Thanks. I'm fairly sure I'll get through it. Just the time of year that I don't like and a few other factors are adding to it.
Sorry to hear. Minus the relationship, but had some health issues and they've turned my life upside down and 5 months in I'm accepting this is going to be a difficult period to get through. But your post really reminded me of my own situation. Have no interest or desire in much at the moment it's awful. I hope you can get through this quickly ?.
Now here's where I'll selfishly ramble about it because I've always tried to keep the side of me that gets down hidden, like I think most do. I think I've been actually depressed before, but this is much worse. When it's your own mortality it selfishly hits worse. I've always thought about death, it's always really freaked me out since I learned about it as a kid. I've mostly been able to build a decent amount of faith, and while my luck has been crappy a lot, I've really always gotten what I needed to get by or have had some good luck come through when things could get really bad if they didn't. I've been dealing with a pancreatic tumor which looks to not be cancerous thankfully (if it stays that way it really does fall into my life of having shitty good luck, but I'll take it).
But man, let me tell you. The thing that scares me most about death isn't not existing, I got over the nothingness. But the one thing that kills me is if it's it, never getting to have a single conversation, embrace or anything with my mom or brother. Like I don't need anyone else in whatever this is after all the stuff we got through.
I had a large group of friends because I had like no family. And after I was in and out the hospital for a couple months, keeping it to myself, but also like not really doing anything as I was always ill. I spent all my time at the hospital, and if it wasn't there it was work, then home. I'd go stay overnight in the hospital, get pain meds and fluids all night then leave ama to go to work so I don't lose my job.
It was hell, but going through this, and part of the reason I moved back here is because I felt I couldn't replicate the relationships I had with a good deal of people I had grew up with and helped/watched/saw the situation I grew up in. And I can't lie, I realized after my illness these relationships were only valued by me. I didn't get texts or calls from these people. No one wondered why I had fell off the face of the earth.
I had to tell my dude I grew up with 3 different times I was dealing with this pancreas stuff. Like this is a guy who I've been a groomsman in a couple weddings with. These aren't people who I just met at a bar and would drink with here and there.
Yet in the end, that's really all it was. Cause I had to quit drinking and in my case, like all but 3 or 4 friendships look like they're all done. That was difficult.
Anyways I'm done. If you read this hope you get something out of it. Honestly I write some other junk here and there. It's like the only outlet thing I have at the moment. So if you can find something like that, and just let yourself go in it. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad if it helps. Just keep it to yourself if it sucks, like I shoulda done with this.
Hi guys, I think I just need to write this down as some form of therapeutic exercise - it usually helps. I'm really struggling at the moment. I'm quite an upbeat, laid back person who doesn't usually worry about much. If I can't control it then why bother worrying is pretty much my mantra. I think things have been building up over a period of time and I just feel sad at the moment-all the time. My husband got sacked from his job in June 2020. His own fault, slagged off one of his managers in a conversation on facebook. Somebody else saw it, printed it off and gave it to his HR dept. They sacked him - he had been there for 15 years. Since then he has had a series of temporary jobs, so not too bad as far as money is concerned. At least he's been earning. The latest one ends on November 26th. He hasn't applied for anything else. I can't get through to him that being on a temporary contract is not a trial for a permanent job. It is a fixed term period of employment and it doesn't matter how good you are at the job, you are not going to get kept on or given a permanent job.
I resigned as a Union rep a few months ago after I got somebody medical dismissal (lady in her 50s, got a decent payoff even though it was a dismissal but best option as she was not entitled to medical retirement) She had anxiety and PTSD - all caused by the two other Union reps in my office who some years earlier (before my time) had wrongly labelled her as a racist and bullied her since then. I read the investigation from that time. This was after they had told me I should not be representing her because she was a racist. I told them to do one. She was entitled to representation. Their behaviour in the original investigation was shameful. Utterly abhorrent. After reading it I didn't want anything to do with them ever again. I had always thought they were a bit strange. I've never met Union reps who actively hate their members before. However although my life is much quieter I feel that I have let my members down badly. They've got nobody now to give them the representation they deserve. Hope you don't think I'm bigging myself up but after I started as a rep in my current workplace ( after 20 years as one in my previous job) I was swamped by members asking me to represent them. It's so nice to have somebody we can talk to and who will stick up for us, they would say. I feel bad about it but I can't go back to working with the other two.
Just recently my Dad has been in hospital. He had a very big gastrointestinal bleed and was discharged last week. The doctors allegedly found nothing that could have explained why that happened. My brother and I strongly suspect that he isn't telling the truth to us. It is very frustrating but I appreciate that it is his choice. Still worrying though.
I've also discovered that my boss is allocating me three times as much work as other members of my team because he knows I will do it. I've told him he has now given me enough work to last until January so I don't want any more. That went down well but he couldn't argue with me.
All of the above has knacked up my diet. I was doing so well, I had lost 33lbs since February but because I'm feeling the way I do, that has gone tits up as well. I've gained about 14lbs in a matter of weeks. I'm really annoyed with myself so...I'm eating more.
Finally I bloody hate this time of year, dark nights and all that.
Sorry to have gone on about this but as I suspected I feel better already for just writing it down. I need to get a grip!
I resigned as a Union rep a few months ago after I got somebody medical dismissal (lady in her 50s, got a decent payoff even though it was a dismissal but best option as she was not entitled to medical retirement) She had anxiety and PTSD - all caused by the two other Union reps in my office who some years earlier (before my time) had wrongly labelled her as a racist and bullied her since then. I read the investigation from that time. This was after they had told me I should not be representing her because she was a racist. I told them to do one. She was entitled to representation. Their behaviour in the original investigation was shameful. Utterly abhorrent. After reading it I didn't want anything to do with them ever again. I had always thought they were a bit strange. I've never met Union reps who actively hate their members before. However although my life is much quieter I feel that I have let my members down badly. They've got nobody now to give them the representation they deserve. Hope you don't think I'm bigging myself up but after I started as a rep in my current workplace ( after 20 years as one in my previous job) I was swamped by members asking me to represent them. It's so nice to have somebody we can talk to and who will stick up for us, they would say. I feel bad about it but I can't go back to working with the other two.
Just recently my Dad has been in hospital. He had a very big gastrointestinal bleed and was discharged last week. The doctors allegedly found nothing that could have explained why that happened. My brother and I strongly suspect that he isn't telling the truth to us. It is very frustrating but I appreciate that it is his choice. Still worrying though.
I've also discovered that my boss is allocating me three times as much work as other members of my team because he knows I will do it. I've told him he has now given me enough work to last until January so I don't want any more. That went down well but he couldn't argue with me.
All of the above has knacked up my diet. I was doing so well, I had lost 33lbs since February but because I'm feeling the way I do, that has gone tits up as well. I've gained about 14lbs in a matter of weeks. I'm really annoyed with myself so...I'm eating more.
Finally I bloody hate this time of year, dark nights and all that.
Sorry to have gone on about this but as I suspected I feel better already for just writing it down. I need to get a grip!
@anjelikaferrett You’re juggling a few things here , right enough.
Your husband might be trying to avoid having to face what he knows already. Probably worried and will be reactive rather than proactive. He was used to steady employment and not always thinking of the next job. He’s probably still adjusting.
Your dad may well be trying to play something down but you and your brother may need to impress upon him that you got a fright and are worried about him and he needs to tell you if there is anything going on.
You obviously enjoyed helping people in your union role and now you’ve lost that as well due to being unable to work with particular colleagues. It feels to me that the employees ,that you would subsequently represent, may lose out. You also know you’re leaving them with 2 others that may not serve them as well. Can you not reconsider this position and get back to helping others? Screw the other 2! Just a thought.
Doing 3 times the workload of similar colleagues seems grossly unfair but smacks of ‘willing horse’ syndrome. You have addressed this with your boss, which was positive. Has he taken on board the need for fairer workloads going forward?
As you say, all this has added to you eating more for comfort and that causes the cycle of feeling good/feeling bad.
I know you know all of this but sometimes it may be more than just having to ‘get a grip’ .
You’ve always got the good folks here, if you need to update/ vent more.
Take care ?
Edit: I was just going to offer you some Frazzles, pot noodle and a Wispa but might not be the best advice ?
Your husband might be trying to avoid having to face what he knows already. Probably worried and will be reactive rather than proactive. He was used to steady employment and not always thinking of the next job. He’s probably still adjusting.
Your dad may well be trying to play something down but you and your brother may need to impress upon him that you got a fright and are worried about him and he needs to tell you if there is anything going on.
You obviously enjoyed helping people in your union role and now you’ve lost that as well due to being unable to work with particular colleagues. It feels to me that the employees ,that you would subsequently represent, may lose out. You also know you’re leaving them with 2 others that may not serve them as well. Can you not reconsider this position and get back to helping others? Screw the other 2! Just a thought.
Doing 3 times the workload of similar colleagues seems grossly unfair but smacks of ‘willing horse’ syndrome. You have addressed this with your boss, which was positive. Has he taken on board the need for fairer workloads going forward?
As you say, all this has added to you eating more for comfort and that causes the cycle of feeling good/feeling bad.
I know you know all of this but sometimes it may be more than just having to ‘get a grip’ .
You’ve always got the good folks here, if you need to update/ vent more.
Take care ?
Edit: I was just going to offer you some Frazzles, pot noodle and a Wispa but might not be the best advice ?
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Anjel I have said this a number of times on this board but it is worth repeating. We cal ALL deal with a little stress in our lives, we have a CERTAIN amount of resilience. However, and it's a big however, it's when it becomes one thing after another, our mind struggles. It can't cope with everything. That's when our mindset starts to deteriorate. We become stressed and anxious as a consequence and we do and act in ways that we will give us comfort, some relief. Anything that makes us feel good. None the less, our mindset and thought processes because it's trying to cope with everything, struggles.
From where I'm standing Anjel you've had a lot to cope with in your life, hubbies work situation, your work dilemmas - by the way I agree with your beliefs that as a union rep you represent people with regards employment issues, not their belief systems - and your weight fluctuations are symptoms of you taking too much on. YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH LUV, so please try to prioritize your mental health. Eat healthily, excercise if your up to it, and if you haven't already, go see your GP and discuss your problems with them. Medication if your not on it, MAY help but, you need to slow down and prioritize you. Be supportive of loved ones of course but the support you WANT to give others will only be forthcoming if ZYOUR OWN MENTAL HEALTH is on a good place. Your obviously a very caring sensitive person but you can only do so much. Address your issues now Anjel, as I foresee a further deterioration in your mental health if you don't priorities yourself first. So: good health, honest discussions with your employer re: your role and discuss expectations and yes, try to share the load of " life ". Be good to yourself and let people know things are getting too much for you. People WILL understand. It doesn't make you a bad person if you can't help everyone, but you MUST look after you. Your mind and body are trying to tell you - sometimes inadvertently - your doing to much. Listen to it please Anjel, and good luck. Be good to yourself.
No, you don't just "have to get a grip", you let it out on here, we will listen, wiser than me will more than likely give you some good advice.
You let rip girl...then do what we all do...take it one day at a time, try and deal with one thing at a time, remember though, some things you just can't control.
Barnfred 55
Player Valuation: £80m
Without wanting to belittle your present predicament, you are on here talking about it which is a very positive sign. You also seem very self aware too, which is another positive. Sometimes things just get on top of you and you can work your way through it yourself, and hopefully that's just what is happening with you now. But if you find yourself really struggling to cope, the calls to seek help from your GP are good advice and you can always turn to the guys on here for support. They really are a special bunch and have helped me a lot over the past couple of months.
I've got though it before that's why I am confident I will. But I also know that it's a time of year I don't like and that my relationship is more or less over and I will find it hard to cope with that. At the moment it's not nice anyway
Barnfred 55
Player Valuation: £80m
Sorry to hear about all this Anj. I knew about your dad obviously but not everything else going on at the same time. You're normally one of the people on here dishing out the advice and giving everybody else support, so in a way it's good that you can turn to this thread to offload some of your own feelings.
Your dedication to your union members is both admirable and selfless, but there comes a time in ones life that you need to put yourself first and look after number one. This is clearly one of those times. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty and you need to eject those thoughts out of your mind. You are not and never have been all things to all men and you have to stop judging yourself as if you are. Focus on all the good things you have done for your union members over the years and on how fortunate and privileged they have been to have you as a rep.
Same applies with the workplace. You are obviously a dedicated key worker in your department, and a poor manager will take advantage of that. Believe me I know from experience. But it appears you have this particular issue in hand and all i will say is continue standing up for yourself with your boss. If he has other people in his team not pulling their weight, then that is 100% his problem, not yours.
If I can respectably offer one piece of advice to you Anj, it would be to use any extra time you now have from working less to spend more time with your husband. Do more of the things you enjoy doing, whether that be going out for meals, weekends away or just out walking. Whatever your bag is. There will come a time when you may not be able to do all these things together and I guarantee you'll have regrets when that happens. Hopefully these activities will also help put a stop to you feeling sad all the time.
Can't do much about the dark nights I'm afraid, but as regards your weight situation, have you ever considered soup sandwiches?. Apparently they're quite popular in your neck of the woods.
I can't offer much advice but I've used this place a few times when I've been at my lowest to get things off my chest. Just getting perspective from others has helped me a lot over the past 3 years.
Good luck with everything. Remember there will always be someone on here for a chat no matter what time day or night.
I hate this time of year as I just don't like Christmas and everyone else around me seems to have things planned except me.
Lawrence
Player Valuation: £5m
I have been involved in Trade Unions on Rail for twenty five years. It can be very rewarding, in that you are helping people and making a difference. Sadly the support reps receive is not all it should be. This leads to feelings of isolation in the quiet times and then you can be overwhelmed and running on adrenaline when taking on difficult cases. My time is coming to an end soon within the workplace. I personally feel you are a very caring person and you will perhaps always get dragged back into an arena of fighting injustice. The one lesson I have never learned is time management, mainly time for yourself. That is what screams out here is a person who everyone will think is as strong as an Ox and never struggles. Think who you can talk to and properly evaluate your situation and what the future say three years looks like at work and at home. Sorry if its long winded and I hope it makes sense.
I've written before but new woes have emerged, I feel the need somewhere to express the inner turmoil that is ensuing internally. A little background I used to work in mental health got assaulted during a shift which caused my psychogenic seizures to reoccur. I spent the following year in a hellish state unemployed battling my seizures and general debilitating despair. I eventually was able find a means in wresting control over my seizures, so I got a job part time at a factory so I could sustain myself. As i was able to achieve some form of stability, being lonely and isolated i decided to find a romantic interest online. As I was 39 I felt very unpalatable about my social status and life so I misrepresented myself as 34. Silly and deceptive but I felt so self conscious. So I eventually met this incredible girl who was 31 and it was instantly harmonious. The first date we talked for 7 hours at the bar and would spend entire days just effortlessly conversing. It was an extraordinary satisfying and conflict free relationship .But one day she innocuously asked about my birth year instead of correcting her l waffled about the year creating suspicion. We had other conversations where I was equally cagey. Then last week after having an ideal evening I left my wallet on the living room table. She confronted me the next morning telling me she investigated my wallet and she was dismayed, not because of my age, as she dated older men , but because I lied about something so silly. She then promptly broke up with me, stating that she could never trust me. Obviously I created this scenario by being dishonest but I was so insecure I ironically was afraid that truth would scuttle things. Honestly I never lied about anything else I just felt so embarrassed by being older and having their life be in shambles. But it's a valid point. I'm absolutely devastated she was truly one of the few positive things that occurred in my life and through my own selfishness I sabotaged something incredibly meaningful. She Seriously enhanced my life. It happened on friday and I've been rightfully pummeled by guilt and despair. I lied to someone I thought I loved several times about something pretty trivial and I really hurt her in the process. I really despise myself and im finding it hard to muster the strength to keep enduring with my horrid life, but thoughts right now no plans. Sorry for the length.
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bigjonny
Player Valuation: £25m
Nov 9th, should have been my little brothers 58th birthday if he hadn’t been a massive knob in 2009. We were estranged for stupid reasons between our dad and mum dying (13 years!) but we were speaking again for a couple of years. Despite having the best wife in the world who puts up with me watching football all over the place, three fantastic sons and loads of mates I still feel very alone at times. Hold on to those you hold dear my virtual EFC mates.
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Earwigjoe
Player Valuation: £10m
Sorry mate you're feeling so down. If she feels the same way about you she'll be back when she's cooled down. The fact you can pull a smashing 31 yo and talk effortlessly for hours proves theres absolutely nothing wrong with you mate, you seem to be lacking self confidence just. If she doesn't come back get back out there and meet another but be honest from the start its hard trying to always remember a lie and not trip yourself up. We all carry baggage maybe your girl was lied too before and your little lie set her off remembering being lied too before, checking your wallet when you weren't there would point to her having trust issues.If you do get talking to her again tell her youre sorry and you were scared of losing her, that you thought she was out of your league and thats why you lied. Flatter her whilst you're apologising. Good luck mate and dont be so hard on yourself.
Dont beat yourself up for 1 mistake, going in somebody's wallet is not the best thing to do, nor is it the worst...shaving a few years off isnt the end of the world either.
Is it worth eating a bit of humble pie and try to go back to square one?
Maybe not what you need to hear now, but it might a valid point...
I know the theory about little lies, leading to bigger lies and such and If she still takes a hard unforgiving stance, well you tried and may be better off out of a potentially inflexible - my way or the highway - relationship*
*seek other advice on this, don't treat my babblings as pure gospel.
