Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Armaghtoffee]

Been watching a documentary on Kurt Cobain. Generational talent who will ever influence music.

Just pondering if he had known how many lives he would impact every day now with his words and music would he have found the solace he needed. He surely would.

Then I thought of a neighbour, elderly and lives alone. Always and I mean always stops you for a chat and it doesn’t suit me some times, shopping to carry in or something stupid.

Now I’m thinking, what if nobody stops for a minute to ask how she is, ask about the weather, ask about just anything.

I think our lives are too fast. Everything on demand. Easier said than done, but slow down, appreciate the small things and the rest falls into place.

 

[Spotty]

Been watching a documentary on Kurt Cobain. Generational talent who will ever influence music.

Just pondering if he had known how many lives he would impact every day now with his words and music would he have found the solace he needed. He surely would.

Then I thought of a neighbour, elderly and lives alone. Always and I mean always stops you for a chat and it doesn’t suit me some times, shopping to carry in or something stupid.

Now I’m thinking, what if nobody stops for a minute to ask how she is, ask about the weather, ask about just anything.

I think our lives are too fast. Everything on demand. Easier said than done, but slow down, appreciate the small things and the rest falls into place.

I love this post. People want company, especially the elderly. They have a lot of fear and get very lonely. Doesn't cost us nothing to say hi, do you need rations bread and milk etc. Means a lot. In this day and age of technology and social media I worry sometimes about our ability to listen and communicate. I try my best to sit down at meal times, no phones, no TV or distractions and just chat. Ironic we live in times when it's never been easier to communicate but so many of us especially young people don't know how to verbally communicate. Quiet sad I think.

 

[Gwladysover]

Been watching a documentary on Kurt Cobain. Generational talent who will ever influence music.

Just pondering if he had known how many lives he would impact every day now with his words and music would he have found the solace he needed. He surely would.

Then I thought of a neighbour, elderly and lives alone. Always and I mean always stops you for a chat and it doesn’t suit me some times, shopping to carry in or something stupid.

Now I’m thinking, what if nobody stops for a minute to ask how she is, ask about the weather, ask about just anything.

I think our lives are too fast. Everything on demand. Easier said than done, but slow down, appreciate the small things and the rest falls into place.

Totally agree. Years ago I read a letter in a magazine which has stayed with me. The writer didn’t want to stop and had made excuses (bus to catch, appointments to keep) when she chanced upon a neighbour who invited her in for a coffee. She learned later that neighbour had taken her own life. It may be that the promise of “I can’t stop now but I’ll call later” may not have made any difference but it might have been just enough.

 

[messymascot]

I love this post. People want company, especially the elderly. They have a lot of fear and get very lonely. Doesn't cost us nothing to say hi, do you need rations bread and milk etc. Means a lot. In this day and age of technology and social media I worry sometimes about our ability to listen and communicate. I try my best to sit down at meal times, no phones, no TV or distractions and just chat. Ironic we live in times when it's never been easier to communicate but so many of us especially young people don't know how to verbally communicate. Quiet sad I think.

Can't beat face to face contact. My 92 yo Grandma has really struggled in these covid times. She was locked away because of shielding and ended up having a different medical issue. She has now list her confidence and won't go out on her scooter. Me and her often talked about her keeping active is the reason she has done so well. Both of her sisters were younger but they have both gone. I think the spells of no one coming round got to her. Now she is getting visitors again it will hopefully lift her.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Can't beat face to face contact. My 92 yo Grandma has really struggled in these covid times. She was locked away because of shielding and ended up having a different medical issue. She has now list her confidence and won't go out on her scooter. Me and her often talked about her keeping active is the reason she has done so well. Both of her sisters were younger but they have both gone. I think the spells of no one coming round got to her. Now she is getting visitors again it will hopefully lift her.

I hope it lifts her mate. Nothing better than a smile or an ear to listen to you. Lockdowns been so tough on so many people, the amount of suicides proves it. We all need interactions with others.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I love this post. People want company, especially the elderly. They have a lot of fear and get very lonely. Doesn't cost us nothing to say hi, do you need rations bread and milk etc. Means a lot. In this day and age of technology and social media I worry sometimes about our ability to listen and communicate. I try my best to sit down at meal times, no phones, no TV or distractions and just chat. Ironic we live in times when it's never been easier to communicate but so many of us especially young people don't know how to verbally communicate. Quiet sad I think.

Completely agree with all of this.

 

[coollino]

It's getting to the point where I think I'm genuinely going to fall out with my parents.

We had a kid in May 2020 which was obv hard enough with COViD and they keep putting on so much pressure to see her, even though they do every 2 weeks or so. Each time they do, it goes really well and everyone is happy but then I started to get weird texts asking why they can't look after her more to the point where my dad said 'since we are not part of her life' the other day so I finally snapped and told them to stop with all of this pressure as it's stressing me and my gf out loads.

They have always lived a life where they have got whatever they wanted, live in a village where they have loads of friends but none that will probably disagree with them. They constantly compared what their friends get do it (which is completely irrelevant).

I'm going for a meal with them next week for their wedding anniversary and I really cba to go. It will be all happy clappy, all fine and then the cycle of the weird texts etc will start again which annoys me even more.

We've had conversations about it and how stressed my gf is about a lot of things (she lost her auntie and nan during lockdowns) and they ask questions like 'is she even that close to her auntie' and that the nan dying was a while ago.

It's blowing my mind how insensitive they are being and how much they are thinking of themselves.

Half the time when we see them they are taking pics of her and just sending to their friends which I don't really like, our daughter and us aren't really on social media and prefer to keep things private.

They constantly compare themselves to my gf's parents, who do see her more but she has a better/different relationship with her parents and they are doing up our house. They constantly want to meet her parents but we find that awkward as her mum is black and they have made comments about people in the past that I don't agree with but think it's fine as their best friend is black.

I think I am one snarky text of saying 'she is our daughter, it's up to us etc' which I know won't go down well but I don't know what else to do. I was talking to my brother about it yesterday and he is fully on my side but yeah, it's weird.

 

[Nymzee]

It's getting to the point where I think I'm genuinely going to fall out with my parents.

We had a kid in May 2020 which was obv hard enough with COViD and they keep putting on so much pressure to see her, even though they do every 2 weeks or so. Each time they do, it goes really well and everyone is happy but then I started to get weird texts asking why they can't look after her more to the point where my dad said 'since we are not part of her life' the other day so I finally snapped and told them to stop with all of this pressure as it's stressing me and my gf out loads.

They have always lived a life where they have got whatever they wanted, live in a village where they have loads of friends but none that will probably disagree with them. They constantly compared what their friends get do it (which is completely irrelevant).

I'm going for a meal with them next week for their wedding anniversary and I really cba to go. It will be all happy clappy, all fine and then the cycle of the weird texts etc will start again which annoys me even more.

We've had conversations about it and how stressed my gf is about a lot of things (she lost her auntie and nan during lockdowns) and they ask questions like 'is she even that close to her auntie' and that the nan dying was a while ago.

It's blowing my mind how insensitive they are being and how much they are thinking of themselves.

Half the time when we see them they are taking pics of her and just sending to their friends which I don't really like, our daughter and us aren't really on social media and prefer to keep things private.

They constantly compare themselves to my gf's parents, who do see her more but she has a better/different relationship with her parents and they are doing up our house. They constantly want to meet her parents but we find that awkward as her mum is black and they have made comments about people in the past that I don't agree with but think it's fine as their best friend is black.

I think I am one snarky text of saying 'she is our daughter, it's up to us etc' which I know won't go down well but I don't know what else to do. I was talking to my brother about it yesterday and he is fully on my side but yeah, it's weird.

What’s stopping you from sending the text/telling them? Is your relationship with them more important than your own happiness with your little family? If not, tell them.

 

[coollino]

What’s stopping you from sending the text/telling them? Is your relationship with them more important than your own happiness with your little family? If not, tell them.

True, I just know it will pretty much break them but I think it might be easier to just be really direct.

 

[Nymzee]

True, I just know it will pretty much break them but I think it might be easier to just be really direct.

People who always get their own way need to be taught otherwise at times. They might be upset but you won’t lose them. Their love for their granddaughter will keep them involved.

 

[ForeverBlue92]

It's getting to the point where I think I'm genuinely going to fall out with my parents.

We had a kid in May 2020 which was obv hard enough with COViD and they keep putting on so much pressure to see her, even though they do every 2 weeks or so. Each time they do, it goes really well and everyone is happy but then I started to get weird texts asking why they can't look after her more to the point where my dad said 'since we are not part of her life' the other day so I finally snapped and told them to stop with all of this pressure as it's stressing me and my gf out loads.

They have always lived a life where they have got whatever they wanted, live in a village where they have loads of friends but none that will probably disagree with them. They constantly compared what their friends get do it (which is completely irrelevant).

I'm going for a meal with them next week for their wedding anniversary and I really cba to go. It will be all happy clappy, all fine and then the cycle of the weird texts etc will start again which annoys me even more.

We've had conversations about it and how stressed my gf is about a lot of things (she lost her auntie and nan during lockdowns) and they ask questions like 'is she even that close to her auntie' and that the nan dying was a while ago.

It's blowing my mind how insensitive they are being and how much they are thinking of themselves.

Half the time when we see them they are taking pics of her and just sending to their friends which I don't really like, our daughter and us aren't really on social media and prefer to keep things private.

They constantly compare themselves to my gf's parents, who do see her more but she has a better/different relationship with her parents and they are doing up our house. They constantly want to meet her parents but we find that awkward as her mum is black and they have made comments about people in the past that I don't agree with but think it's fine as their best friend is black.

I think I am one snarky text of saying 'she is our daughter, it's up to us etc' which I know won't go down well but I don't know what else to do. I was talking to my brother about it yesterday and he is fully on my side but yeah, it's weird.

Tough one that mate - do you live local? Why not let them have the kid one day a week or weekend?

Keeps them happy and gives you and the missus time to yourselves.

I still give my lad over to my Ma on a Friday or Saturday.

 

[coollino]

Tough one that mate - do you live local? Why not let them have the kid one day a week or weekend?

Keeps them happy and gives you and the missus time to yourselves.

I still give my lad over to my Ma on a Friday or Saturday.

Yeah, they do live local and thats what we are trying to get to but each time we get somewhere with it, we get a weird comment or something.

My gf knows she has a bit of separation anxiety with it all (lockdown prob did this) and I've asked my parents to give me time to sort it but they won't do that.

 

[ForeverBlue92]

Yeah, they do live local and thats what we are trying to get to but each time we get somewhere with it, we get a weird comment or something.

My gf knows she has a bit of separation anxiety with it all (lockdown prob did this) and I've asked my parents to give me time to sort it but they won't do that.

Best thing I ever did mate was organise that 1 day rota. I love my lad to bits but he's hard work and having that day to yourselves with no getting up in the night etc is boss.

Having to deal with arsey comments aint great like hopefully they mellow out over time - but in a way count your blessings that they want to see the baby - my in laws can never be arsed to spend any time with us too busy on cruises and living a jet setting lifestyle lol

 

[Earwigjoe]

It's getting to the point where I think I'm genuinely going to fall out with my parents.

We had a kid in May 2020 which was obv hard enough with COViD and they keep putting on so much pressure to see her, even though they do every 2 weeks or so. Each time they do, it goes really well and everyone is happy but then I started to get weird texts asking why they can't look after her more to the point where my dad said 'since we are not part of her life' the other day so I finally snapped and told them to stop with all of this pressure as it's stressing me and my gf out loads.

They have always lived a life where they have got whatever they wanted, live in a village where they have loads of friends but none that will probably disagree with them. They constantly compared what their friends get do it (which is completely irrelevant).

I'm going for a meal with them next week for their wedding anniversary and I really cba to go. It will be all happy clappy, all fine and then the cycle of the weird texts etc will start again which annoys me even more.

We've had conversations about it and how stressed my gf is about a lot of things (she lost her auntie and nan during lockdowns) and they ask questions like 'is she even that close to her auntie' and that the nan dying was a while ago.

It's blowing my mind how insensitive they are being and how much they are thinking of themselves.

Half the time when we see them they are taking pics of her and just sending to their friends which I don't really like, our daughter and us aren't really on social media and prefer to keep things private.

They constantly compare themselves to my gf's parents, who do see her more but she has a better/different relationship with her parents and they are doing up our house. They constantly want to meet her parents but we find that awkward as her mum is black and they have made comments about people in the past that I don't agree with but think it's fine as their best friend is black.

I think I am one snarky text of saying 'she is our daughter, it's up to us etc' which I know won't go down well but I don't know what else to do. I was talking to my brother about it yesterday and he is fully on my side but yeah, it's weird.

Thats kind of a weird situation mate, them wanting to be more active and involved in their son and grandaughters life and not less like @ForeverBlue92 says which is usually the norm. I dont know your family but maybe theyre hurt they dont get to be as involved in your lives as her parents clearly are. Also you have been a family for a while - your family wanting to meet hers doesn't seem wrong, dont her parents want to meet yours?? Do your parents think she controls you and theyre been frozen out?? I hope you sort it out and can find a fair balance for everyone. Have a good heart to heart with them on your own next week and hopefully yous can sort it all out.

 

[Spotty]

It's getting to the point where I think I'm genuinely going to fall out with my parents.

We had a kid in May 2020 which was obv hard enough with COViD and they keep putting on so much pressure to see her, even though they do every 2 weeks or so. Each time they do, it goes really well and everyone is happy but then I started to get weird texts asking why they can't look after her more to the point where my dad said 'since we are not part of her life' the other day so I finally snapped and told them to stop with all of this pressure as it's stressing me and my gf out loads.

They have always lived a life where they have got whatever they wanted, live in a village where they have loads of friends but none that will probably disagree with them. They constantly compared what their friends get do it (which is completely irrelevant).

I'm going for a meal with them next week for their wedding anniversary and I really cba to go. It will be all happy clappy, all fine and then the cycle of the weird texts etc will start again which annoys me even more.

We've had conversations about it and how stressed my gf is about a lot of things (she lost her auntie and nan during lockdowns) and they ask questions like 'is she even that close to her auntie' and that the nan dying was a while ago.

It's blowing my mind how insensitive they are being and how much they are thinking of themselves.

Half the time when we see them they are taking pics of her and just sending to their friends which I don't really like, our daughter and us aren't really on social media and prefer to keep things private.

They constantly compare themselves to my gf's parents, who do see her more but she has a better/different relationship with her parents and they are doing up our house. They constantly want to meet her parents but we find that awkward as her mum is black and they have made comments about people in the past that I don't agree with but think it's fine as their best friend is black.

I think I am one snarky text of saying 'she is our daughter, it's up to us etc' which I know won't go down well but I don't know what else to do. I was talking to my brother about it yesterday and he is fully on my side but yeah, it's weird.

Coolino might I suggest the following. Meet up with them and have a hear to heart, to straighten it out. Tell them you understand they love your daughter and they want to be part of her life. That is not the problem. They can see her but your wishes must be listened to. Tell them what's upsetting you and discuss with them how you can move forward. Come to an agreement your both happy with but as the parent buddy your needs come first. By being up front, your giving your parents the respect they deserve but your being honest and open and you want your concerns listened to.


There is no reason why your parents can't compromise. But have it out and be honest. They can't argue with your motives and " should " respect you for the consideration you have given them. Good luck buddy, I'm sure you'll sort it out.