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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

brieverton said:
The physical manifestations of stress are very real and can of course therefore make you feel you are physically ill.

If anyone has any concerns they should of course seek advice from their doctor/healthcare professional.

In recent years I have had a myriad of complaints which thankfully when investigated showed up all clear - things like palpitations, skin rashes, stomach pain, and countless other things, some of which seemed serious and had me convinced I was ill. It's a vicious circle then and just adds worry on top of worry. I know it was stress and anxiety related.

It's why we really have to deal with our mental health to help us both mentally and physically. Our mental health, or lack thereof, has the potential to affect us in many other ways.

Please all reach out if you need it to your family and friends, or to a professional if required. There is great strength of character in asking for help.

Other things like a good diet, exercise, time with your family and friends, hobbies, etc can also help.
Click to expand...
Same here, I've had tons of things - back/neck/shoulder pain, fatigue, IBS, tinnitus. Usually ends up in me needing to get an all clear from a doctor and when I get that I stop being worried about it and it goes away. I think worrying about what ever symptoms you're having somehow perpetuates them.
 
Billy Dean said:
Same here, I've had tons of things - back/neck/shoulder pain, fatigue, IBS, tinnitus. Usually ends up in me needing to get an all clear from a doctor and when I get that I stop being worried about it and it goes away. I think worrying about what ever symptoms you're having somehow perpetuates them.
Click to expand...

This is very true. I've suffered with migraines since I was a teenager. Whenever I'm stressed it manifests itself in headaches. Yet each time there's always that underlying thought "what if this headache isn't just stress related"... Inevitably that leads to more stress and more headaches until I've convinced myself that it's definitely a brain tumour this time. It's a hard cycle to break out of, and just like yourself I usually end up needing the all clear from healthcare professionals to get over it.
 
Bilbo said:
Yesterday at work, and today at work, I have been fine. I'm eating and drinking my cuppas etc, and getting on with my work.

But Saturday evening, after work, I dozed off in my computer chair and it felt like my stomach had dramatically fallen into my feet and and then I awoke very suddenly. Then I think I panicked a bit, thinking was that my stomach or was it my chest? A while after that, I must have dozed again and once more awoke like I was dropping off a cliff....

It seemed to happen only if closed my eyes or lapsed into a moment of sleep... Once I opened my eyes, and got over the moments of worry, I seemed OK.

When I went to bed on Saturday night, once I closed my eyes to settle down it came again, and I ended wide awake and worrying what was happening. I went to the loo, turned down the central heating and tried to sleep again, but really struggled - again, when I closed my eyes, I got this worrying sensation. I eventually forced myself to think of relaxing things and nice things (even our win v Chelsea) and I remember not getting to sleep until almost 3am.

Woke up to go to work, all seemed OK, and all day at work, I've been fine (wide awake of course, and busying myself with my job).

Twice this evening I again nodded off at home as I watched TV and the same horrid stomach dropping feeling jarred me awake, and I panicked so much I began to think was I dying from a bloody heart attack - but as I kept my eyes open, all seemed well again. Then I started imagining I've got Covid-19 and I'm going to get really ill, or even worse!

It's seems whenever I try to sleep or close my eyes I get this really weird feeling!

Now I do think I am a little worried about money over Christmas as usual (just like last year when I got a bit stressed about spending) but this year with less money than last (wife furloughed) I kinda think I am just getting some underlying stress about things, and whenever I try to close my eyes (on purpose, or if just nodding off) it then exacerbates itself and jars me awake and my body is reacting with sudden spasms in my midriff!

I do think it is stress. Tomorrow when I get up from bed I will likely feel as fine as I did during both Saturday and Sunday day times.

Tonight, when I go to bed, I reckon I will struggle and find myself panicking and inducing these almost violent reactions and startling myself wide awake thinking I'm about to cark it or something!

It's hard to describe really (despite all that lot I have managed to type above in an attempt to explain the feeling).

What I am going to ask, is if anyone else gets these feelings, what did you do to alleviate them?

I'm sure it's a mental thing rather than a physical thing, but it's unpleasant just the same.... It could even be a simple ear infection that is not obvious but is there none the less - making me go really dizzy and virtigo-like...

Bilbo.
Click to expand...

I've experienced something not too-dissimilar to this. As I was nodding off I'd wake with a jolt, and had this horrible sensation that I was about to slip off in to death. Followed by a racing heart and mind. Then a sleepless night of course.

Recently it doesn't happen so much but generally I used to have terrible problems sleeping for years.

Thankfully I've been going to see a psychoanalyst for a fairly long time and to be perfectly honest it's the best thing I've ever done. It's helped me massively with these sorts of issues. Turns out my problems sleeping had to do with all sorts of things that happened in my life, mainly at night time.

Through studying I had always known that logically, those anxiety events were the return of some stress that hadn't been articulated. But to actually go figure it out, and speak about it, really changed everything for me.

In your case, hopefully it's more of a short term thing related to Christmas though, as your hunch suggests. If it continues I'd recommend going to see a (Lacanian) psychoanalyst. Or at worst, a regular therapist. It's not as scary as people can sometimes think.
 
collymcd said:
I've experienced something not too-dissimilar to this. As I was nodding off I'd wake with a jolt, and had this horrible sensation that I was about to slip off in to death. Followed by a racing heart and mind. Then a sleepless night of course.

Recently it doesn't happen so much but generally I used to have terrible problems sleeping for years.

Thankfully I've been going to see a psychoanalyst for a fairly long time and to be perfectly honest it's the best thing I've ever done. It's helped me massively with these sorts of issues. Turns out my problems sleeping had to do with all sorts of things that happened in my life, mainly at night time.

Through studying I had always known that logically, those anxiety events were the return of some stress that hadn't been articulated. But to actually go figure it out, and speak about it, really changed everything for me.

In your case, hopefully it's more of a short term thing related to Christmas though, as your hunch suggests. If it continues I'd recommend going to see a (Lacanian) psychoanalyst. Or at worst, a regular therapist. It's not as scary as people can sometimes think.
Click to expand...
As people have said, stress and anxiety can manifest itself in physical symptoms. Headaches, palpitations etc. It's to do with with a lack of certainty, people not feeling secure. Covid has really put the cat amongst the pigeons. Financial, employment and relationship problems arise and all of a sudden we are out of our comfort zone. We like knowing there's an income coming in, we like the routine we have, of our self esteem being balanced because we are contributing, all is well and worries seem far off. Then COVID - dont under estimate its affect on our lives - and the very things that give us peace of mind are jeopardised. Employment, finance become " stressors.". We are in the same boat - in the midst of Covid - but we are different sailors. Some cope better than others, and yes, some people are pre disposed to feeling anxiety and stress when others take it in their stride. I would certainly seek professional help if your feeling stressed and anxious. It can be very debilitating but there are ways to deal with your stress and anxiety, it's just finding the best way for you. Exercise, sharing, helping others, volunteering, reading, swimming and listening to music all have their benefits but please, don't just ". Face It.". Seek help, offer help, it's trial and error and one prescription doesn't fit all. We can get comfort from knowing that things are looking more brighter covid wise, don't know what the new normal going to be like. It's a very chastening experience, having so much control of our lives and then finding that confidence in ourselves is often built on sand, along comes a little microbe and says ". Now what you gonna do? ". Perhaps being more kind more appreciative of the simple things in life, of one another, is the biggest lesson we will have learnt. We are a very social animal, and therefore is it not a good thing that that this nasty little microbe has managed to bring us more together. ( sorry, I have found writing this lengthy post cathartic after a busy / bad day at the office. If you managed or could be bothered to read it, cheers).
 

This might be worth a read for anyone struggling with the pandemic. I have cut and paste in case others do not have access. It continues in the following two posts due to size.

1608714790436.webp


That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief
by
March 23, 2020

Summary.

During the global pandemic, a palpable sense of collective grief has emerged. Grief expert David Kessler says that grief is actually multiple feelings that we must manage. In an interview with HBR, he explains how the classic five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance) apply today, and the practical steps we can take to manage the anxiety. Those include balancing bad thoughts with good; focusing on the present; letting go of things you can’t control; and stocking up on compassion. Kessler also talks about a sixth stage of grief: meaning. After acceptance, he says, we will find meaning in the hard-to-fathom events and we will be stronger for it.

Some of the HBR edit staff met virtually the other day — a screen full of faces in a scene becoming more common everywhere. We talked about the content we’re commissioning in this harrowing time of a pandemic and how we can help people. But we also talked about how we were feeling. One colleague mentioned that what she felt was grief. Heads nodded in all the panes.

If we can name it, perhaps we can manage it. We turned to David Kessler for ideas on how to do that. Kessler is the world’s foremost expert on grief. He co-wrote with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss. His new book adds another stage to the process, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. Kessler also has worked for a decade in a three-hospital system in Los Angeles. He served on their biohazards team. His volunteer work includes being an LAPD Specialist Reserve for traumatic events as well as having served on the Red Cross’s disaster services team. He is the founder of www.grief.com, which has over 5 million visits yearly from 167 countries.

Kessler shared his thoughts on why it’s important to acknowledge the grief you may be feeling, how to manage it, and how he believes we will find meaning in it. The conversation is lightly edited for clarity.

HBR: People are feeling any number of things right now. Is it right to call some of what they’re feeling grief?

Kessler: Yes, and we’re feeling a number of different griefs. We feel the world has changed, and it has. We know this is temporary, but it doesn’t feel that way, and we realize things will be different. Just as going to the airport is forever different from how it was before 9/11, things will change and this is the point at which they changed. The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving. Collectively. We are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.

You said we’re feeling more than one kind of grief?
Yes, we’re also feeling anticipatory grief. Anticipatory grief is that feeling we get about what the future holds when we’re uncertain. Usually, it centers on death. We feel it when someone gets a dire diagnosis or when we have the normal thought that we’ll lose a parent someday. Anticipatory grief is also more broadly imagined futures. There is a storm coming. There’s something bad out there. With a virus, this kind of grief is so confusing for people. Our primitive mind knows something bad is happening, but you can’t see it. This breaks our sense of safety. We’re feeling that loss of safety. I don’t think we’ve collectively lost our sense of general safety like this. Individually or as smaller groups, people have felt this. But all together, this is new. We are grieving on a micro and a macro level.
 
What can individuals do to manage all this grief?

Understanding the stages of grief is a start. But whenever I talk about the stages of grief, I have to remind people that the stages aren’t linear and may not happen in this order. It’s not a map but it provides some scaffolding for this unknown world. There’s denial, which we say a lot of early on: This virus won’t affect us. There’s anger: You’re making me stay home and taking away my activities. There’s bargaining: Okay, if I social distance for two weeks everything will be better, right? There’s sadness: I don’t know when this will end. And finally, there’s acceptance. This is happening; I have to figure out how to proceed.

Acceptance, as you might imagine, is where the power lies. We find control in acceptance. I can wash my hands. I can keep a safe distance. I can learn how to work virtually.

When we’re feeling grief there’s that physical pain. And the racing mind. Are there techniques to deal with that to make it less intense?

Let’s go back to anticipatory grief. Unhealthy anticipatory grief is really anxiety, and that’s the feeling you’re talking about. Our mind begins to show us images. My parents getting sick. We see the worst scenarios. That’s our minds being protective. Our goal is not to ignore those images or to try to make them go away — your mind won’t let you do that and it can be painful to try and force it. The goal is to find balance in the things you’re thinking. If you feel the worst image taking shape, make yourself think of the best image. We all get a little sick and the world continues. Not everyone I love dies. Maybe no one does because we’re all taking the right steps. Neither scenario should be ignored but neither should dominate either.

Anticipatory grief is the mind going to the future and imagining the worst. To calm yourself, you want to come into the present. This will be familiar advice to anyone who has meditated or practiced mindfulness but people are always surprised at how prosaic this can be. You can name five things in the room. There’s a computer, a chair, a picture of the dog, an old rug, and a coffee mug. It’s that simple. Breathe. Realize that in the present moment, nothing you’ve anticipated has happened. In this moment, you’re okay. You have food. You are not sick. Use your senses and think about what they feel. The desk is hard. The blanket is soft. I can feel the breath coming into my nose. This really will work to dampen some of that pain.

You can also think about how to let go of what you can’t control. What your neighbor is doing is out of your control. What is in your control is staying six feet away from them and washing your hands. Focus on that.

Finally, it’s a good time to stock up on compassion. Everyone will have different levels of fear and grief and it manifests in different ways. A coworker got very snippy with me the other day and I thought, That’s not like this person; that’s how they’re dealing with this. I’m seeing their fear and anxiety. So be patient. Think about who someone usually is and not who they seem to be in this moment.
 
One particularly troubling aspect of this pandemic is the open-endedness of it.
This is a temporary state. It helps to say it. I worked for 10 years in the hospital system. I’ve been trained for situations like this. I’ve also studied the 1918 flu pandemic. The precautions we’re taking are the right ones. History tells us that. This is survivable. We will survive. This is a time to overprotect but not overreact.

And, I believe we will find meaning in it. I’ve been honored that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s family has given me permission to add a sixth stage to grief: Meaning. I had talked to Elisabeth quite a bit about what came after acceptance. I did not want to stop at acceptance when I experienced some personal grief. I wanted meaning in those darkest hours. And I do believe we find light in those times. Even now people are realizing they can connect through technology. They are not as remote as they thought. They are realizing they can use their phones for long conversations. They’re appreciating walks. I believe we will continue to find meaning now and when this is over.

What do you say to someone who’s read all this and is still feeling overwhelmed with grief?
Keep trying. There is something powerful about naming this as grief. It helps us feel what’s inside of us. So many have told me in the past week, “I’m telling my coworkers I’m having a hard time,” or “I cried last night.” When you name it, you feel it and it moves through you. Emotions need motion. It’s important we acknowledge what we go through. One unfortunate byproduct of the self-help movement is we’re the first generation to have feelings about our feelings. We tell ourselves things like, I feel sad, but I shouldn’t feel that; other people have it worse. We can — we should — stop at the first feeling. I feel sad. Let me go for five minutes to feel sad. Your work is to feel your sadness and fear and anger whether or not someone else is feeling something. Fighting it doesn’t help because your body is producing the feeling. If we allow the feelings to happen, they’ll happen in an orderly way, and it empowers us. Then we’re not victims.

In an orderly way?
Yes. Sometimes we try not to feel what we’re feeling because we have this image of a “gang of feelings.” If I feel sad and let that in, it’ll never go away. The gang of bad feelings will overrun me. The truth is a feeling that moves through us. We feel it and it goes and then we go to the next feeling. There’s no gang out to get us. It’s absurd to think we shouldn’t feel grief right now. Let yourself feel the grief and keep going.

That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief

During the global pandemic, a palpable sense of collective grief has emerged. Grief expert David Kessler says that grief is actually multiple feelings that we must manage. In an interview with HBR, he explains how the classic five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance)...
hbr.org hbr.org
 
Bilbo said:
Yesterday at work, and today at work, I have been fine. I'm eating and drinking my cuppas etc, and getting on with my work.

But Saturday evening, after work, I dozed off in my computer chair and it felt like my stomach had dramatically fallen into my feet and and then I awoke very suddenly. Then I think I panicked a bit, thinking was that my stomach or was it my chest? A while after that, I must have dozed again and once more awoke like I was dropping off a cliff....

It seemed to happen only if closed my eyes or lapsed into a moment of sleep... Once I opened my eyes, and got over the moments of worry, I seemed OK.

When I went to bed on Saturday night, once I closed my eyes to settle down it came again, and I ended wide awake and worrying what was happening. I went to the loo, turned down the central heating and tried to sleep again, but really struggled - again, when I closed my eyes, I got this worrying sensation. I eventually forced myself to think of relaxing things and nice things (even our win v Chelsea) and I remember not getting to sleep until almost 3am.

Woke up to go to work, all seemed OK, and all day at work, I've been fine (wide awake of course, and busying myself with my job).

Twice this evening I again nodded off at home as I watched TV and the same horrid stomach dropping feeling jarred me awake, and I panicked so much I began to think was I dying from a bloody heart attack - but as I kept my eyes open, all seemed well again. Then I started imagining I've got Covid-19 and I'm going to get really ill, or even worse!

It's seems whenever I try to sleep or close my eyes I get this really weird feeling!

Now I do think I am a little worried about money over Christmas as usual (just like last year when I got a bit stressed about spending) but this year with less money than last (wife furloughed) I kinda think I am just getting some underlying stress about things, and whenever I try to close my eyes (on purpose, or if just nodding off) it then exacerbates itself and jars me awake and my body is reacting with sudden spasms in my midriff!

I do think it is stress. Tomorrow when I get up from bed I will likely feel as fine as I did during both Saturday and Sunday day times.

Tonight, when I go to bed, I reckon I will struggle and find myself panicking and inducing these almost violent reactions and startling myself wide awake thinking I'm about to cark it or something!

It's hard to describe really (despite all that lot I have managed to type above in an attempt to explain the feeling).

What I am going to ask, is if anyone else gets these feelings, what did you do to alleviate them?

I'm sure it's a mental thing rather than a physical thing, but it's unpleasant just the same.... It could even be a simple ear infection that is not obvious but is there none the less - making me go really dizzy and virtigo-like...

Bilbo.
Click to expand...
Not sure how to post a link but a book that I think may be worthwhile reading is ‘you are the placebo’ by Dr Joe Dispenza. A friend with similar issues found it inspiring, hope this helps.
 

As its my first year on here I'd like to wish all my new found friends a very Happy Christmas. For those of us who have lost loved ones this year we'll all be thinking of you. Christmas can be a very trying time for most - especially those who are struggling or mourning love lost or those who set themselves unreal expectations. The only perfect Christmases are hallmark movies and if its any comfort we'll all suffer together as there's propably not a house celebrating Christmas that won't be missing or reminiscing about a loved one, so be easy on yourself. God Bless and Merry Christmas.
 
brieverton said:
The physical manifestations of stress are very real and can of course therefore make you feel you are physically ill.

If anyone has any concerns they should of course seek advice from their doctor/healthcare professional.

In recent years I have had a myriad of complaints which thankfully when investigated showed up all clear - things like palpitations, skin rashes, stomach pain, and countless other things, some of which seemed serious and had me convinced I was ill. It's a vicious circle then and just adds worry on top of worry. I know it was stress and anxiety related.

It's why we really have to deal with our mental health to help us both mentally and physically. Our mental health, or lack thereof, has the potential to affect us in many other ways.

Please all reach out if you need it to your family and friends, or to a professional if required. There is great strength of character in asking for help.

Other things like a good diet, exercise, time with your family and friends, hobbies, etc can also help.
Click to expand...
I can second this. Been dealing with physical symptoms for a year and have been through all the tests/scans and all is clear so it has been put down to stress/anxiety. You have to look after yourself. Taking breaks and going for walks and doing mindfulness/meditation has helped me control it better but I am still not 100%
 
This time of year can be the very best of times, but also the very worst of times for those struggling, whether that be with health, family or financial.

I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and remember that your never far away from a virtual arm around the shoulder and an ear to share a problem with here. There's some amazing people on here who can offer first hand advice or help and links to go and get help if needed.

For all the great threads we have on GOT, this is by far the best ever created.

Take care folks and all the best x
 
maccavennie said:
This time of year can be the very best of times, but also the very worst of times for those struggling, whether that be with health, family or financial.

I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and remember that your never far away from a virtual arm around the shoulder and an ear to share a problem with here. There's some amazing people on here who can offer first hand advice or help and links to go and get help if needed.

For all the great threads we have on GOT, this is by far the best ever created.

Take care folks and all the best x
Click to expand...

Well said mate and can I also add that if anyone is struggling for whatever reason and just wants to get anything at all off their chest, there’ll always be people on here who’ll get back to them - even today x
 
maccavennie said:
This time of year can be the very best of times, but also the very worst of times for those struggling, whether that be with health, family or financial.

I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and remember that your never far away from a virtual arm around the shoulder and an ear to share a problem with here. There's some amazing people on here who can offer first hand advice or help and links to go and get help if needed.

For all the great threads we have on GOT, this is by far the best ever created.

Take care folks and all the best x
Click to expand...
Great post mate and very truly spoken.

Wish all on here a safe and blessed holiday!
 

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