Install the app
How to install the app on iOS

Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.

Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.

 

Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

COYBL25 said:
Sounds like my mates missus.

Gets in from work, gets into her pyjamas and puts the telly on with a bottle of gin.

He comes home from work, tidies and cleans the house up and feeds the kids.

She hasn`t got a " problem " either.

His lads are 16 and 18 ( at Uni ) , he`s had enough too.
Click to expand...
More common than we think with either partner.
Folk just give up trying eventually.
 
Alanbileysfeathercut said:
More common than we think with either partner.
Folk just give up trying eventually.
Click to expand...

A lot of people are flying under the radar with un diagnosed depression, which they cover by self medicating.

It`s a very difficult one to tackle, as the first step is getting them to admit they aren`t well, which can sometimes be nigh on impossible - my mates wife, hence why he`s started divorce proceedings.
 
flibbyflob said:
When you are drinking two thirds of a bottle of gin every day of the week, week in week out then you won't accept there is a problem and I get abuse for even mentioning it.
Click to expand...
Hi mate, i have had serious drink/drug issues in the past and ended up going through rehab because of it. It's not easy to acknowledge you have a problem but eventually with me i basically had to as i was going to kill myself as i was on a pathway to self destruction. The first step I would suggest is maybe try contact one of those groups that supports family members of people with alcohol issues and they can help you with the best way to go about getting your other half to admit there is an issue. I have had help from various drink and drug groups over the years and you meet some great people and they have all been through the same experience as you will be going through. Whatever you decide to do there is always light at the end of the tunnel, i went from being a junkie nearly at deaths door to going back to uni and retraining as a Physiologist. Please contact me if you ever want to talk about anything, Simon
 
Simon Buttle said:
Hi mate, i have had serious drink/drug issues in the past and ended up going through rehab because of it. It's not easy to acknowledge you have a problem but eventually with me i basically had to as i was going to kill myself as i was on a pathway to self destruction. The first step I would suggest is maybe try contact one of those groups that supports family members of people with alcohol issues and they can help you with the best way to go about getting your other half to admit there is an issue. I have had help from various drink and drug groups over the years and you meet some great people and they have all been through the same experience as you will be going through. Whatever you decide to do there is always light at the end of the tunnel, i went from being a junkie nearly at deaths door to going back to uni and retraining as a Physiologist. Please contact me if you ever want to talk about anything, Simon
Click to expand...
Simon great post that. I've always said there are experts in abuse, that's the person experiencing it. As has been said, admitting you have the problem is the first step. Make yourself a blank canvass to work with, put it all out there. There are loads of good people who want to help. I think COYB 25 made a great point. People self medicating. It's the age old question. Do people experience mental health problems and abuse substances to deal with it, or are the substances the cause of the mental health problems. You have to be brave to address your problems, and prepare for old wounds to be opened but, if it lances the boil, the wound gets clean and heals. People get trapped, they love the abuser but part of the abusers problems is they leave an awful lot of collateral damage. There is a good case for leaving abusers, a sort of letting them hit rock bottom, see the error of their ways, and ask for help in the healing process. That takes courage, " hitting people when theyre down" but where is the benefit of being abused yourself. The circle of abuse needs to be broken but it takes courage. Seek help, acceptance and being absolutely honest with people can be very cathartic. Here I am, I'm a mess, and I need help is often the hardest but best option to take. Good luck to all of those who are abusing substance and are being abused by the abusers. There are lots of people / organisations who want to help but they need to know that you're struggling. I would like to close on the topic of being judgemental. As has been said by others on here, people gave their reasons for " self medicating" - child sexual abuse, domestic abuse or bereavement, let's all TRY to not be judgemental and I include myself in that. As Jesus said " don't try to take the spelk out of your neighbours eye until you've taken the log out of your own". Sorry if this has appeared a little " preachy.".
 
Spotty said:
Simon great post that. I've always said there are experts in abuse, that's the person experiencing it. As has been said, admitting you have the problem is the first step. Make yourself a blank canvass to work with, put it all out there. There are loads of good people who want to help. I think COYB 25 made a great point. People self medicating. It's the age old question. Do people experience mental health problems and abuse substances to deal with it, or are the substances the cause of the mental health problems. You have to be brave to address your problems, and prepare for old wounds to be opened but, if it lances the boil, the wound gets clean and heals. People get trapped, they love the abuser but part of the abusers problems is they leave an awful lot of collateral damage. There is a good case for leaving abusers, a sort of letting them hit rock bottom, see the error of their ways, and ask for help in the healing process. That takes courage, " hitting people when theyre down" but where is the benefit of being abused yourself. The circle of abuse needs to be broken but it takes courage. Seek help, acceptance and being absolutely honest with people can be very cathartic. Here I am, I'm a mess, and I need help is often the hardest but best option to take. Good luck to all of those who are abusing substance and are being abused by the abusers. There are lots of people / organisations who want to help but they need to know that you're struggling. I would like to close on the topic of being judgemental. As has been said by others on here, people gave their reasons for " self medicating" - child sexual abuse, domestic abuse or bereavement, let's all TRY to not be judgemental and I include myself in that. As Jesus said " don't try to take the spelk out of your neighbours eye until you've taken the log out of your own". Sorry if this has appeared a little " preachy.".
Click to expand...
I don’t think you came across as being “preachy” to be honest you can be as preachy as you want and it won’t do any harm at all but may help, and that is what you were trying to do.
 

flibbyflob said:
Reading some of these posts by people who have had bereavements makes me feel bad for feeling like crap as my marriage is crumbling around me due to being married to a drunk. Only stayed to make sure the kids are ok and now with covid and Brexit I daren't leave due to worrying about my job going belly up in a few months time. Feel trapped, frustrated and angry and our performances of late haven't helped.

As Blackadder said, I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell.
Click to expand...
You're not alone mate even though it feels like it. You're a great dad and husband for keeping the family together. I don't know how old your kids are but they'll know how strong and inspirational you're being - even if no one acknowledges it right now. Has anything happened to trigger her drinking that she could get help with? I had similar situation with my missus although it wasn't drink it was depression and then a complete breakdown. I was like you a mum and dad - none of her family cared so nothing changed it went on for years. At times I just wanted to put kids in car and drive into the sea or a truck. I was that low and broken I couldn't do it any longer I found an old set of rosary beads and got down on my knees and said if you're real you're going to have to prove it - I can't do this. Eventually she got help,we're on the other side now which I never thought could be possible - family still together and kids old enough now and they realised all along what was happening they said their biggest fear was that I'd have left them. So don't give up, we're always here to listen and support you mate which we do, through these tough times. Believe me your kids will thank you for the sacrifice you've made for them. Look into any and all help suggested to you for you and for her and hopefully you will get your wife back and the kids their mum back. I think you're a champion brother. God Bless.
 

Simon Buttle said:
Hi mate, i have had serious drink/drug issues in the past and ended up going through rehab because of it. It's not easy to acknowledge you have a problem but eventually with me i basically had to as i was going to kill myself as i was on a pathway to self destruction. The first step I would suggest is maybe try contact one of those groups that supports family members of people with alcohol issues and they can help you with the best way to go about getting your other half to admit there is an issue. I have had help from various drink and drug groups over the years and you meet some great people and they have all been through the same experience as you will be going through. Whatever you decide to do there is always light at the end of the tunnel, i went from being a junkie nearly at deaths door to going back to uni and retraining as a Physiologist. Please contact me if you ever want to talk about anything, Simon
Click to expand...
Lovely post and well done mate.
 
Alanbileysfeathercut said:
I spoke on GOT last year about my company going into administration.
Company ended up with a management buyout, but this covid thing has ,like otherbusnises, has had a dramatic downturn.
Looks like in house restructuring from different departments, but lot of older folk wondering what will happen (different jobs retraining, etc).
Good possibilities of compulsory redundancies, with minimum jobs out there ,and our redundancy terms are laughable.
Anyway, main point.
Good number of workforce not sleeping and stressed to the limits,not good.
Too scared to go off with illnesses (including stress related),cant go to hr department cos nothing is secret in my work.
Cant go to the union cos they will speak to hr who have loose tongues.
Sad times.
Any advice?
Click to expand...
These are the Government guidelines on redundancy. Get hold of the company redundancy policy too. Make sure you know what's in it. They might be in a position to offer voluntary terms that are usually better than compulsory. It depends how dire the situation is.
https://www.gov.uk/redundancy-your-rights

ACAS have good advice too about selection for redundancy and what they have to give you - compulsory redundancy payments are higher if you are over 40. They can't just select older people, the selection policy has to be seen to be fair. They also have to have a period of consultation. If they are making more than 20 redundant it has to 90 days and with the Union. If it's less than 20 people then there is no set time for a consultation period.
 

Welcome

Join Grand Old Team to get involved in the Everton discussion. Signing up is quick, easy, and completely free.

Register
Back
Top