Corporate babble, horsecrap values, and other idiocy.

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

Former colleague of mine has been given a job at his wife's fancy law firm in the marketing department within the past two months. Now every day - literally - he's posting absolute horse chit anecdotes on LinkedIn about how the firm brings so much value to its customers and constantly replying to other people's status updates with comments such as "Absolutely inspiring story!", "Many thanks for sharing this vital information" and "It's important that people digest this message", etc. What a knob - I am cutting contact with him. I get people are probably playing the game and likely don't believe a single word they're putting out there (hopefully), but I could never bring myself to post such manure.

Linked in [Poor language removed] are a thread in and of itself.

I really think the platform would benefit from vomit and finger emojis.

The preserve of the worst 'look at me' networkers notworkers.

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

Getting the vibes a lot of us are deep cynical and hate the modern world.

Cheers

 

[tonyhorne]

I once had an idea to start an online platform that was the antithesis of LinkedIn. People could mock this sort of stuff and describe how they do not get remotely excited or become passionate about any of the mundane tasks required by their employment.

My wife explained it would never work as each forum would be monitored and any genuine poster would be hounded out of their job ...

 

[COYBL25]

Linked in [Poor language removed] are a thread in and of itself.

I really think the platform would benefit from vomit and finger emojis.

The preserve of the worst 'look at me' networkers notworkers.

I`d pay good money to get a peak at @ForeverBlue92 Linkedin page.

I reckon someone like Frankie Boyle, would be able to get a whole show`s worth of material out of it

 

[COYBL25]

Getting the vibes a lot of us are deep cynical and hate the modern world.

Cheers

I don`t think it`s that, it`s just that over the years, all this nonsense has slowly crept into almost every job.

A for instance , I knew lad who worked on the bins and his job title changed from " binman " to " waste management operative "

I always remember in the early days of all this corporate bollox, people I worked with, who were hard working and ambitious, but didn`t get involved in all the corporate gobleedeegook out of their own self respect and knowing that it was just a load of rubbish, that benefited no one, getting passed over for promotions, due to being classed as " blockages " ( what a horrible word ) .

Which meant in so many words, meant that because they hadn`t got on the bullshine train and called it out for what it was, had been passed over for promotion for having a contrary opinion, to those who`d completely embraced all this nonsense.

The net result, was that if you weren`t seen to be " onboard ", you`d never advance in your job, leaving people with no choice but to swallow the pill and get onboard.

 

[tonyhorne]

The net result, was that if you weren`t seen to be " onboard ", you`d never advance in your job, leaving people with no choice but to swallow the pill and get onboard.

The option was to abandon ship and leave the idiots to their own devices, largely rudderless.

It will be a very sad day if, even for a fraction of a second, I ever forget that it was my age that gave me the escape route that will be denied to many who are younger ...

 

[Rita_Poon]

I once had an idea to start an online platform that was the antithesis of LinkedIn. People could mock this sort of stuff and describe how they do not get remotely excited or become passionate about any of the mundane tasks required by their employment.

My wife explained it would never work as each forum would be monitored and any genuine poster would be hounded out of their job ...

"onthetools"

 

[KaiserEFC]

The cycle of management ideas is hilarious to me. In my last place it lasted probably about 5 years. Somebody would come in and change things to X then they’d move on and the next person would change to Y then the next would come in and implement pretty much the exact same thing as X again and so on and so forth.

They think they’re being innovative but everyone’s looking at it like “I remember this from last time and it didn’t work then and it won’t work now” and shock horror it doesn’t work. They think they’re being innovative but in reality they’re just rehashing the same old bollocks over and over.

 

[COYBL25]

The option was to abandon ship and leave the idiots to their own devices, largely rudderless.

It will be a very sad day if, even for a fraction of a second, I ever forget that it was my age that gave me the escape route that will be denied to many who are younger ...

A lot of the older people I worked with were " managed out " as all this nonsense was just baffling to them and they just couldn`t get their heads around it.

I`ve deliberately steered my eldest lad away from the area of work I used to work in, as it`s just been destroyed by legions of idiots, who have totally embraced all this rubbish and ruined what used to be a very good field of employment to work in.

 

[Chewbacca]

Quite possibly the proudest moment of my career was at my retirement ‘do’ when an ex-boss asked me if I had noticed that I had had hit a glass ceiling years prior. I had but didn’t care as I enjoyed my technical job and wasn’t arsed about moving into senior management. He told me I had been marked as a potential European GM but it didn’t happen because I always told the truth and had told one too many marketing directors exactly how terrible their ideas were. My heart swelled.

As I was retiring at 56 on a pension that matches my net salary I think I got the better of that deal.

 

[COYBL25]

The cycle of management ideas is hilarious to me. In my last place it lasted probably about 5 years. Somebody would come in and change things to X then they’d move on and the next person would change to Y then the next would come in and implement pretty much the exact same thing as X again and so on and so forth.

They think they’re being innovative but everyone’s looking at it like “I remember this from last time and it didn’t work then and it won’t work now” and shock horror it doesn’t work. They think they’re being innovative but in reality they’re just rehashing the same old bollocks over and over.

We used to call it the " carousel " mate.

You got a new boss and the wheel would turn again with a load of " new " ideas, sometimes at great expense, which in reality where the same ideas as the last boss, just dressed up as new ideas.

The money wasted with things like pointless re organisations, closing down departments, opening new ones, closing them down, when they didn`t work, re opening the old ones back up, rinse and repeat.

Apart from the cost, the madness of it all, was that no one ever got called out or got the bullet, despite ruining work places with all this stuff.

 

[KaiserEFC]

We used to call it the " carousel " mate.

You got a new boss and the wheel would turn again with a load of " new " ideas, sometimes at great expense, which in reality where the same ideas as the last boss, just dressed up as new ideas.

The money wasted with things like pointless re organisations, closing down departments, opening new ones, closing them down, when they didn`t work, re opening the old ones back up, rinse and repeat.

Apart from the cost, the madness of it all, was that no one ever got called out or got the bullet, despite ruining work places with all this stuff.

Like I wouldn’t mind if these people were actually successful but they never are. Obviously in personal terms they and their mates think they are because that’s “business” but they always leave behind a train of organisations that they have made slightly worse and a huge amount of staff that they have exploited and pissed off. There’s zero accountability or repercussions

 

[TheBigIguana]

I was at a conference last week and while it wasn’t specifically about any of this nonsense they of course had an intro where they told everyone how important everyone is. I’m in the office with our executives and I know for a fact if it was practical they’d ax about half the room and replace them with people who actually know what they’re doing. I do have to give them credit for honesty though as they literally said “this is a game we’re trying to win.” Too right.

 

[Prevenger17]

Former colleague of mine has been given a job at his wife's fancy law firm in the marketing department within the past two months. Now every day - literally - he's posting absolute horse chit anecdotes on LinkedIn about how the firm brings so much value to its customers and constantly replying to other people's status updates with comments such as "Absolutely inspiring story!", "Many thanks for sharing this vital information" and "It's important that people digest this message", etc. What a knob - I am cutting contact with him. I get people are probably playing the game and likely don't believe a single word they're putting out there (hopefully), but I could never bring myself to post such manure.

Linkedin is unbearably cringy, an absolute cesspool of people pedalling their online "brands" and extolling the incredible virtues of their soulless corporate overlords.

I was an agency recruiter years ago so I had to use it to find people, it is a stain I'll never wash off. My only consolation is that I was a terrible recruiter and apparently wasn't using it properly

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

I don`t think it`s that, it`s just that over the years, all this nonsense has slowly crept into almost every job.

A for instance , I knew lad who worked on the bins and his job title changed from " binman " to " waste management operative "

I always remember in the early days of all this corporate bollox, people I worked with, who were hard working and ambitious, but didn`t get involved in all the corporate gobleedeegook out of their own self respect and knowing that it was just a load of rubbish, that benefited no one, getting passed over for promotions, due to being classed as " blockages " ( what a horrible word ) .

Which meant in so many words, meant that because they hadn`t got on the bullshine train and called it out for what it was, had been passed over for promotion for having a contrary opinion, to those who`d completely embraced all this nonsense.

The net result, was that if you weren`t seen to be " onboard ", you`d never advance in your job, leaving people with no choice but to swallow the pill and get onboard.

Only enough, just had a conversation with a more senior colleague about their immediate superior and we are in full agreement that they have been hugely over-promoted.

They are a fully MBA'd member of the networking buzzword horseshit brigade.

But in terms of tangible direction or input? Nada. Said tool is currently on my case about a vanity project of theirs, zero use beyond their own interests, but absolutely insist I do x,y,z. They're very close to getting a good old plain talking to.