odd Euro, some other small presents and a fancy birthday card. My birthday fell on a weekend a couple of weeks later, and the Monday after there wasn't even a card, let alone anything else. :lol:

From then on I flat out refused to take part in any of that BS.
 
KaiserEFC said:
How can the people that come up with this not see that everybody knows it’s all bollocks? Managers pretend to believe it but they too know it’s bollocks. Sod and your “family” and your pizza Fridays and pay me.
Click to expand...
I remember one of my first jobs paying absolutely disgracefully that was one of those 'family' companies such all the 'benefits'. Started at 1600 Euro a month and I was up to 2000 after two years - which in itself was disgusting considering the location I was living. Anyway yeah, it was one of those like you mentioned above, diabolical salaries but expensive glass bottled juices, crates of beer and fresh fruit delivered each week. They had two events each year - a summer BBQ party and a Christmas do - and occasional rooftop pizzas. I reckon those 'benefits' probably amounted to less than about 500 nicker per person per year. I cringe still at the times when I was virtually begging for a reasonable pay rise. Smart way of doing things I guess for people that were mostly in their first jobs and weren't confident or experienced enough to speak out, but it still makes me angry thinking back to those days.
 
One final one. Used to work at one of the big US tech firms and there would be frequent travel required to the US, inside of Europe and to Asia. We had an internal travel booking tool (hotels and flights) that had a traffic light system that enabled you to either make a booking immediately (green), make one with manager approval (amber) or not make a booking (red) as the prices were too expensive at that time.

We were due to go on a trip from Germany to London and I was booking my travel. The costs for the hotels were showing as green (hotels miles away from office) and amber - book with managerial approval only and not particularly close - so I had to approach him. Generally with amber the manager would approve it if it meant there wasn't a substantial commute to the office - after all you don't travel overseas with work to then spend an hour on the train to get to the office. Anyway, he refused to approve any of the amber hotels that were anywhere near the office in Liverpool Street, insisting that I take one of the green options that were miles away, literally 45 minutes on the bus.

Day before we were going he says he hasn't booked yet for himself. Ends up booking himself one of those marked as amber that was about 30 seconds walk to the office. Absolute bell.
 
KaiserEFC said:
I won’t say who I was working for but it’ll be pretty obvious. Anyway, I worked for this organisation which in no way should be corporate but is because they bring in chief execs and high level management from other backgrounds that are corporate but have no clue or experience in the field the organisation works in. They also hire mid level management direct from uni who’ve done those corporate degrees and who aren’t really needed/also don’t have a clue about what the organisation really does.

Anyway our local boss changes from the old school boys club dodgy bloke to the ultimate corporate slimeball. Happy days. A good speaker says how he’s going to make everything better then bang he changes the rosters to something different than the ones we voted for and now you don’t see your mates unless you’re lucky and they’re on your team, any holiday you booked is screwed and if you’ve got kids you need to rebook EVERYTHING you have planned for the year.

Next thing you know there’s this massive blame culture and the snivelling little rats of the workplace love it. I got grassed up for being drunk at someone’s leaving do…shocking behaviour I know. People are getting reported for stuff that isn’t under their control in a workplace that was historically one of the more chilled out “family” like ones. Suddenly everyone’s at each others throats and it’s gone proper toxic. Every day there would be another email moaning and threatening about something to the point where I just stopped reading my emails.

Anyway I left along with 9 others in a week and my mate rang me the other day and told me they’d tried to ban people coming back to use the toilet before the unions politely informed them that that’s in breach of quite a few laws and conventions 😂

Rant over.
Click to expand...
Started off like Everton, but towards the end there was a surprising lack of headlocks so can't be.
 

Welcome to GrandOldTeam

Get involved. Registration is simple and free.

Register
Back
Top