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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Robbie85 said:
I feel stupid even posting after reading some of your stories. Truth is I'm just down and lost. I don't love my wife, don't know if I ever did. We were together quite a while in our 20s then it just got to the point where all our mates were getting married. I came home one day and she's crying saying either we get married or she leaves. We got married two years ago, I thought I'd make her happy but things are the same. We are more like mates if anything in the better times, other times I can't do anything right and we either argue or don't talk at all. We've got a one year old daughter and I'm scared to leave as I don't want to lose her. I feel trapped. Apart from my daughter I feel like marrying her has been a mistake. I have a female friend I've known for about 6 years who has been a huge support and we've grown close over this time. I don't want to rock the boat I don't know what to do.
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Grass always seems greener mate - if you've been mates with this other lass for over 6 years and you haven't yet ripped one anothers clothes off I would probably say the spark isn't there for a long term relationship (imo) - sounds more like just a good mate who happens to have a vagina which can confuse us lads at times who think every female we get on with must have to have some sort of emotional/sexual connection which I dont think is true.

Situation with your wife you have to be honest with yourself mate - relationships are bloody hard work but if there is nothing there then dont stay unhappy for the sake of others as resentment will only continue to grow.

Tbh im probably not the best person to seek relationship advice from as I have difficulty with expressing/processing emotions even despite being married.

Good luck lad hope it works out for you
 
dave n said:
If you no you don't love your wife mate you need to be honest with her for the good of you both. I stayed with my now ex wife when she didn't love me anymore and her lies continued.
Even 2.5 after our marriage ended I'm still not fixed. I hide in a 6 man bedsit and some days don't get out of bed.
My daughter is 15 and I hardly see her.
My ex also had a male friend she was close to. It may be time to choose your wife or your friend. Mine chose her friend.
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And the entire world is open to you and you are not living a lie. Same thing happened to me after 20 years and after a while you realise it was the right thing to happen. It is difficult and you get loads of self-doubt but in the end we are just mammals and one partner for life is just a construct of religion. Move on mate because life really is very short. You can't change the past, but you can live today and we all waste too many days.
 
Rob17896 said:
And the entire world is open to you and you are not living a lie. Same thing happened to me after 20 years and after a while you realise it was the right thing to happen. It is difficult and you get loads of self-doubt but in the end we are just mammals and one partner for life is just a construct of religion. Move on mate because life really is very short. You can't change the past, but you can live today and we all waste too many days.
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I keep trying mate but everytime I stop I get worse and bury my head for longer. Back to work tomorrow though so I'm back into a routine.
 

ForeverBlue92 said:
Grass always seems greener mate - if you've been mates with this other lass for over 6 years and you haven't yet ripped one anothers clothes off I would probably say the spark isn't there for a long term relationship (imo) - sounds more like just a good mate who happens to have a vagina which can confuse us lads at times who think every female we get on with must have to have some sort of emotional/sexual connection which I dont think is true.

Situation with your wife you have to be honest with yourself mate - relationships are bloody hard work but if there is nothing there then dont stay unhappy for the sake of others as resentment will only continue to grow.

Tbh im probably not the best person to seek relationship advice from as I have difficulty with expressing/processing emotions even despite being married.

Good luck lad hope it works out for you
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This is a great point. The choice isn't "my wife or Woman B", the choice is about whether or not to stay in the marriage. Anything/anyone else after that is incidental.

By the sounds of the original post, the writing is on the wall for the marriage, but as with a lot of people, the involvement of a kid means he's reluctant to pull the trigger. God knows how difficult that must be, but as has often been said on here, I'm sure, two happy homes are better than one that suffers.

Best of luck @Robbie85
 

Brett Angell Delight said:
This is a great point. The choice isn't "my wife or Woman B", the choice is about whether or not to stay in the marriage. Anything/anyone else after that is incidental.

By the sounds of the original post, the writing is on the wall for the marriage, but as with a lot of people, the involvement of a kid means he's reluctant to pull the trigger. God knows how difficult that must be, but as has often been said on here, I'm sure, two happy homes are better than one that suffers.

Best of luck @Robbie85
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Good Post.
 
Brendan Janus said:
Probably at least once maybe twice a week !! :(
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I was just a bit concerned that you said - in jest? - how low you felt and how Everton defeat added to your feeling terrible. Have you got people to support you or to talk to. I feel it must be awful for you being so close to wanting to end it, and that something like a football result affecting you so adversely. In my experience it's not one thing that pushes people ". Over the edge.", it's the cumilitive effect - a number of rubbish things happening to you - that happen at the same time - and frankly you can't cope with. Most people have some natural resilience, it's when it all comes at once, it gets too much. If this is the case might I suggest the following. Sit down with a loved one / close friend with a sheet of paper. On one side write the things that bother you and cause you the most stress and anxiety. On the other side write down the things that yes they bother you but you have more control over. Now, you might want to look at the things that cause you the most distress, and try if possible to think of a way to address them. Sometimes mate we can't see the woods for the trees, we think ALL aspects of our lives are dire, when in reality, it's often only one or two specific problems that are causing you so much distress. You would benefit I think from lessening some stressors in your life. To lose some baggage that allow you to breath a little easier. By doing so, it allows a " I feel better now that that problem is being sorted out and addressed." In short bud, do what's needed to take some pressure of yourself. Having hugely stressful thoughts in your head that leave you feeling like it's not worth carrying on must be so distressing for you. Try to think if you can, of addressing the most debilitating problem in your life. Aim to rid yourself if you can mate of the ". I'm sick of feeling like this, I can't take any more thinking and feeling so bad " thoughts. Sorry for the lengthy post, but it appears to me you need to do whatever you can to give yourself some peace of mind. You deserve it and its not beyond you to get the weight of the World of your shoulders. No one buddy should be having thoughts of ending it on a regular basis. You've got too much life to live. Take care Brendan.
 
Leylo said:
Just saw a recording of the everton supporters/players lost at the west ham game wow so sad saw my dad's name,our club is pure class with things like this. By god I'm so proud to be an evertonian even tho the result wasn't so great. Everton in the community we piss all over our neighbours.
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Well Leylo every time you think of your dad it will bring a smile to your face along with the great memories you have of him and your mum, I knew him well, thought a lot of him, had some good times with him, we are from the same old neighbourhood in town, I know you and your sister had a very hard time the last couple of years with your mam and dad’s poor health, but they both got on with it and never moaned, it will get easier but will take time, take comfort in the fact you and your sister loved them so much and gave them great support when they needed it. I’m Sandra’s dad, your sisters mate, I know you don’t know me, hope you don’t mind me posting, best wishes for the future. By the way when we get to Wembley, soon I hope, I know you’ll be there, well I think Christie will be there a you!!
 

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