Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

These are the Government guidelines on redundancy. Get hold of the company redundancy policy too. Make sure you know what's in it. They might be in a position to offer voluntary terms that are usually better than compulsory. It depends how dire the situation is.
https://www.gov.uk/redundancy-your-rights

ACAS have good advice too about selection for redundancy and what they have to give you - compulsory redundancy payments are higher if you are over 40. They can't just select older people, the selection policy has to be seen to be fair. They also have to have a period of consultation. If they are making more than 20 redundant it has to 90 days and with the Union. If it's less than 20 people then there is no set time for a consultation period.

Rubbish voluntary terms.
Government +20%PYLON an option.
Compulsory
Government +10%.
About 10 months ago we got offered 2weeks pay for each year up to 26k,which in an odd ballot was accepted along with pension reductions,previous voluntary was a month for each year up to 2 years salary.
Legally according to our superiors they can change the terms.
Can hardly strike to force their hands.
Anyway folk who were wanting away have accepted, but we are still about 25 top heavy, which will be compulsory.
I'm hoping they might just hold on to these as we've never done compulsory, but it's a new ownership and we've a massive loss for this 1st year.

 

[flibbyflob]

Sounds like my mates missus.

Gets in from work, gets into her pyjamas and puts the telly on with a bottle of gin.

He comes home from work, tidies and cleans the house up and feeds the kids.

She hasn`t got a " problem " either.

His lads are 16 and 18 ( away at Uni ) , he`s had enough too.

She won`t engage with him, so he`s started divorce proceedings, which she`s refused to acknowledge.

The crazy thing is that the way the law works, even though she`s a rancid drunk, she`ll get the youngest lad.

Exactly why I have stayed so long. Mine are now 17 and 16 so are in less danger now than 10 years ago when I first wanted to leave but was too scared to.

 

[flibbyflob]

Lost my dad today - in bits tonight TBH - hoping it gets easier tomorrow

Missing you so much Stan

Sorry for your loss.

 

[COYBL25]

Exactly why I have stayed so long. Mine are now 17 and 16 so are in less danger now than 10 years ago when I first wanted to leave but was too scared to.

I hate to say it mate and no doubt you’ve thought about this a lot, what happens to you when the girls leave home - Uni, to start their adult lives etc ?

 

[flibbyflob]

I hate to say it mate and no doubt you’ve thought about this a lot, what happens to you when the girls leave home - Uni, to start their adult lives etc ?

Well I had planned for the last few years that once the youngest did GCSE's I would leave, then the Covid thing hit and it seemed daft to leave when you were uncertain about your job etc...

Looks like we will be ok so once christmas is out of the way I think I will start looking for somewhere to live. Can't handle staying much longer.

 

[COYBL25]

Well I had planned for the last few years that once the youngest did GCSE's I would leave, then the Covid thing hit and it seemed daft to leave when you were uncertain about your job etc...

Looks like we will be ok so once christmas is out of the way I think I will start looking for somewhere to live. Can't handle staying much longer.

I’m not an expert on this mate, but I’d say that a consultation with a decent lawyer, who specialises in divorce would be an idea.

At least that way when you decided to make the “ jump “ you’d know where you were starting from.

 

[dave n]

Well I had planned for the last few years that once the youngest did GCSE's I would leave, then the Covid thing hit and it seemed daft to leave when you were uncertain about your job etc...

Looks like we will be ok so once christmas is out of the way I think I will start looking for somewhere to live. Can't handle staying much longer.

Don't move out of your house mate. You lose any negotiations and she will be taking maintenance off you until your kids are 21 if they go to university.
I'm going to court now but I'm struggling with life at the moment. 2.5 years we have been fighting.
She has totally turned the tables on me and turned my 15 year old daughter against me.
She even gave me a black eye when drunk but my daughter just shrugs her shoulder and tells me I deserved it.
Fcuking Christmas coming up now as well.

 

[Connor]

Only pinging in here cos I know he's posted a good few times - with his own stuff and helping others - but hope @Disgruntledgoat is keeping well

Always weird when a prominent poster ups and vanishes

 

[Ulla]

On the New Year Eve of 2019, while celebrating with my family, I said to myself that 2020 must be a better year and that I have to do everything within my power to make it better. Now, at the end of 2020, I must say that this has been one of the most horrible years I have ever lived.

 

[Ulla]

This pandemic has affected the lives of everyone, it brought disease, death, sadness, pain, stress, and unfortunately, for many of us, things will never be the same again.

 

[Ulla]

A lot of people lost their jobs, people who lost their homes, their families, their everything. I know a guy who has literally ended up on the streets because he couldn't afford to pay for the rent and bills no more. On top of that, he couldn't take any credit, but thank God his girlfriend was there for him. I don't think anyone could have imagined the scale of this whole madness at the beginning of this year. It seems that even my cat is depressed. I bought CBD oil for cats to make her feel better, and if things won't change fast, I might need it too.

 

[Bilbo]

Yesterday at work, and today at work, I have been fine. I'm eating and drinking my cuppas etc, and getting on with my work.

But Saturday evening, after work, I dozed off in my computer chair and it felt like my stomach had dramatically fallen into my feet and and then I awoke very suddenly. Then I think I panicked a bit, thinking was that my stomach or was it my chest? A while after that, I must have dozed again and once more awoke like I was dropping off a cliff....

It seemed to happen only if closed my eyes or lapsed into a moment of sleep... Once I opened my eyes, and got over the moments of worry, I seemed OK.

When I went to bed on Saturday night, once I closed my eyes to settle down it came again, and I ended wide awake and worrying what was happening. I went to the loo, turned down the central heating and tried to sleep again, but really struggled - again, when I closed my eyes, I got this worrying sensation. I eventually forced myself to think of relaxing things and nice things (even our win v Chelsea) and I remember not getting to sleep until almost 3am.

Woke up to go to work, all seemed OK, and all day at work, I've been fine (wide awake of course, and busying myself with my job).

Twice this evening I again nodded off at home as I watched TV and the same horrid stomach dropping feeling jarred me awake, and I panicked so much I began to think was I dying from a bloody heart attack - but as I kept my eyes open, all seemed well again. Then I started imagining I've got Covid-19 and I'm going to get really ill, or even worse!

It's seems whenever I try to sleep or close my eyes I get this really weird feeling!

Now I do think I am a little worried about money over Christmas as usual (just like last year when I got a bit stressed about spending) but this year with less money than last (wife furloughed) I kinda think I am just getting some underlying stress about things, and whenever I try to close my eyes (on purpose, or if just nodding off) it then exacerbates itself and jars me awake and my body is reacting with sudden spasms in my midriff!

I do think it is stress. Tomorrow when I get up from bed I will likely feel as fine as I did during both Saturday and Sunday day times.

Tonight, when I go to bed, I reckon I will struggle and find myself panicking and inducing these almost violent reactions and startling myself wide awake thinking I'm about to cark it or something!

It's hard to describe really (despite all that lot I have managed to type above in an attempt to explain the feeling).

What I am going to ask, is if anyone else gets these feelings, what did you do to alleviate them?

I'm sure it's a mental thing rather than a physical thing, but it's unpleasant just the same.... It could even be a simple ear infection that is not obvious but is there none the less - making me go really dizzy and virtigo-like...

Bilbo.

 

[COYBL25]

Yesterday at work, and today at work, I have been fine. I'm eating and drinking my cuppas etc, and getting on with my work.

But Saturday evening, after work, I dozed off in my computer chair and it felt like my stomach had dramatically fallen into my feet and and then I awoke very suddenly. Then I think I panicked a bit, thinking was that my stomach or was it my chest? A while after that, I must have dozed again and once more awoke like I was dropping off a cliff....

It seemed to happen only if closed my eyes or lapsed into a moment of sleep... Once I opened my eyes, and got over the moments of worry, I seemed OK.

When I went to bed on Saturday night, once I closed my eyes to settle down it came again, and I ended wide awake and worrying what was happening. I went to the loo, turned down the central heating and tried to sleep again, but really struggled - again, when I closed my eyes, I got this worrying sensation. I eventually forced myself to think of relaxing things and nice things (even our win v Chelsea) and I remember not getting to sleep until almost 3am.

Woke up to go to work, all seemed OK, and all day at work, I've been fine (wide awake of course, and busying myself with my job).

Twice this evening I again nodded off at home as I watched TV and the same horrid stomach dropping feeling jarred me awake, and I panicked so much I began to think was I dying from a bloody heart attack - but as I kept my eyes open, all seemed well again. Then I started imagining I've got Covid-19 and I'm going to get really ill, or even worse!

It's seems whenever I try to sleep or close my eyes I get this really weird feeling!

Now I do think I am a little worried about money over Christmas as usual (just like last year when I got a bit stressed about spending) but this year with less money than last (wife furloughed) I kinda think I am just getting some underlying stress about things, and whenever I try to close my eyes (on purpose, or if just nodding off) it then exacerbates itself and jars me awake and my body is reacting with sudden spasms in my midriff!

I do think it is stress. Tomorrow when I get up from bed I will likely feel as fine as I did during both Saturday and Sunday day times.

Tonight, when I go to bed, I reckon I will struggle and find myself panicking and inducing these almost violent reactions and startling myself wide awake thinking I'm about to cark it or something!

It's hard to describe really (despite all that lot I have managed to type above in an attempt to explain the feeling).

What I am going to ask, is if anyone else gets these feelings, what did you do to alleviate them?

I'm sure it's a mental thing rather than a physical thing, but it's unpleasant just the same.... It could even be a simple ear infection that is not obvious but is there none the less - making me go really dizzy and virtigo-like...

Bilbo.

I’m putting my money on stress related anxiety that’s causing all this mate.

It’ll be your subconscious thoughts about money, about work and all the general doom and gloom that’s been going on this year

It’s like a worm that burrows in and initially you don’t notice it, then when you do, you try to fight it and it gets worse.

When your busy and occupied your mind is occupied too, but when you’re not occupied it’s almost like your brain can’t help itself and switches back onto the stuff that’s being worrying you.

This is why it’s happening when you’re dozing, as you’re not properly asleep and you’re mind is still active.

Have a look at what causes anxiety and how it manifests, as I found that the first stage of managing it, was actually understanding it and accepting it. As the more I fought it or denied it, the worse it got.

Everyone has their own way of managing it and I’d say there isn’t a right way or wrong way, as what works for me, may not work for you.

There are some things that work for everyone though - cutting down on caffeine, exercise, avoiding alcohol before bed, as it makes it worse when you get up and getting enough sleep - being tired ramps mine up.

Also the big one is removing the thing that is worrying you from your life, which I appreciate isn’t always possible.

There’s loads of stuff that you can read up on, which can help you understand what’s going on.

When my anxiety is really bad, I find that I get a metallic taste in my mouth, which I believe is from the body going into overdrive and producing the fight or flight chemical, cortisol.

Hope this helps you a bit mate.

 

[brieverton]

The physical manifestations of stress are very real and can of course therefore make you feel you are physically ill.

If anyone has any concerns they should of course seek advice from their doctor/healthcare professional.

In recent years I have had a myriad of complaints which thankfully when investigated showed up all clear - things like palpitations, skin rashes, stomach pain, and countless other things, some of which seemed serious and had me convinced I was ill. It's a vicious circle then and just adds worry on top of worry. I know it was stress and anxiety related.

It's why we really have to deal with our mental health to help us both mentally and physically. Our mental health, or lack thereof, has the potential to affect us in many other ways.

Please all reach out if you need it to your family and friends, or to a professional if required. There is great strength of character in asking for help.

Other things like a good diet, exercise, time with your family and friends, hobbies, etc can also help.

 

[Nymzee]

The physical manifestations of stress are very real and can of course therefore make you feel you are physically ill.

If anyone has any concerns they should of course seek advice from their doctor/healthcare professional.

In recent years I have had a myriad of complaints which thankfully when investigated showed up all clear - things like palpitations, skin rashes, stomach pain, and countless other things, some of which seemed serious and had me convinced I was ill. It's a vicious circle then and just adds worry on top of worry. I know it was stress and anxiety related.

It's why we really have to deal with our mental health to help us both mentally and physically. Our mental health, or lack thereof, has the potential to affect us in many other ways.

Please all reach out if you need it to your family and friends, or to a professional if required. There is great strength of character in asking for help.

Other things like a good diet, exercise, time with your family and friends, hobbies, etc can also help.

Stress is a bugger because sometimes you don’t even realise you’re stressed. I got shingles earlier in the year from stress and I didn’t even know I was actually stressed till they arrived.