Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[anjelikaferrett]

Just wanted to say thank you for all your kindness and words of advice. I feel much better just by getting it all out into the open. I've decided to go back to the gym - not that I was away, my PT has been on paternity leave and I'm a big wuss about going on my own! But tomorrow morning at 7am I will be there! I'm meeting two of my friends for lunch tomorrow ( so the gym calories will balance the lunch calories) and I've asked my boss if I can work in the office one day a week. I think I actually miss real people and having that interaction with them.
Today I got dressed as if I was going to work, put make up on, a few squirts of Calvin Klein Obsession and clothes that were not leggings and a scratty top. It was surprising how much that boosted my mood.

Thanks again. You really are a lovely group of people x

 

[Toast]

I have been involved in Trade Unions on Rail for twenty five years. It can be very rewarding, in that you are helping people and making a difference. Sadly the support reps receive is not all it should be. This leads to feelings of isolation in the quiet times and then you can be overwhelmed and running on adrenaline when taking on difficult cases. My time is coming to an end soon within the workplace. I personally feel you are a very caring person and you will perhaps always get dragged back into an arena of fighting injustice. The one lesson I have never learned is time management, mainly time for yourself. That is what screams out here is a person who everyone will think is as strong as an Ox and never struggles. Think who you can talk to and properly evaluate your situation and what the future say three years looks like at work and at home. Sorry if its long winded and I hope it makes sense.

My Union won’t take on a case of mine even though a private solicitor and a director from a major company says I’ve got a very good chance of winning.
I can’t afford the £10k it would cost me to pay for the private action however and I will end up resigning.
Been a very stressful few months that’s for sure and has kicked off a medical condition of mine.

 

[Devanski]

My Union won’t take on a case of mine even though a private solicitor and a director from a major company says I’ve got a very good chance of winning.
I can’t afford the £10k it would cost me to pay for the private action however and I will end up resigning.
Been a very stressful few months that’s for sure and has kicked off a medical condition of mine.

Not sure on this one but aren’t there ‘no win, no fee’ solicitors that can help you out here?
The onset of a medical condition would be included as a causal effect also?

 

[Toast]

Not sure on this one but aren’t there ‘no win, no fee’ solicitors that can help you out here?
The onset of a medical condition would be included as a causal effect also?

It would end up being classed as ‘constructive dismissal’ and apparently that’s a massive hot potato for Unions.
I’d win, no doubt about it, but I’ve got to look after myself. Seeing my surgeon next week to see where I’m at.
Having paid into a Union for 15+ years and never used them once is what grates.
Sorry for derailing the thread, I’ll leave it there.

 

[Lawrence]

My Union won’t take on a case of mine even though a private solicitor and a director from a major company says I’ve got a very good chance of winning.
I can’t afford the £10k it would cost me to pay for the private action however and I will end up resigning.
Been a very stressful few months that’s for sure and has kicked off a medical condition of mine.

Trade Unions at the highest levels can be as bad if not sometimes worse than the business. It may be worth "if you have not already" approaching your branch structure to see if you can get a resolution sent to your TU Head Office "General Secretary" then they will have to make sure the have dotted the i and crossed the t. It tends to unnerve them and may see a change of attitude to your case.

 

[Toast]

Trade Unions at the highest levels can be as bad if not sometimes worse than the business. It may be worth "if you have not already" approaching your branch structure to see if you can get a resolution sent to your TU Head Office "General Secretary" then they will have to make sure the have dotted the i and crossed the t. It tends to unnerve them and may see a change of attitude to your case.

I went to my area fellas. Their attitude stank. Genuinely here as well this, from 2 of them. “I’ve never taken on a constructive dismissal in all my time working for the Union, what I’d advise, is going sick and getting dismissed via that route. That way you will get a few months pay and your holidays paid out.”

Me “how do you know you won’t win if you never take it on ?”

I will be ok work and money wise, but it’s an utter piss take and loads of stress that we don’t need. We’ve all had a very tough year without going into details.

 

[degsy]

Just wanted to say thank you for all your kindness and words of advice. I feel much better just by getting it all out into the open. I've decided to go back to the gym - not that I was away, my PT has been on paternity leave and I'm a big wuss about going on my own! But tomorrow morning at 7am I will be there! I'm meeting two of my friends for lunch tomorrow ( so the gym calories will balance the lunch calories) and I've asked my boss if I can work in the office one day a week. I think I actually miss real people and having interaction with them.
Today I got dressed as if I was going to work, put make up on, a few squirts of Calvin Klein Obsession and clothes that were not leggings and a scratty top. It was surprising how much that boosted my mood.

Thanks again. You really are a lovely group of people x

Not that I know shi erm poo from poop, but I think that step and the Calvin Klein stuff will go a big way to helping.

*Goes out on limb* Increase the people interaction bit by bit - until they start to piss you off and home seems like a better option = sorted; balance restored, happy (ish) medium achieved, ying and yang etc. jobs a goodun.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I have been involved in Trade Unions on Rail for twenty five years. It can be very rewarding, in that you are helping people and making a difference. Sadly the support reps receive is not all it should be. This leads to feelings of isolation in the quiet times and then you can be overwhelmed and running on adrenaline when taking on difficult cases. My time is coming to an end soon within the workplace. I personally feel you are a very caring person and you will perhaps always get dragged back into an arena of fighting injustice. The one lesson I have never learned is time management, mainly time for yourself. That is what screams out here is a person who everyone will think is as strong as an Ox and never struggles. Think who you can talk to and properly evaluate your situation and what the future say three years looks like at work and at home. Sorry if its long winded and I hope it makes sense.

You are so right. It is one of the most rewarding things you can do. I was fortunate enough to be elected to the Group Committee and became a,Group Officer so was negotiating on behalf of about 5000 members at one point. A lot of political stuff too.I once ended up at a drop in session for MPs in one of the Committee rooms at the House of Commons. All I could think about was Fk me. I'm just an ordinary person from Liverpool. How did I end up here talking to MPs about privatisation?! However I loved being a Branch rep best of all.My members in my office, hopefully making their lives a bit easier. 25 years is impressive comrade! Good luck with the future. Solidarity.

 

[Sassy Colombian]

Just wanted to say thank you for all your kindness and words of advice. I feel much better just by getting it all out into the open. I've decided to go back to the gym - not that I was away, my PT has been on paternity leave and I'm a big wuss about going on my own! But tomorrow morning at 7am I will be there! I'm meeting two of my friends for lunch tomorrow ( so the gym calories will balance the lunch calories) and I've asked my boss if I can work in the office one day a week. I think I actually miss real people and having that interaction with them.
Today I got dressed as if I was going to work, put make up on, a few squirts of Calvin Klein Obsession and clothes that were not leggings and a scratty top. It was surprising how much that boosted my mood.

Thanks again. You really are a lovely group of people x

Dear Ange so many people have already expressed such good advise so I won’t repeat myself since I’m late to your post. But I do wanted to say that going back to the gym is a great decision as I will make you feel better about yourself and the weight issues that are bothering you but it will also be beneficial with your mental health as the weather gets cold and we are the dealing with darker days our moods gets down then exercise can really make a difference to improve it. You definitely have a lot on your shoulders but it seems opening up has already helped you contemplate and find some solutions to some of the issues that were bothering you so kudos to you for doing so. xx

 

[Bluetintedspecs]

Just wanted to say thank you for all your kindness and words of advice. I feel much better just by getting it all out into the open. I've decided to go back to the gym - not that I was away, my PT has been on paternity leave and I'm a big wuss about going on my own! But tomorrow morning at 7am I will be there! I'm meeting two of my friends for lunch tomorrow ( so the gym calories will balance the lunch calories) and I've asked my boss if I can work in the office one day a week. I think I actually miss real people and having that interaction with them.
Today I got dressed as if I was going to work, put make up on, a few squirts of Calvin Klein Obsession and clothes that were not leggings and a scratty top. It was surprising how much that boosted my mood.

Thanks again. You really are a lovely group of people x

Ange, I was going to reply to your post the other day, but when I read @Barnfred 55's brilliant reply, I thought he summed up everything I wanted to say very eloquently.

I'd just like to add, that it's clear to everyone who has read your posts in this and other threads, that you're a very caring person. However, caring people often spend so much energy making sure everyone else is ok that they neglect to look after themselves.

It's time you made looking after yourself and your own mental health a priority in your life, and not feel guilty about it either. From your post above you appear to have started doing that.

Make sure you keep it up. I'll be on your case if you don't. X

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Ange, I was going to reply to your post the other day, but when I read @Barnfred 55's brilliant reply, I thought he summed up everything I wanted to say very eloquently.

I'd just like to add, that it's clear to everyone who has read your posts in this and other threads, that you're a very caring person. However, caring people often spend so much energy making sure everyone else is ok that they neglect to look after themselves.

It's time you made looking after yourself and your own mental health a priority in your life, and not feel guilty about it either. From your post above you appear to have started doing that.

Make sure you keep it up. I'll be on your case if you don't. X

Thank you x

 

[Sassy Colombian]

I've written before but new woes have emerged, I feel the need somewhere to express the inner turmoil that is ensuing internally. A little background I used to work in mental health got assaulted during a shift which caused my psychogenic seizures to reoccur. I spent the following year in a hellish state unemployed battling my seizures and general debilitating despair. I eventually was able find a means in wresting control over my seizures, so I got a job part time at a factory so I could sustain myself. As i was able to achieve some form of stability, being lonely and isolated i decided to find a romantic interest online. As I was 39 I felt very unpalatable about my social status and life so I misrepresented myself as 34. Silly and deceptive but I felt so self conscious. So I eventually met this incredible girl who was 31 and it was instantly harmonious. The first date we talked for 7 hours at the bar and would spend entire days just effortlessly conversing. It was an extraordinary satisfying and conflict free relationship .But one day she innocuously asked about my birth year instead of correcting her l waffled about the year creating suspicion. We had other conversations where I was equally cagey. Then last week after having an ideal evening I left my wallet on the living room table. She confronted me the next morning telling me she investigated my wallet and she was dismayed, not because of my age, as she dated older men , but because I lied about something so silly. She then promptly broke up with me, stating that she could never trust me. Obviously I created this scenario by being dishonest but I was so insecure I ironically was afraid that truth would scuttle things. Honestly I never lied about anything else I just felt so embarrassed by being older and having their life be in shambles. But it's a valid point. I'm absolutely devastated she was truly one of the few positive things that occurred in my life and through my own selfishness I sabotaged something incredibly meaningful. She Seriously enhanced my life. It happened on friday and I've been rightfully pummeled by guilt and despair. I lied to someone I thought I loved several times about something pretty trivial and I really hurt her in the process. I really despise myself and im finding it hard to muster the strength to keep enduring with my horrid life, but thoughts right now no plans. Sorry for the length.

@Curtis sorry that you are having to deal with some new woes but like others have said, don’t beat yourself too hard over your mistake, as that’s what it was. An insignificant white lie that caused more damage than you would have ever thought. My thinking is that the girl you met was lied to and was hurt by lies by a previous partner thus her strong stand and reaction to your age deceit. Have you tried approaching her and telling her everything that you mentioned here? About being assaulted, your seizures, your insecurities that lead you to lie about your age, the fact that you have never done such a thing. Have you tell her how meeting her has enhanced your life? And how without really meaning to do so, you have sabotaged something incredibly meaningful. If you haven’t told her then i would advise opening up to her and let her know what led to the lie. Why you were feeling vulnerable at that time that let you to misrepresent your age. If you open up to her then maybe she would understand better and maybe she will be willing to give you a second chance.

 

[Spotty]

Nov 9th, should have been my little brothers 58th birthday if he hadn’t been a massive knob in 2009. We were estranged for stupid reasons between our dad and mum dying (13 years!) but we were speaking again for a couple of years. Despite having the best wife in the world who puts up with me watching football all over the place, three fantastic sons and loads of mates I still feel very alone at times. Hold on to those you hold dear my virtual EFC mates.

Big Jonny, why do YOU think you feel very alone.?

 

[bigjonny]

Big Jonny, why do YOU think you feel very alone.?

Possibly because I was adopted ( as was my brother), so your part of someone else’s family. 99.9% of the time I’m perfectly happy but there is the occasional trigger, like his birthday and I had had a drink.

 

[Barnfred 55]

Ange, I was going to reply to your post the other day, but when I read @Barnfred 55's brilliant reply, I thought he summed up everything I wanted to say very eloquently.

I'd just like to add, that it's clear to everyone who has read your posts in this and other threads, that you're a very caring person. However, caring people often spend so much energy making sure everyone else is ok that they neglect to look after themselves.

It's time you made looking after yourself and your own mental health a priority in your life, and not feel guilty about it either. From your post above you appear to have started doing that.

Make sure you keep it up. I'll be on your case if you don't. X

1000% this.